Karma's a Bitch

by J. Gail

  “Yo,” the voice said.

  “Yo? Who the fuck is this with my phone??” Tony sat up in the bed and demanded.

  “What? Man,” the voice laughed. “This is my phone nigga.”

  Click.

  Chapter 4

  “Anthonyyyyy,” Jenny drawled out from the bathroom to her new man.

  Tony rolled his eyes back into his head, and then continued watching his television program as he clutched one of Jenny’s down feather pillows.

  For the past two weeks, while his grandmother was in the hospital, Tony had been living with Jenny, the young nurse who he had met at the hospital. He had called her the next day to check on his grandmother, went in for a visit, and before the sun had set he was at her house, banging her back out. He had quickly learned that this girl was easy – very easy – in more ways than one.

  In the days that followed Jenny allowed Tony to lay up in her house, and even took him shopping for some new clothes and shoes. When Tony told her about how he and his grandmother had been robbed, she immediately felt the obligation to help him out in any way she could. Tony took full advantage of this, getting over $1,000 worth of new stuff on Jenny’s credit card after not even having known the girl for a week. In the weeks that followed, Jenny had bought Tony everything from expensive accessories for his car to a brand new cellphone.

  Despite being only 22 years old, Jenny seemed to be pretty well off. She didn’t just have an apartment – she had a home. Her house was roomy and decorated with a touch of class. Semi-expensive paintings hung on almost every wall. There were fresh new pine hardwood floors downstairs, and plush red carpets covered the floors in her two bedrooms. Her white leather couch and loveseat were so soft that Tony sunk right into the seat cushions. The only problem was that things weren’t exactly as they seemed with Jenny – most of her belongings were on credit. She was neck-deep in debt.

  “Anthonyyy. Do you hear me calling you baby? I need your help.”

  “Help with what!?” Tony yelled back, annoyed.

  “Can you help me get this toilet unclogged? I don’t know what happened…” Jenny said, her voice trailing off as she gave the toilet another try with her plunger.

  “What? Hell no. I don’t do toilets,” Tony said matter of factly.

  Several minutes later, Jenny came back into the bedroom and looked at Tony. She thought about saying something in reply to his comment, but changed her mind. She didn’t want to upset him. Besides, he looked so comfortable sprawled out on the bed.

  “Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to call a plumber tomorrow. Just don’t use that toilet tonight okay, use the one in the basement.”

  “Whatever.”

  “What do you think about us going to grab a bite to eat? Since there’s no food in the fridge,” Jenny asked. Since you ate it all, she complained in her mind.

  “Yea, where we going?” Tony perked up.

  “Uh, I don’t know…KFC? McDonald’s?” Jenny said as thought about what she felt like eating.

  “Naw, I don’t want no nasty ass fast food right now,” Tony grumbled.

  “What about Chinese then? There’s a nice place around the corner?”

  “I was thinking more of Red Lobster, down in Springfield. My boy Terrance lives out there. Maybe I could stop through.”

  “Oh, Red Lobster. Uhhh, yea I guess,” Jenny said apprehensively. She noticed that as time went on, Tony was becoming more and more demanding. Now he wanted Red Lobster? Just two days ago they had gone down City Line Avenue to Fridays, and the day before that Jenny had brought home food from a nice restaurant near her job.

  “Aiight, let’s go,” Tony said hopping out of the bed. The only time Tony moved so quickly was when he was getting some food or some sex.

  * * *

  Tony cracked open the last snow crab leg on his plate. He sucked the meat out of the middle of one piece, and then finished off the other. He then reached over to his other plate, grabbed three fried shrimp in a row and popped them in his mouth one after the other. Jenny just watched as he signaled for the waitress to come over, again.

  “Yo, let me get another one of these frozen margarita things,” he said pointing to the large empty glass in front of him.

  “Sure sir, that will be right up. Are you done with those plates? Let me grab that,” the waitress said as she reached over to grab two empty plates off of the table. One with remnants of the shrimp pasta Tony had devoured, and another that had Tony’s empty crab leg shells on it.

  “And you can bring the check please,” Jenny said quickly before Tony had an opportunity to order anything else. She was already dreading the figure that this bill had come to.

  The waitress came back with Tony’s drink and put the check down next to it. Of course he just picked up his drink and ignored the small black book. Jenny reached forward as if by habit, and picked it up.

  “$93??” she mumbled to herself. She looked back up at Tony, who was reaching in for a couple more shrimps from his plate. This was his fourth order of fried shrimp, and they weren’t even running any endless shrimp specials at Red Lobster at that time. Tony’s facial expression showed that he didn’t have a care in the world. She wanted so badly to ask him if he had any cash on him to help with the bill, but felt bad about asking him since he had just lost all of his money and possessions. Jenny simply reached into her purse, pulled out her Platinum Mastercard and placed it on the check.

