If It Isn't Love

by Hodges, Cheris

  “Are you saying you want to marry me for the sake of DeShawn? And just how long do you think that kind of marriage is going to last?” she asked quietly.

  “How long did you think you and Louis were going to last? I love you and I’m not hiding anything.”

  Ingrid’s mouth fell open. “Look, this is different.”

  Jason raised his eyebrow. “How?”

  Before she could answer, DeShawn called out. “I’m finished.”

  “So am I,” Ingrid replied with clear duality to her words. Jason reached out for her hand, but Ingrid dropped his car keys in his palm. “I’m going to sit in the back with DeShawn.”

  “Ingrid, don’t do this. At least think about what I said.”

  She walked over to the car with DeShawn and got into the front seat rather than the back as she had threatened. The silence in the car on the ride back to Ingrid’s house was louder than screaming. Jason looked intensely at the road and gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white.

  Ingrid kept her head turned and her face against the passenger side window. The whole time, she was pondering Jason’s “proposal.” She may have been more inclined to accept it had he not brought up Louis. Sure, she’d married Louis for convenience and because she thought she’d never see Jason again. Her love for Louis was like a sister who loved her brother dearly. Maybe that’s why she’d remained so protective of him and his secret. There were rumblings in the community, but Ingrid never listened and never talked about Louis to the town gossips. Jason knew the truth, but she felt as if he thought he had to compete with the things Louis had done for her and DeShawn.

  “How long did you think you and Louis were going to last? I love you and I’m not hiding anything.” Echoed in her head as he pulled into her driveway and as soon as the car came to a stop, Ingrid hopped out.

  By the time DeShawn and Jason got out of the car, Ingrid had the front door open and she looked as if the last thing she wanted was to discuss things further with Jason.

  DeShawn had different plans, though. “Are you gonna come in and help me finish my picture?” he asked Jason when they caught up with Ingrid.

  She shot Jason a cold look, silently hoping he would just leave.

  “I made you a promise, remember. I don’t break my promises,” he said.

  Ingrid sighed, knowing that DeShawn would’ve been upset if Jason hadn’t agreed to come in and finish the picture. That didn’t mean she was happy about it. “Come on in, you two,” she said. As Jason and DeShawn headed for the kitchen, Ingrid plopped down on the sofa, lost in her thoughts. She wasn’t alone for long.

  “Why are you in here when your family is in the kitchen?” Christina asked, seemingly appearing from nowhere.

  “What are you still doing here?” she asked her friend.

  Christina shrugged. “I was going to ask Jason if I could drive the car again but it looks like you guys have something major going on.”

  “It’s always something with that guy,” Ingrid muttered.

  Christina sat down beside Ingrid. “What happened?”

  Glancing around the corner to make sure Jason and DeShawn were well out of earshot, Ingrid turned to her friend and said, “He asked me to marry him.”

  Christina squealed and Ingrid pinched her arm. “Don’t get excited,” she cautioned Christina. “His proposal has nothing to do with love.”

  “Oh yeah, because he’s a mega super star who could have any woman he wants. Asking you to marry him is just, what, a publicity stunt?”

  “No, he’s doing it for DeShawn and a marriage like that has no chance of lasting.”

  Christina cocked her head to the side and peered at her friend. “But you married Louis. . .”

  “I wasn’t in love with Louis and I knew just what I was getting into. He could’ve left me and I would’ve been fine with that. If Jason walks out on me or resents giving up his fast life to live here in Elmore, I couldn’t deal with that.”

  “Listen, I don’t know what went down in New York, but think about this—Jason came back for you. If he didn’t love you, do you really think he would be here? You and I know how he feels about this town. Why else would he come back if it wasn’t for loving you?”

  “For his contest?”

  Christina shook her head. “You silly girl. And you’re supposed to be the smart one. I’m sure Jason could’ve gone anywhere to set up this contest. But he came to little old Elmore, South Carolina.”

  Ingrid stood and crossed over to the front window. “I’m afraid. You know I never stopped loving him. But there’s more now. My son comes first.”

