Alone

by Marissa Farrar

“I also had Madeline to worry about. If she thought I still loved my family, she would kill them. I was forced to watch them from a distance; first mourn my death and then get over my passing.

  “I can’t tell you how hard that was; my family living their lives without me. My wife remarried, my daughter had a new father. Over time, time that seemed to run frighteningly fast for me, they grew old and died; first my wife and then my daughter.”

  Serenity asked, “Didn’t she have any children of her own, your daughter I mean?”

  He nodded. “But I had to make a choice. My presence in their lives endangered them and I had to let go. I was a ghost to them.”

  “God, Sebastian,” she reached out and touched the back of his hand, the fine hairs soft beneath her fingertips. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I don’t want you to be sorry for me, Serenity. I didn’t tell you to gain your pity. I want you to understand why I can’t be in your life. I would be repeating what happened all those years ago.”

  She grabbed his other hand.

  “Please don’t leave me,” she begged. “How am I supposed to live my life knowing you’re out there somewhere?”

  “I can’t be with you.”

  “But I have nothing! Can’t you understand? What would I be losing?”

  “Oh, Serenity, can’t you see? It’s for the possibility. The life you can live. You can remarry; even have children of your own.”

  At the mention of her own children, pain stabbed in her stomach, a psychological, yet ever so physical pain she couldn’t ignore. The one thing she’d always wanted in her life was to give birth to children, to give her own child the adoration, love and support she never had.

  However, she couldn’t carry children of her own. Nature’s cruelty had shown her as much by killing her unborn babies over and over again. Whatever she could do to rebel against nature was all good in her viewpoint.

  “So now do you understand why you can’t come with me, why we can never be together?” he asked. Reaching up, he touched her face. “I will be forced to watch you grow old and then you will die without me and I will be left here alone.”

  She was dying inside.

  “Your world will be changing,” he said, “but I will remain the same.”

  “So make me one of you. Make me a vampire.”

  “You don’t know what you’re asking.”

  “All I want is you.”

  “You would forget me in time,” he said. “If I turned you, it would be forever.”

  “Forever with you sounds pretty good to me,” she said, managing to smile through her tears.

  He grabbed her hand, squeezing her fingers hard enough to hurt.

  “I will never allow myself to put you in my hell. I kill people, Serenity. Do you understand? I murder people. Do you think you could do that? Murder someone and drink their blood so you can survive?”

  “I murdered someone so I could survive.” She spoke quietly, staring into his eyes.

  He shook his head and glanced away. “It’s not the same.”

  “No, it’s not. You kill people you have no connection to. I killed the person I stood in a church with and professed to love until the day I died. Which is worse?”

  “It’s not the same,” he said again, but without the same conviction.

  They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the city rush past.

  “So,” he said. “Are you going to tell me where you were going?”

  Serenity looked down at the bag and laughed. “I told myself I was going to a hotel, but I think I was really waiting for you.”

  “Lying to yourself, huh?”

  “I discovered I’m very good at convincing myself of things over the years.”

  “I told myself I wasn’t even going to talk to you. I just wanted to see you one last time….”

  She smiled at him. “I’m glad you did.”

  “I guess you’re not the only one good at self-deception.”

  The silence settled back upon them. There was just the touch of hands; one warm, the other cool.

  “So now what?” Serenity asked.

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. All I want is for you to be safe and you won’t be with me around.”

  “Don’t even say it!” she said. “I will not stand by and watch you leave me for her!”

  Sebastian didn’t speak.

  Serenity filled in the silence. “I packed the bag because I couldn’t stay at the house. The guilt was too much. I thought about going to a hotel, but the police have been sniffing around. Someone—Madeline, I think—has told them....”

  Sebastian interrupted, “It was her, she told me.”

  “I didn’t want the police to think I was running away. I figured if they couldn’t find me, they would immediately think I was hiding something.”

  “You’re right, but we can’t go back to my house. Madeline will know to find you there.”

  Her heart lifted. He wasn’t going to leave her.

  “It’s just for tonight,” he said, bringing her back down. “I won’t put you at risk.”

  She would take it. Even if they only had one night, she would take it.

  “We have to get a cab,” Sebastian said. “I own a car but I rarely use the vehicle unless I need to be viewed as human.”

  “Don’t vampires fly like bats?” she asked, teasingly, partly testing for the truth.

  He grinned. “Not when they’re travelling with humans,” he said, not answering the question.

  Sebastian managed to wave down a cab. He opened the door for Serenity and she climbed in the back. Sebastian slid in beside her, leaned forward and told the driver to take them to the Hilton Airport.

  “It’s a busy hotel,” he told her. “People are constantly coming and going. We can be anonymous.”

  They needed to disappear for the night, hide from Madeline, if possible.

  The driver dropped them off at the hotel’s entrance and accepted Sebastian’s generous tip without so much as a thanks. Sebastian took Serenity’s hand and with the other, carried her bag.

  Feeling conspicuous, Serenity stood beside Sebastian while he booked a suite for the night. The receptionist behind the desk was all smiles and hair flips as she served Sebastian, trying to impress the intense, gorgeous man in front of her. The woman glanced at Serenity and her eyes flicked back to Sebastian. Serenity blushed; the receptionist probably wondered what someone like Sebastian was doing with her.

