by Tara Hart
He spun around at the waist to look at the van.
“You’re kidding?” He laughed ironically.
“What?”
He walked over to the van, swinging the door open and taking the keys from the ignition. He rushed back to me, jingling the keys in the air as he approached.
“This is your problem?” He clutched the keys in the palm of his hand before throwing his shoulder back and tossing them into the bushes behind us.
“You hate the car? It’s gone.”
I spun around, rushing into the bushes to search for the keys. The branches pricked my arms as my hand felt for the keys in the soil. I found the keys, pulling them free, my nails full of soil and my arms red and irritated.
We stood a foot apart, neither of us saying a single word, our heavy breathing the only sound to fill the awkward silence.
“You deserve more, Selina.”
I shook my head. That wasn’t it at all. I wasn’t sure I deserved anything in this life—least of all him.
He turned around, heading for the van, his shoulders slumped forward.
“No,” I shouted.
He spun around, his eyebrows reaching up to his forehead as I waited for me to speak again.
I took a step closer and then another. I was close enough for him to see the tears in my eyes.
“I’m sorry, Theo,” I started. “I’m sorry, I’m not good enough for you. I’m sorry that I’m shallow and superficial and I care about things like cars and clothes. I know that you deserve a woman who will cook your meals and take care of you and give you one thousand little babies that run around naked in the garden with halos made out of flowers, but I can’t make those halos, I don’t even know how to make toast without burning it.”
My body shook as I took in some air. I wasn’t done listing my flaws, not even close, but when I looked at Theo’s face his lips were spread into a big toothy grin.
“What are you smiling at?” I asked, my tone harsh.
He chuckled, rubbing his fingers over his chin.
“This is what you’re worried about?” He took a step closer his hands reaching for mine, lacing our fingers together as he swung our arms in time with my heartbeat. “Flowers and toast?”
I shrugged my shoulders hopelessly. I was worried about a lot of things, the list was as long as my arm, but my mind couldn’t keep up.
I exhaled the stale air from my lungs. The emotions that had built up over the past few months boiled over and there was no holding back now.
“If I could change the person I am, I would do it in a heartbeat, but I’m not who you want me to be. I’m not who you deserve.”
He dropped my hand, his finger traveling up the bare skin of my arm. It was like a soft breeze on a warm summer’s day, I could feel his fingers there, but his touch was so light I could have imagined it.
“You’re perfect,” he whispered softly into the air.
I shook my head defiantly. If I was perfect, I would have appreciated everything about Theo, right down to him purchasing that repugnant van.
“I’m not perfect,” I said. “Not even close.”
His lip picked up at the side. “To me you are perfect.”
He brushed my hair behind my ears before touching the bow of my lip.
I tried to fight it, but I inclined into his touch. The pull was too hard to fight. I closed my eyes and inhaled him again.
“You deserve so much more,” I whispered without opening my eyes.
He groaned softly, pulling me into his arms. I wanted to stay there forever.
“I couldn’t be with anyone else, mon cheri.” He inhaled sharply. “I couldn’t be with another woman because I would constantly compare her to you. To me you are everything. To me you are perfect.”
Like I said, I wanted to stay in his arms forever.
So I did.
Chapter 25
I felt the grass prick into my thighs as I rolled onto my back.
His hand came to rest on my stomach, gently stroking the bump as he smiled down upon me.
“Our babies will be beautiful,” he said dreamily.
I inclined onto my elbows, tilting my sunglasses down my nose to look at him.
“That, my friend, is a food baby.” I patted my stomach for emphasis and then reclined back. “Nothing more.”
He sighed. “I know.” I could practically hear his brain ticking over. “But one day we will have a baby, no?”
I looked up at the sky. Grey clouds were rolling overhead. It was going to rain in the evening and it reminded me of home.
Cooper snuggled into my side as his snoring intensified. He was my baby. He was low maintenance and toilet trained. Perfect for me.
“A baby?” I bit the corner of my lip. “Maybe one day.”
I pretended as though I never thought about it, but in truth, it crossed my mind from time to time. It always felt like something I had to do as opposed to something I wanted. The thought of the crying and the diapers, made my skin crawl.
Babies just didn’t appeal to me, but for Theo, I would consider starting a family. Especially now his paintings were being sold in America and London, thanks to Savannah and her connections. Theo was a provider and had dropped more than a few hints that he was ready to start a family.
“What about Savannah?”
My heart raced at the mention of her name. The comparisons were about to begin. I raised my eyebrows high. “What about her?”
“Now that she is having a baby, it doesn’t make you want one too?”
I shook my head before thinking about the question. My twin sister was having a baby with my ex-husband, did that make me envious? Hell no. Perhaps a little curious, but not so much so that I wanted one of my own.
“Savannah is kind and nurturing,” I told him. “We may look similar, but we are complete opposites.”
He bumped his shoulder with mine. “You would be a wonderful mother.”
I threw my hands in the air as if defeated. “If you want a baby, I’ll give you a baby.”
He chuckled lightly. “It is not about what I want, mon cheri. It’s about what we want for each other—what we want for our life.”
He cast his arms out around us. “We are so fortunate. Why not share that with a little boy or girl.”
I sat upright and looked around us. From the rolling hills before us to the cream brick building that sat behind us. Once it was my worst nightmare, now I called it my home. I scrunched the grass between my bare feet and breathed in the smell of a warm spring day.
How could I not want to share this feeling with a little Theo or god-forbid, a mini Selina?
I was so lucky in this life that I could provide my children with the world.
I rolled onto my side and kissed his cheek gently. I loved our life together and the home we’d made. With the right accessories, our house was country chic and I was proud to invite people into our house—our home.
Theo was my everything and the thought of sharing a life with him for eternity was exciting.
I kissed his cheek again, brushing my nose against his skin.
“Let’s do it,” I whispered in his ear.
He cocked his head as a smile spread across his lips.
He reminded me of that man from all those years ago. Happy and quietly confident with a sparkle in his deep grey eyes.
He reached for my hand and squeezed it tightly.
I knew he didn’t have the words to express his excitement, but he looked as though I’d just offered him the world.
Little did he know, that he was the one who gave me the world.
He made my life complete.
And I may not have had an endless supply of money, but I was definitely richer having him in my life.
La fin.
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