  Christina expelled an exasperated breath. “His son too. When are you going to come to grips with that? I’m out. Call me when the wedding date is set.”

  Ingrid started to stop her friend, but she now had more thoughts dancing in her mind. “Maybe I should marry him.”

  A pair of hands encircled her waist. “Yes, you should.”

  “Jason.” Ingrid turned around and faced him. She pressed her lips against his, kissing him slowly. “I’m sorry,” she said after breaking the kiss.

  “If that’s how you apologize, then I’m still mad at you.”

  “Where’s DeShawn?”

  “He went upstairs from the kitchen.”

  “I’m going to check on him, I’ll be back,” Ingrid said then headed upstairs.

  Jason stood at the base of the stairs waiting for Ingrid to return. She didn’t know it, but he’d heard every word she and Christina shared. So, it was fear that was keeping them apart? Jason was going to make sure he quelled every fear she had. He smiled as she headed down the stairs.

  “How’s the little artist?” he asked.

  “He’s sleeping. I guess he’s had an action packed day,” she said.

  “Ingrid, I want to be here every time that little boy goes to sleep and when he wakes up, I want to have breakfast with you two,” Jason said as he took her into his arms. “And right now, I want to take you up those stairs and taste every inch of you. I want to show you how much I love you and what you mean to me.”

  “Jason, I . . .”

  “I know you’re afraid and I know you think things are just as they were when we lived in New York, but they’re not. I am going to be a part of my son’s life. And if you let me, I’m going to be a part of your life too.”

  “I want that, I really do.”

  Jason eased his hand underneath her blouse, her skin feeling like silk to his fingertips. “You can have it. Just as I’m going to have you.”

  Ingrid took his hand and led him upstairs to her room.

  Chapter Sixteen

  When they arrived in Ingrid’s bedroom, Jason pressed her against the wall and looked at her trembling frame. Desire crackled in the air like electricity. Jason placed his palm in the center of her chest between her full breasts. He could feel her heartbeat speed up as he slid his hand down on top of the buttons of her blouse.

  “You’re so beautiful,” Jason breathed as he brushed his lips against hers. Ingrid moaned as she felt his fingers unbutton her shirt. Her full demi bra could barely contain her breasts and her nipples nearly poked through the lace. Jason’s mouth was drawn to them. As his lips covered her nipples, Ingrid’s knees went weak. “Umm,” she moaned as his tongue circled his nipples through the material. With a quick motion, Jason slipped her bra down, causing her ample bosom to spill forward.

  “That’s better,” he said while massaging one breast and taking the other into his mouth. Ingrid arched her back, pressing her body against his hot mouth. Jason’s hand danced down her torso and ended up above the fly of her jeans. Her stomach clenched in anticipation and Jason felt it. Knowing that she wanted him as much as he wanted her, made his erection painfully aware to him as it pressed against his zipper. Dropping to his knees, he unzipped her pants with his teeth and gently prodded her to part her legs as he pulled her pants off. She followed his directive with shaky legs. Jason fingered her inner thigh as she lift
ed her foot to fully rid herself of her pants. Then, he took her leg and threw it over his shoulder, next he turned his face upward and buried it in the tenderness of her womanhood. Ingrid swallowed screams of passion as he lapped the sweet nectar spilling from her. She gripped his shoulder tightly with one hand and kept her balance by holding on to the edge of the dresser with the other. Barely able to breathe, she called out, “Oh,” as he pressed his mouth deeper into her. Her bud throbbed against his tongue as he lashed her back and forth.

  “Jason,” she moaned. “Don’t. Stop. Please.” Her body shivered as the waves of an orgasm washed over her.

  He pulled back from her and smiled. “I’m just getting started,” he growled. Taking her hand in his, he led her to the bed behind them. Ingrid lay back on the bed and Jason continued his sensuous assault on her body by kissing her neck slowly. Her body shivered as his lips danced against her skin and his hands caressed every inch of her smooth skin. Ingrid felt as if her insides were on fire and she desperately needed him to extinguish the flames right at that moment.

