by Jenny Wood
“Daddy, go over there!” The little girl at the end of the table grabbed my attention. She had the longest, curly black hair on any toddler I’d ever seen. Her little cheeks were pink as could be as she struggled against the bearded man- Finn I think his name was’, arms.
“Daddy, no! GO!” She was losing her patience as everyone stopped to see who she wanted. Apparently, it was Kingsley. He shot out of his chair and ran to her, scooping her up without hesitation. It was almost comical to see such a big guy be so gentle with the little girl who got swallowed up by his massive frame. She patted his cheeks and jabbered incoherently, and he kept her rapt attention the entire way back to his seat and after. He was hanging on every word.
“Everyone know what they want?” We had two servers, one for one side of the table and another for the other. I’d imagine these guys could eat a lot and I wondered if it was a big production every time they went out. They all seemed to be having such a good time in everyone’s company I found myself actually laughing and having fun at them. The two brothers, Kayson and Kingsley, they hounded each other relentlessly, and it was hilarious.
“What about you fellas? What can I getcha?” It was finally our turn to order. Wade looked to me first, and I thought that was nice.
“Can I get the chicken alfredo with the side of steamed broccoli, please?” I tell her. I’d brought enough cash for that and a respectable tip, but I had my debit card if I needed it.
“And for you, sir?” She asked Wade.
“Can I get the fourteen ounce-“
“Come on, pussy. Get the big man’s steak.” Kingsley ribbed.
“Fine, the sixteen-ounce rib-eye, medium with a side of steak fries and can I sub the salad for some steamed broccoli as well?” He ordered. I was interested in seeing how all these big men handled their extremely large steaks. That sounded dirty in my mind, and I found myself blushing like an idiot.
“You okay?” Wade asks quietly, and I nod and attempt a smile. These guys were fun, if not a little inappropriate, but they were a fun bunch. Throughout the evening, I turned one way to talk to Conner, Morgan, and Cam while Wade was turned the other way, chatting with the other guys. It wasn’t awkward because even though he was turned just slightly to the other side, his hand was still on the back of my chair; only now, I occasionally felt his fingers on the back of my neck, playing with my hair. I mean, it wasn’t long by any means, but his fingers going through it surprised not only me but also the guys’ I was talking with. They all stared at him for long moments, not talking. It seemed that he was doing it unconsciously. He didn’t seem aware he was doing it at all.
“That’s…. new. Are you guys dating?” Morgan asked me, and I knew Wade felt me freeze up because he stopped talking immediately and leaned into my side.
“You good?” He asks softly. I could only nod. Was I good? I was freaking out a little bit, that much was for sure, but was I okay? I needed a pow-wow, but these guys were his friends, I couldn’t ask them advice on what to do or how to think of the night. I was going to be left to obsess over it myself. I could tell the guys were conspiring, there were a lot of meaningful looks amongst friends, and if I'm honest, it kind of had me a little worried. I liked Wade; I was attracted to him, sure. I also liked these big bunch of husbands, though some I didn’t know how much I’d have in common with; still, I wondered if I’d ever see them again after today. Cameron was hell-bent on getting my number and passing it out to the other guys, and every one of them passed my shitty phone around but then just wrote their numbers down when they saw my screen.
“You know, Kayson can fix that, and they have new screens at the vendor mall,” Conner told me after handing my phone back.
“I have that extra phone that was Jase’s; you’re more than welcome to it; we just keep it in case something happens to one of ours but ours are insured, so it’s really just not getting any use sitting in the drawer.” Cameron offered. I couldn’t take a phone from him; I knew because I’d checked that they were expensive as hell, especially the fancy ones that they have.
“Oh no, I’ll replace it soon; just haven’t had time,” I tell him somewhat honestly. I really was going to replace it; I just had to save up a bit first. After we’d all eaten and everyone was lounging back, quieter now that we’d all eaten so much. Kingsley and Morgan asked for everyone’s attention.
