That kiss felt too good.
The kiss had felt like setting herself on fire and also like crawling under a warm blanket after being caught too long in the harsh cold. Nathan’s mouth was hot and it knew what it was doing, but his touch was gentle too. She’d wanted those strong arms to stay wrapped around her. She’d wanted to hide in them.
Then immediately, even as she’d been losing herself in his embrace, she’d thought: You’ll get him killed.
“Did you decide on a dress, dear?”
Alanna only shook her head. She’d changed back into her clothes (Rawley’s clothes, she thought) and left the dresses in the changing room. She’d slipped on her boots and she all but ran past Dorine.
She thought she’d done a pretty good job of not falling apart since her freakout in John’s trunk but now she wanted to pound the walls and scream. Instead, she only cried, which felt pretty good really. She cried all the way back to her room.
Once back inside room 27, Alanna shut the door behind her and slumped against it.
The problem with Nathan, the warm-hearted and sexy handyman, was that he was too good and too sexy at the same time. He made her want to run to him, but that wouldn’t be fair.
“Where’s your dress?” John snapped. He sat at a small dining table that looked out on the ski slopes behind with a tumbler full of vodka in front of him. Alanna tensed up at the sound of his voice, but she summoned her courage and went to the mini bar, taking out one of the airplane bottles of Grey Goose for herself. She didn’t bother with a glass, instead draining it in one shot. “Thought you went down there to get some dresses to wear for Mr. Rawley? Where are the dresses? Did you have them delivered or what?”
Alanna glared at him, her mouth a tight line. She had been so well-behaved so far. Much too well-behaved, in her opinion. It was a survival mechanism and then there was her brother’s safety which hovered in her thoughts constantly. But Nathan made her want to be a little less well-behaved. Nathan made her feel alive.
She bent down and grabbed another airplane bottle and drank it. “Hey!” John barked at her. “Go easy?”
“Why?” Alanna said. “Trust me. I’ll be way more pliant drunk. I’ll be a good little girl. That’s what you want, right?”
“Where are your dresses?” John snapped again. “Christ, I thought women loved shopping. They got a million stores down there. What were you doing if you weren’t shopping? Who were you talking to?”
“I wasn’t talking to anyone.” Alanna rubbed her eyes. She had been on high alert every second she spent in John’s presence. It was exhausting. “I found some dresses, okay? Just didn’t decide on them yet. I…I mean I can’t go spending all his money, right? I just want to make sure I, ya know, pick dresses he’d like.” She looked at him, feeling exhaustion creep up on her like an ache.
John got to his feet, glaring at her. “You’ve been crying.” He said it like it was some major accusation, as if there was any reason she shouldn’t be crying. “Why are you crying?”
Alanna just stared at him and John said again, “Why are you crying? What’s the matter with you?”
Alanna burst out laughing. She didn’t mean to. She’d felt it creeping up into her mouth from her throat and suddenly she stuttered a laugh that turned into a breathless, giddy hysterical shout. She dropped her second airplane bottle and bent over, grasping her knees, helpless with laughter. She sounded a little nuts, she thought. But the entire situation had suddenly struck her as just too funny.
“Why...why am I laughing?!” Alanna gasped, her eyes tearing up yet again. “Are you joking? Are you seriously that stupid? Oh my God, you are such a stupid asshole!”
I’m off my rocker, Alanna thought. Why can’t I shut up?
The blow was a backhanded slap that she’d fully expected yet which somehow came as a surprise. Alanna gasped and fell back a little but she held her ground, wincing as she absorbed the blow. She stood up straight and felt a little proud of herself. She’d have a bruise. But she was okay.
Then John shifted.
“Oh shit.”
A truly gigantic brown bear was coming at her, rearing up on his hind legs. Alanna was about to shift, but she didn’t have time before John tossed her aside like candy and she slammed into the dining table.