  They rode in the elevator in silence, close together, their arms touching.

  The doors pinged open and Serenity’s whole body tensed with excitement. To be alone with Sebastian, just the two of them, with no threat of Jackson ever finding out and safe from Madeline, made her head swim. She followed his broad back out of the elevator and down the long corridor until they reached their room.

  Sebastian used a keycard to open the door and Serenity walked in, her mouth dropping open.

  They entered into a sitting room, complete with couches, a huge television, and a separate bathroom. Another door led to the bedroom, which had a bathroom leading off it. She didn’t even have two bathrooms in her house! The bed was huge. As wide as it was long, she could have slept lengthways. Crisp white sheets covered the mattress and soft feather pillows sat at the head of the bed.

  She ran her hand across the sheets, relishing the softness of the material and imagining how she would sink right into the bed.

  “You can sleep,” he told her. “I’ll be right out here.” He gestured to the couch.

  “Stay with me till I fall asleep?” she asked, reaching her hand out toward him. “I don’t want to be alone.”

  He took her hand. “You’re not alone. Not anymore.”

  Serenity turned her back on him and quickly slipped out of her jeans. She slid beneath the sheets wearing only panties and her tee.

  Sebastian sat on a chair opposite but she pulled back the covers, exposing the other side. If she only had one night with him she was determined to make t
he most of it.

  He hesitated for a moment, and then went to her, slipping into bed fully clothed.

  With a shy smile, she tugged his shirt up over his hard stomach. Pulling the shirt over his head, she exposed his perfect upper-body. A ridge ran down between his abs, leading to a line of dark hair, contrasting against his pale skin.

  He lay down beside her and dipped his head to hers. Their lips touched; a gentle, tentative question. Serenity responded, pressing her body up against his, fitting him into her curves. Sebastian gave a low moan, deep in his throat, and kissed her more passionately. His tongue searched her mouth, lightly touching her teeth, her lips. They tugged at each other’s clothing, desperate to expose skin, to feel flesh upon flesh.

  All she wanted was Sebastian, to taste him and touch him. She wanted to take him in her mouth, envelope him in her arms, be consumed by him. He filled her heart and she wanted him to take over her soul.

  Nothing bad could happen to her while she was in his arms.

  His fingers traced her flat stomach, pulling her t-shirt up and over her head. She could barely breathe in anticipation. He bent down and kissed her stomach, his lips tweaking her skin in tiny nips.

  “You are so beautiful,” he breathed against her skin. Sebastian moved upward, slipping her bra straps from her shoulders and freeing the pale swells of her breasts. His cold mouth engulfed one nipple, pulling it into a tight nub and worshipping it with his tongue, before moving on to the next.

  The vampire moved back down her body and she shivered as he knelt between her legs. His cool lips pressed against her hot flesh, sending fire racing through her molten core.

  Serenity reached down to his head. Locking her fingers in his hair, she arched her hips up to meet his mouth. His tongue teased her, kissing the inside of her thighs. He moved higher, tasting every fold, breathing in her scent.

  A moan escaped her lips and he raised his head, but she shook her head frantically and pushed him back down between her thighs.

  She was close, so close, but he pulled away and crept up her body. He raised himself over her, his cool chest pressing against her breasts, her nipples hardening almost to the point of pain.

  He lowered his face to hers, kissing her lips. She tasted herself on him, a faintly strange, but not unpleasant hint of musk and sex.

  Reaching down, he slipped his fingers inside of her, using her wetness to ease his passage. Sebastian shifted slightly, positioning himself at her entrance. He pushed and she felt an amazing moment of resistance before he filled her.

  Pleasure soared through Serenity’s body as he pushed deep and held still, joining them, one entity, one being. He began to move inside, a slow, deep motion, designed to send bliss in ripples through her core.

  How could there be anything more than this? The two of them were together and nothing else mattered.

  “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he murmured against her neck. She clung to him, wrapping her limbs around him, pulling him deeper.

  Sebastian moved inside her, his mouth at her throat. In the heat of passion, he nipped at the delicate skin of her throat. He nicked the skin, the metallic scent of blood filling the air.

  She pressed his head against her neck.

  “Do it,” she moaned as she teetered on the edge, her whole body tight with the crest of pleasure about to wash over her. “I want you to!”

  Sebastian roared as he came, thrusting deep and hard, filling her.

  He leaped from her. Naked and spent, he stood on the other side of the room staring at her, his eyes wide.

  “It’s okay,” she said, reaching out to him again. “Please, Sebastian, it’s what I want.”

  He shook his head, his face in his hands. “It’s not okay.” His voice was harder than she had ever heard and the sound frightened her. She hadn’t meant to make him angry with her.

  “Please come back to bed,” she said.

  “I can’t be in the same room as you right now,” he said, grabbing his pants from the floor and heading toward the bedroom door.

  “Sebastian?” she called out after him, but he walked out of the room and shut the door behind him.