“So, the reason we wanted you all here tonight is because, as you all know, Morgan and I have been through the process of adopting a baby. After it fell through the last time and the mother backed out, we kind of got discouraged and started talking about other options.” Kingsley put his arm around Morgan and pulled him closer. Morgan looked upset, and I hated that they’d gotten their hopes up to have it fall through. Just seeing them with their friends’ daughter, made it obvious that they’d make excellent fathers.
“We were set to give it some time. We wanted to kind of let the wound heal a little bit from last time, and we told our adoption specialist that, but she called us on Sunday and you guys are not going to believe this…” Morgan teared up, and I knew it was going to be great news, I just knew it.
“We got to meet with a newly expectant mother, and she loved us. She’s due in three weeks.” Morgan let his tears fall, and I found myself crying with him. They just looked so happy about it, so happy about the possibility of a baby. I wondered how much different my life would’ve turned out had I had someone that excited about the possibility of me.
“It’s twin’s guys! A boy and a girl!” Kingsley blurted, causing everyone to cheer and express their astonishment. I closed my eyes and said a prayer for them, right then and there, that it would work out for them. They were so happy.
“I can’t believe you guys kept this a secret since Sunday!” Kayson accused with Conner backing him up wholeheartedly.
“It was a lot to think about, to be honest. We weren’t sure if we were ready to be open to the idea of adopting again. As I said, we were still kinda hurting over the last let-down. Then, there’s two, that’s going to be a lot to handle.” Morgan laughed nervously, but his eyes gave away his excitement. I got in on the hugs and cheering, and I wished the happy couple my very best. I wanted with all my heart for it to workout for them and I’d have to keep in touch to find out either way. I had a feeling that Morgan and I could be really good friends and I loved that Kingsley loved him so much. I hoped I’d see these guys again soon.
We all celebrated with a glass of wine or champagne, though Wade didn’t order his own glass, but rather had a sip of mine. I didn’t mind; I liked the thought of my lips on something his were just on. Juvenile, I’m aware, but I was crushing. Give me a break.
After several hours of everyone being together, we all disbanded with promises of seeing each other soon and promising to call one another in the next day or two. I’d honestly had an amazing time, and I was glad they’d invited me. I thanked them all, even Jody, who had a minimal smile for me, but it was still there, and I saw it; especially when we argued for twenty minutes at the counter on who was paying for my meal. Wade won, and the guys thought it was hilarious at my expense.
Date or not, tonight had been one of the best nights I think I might have ever had. I couldn’t even be sad about that because it was just that much fun.
Wade
Being a part of awesome news tonight was really an honor. Sharing it with Foster, was a bonus. Twice, I caught myself with my hand in his hair like a fucking weirdo. I didn’t realize it until the first time when I felt him freeze beneath my hand; when I looked over at him, I also noticed the other guys watching me closely. Kingsley was smug, Cameron looked delighted, and the other guys were a mixture of all the others. I’m not sure why they all took such an interest in me, but at times like these, I was a bit worried what it meant. I’d heard of the so called, matchmakers. Then again, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to have their help. I’m clearly out of my league here.
“I had a really good time tonight, your friends are crazy, but in the best
way.” His smile is so open and not a trace of the anxiousness that I’m used to seeing from him. Putting my hands on him and being in his personal space was something that felt so natural to do it, I wasn’t even aware that I was doing it at first. Then, when he didn’t seem to care, I kept doing it because I liked it. I’d never thought that I could be in a place where I’d be comfortable being out with other gay men, or able to put my arm around someone or touch them in public that we might be construed as a couple. Hiding was always easiest, but being open about it; knowing that my friends know if they didn’t before, they all do now, but even knowing that they know is huge and it feels so liberating.
“I’m glad you could come. It looked like the husbands have claimed you. I warned you about Cam; I know how they are.” I couldn’t hold back my smile when I looked at him; he looked so content. He rolled his eyes, and it looked so carefree.