“Son of a…”
Her own bear was pissed. The corner of the table had hit her right in the gut and it hurt. He’d kill her if he wasn’t careful. She spun around and shifted herself, and the two of them went at each other, tumbling to the floor, wrestling and roaring and swiping at each other with massive claws.
It was over too quickly. John’s bear was just too big. All Alanna could do was put up a decent fight just to prove a point, but she knew she couldn’t win. In a couple of minutes, having wrestled their way into the living room of their suite, knocking into the coffee table and breaking a glass vase on top of it, John had her pinned. It wouldn’t have been so bad in her mind, if he didn’t seem to be enjoying it so much. The way he pinned her was more like a person than a bear too, his massive paw clamping her head to the floor. He should’ve just taken her neck in his mouth. That was how you got a foe to submit. But it wasn’t just that. He wanted her to be humiliated.
Alanna went limp and felt even worse than she had minutes before, any spark of defiance now gone. He’d made her feel so small. But it was really all Rawley. It might as well have been Rawley’s bear and Rawley’s paw keeping her down on the floor, helpless to do anything but bend to his will.
John rolled off of her and the two of them shifted back. She was still on the floor, now in her human form, as John got to his feet. She didn’t want to move. She curled up into a ball and lay there as John dusted himself off and caught his breath.
I wonder if there are bear fights in these rooms a lot, Alanna thought dimly. It was a strange thought that came from nowhere. But it was better than thinking of anything else.
“Clean this up and go to your room,” John said. He went right back to his seat at the dining table and took a sip of his drink, like none of it had even happened.
Alanna did as she was told, once she’d picked herself up off the floor. They’d tossed some furniture aside, though the only thing they’d actually broken was the vase. Alanna knew the right thing to do was to call house-keeping and have them clean up the glass and put the cost of the vase on the bill. But she felt a sense of shame about it. She cleaned up the glass herself, cutting her fingers up a little as she picked up jagged bits of porcelain and threw them away. She found a small supply of bandages in the kitchen and took her time in the bathroom, still sniffling and crying a little as she rinsed the blood from her hands and bandaged herself up.
She looked at herself in the mirror and saw a pale, haggard woman.
She had also seen herself in the mirror at the dress shop when Nathan had been standing right there with her...she’d looked so much better and happier.
Alanna went to bed late that night but even then, buried under luxurious 600-thread count sheets and the goose feather comforter, she could not sleep.
She waited until John was asleep to leave the suite. She was dressed only in a tiny pair of pajama shorts and a skimpy camisole, courtesy of Rawley’s mini-wardrobe he’d sent. Alanna at least thought to grab one of the fluffy terry cloth robes from the bathrobe and then she crept over to the door of John’s bedroom and her ears perked up, listening for anything other than snores. It sounded like he was dead to the world alright. She didn’t dare open the door to check, for fear of waking him up.
Alanna didn’t really think about anything as she rushed down the hallway to the elevator where she pressed the button for floor three.
The Black Bear Lake Lodge was a lot bigger than it had seemed. She kept getting lost as she made her way to the fringes of the east wing where the Strauss brothers who ran the lodge apparently lived. If nothing else, it was kind of fun to wander the hall in the middle of the night. She crossed a catwalk that passed a massive glass wall and sto
pped for a moment, looking out on the view of the snowy mountains, the moon was full and bright. Things felt surreal this late while she was doing something she wasn’t supposed to as if the moon was shining just for her.
That was when she saw him.
She never figured out, even much later, how she knew it was Nathan bounding down the bunny slope in his bear form. He was far away out in the snow. It wasn’t as if she could catch his scent. But she was so certain it was him, that she found herself smiling, and when he shifted into this human form and she was proven right, she gasped a little. She stood there for a few minutes, watching Nathan jog through the snow in the dead of night, finally disappearing into a back entrance. He would be back in his suite soon. If she hadn’t seen him out the window, she might have missed him.
Alanna waited a while, watching the moonlight glitter over the snow and giving Nathan time to get back before she went on to find his suite. That took several more minutes as she got lost again. Finally, she stood in front of his door: A3.