  But Jason wasn’t ready to do that yet. As Ingrid lay across the bed, he spread her legs, running his fingers up and down her thighs making her legs quake. “Jason,” she cried as he dove between her legs and kissed her dripping folds of flesh.

  Jason alternated his tongue and his finger, reveling in the wetness between her legs. It took everything in him not to bury his erection deep inside of her. Ingrid clawed at his shirt and he stepped back and quickly removed his clothes. He joined Ingrid in the bed and took her into his arms. “I love you,” he mouthed before capturing her lips with his. He gripped her hips as they kissed and his erection ached from desire.

  Ingrid wanted to give him a portion of the pleasure he’d given her. She inched down his body, using her tongue to lead the way. Ingrid darted her tongue in and out of his navel. He arched his back as the heat from her breath warmed his lower belly. She stroked his throbbing erection with a long motion. He moaned as her lips captured his hardened muscle. She took him deep into her mouth, making Jason seize the sheets as she took him to the brink of release. “Ingrid,” he moaned. “Oh.”

  When she pulled back from him, he quickly reached for his discarded slacks to retrieve the condom he needed to protect them with. He quickly rolled the sheath in place and turned to Ingrid, who was hot and ready to feel him deep inside her. She wrapped her leg around his waist and pressed her hips into his. Jason plunged into her, reveling in her wetness. Ingrid grasped as he rotated his hips and touched her most sensitive spots. She clamped down on his penis, tightening her thighs around him and falling into a sensual rhythm that rivaled the bass line of Jason’s hit song. “Yes,” he sang as they danced.

  Ingrid arched her back and he dove deeper into her, making her wetter and wetter. She buried her mouth in his neck, gently nibbling on him and sending his body into overdrive. Unable to hold back, Jason exploded, filling the condom with his essence. He held Ingrid against his chest as the ripples of his orgasm washed over him. She traced the path of a drop of sweat from his chest to his navel with her fingertip.

  “That tickles,” he said huskily. Ingrid smiled and rested her hand above his penis. She gently stroked him and rubbed her lips across his collarbone. “Umm, you’re not playing fair.”

  She straddled his body with a sly smile on her face. “No, I’m not,” she said as she guided his hardness to her center. Jason responded just the way Ingrid wanted him to, arching his hips to meet her stroke for stroke as she rode him slow and deep. He threw his head back in complete ecstasy as she ground against him. She quivered as he pressed against her g-spot bringing her to the brink. Ingrid tightened her thighs around him as she reached her climax. She closed her eyes and part of her saw her future, waking up and going to sleep with Jason every night for the rest of her life. Though she couldn’t deny that’s what she wanted, the other half of her cried out, this can’t work. Her body stiffed and she uncoiled herself from him and plopped down on her back. Jason turned on his side and looked down at Ingrid. “What’s wrong?” he asked as he noted her change in attitude.

  “Nothing, I thought I heard DeShawn,” she said as she rose from the bed and grabbed her robe from the headboard. “I’d better go check on him.”

  Jason got out of the bed and stood at the door. “I don’t buy that. Ingrid, I’m not letting you walk out of that door so that you can return with a million excuses about us.”

  “What?”

  “I felt how we connected when we made love. I felt your love and I know this is right. But you have a wall that keeps coming between us.” Jason stroked her cheek.

  “Jason,” Ingrid said quietly. “I can’t . . .”

  “Can’t what? You can’t say that you don’t love me. You can’t say that we don’t belong together,” he said as he pulled her closer to his chest.

  “I do love you, but I’m scared. What if we can’t make it work? I can take being hurt again, but can DeShawn? I don’t want to risk that.”

  “There is no risk. I’m not going to do anything to hurt my son or you. This time is different because you’re all I need. To hell with the fame and the flashing lights, I just want you.”

  A single tear trickled down her cheek and Jason wiped it away with his thumb. “Ingrid,” he intoned. “We can do this. We have to do this, not just for DeShawn, but because it’s right.”