“He’s a pushy little shit, that’s for sure.” We both laughed, remembering Cam’s reaction to not being able to give Foster his number and instead of hunting down our waitress and asking her for a pen and paper so we could all write ours down for him. He made Foster promise that he’d either carry them with him, always; or memorize all of our numbers. I didn’t care who else’s he remembered, but I’d like it if he remembered mine.
We pull up to his apartment, and I shut off the truck. He turns towards me just slightly and opens his mouth to say something just as I do.
“I was thinkin’ about asking you over for dinner. Would you be open to that?” I ask and his mouth slams shut and his eyes go wide. I could’ve finessed that a little better, I’m sure.
“I know you’re just getting out of a thing and I’m not sure where you’re at with that or anything, and I’m gonna be real honest here, I’ve never in my life, dated openly. I’m probably going to be pretty bad at it, as I’ve got nothing to really compare it too, other than the guys and well….I mean, they’re all married, so they can’t be terrible at it, but I’m still the new kid, I’ve still got very little to go on.” I blurt, more than likely ruining any chance I have that this dude will want to see me again.
He studies me for several second before the smile breaks out across his face. I don’t know whether he’s laughing at my ridiculous method of asking him out, or if he’s considering it. Luckily, he doesn’t keep me in suspense.
“You want to have dinner with me?” He asks, smiling but with a squinted face that’s much too adorable for one person’s face.
“No, I just had dinner with you. I want to see you.” I admit, go for gold, right?
“You wanna see me? Like, as in, a date?” He asks, sounding confused.
“Yeah, except, not like a date; but an actual date.” I scoffed at our poor attempt at this. I would’ve sworn I had more game than this.
“Okay.” He shrugs, as is his way.
“You don’t think it’s too soon? After the ex and all that?” I need to know. Although I wouldn’t mind being a rebound and normally, I’d be all for it; I don’t think it would work with him. One of us would end up hurt, and I wouldn’t want it to be either of us. Plus, with our friends involved, it just spells disaster. So, if he’s still hung up on the ex or not really looking to move on, then I’ll suggest we just stay friends. Friends that have a one-sided attraction, maybe, but friends nonetheless.
“I had a lot of time to think, while I was incapacitated.” He rolls his eyes, turning his body completely towards me, “This is going to make me sound a little desperate, and I apologize for that now; but it’s the truth, and I want you to believe when I tell you that…I don’t really think it was ever about him. He wasn’t that great.” He starts to explain. “Like, he wasn’t violent or anything, he just wasn’t….great. He was kind of self-involved and secretive. He didn’t care much about me or how I was feeling or doing, as long as I was around when he needed me around. I put up with a lot, I feel like because being with him was better than the alternative, which was being alone, and I’m alone a lot. I don’t really like it. He paid attention to me, and not many people do. I enjoyed the attention.” He shrugged again but then shook it off. “That doesn’t even sound right. I did enjoy the attention, but not like… Not in a skeevy way. Like, I don’t like being alone, and he wanted to be around. I liked that. That’s it, I guess. Sounds stupid when I say it out loud, but…it is what it is.”
“That doesn’t sound skeevy or desperate. I get it.” I tell him honestly. Being lonely sucks, I totally got that. People handle it in different ways. He happened to settle for the first guy to give him attention, who hasn’t done that to some extent at some point or another.
“Yeah?” His shoulders relax, and he smiles again. He seems to be relieved that he’s admitted that. I nod and whispers his okay, more to himself than to me, but I hear it. We do the staring thing again, and it feels ridiculous to be sitting in my truck, in the dark just staring at each other smiling. I’m channeling every 90’s after school special at a first date, and I laugh to myself, just before Foster unclips his belt and leans over the center console and touches his lips to the side of mine. He holds himself there for just a second longer than a peck and as much as I should let that be the end of it, right there; because it was a good, after the first date, kiss…. I grab his shoulders and pull him slowly back to me. His eyes don’t leave mine the entire descent, and I wonder if he’s going to stop me. The way his eyes flutter from my eyes to my lips as he swipes his tongue across his bottom lips is all the “okay” that I need. I close my lips around his and suck his bottom lip into my mouth, softly. It isn’t crazy or out of control, even though that’s exactly the way I feel inside. No, it’s sweet and chaste, and unlike any kiss, I’d ever had before. It wasn’t harried or rushed, it was taking our time to feel each other, and it ended too soon. A dog barking as a neighbor nearby let one out, and we both pulled back just slightly, smiling again like the kids we were acting like.