Alanna could smell him through the door and just that brought back the memory of his sweltering kiss, how it had felt to be held by somebody so strong yet tender.
Alanna knocked on the door and waited.
7
Nathan
Once Alanna had flipped out on him, Nathan left the dress shop and made his way to Connor’s office to have it out if necessary. He nodded at passing guests, the regulars who knew him by sight. But his smile was a tight line and he kept clenching and unclenching his fists, wanting so badly to hurt whoever had hurt Alanna.
Connor spent a lot of his time during the day in his huge corner office that had almost as good of a view of the slopes and mountains as the priciest suites at the lodge. But he spent nearly as much time out in the lobby chatting with guests or conducting his business from the dining hall, the lounge, behind Eric’s check-in desk, or even back in the kitchen with Cody. Because Connor loved the Black Bear Lake Lodge and he liked to be out in it instead of always stuck back in his office. So, Nathan texted Connor on the way to his office while keeping an eye out for his brother as he walked.
Need to talk, he wrote. Where r u?
Connor texted back that he was indeed in his office. Good. Everything felt urgent because Alanna had looked at him with those big eyes and started crying and he didn’t know what to do about it.
Nathan didn’t bother to knock. He barged into Connor’s office, not sparing his brother so much as a glance before heading to the coffee maker in the kitchenette, grumbling as he made a fresh pot.
“What’s up?” Connor said. He was sitting back in his throne of a black leather desk chair and for the millionth time, Nathan thought it was stupid that his desk faced away from the giant windows with the beautiful view.
Nathan waited until he had his cup of coffee just the way he liked it and Connor, to his credit, didn’t bug him to come out with it already. He could be impatient with people where business was concerned or if he wanted something. But when it came to his brothers, Connor was willing to give them time and listen. Nathan had always appreciated that about him.
Nathan sat down in one of the big comfy chairs in front of Connor’s desk, relaxing back into the soft leather and taking another sip of his coffee before he spoke.
“I need to break the rule,” he finally said. Nathan was wearing a flannel shirt over a thermal, his worn-out old work boots, and a faded pair of work jeans. His brother wore a double-breasted suit and his hair was slicked back, his fresh beard the only gesture toward the bear within.
Connor leaned on his hand and sighed. “Tell me why.”
“Listen…,” Nathan took a deep breath. “I was gonna just go do it and not tell you because it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, but...there’s something going on in room 27 with that girl. I think this girl might be… I don’t know. I mean she might just be an unhappy wife or she might be a hostage, you know what I mean? The scary thing is, I can’t tell.”
Connor nodded, absorbing this. “Why are you coming to me now? Did something happen?”
“I...just saw her,” Nathan said. He hadn’t actually imagined what he would tell Connor about the kiss...or the dance...or the garage. He wasn’t going to be happy about any of that. “We’ve talked a few times. Just um...friendly conversation. But she got really upset. She’s terrified. I know she’s scared of the guy who’s with her in that room, if nothing else.”
“Hmm.” Connor raised an eyebrow. “I mean, did something happen between you two?”
“Okay, she kissed me,” Nathan said, sitting up.
“Did you kiss her back?”
“Of course!” Nathan laughed. “Of course I did. I mean she’s beautiful, but it’s…I’ve never had a conversation with anyone like I have with her, it’s—”
“Nathan,” Connor said, the warning in his voice.
“Alright, forget all that. That stuff doesn’t matter. I’m just afraid she’s in serious trouble. There are...red flags.”
Connor sighed and tapped away at his laptop. “They’re booked for another few days.”
“Okay.” Nathan chewed on his lip. “So…”
“You should go with your gut,” Connor said, shrugging. “I trust you.”
“You trust me?” His eyebrows shot up. That didn’t sound like the same Connor who’d been so suspicious of him in the kitchen.
“You used to be reckless when you were younger,” Connor said, shrugging. “But you’re not that troublemaking young cub anymore. You know I just like to give you shit. Yeah, we have the rule, but that’s just because I don’t want us starting stupid drama with the guests. I know this isn’t that.”