  Before she could answer, she heard DeShawn call out, “Mom.”

  “I have to go check on him,” she said then quickly dashed out of the bedroom.

  Jason walked over to the edge of the bed and grabbed his boxers and tee shirt then dressed and sat on the bed waiting for Ingrid to return. Though he wanted to ask her to marry him when she walked through the door, he didn’t say anything to her about marriage when she returned to the bedroom.

  “Everything Ok with DeShawn?” he asked.

  “He’s up from his nap. We’d better get dressed,” she said.

  “All right. I’ve got to go and take care of something. What time is dinner?”

  Ingrid shot him a questioning look. “What?”

  “I’d like to have dinner with you and my son tonight. I’ll even bring the food. What time?”

  “Six-thirty,” she said with a faint smile on her lips. Jason crossed over to her and kissed her full lips and patted her bottom playfully.

  “I’m going to get dressed and get out of here. See you for dinner,” he said as he pulled on his jeans.

  When Jason left, Ingrid and DeShawn watched a little television. As they sat on the sofa, she glanced at her son noting all of the similarities he had to Jason. The eyes, the hair and the way he smiled, that was all Jason. She ran her hand over his head and smiled.

  “Mommy, you look funny.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked as she touched her cheek. DeShawn shrugged.

  “Is Mr. Jason your boyfriend?”

  “What do you know about a boyfriend?” she said with a nervous laugh. The little boy shrugged.

  “Auntie Chrissy said you have to stop tripping or he’s not going to be your boyfriend no more.”

  Ingrid gritted her teeth. “Auntie Chrissy talks too much. And no, Jason isn’t my boyfriend.” She leaned over and kissed DeShawn’s cheek. “Mommy’s too old for a boyfriend, but Jason is very special to me and he’s going to be a part of our lives.”

  “Really? He’s going to draw with me all the time?”

  “When he’s not working, I’m sure he will.”

  DeShawn clapped his hands happily. “I like him.”

  Ingrid wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer to her. “He’s going to bring us dinner tonight and we’re going to have a good time. Maybe you two can teach me how to draw.”

  “OK,” DeShawn said. The mother and son got lost in their movie as they waited for Jason to bring dinner over. It wasn’t until the doorbell rang, waking Ingrid that she realized she and DeShawn had been stood up.

  If looks could kill, Jason woul
d be a murderer. He glared at Ruby who had ambushed him with this conference call with the New York office and she kept asking the same questions that had been answer an hour ago.

  “Are we done?” Jason barked into the phone. He was still trying to understand why Ruby felt they needed to have a conference call with the New York office. Since he walked into the hotel with his grocery bags, Ruby had been doing everything she could to delay him from getting back to Ingrid’s. First, it was another discussion about the details of the contest. Then she wanted to share the details with New York, which led to this three-hour phone call. It was now five after seven.

  “Good question,” said Wally Watkins, the vice president of A&R. “Ruby, we have really covered everything and you and Jay seem to be on right track. The check will be in the mail Monday so that we can get some marketing going on down there.”

  “Yeah, but. . .”

  “Ruby, I’m out,” Jason snapped then tore out of the room. He dashed to his room and grabbed his groceries. Looking down at his watch, he knew he was going to have a lot of explaining to do when he saw Ingrid. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed her number, realizing that he should’ve made this call an hour ago. As the phone rang and rang, he wondered if she would answer. Jason knew this was her biggest fear. She was afraid that his career would stop him from being there for DeShawn. Tomorrow, he’d put Ruby in her place once and for all. Tonight, though, he had to make amends with his son and Ingrid. He got into the car and sped to her house. Pulling into driveway, Jason prayed he could make Ingrid understand that this would never happen again.

  With his groceries in one hand, Jason bounded up the steps and knocked on Ingrid’s front door. Minutes ticked by before Ingrid opened the door. Her face was contorted with anger. “What do you want?” she snapped.

  “I know I’m late, but I did call.”

  “Yes, an hour later. DeShawn was waiting for you and you did just what I knew you would.”