“Come on; I’ll walk you up,” I suggested, it was getting late and I knew he had to work tomorrow. I met him on his side of the truck, and he wrapped his arm around my arm on the walk up to his little walkway.
“Thank you again, for dinner. It was really nice of you.” He side-eyed me, and I winked flirtily at him now that I knew I wasn’t going to get shot down.
“We’ll do it again.” We walked slowly up the stairs, content with going slow and stretching the last moments of the night out a little bit. When we got to his door, we both stopped, and I smelled it immediately. Paint, spray paint to be exact. How we hadn’t noticed it the second we started up the steps, is a testament to how into him I was since we’d pulled up. I should’ve noticed this; checking my surroundings was part of my job for my entire adult life.
FAGGOT, was spray painted, diagonally on his crème colored door, in black paint. It was dripping onto the carpet of the hallway, and it was no doubt going to need replacing.
“Do you have camera’s in this building?” I ask him, looking around as if to see if the asshole who did this was still around.
“I’m not sure; it’s Skye’s family’s building. I’ll have to ask him. What the fuck, though? I’ve never had any trouble like this at all. Not here!” Foster is starting to panic, looking around for answers as if the person who done it is going to pop out and surprise us.
“Hey, it’s just paint. Let’s not panic, okay? Not yet.” I try to calm him down as he unlocks the door and opens it wide without going in.
“The notes I’ve been getting, I assumed were from Jeffery but what if they aren’t? Who would want to be so nasty to me? I haven’t crossed anyone or done anything out of the ordinary or anything that would warrant this.” He waved to the door, obviously and for good reason, upset.
“You’ve been getting notes? Where at? Can I see them?” I ask, detective mode kicking in, immediately. He walks swiftly to the dresser and grabs a small stack. Just like the handwritten note, I found in his mailbox when he got released from the hospital, there are several others that very from the s
ame thing to a much more sinister; last warning.
I grab my phone out of my pocket and dial the number on the sheet. The voicemail picks up, and I quickly leave a message. “This is Sheriff Raylan Wade; I need to speak with you about an urgent, time sensitive matter, if you could give me a call back as soon as you can, my number is 519-555-5504. Thanks.” I hang up and pocket my phone.
“You don’t know whose number this is?” I ask, just to make sure. He looks it over several times, before answering that he doesn’t.
“I feel like I'm already a pain in the ass, being off work on such short notice after the accident. If Skye’s family blames me for this, I’ll have to leave, and if it’s weird, I could get fired. I can’t afford for any of that to happen. Who the fuck?” He plunges his hands into his hair and looks around his small but homey place. Once he takes a deep breath and holds it for only a second, he blows it out and drops his arms; looking at me, just hoping I have any of the answers he needs. I wish I did.
“This is going to sound forward and ridiculously fast since we’ve just had our first date, but I have an extra room, and I would really feel better if you didn’t stay here tonight until I can talk to the ex, or whoever that is at the end of that phone number. Would you be okay with that?” I ask him, and I see him physically deflate. His shoulders slump, and his body folds in on itself as he plops down on to sit on his bed. He wraps his arms around himself and looks up at me, looking uncomfortable again and anxious. I hate that. I want him to be as carefree as he was an hour ago.
“Honestly, I want to say no because like you said it’s our first date,” He smiles as he says that but shakes it off. “I know it’s too soon for sleepovers, and I'm a gigantic burden right now, but if it is Jeffery, he has a key, and I just don’t want to be home alone and face all that drama, tonight. I could call Skye; he’s kind of a friend, more than an employer…but, fuck…” He shakes his head, trying to work everything out, no doubt.