“Right,” Nathan muttered. He knew Connor was doing the opposite of holding his past over his head. But still, he hated to be reminded of it.
He had only been seventeen when he’d met the big, charismatic grizzly named Rawley. Rawley had just seemed fun and adventurous at just the time when Nathan was seeking those things out, having left home to see some of the world for himself. He’d followed Rawley and a make-shift sleuth he’d formed around the West. They’d seen some of the most beautiful parts of the country while scavenging for themselves what they could and living in forests most of the time and then finding abandoned buildings to throw parties in for any nearby shifters. Girls had flocked to them. It had all just been fun, even if they stole sometimes and even if Rawley had an edge that gave Nathan a bad feeling on occasion. And then suddenly, things had changed. Rawley didn’t want to just steal on occasion from humans, he wanted to pillage from other shifters.
Nathan’s biggest regret in life was that he hadn’t walked away right then. He’d fallen under Rawley’s spell, he supposed. He’d made Nathan think they would take on the world as if it owed them something. They would take what they wanted when they wanted. So Nathan had followed Rawley again and helped him take down lone bears without sleuths because they had no protection. The shifters were always fairly tough guys like them so Nathan had justified it to himself. But the day he’d watched Rawley murder a fairly young cub in cold blood just because he’d naively tried to protect his own family’s territory, that had been it. Nathan had walked away for good and never looked back.
He supposed he still wanted to make up for ever going along with someone like that and the guilt over that murdered cub still haunted him.
I wonder if this is karma, he thought wryly.
“Just be careful,” Connor said. “Don’t be rash or reckless. You’re older and wiser now.”
“Glad you noticed,” Nathan said, smirking.
“Yeah, yeah,” Connor said. “Yeah, of course I noticed. You think this girl needs help and you’ve befriended her. I trust you do the right thing. If you need anything from me, let me know.”
“Well…” Nathan stroked his chin. “I was kind of thinking that I’d like to look her up online. And her companion. See what I can find.”
Connor burst out laughing. “You? You can barely play Tetri
s. Better ask Eric.”
“Right,” Nathan said, rolling his eyes. “I’ll ask Eric. Thanks, Con.”
Eric was busy as hell when Nathan found him in the lobby. He looked stressed out and Nathan felt a little guilty for having to ask for help, though not guilty enough not to ask.
“Hey.” Nathan went around the desk and watched Eric, his trainee, and another clerk field phone calls and take requests from guests approaching them at their stations.
Eric was on hold while trying to explain something to a trainee and he frowned at Nathan. “What is it? I’m slammed here.”
“When you have a minute.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Eric said, sighing. “I’ll find you in the kitchen.”
“Why is it always the kitchen?” Nathan muttered, even as his stomach rumbled at the very thought of food.
It took another couple hours for their free time to coincide as Nathan was called away to fix a broken curtain rod and unclog a shower drain, but finally, they were side by side at the kitchen island, scarfing down pasta together, as Cody directed traffic around them.
“I need you to find some stuff out for me,” Nathan told him with a dark look.
Nathan explained the situation and that even Connor had given his blessing which helped since Eric was more stressed out than usual. When they finally both went back to work, he felt better about things. Maybe it was a little on the stalkery side but he figured if he found nothing that proved Alanna might be in actual danger, he would just drop it. C’est la vie. It wasn’t meant to be.
“Hey.” Eric sat down right beside him at the bar. He was wearing a dark expression as he ordered a beer for himself. Nathan narrowed his eyes.
“What is it?” Nathan said flatly. “What did you find?”
“I didn’t find anything on Alanna outside of a little social media and a couple of addresses,” Eric said. “But John brought up a Facebook page. He deleted it but I managed to find it. I was actually surprised. I mean, I guess that’s why they deleted it. It left a footprint.”
Nathan (Strauss Bear Shifter Brothers 0f Colorado Book 1) Page 6