  She drew her knees up to her chest and listened for the sound of the door leading to the corridor. Would he leave her now? Would he decide she was too much of a risk and cut his losses? The expected slamming door didn’t come. Of course, that didn’t mean anything. Sebastian moved as silently as a ghost.

  Tears threatened again but this time she fought them.

  You’re willing to let him turn you into a monster? came the voice she was rapidly starting to hate.

  This was different. She didn’t just want to be with Sebastian; she wanted his strength, his power. She didn’t want to be afraid any more, she wanted to be the one to instill fear. Years of living in terror had finally made her realize—to stop being afraid you had to make the choice not to be. She had made her choice when she stuck the knife into Jackson’s throat. That had been the beginning of her journey. She hadn’t realized then, of course, but to become the same as Sebastian would spell the end.

  Serenity couldn’t go back to a normal life, not now. She had seen another world and embraced it. All she had to do was convince Sebastian.

  Furious, Sebastian left the hotel.

  Serenity’s vulnerability meant she didn’t know what she asked of him, but he’d allowed himself to make love to her. He was supposed to be the strong one, the one in control, and he had taken advantage.

  The feel of her skin haunted him; the faint taste of her blood on his lips. He would never harm her yet he’d been so close to biting her. So terrifyingly close. He tried to push the memory away, but his jaw ached with longing.

  Sebastian needed to stay busy.

  Not being with her was torture. Every part of him longed for her, but if he truly loved Serenity, he would do what was best for her. True love should be self-less. How he felt didn’t matter. What mattered was Serenity should be allowed to live her life as a normal human being.

  Two things stood in the way of that happening; himself and Madeline. Ultimately, everything came down to him. He’d brought Madeline into Serenity’s life, and he needed to make things right again.

  The vampire headed out into the night. As he crossed the street, he shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his overcoat. A chill touched the air, but Sebastian couldn’t feel the cold. He had reached into his pockets to assure himself his gloves still nestled in the bottom. Sebastian planned to get Serenity’s necklace back. Just the thought of Madeline having something belonging to Serenity made him frantic. The vampire didn’t deserve to touch any of Serenity’s possessions—she wasn’t good enough to exist in the same air Serenity breathed.

  He needed the gloves to get the necklace back. Vampires couldn’t touch silver; the metal caused an extreme allergic reaction. Sebastian didn’t know if he would even find the necklace, but he wasn’t going to risk touching the silver if he did.

  Using his speed and grace, he crossed streets and highways, unseen and, for the most part unfelt.

  He headed out to Angeles National Forest.

  Madeline would know Sebastian took Jackson’s body to the forest. It was the largest in the area, a perfect burial ground, with little chance of the body ever being found. Jackson hadn’t been killed by a vampire so the usual precautions hadn’t needed to be taken.

  Madeline made Sebastian; she taught him everything. She would have predicted what Sebastian did before he knew himself. Madeline would have followed the scent of fresh blood or even Sebastian’s scent, and easily found the body.

  Sebastian headed deep into the forest. He passed through the trees like a breath of wind, comforted by the sounds of the night. As he approached the site, Sebastian frowned.

  Something was wrong.

  His pace slowed to human speed. Sebastian had left the ground as flat and solid as any of the surrounding area, but now the dirt had been disturbed, churned as though ploughed.

  He stood sti
ll, frozen, trying to get an idea of what lay beneath the earth. He sensed nothing.

  Falling to his knees, Sebastian clawed at the ground, pulling out clods of earth, throwing soil behind him.

  Slowly, he got to his feet. In front of him, the make-shift grave was empty.

  Had Madeline taken the body? Sebastian’s eyes narrowed. She had probably moved the corpse for some reason, another part of whatever insane plan she’d concocted to control him.

  Something glinted in the moonlight, distracting him. With relief, he realized it was Serenity’s necklace. Madeline had done what she had threatened and planted the necklace, but then why had she moved the body? Sebastian grew uneasy.

  The chain lay half buried in the dirt. Whatever Madeline planned, at least he could return the necklace to Serenity.

  Sebastian pulled on his gloves and bent to retrieve the chain.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Serenity woke up, sick with worry. She deeply regretted pushing Sebastian to bite her, especially at such an intimate time. Her insistence had marred the whole moment but she clung to one thought, he said he loved me.

  Serenity used the bathroom, splashing cold water on her face and running her fingers through her hair. She had looked better, but she would do.

  With a cautious smile on her face, she opened the adjoining door, ready to be conciliatory. It didn’t take her long to realize the room was empty.

  She swung the door fully open and put her hand on her hips.

  “Damn it.”

  Why did he always disappear like that?

  Then she saw the shafts of light creeping through the thick drapes and realized it was daytime. One thing they hadn’t discussed—if she became a vampire, she would have to say goodbye to the light. By Sebastian’s departure, she guessed that part of the myth was true. She had never seen Sebastian in the light.

  Where he had gone? Had he found himself a coffin somewhere and hidden for the day? She didn’t like the idea of him lying in a casket with his hands crossed over his chest. The image didn’t sit right; not at all Sebastian’s style. More likely, he had a bedroom somewhere with blackout blinds. Sebastian dressed too well to be lying in coffins.