  As they were leaving the restaurant, Tony was insisting that Jenny let him drive her brand new white Jetta, since he knew exactly how to get to his friend Terrance’s house. Jenny resisted at first, because she knew he was more than tipsy after having six alcoholic drinks at dinner, but relented when Tony leaned down and kissed her on the cheek to thank her for the meal. When they finally did make it to Terrance’s house, Jenny was expecting that Tony was going to bring her in to meet his good friend.

  “You wait in here aiight? I’ll be right back out,” Tony said to her as he hopped out of the driver’s seat, not even waiting for a response. Jenny looked crushed. He looked back at her in the car before ringing the doorbell. When he didn’t hear any movement in the house, he pulled out the Verizon phone Jenny had bought for him just several days before. Before he had a chance to look for Terrance’s number, he heard his friend’s deep voice call out from inside.

  “Who is it?” Terrance demanded.

  “It’s me nigga, open up!” Tony slurred.

  “Tone? What the hell you doin’ here?” Terrance asked as he unlocked and opened the door. He gave his boy a pound and they went inside.

  “Man, I’m just stoppin’ by to say what’s up. I was down at the Red Lobster’s,” Tony said proudly as he flopped down on the couch and threw his hands up behind his head in a relaxing position.

  “Red Lobster? Where your broke ass get money to eat out?” Terrance laughed. “What are you fuckin’ with one of the waitresses?”

  “Uhhhhhh, no,” Tony replied sarcastically as he threw his new fitted hat to the side. “I’m fucking with this bitch that got it made! She got a good job, a house almost as big as yours, and mad money dude. She sprung as shit on me too. She’ll do anything for a nigga. She lets me stay at her house ever since Grandma went into the hospital.”

  “Huh? I know you ain’t serious man.”

  “What you mean? Course I’m serious – this the best set up I had in my life. And this jawn don’t even ask me no questions, no arguing, none of that. She just gives me what I want, and I can lay all up in the house chillin’ all day if I want.”

  “You’re proud to be mooching off a woman, huh?” Terrance said, shaking his head. He got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen to grab a couple of sodas for him and his ill-bred friend.

  “It ain’t mooching. Look, women do it to niggas all the time. They got they sugar daddies, well I just got me a sugar mommie. And she happy to buy me shit and take care of me at the crib,” Tony said hopping up to grab the remote control off the coffee table. “That�
�s how a woman is supposed to do for a nigga if you ask me. We lay the pipe, and they lay the green.”

  Tony laughed deviously at his last comment, as Terrance struggled to keep his composure with his shallow, ignorant friend. He put Tony’s soda down in front of him and went back to sit down.

  “How’s your grandmother doing?”

  “She aiight, I just went to see her a couple days ago. She should be out soon.”

  “That’s good to hear, let me know when that happens so I can come with you to get her out.”

  “Aiight, thanks man,” Tony said, nodding his head.

  “By the way Tone, uhh… did you ever take care of that little situation? Uhh, you know?”

  “Yea yea I went to the clinic and got that fixed. No problem. It was just a little gonorrhea.”

  Terrance jerked his head in his friend’s direction. “Just a little gonorrhea?? How can you take it so light like that? What about Nish, do she got it now too?”

  “Listen dude, I don’t even want this subject to be brought up between us no more. Got me? That’s a dead issue aiight?” Tony said, beginning to get offended by Terrance’s questions.

  Terrance sucked his teeth and leaned back in his loveseat. “Whatever man.”

  “So anyways, my little sugar mommie name is Jenny. She ain’t that good looking, not all the way up on my regular standards. But her money right though, yah mean…” Tony started again, but Terrance cut him off.

  “You ain’t supposed to be living off no woman Tony, as a man you gotta make a way for yourself.” Terrance was annoyed that Tony was so proud of taking money from a woman. But it was the Tony he had always known – dependent on other people, and totally senseless.

  “Ran, man you sound like a broke record,” Tony said, spitting as he talked. “Just cause you choose to bust your ass for a dollar everyday don’t mean it’s right for everybody.”

  Terrance opened his mouth and then shut it back closed. He was so tired of hearing Tony talk, especially since he almost never made any sense. “You just ain’t never gonna get it Tone. I ain’t gonna waste my breath on you.”

  “Fuck you nigga, you don’t know everything.”

  I know one thing, Terrance thought. I need to get this fool out my house before I kick his ass.

  “Yo listen Tone, I gotta be up in the morning for work so if you don’t mind…” Terrance said, getting up from his seat yet again. Tony sucked his teeth, rolled his eyes and followed suit.

  “Yea, I get the message. Anyways, I got the dumb chick waiting in the car for me,” Tony snickered. In his near drunken state, he was just letting whatever came to mind roll off of his tongue.

  “Wait, hol up. You got this girl sitting outside all this time while you in here with me?” Terrance asked incredulously.

  “Yea, I just told you we came back from Red Lobster’s,” Tony said, screwing up his face as he went down to the door.

  “Why didn’t you just bring her up here wit you? I wouldn’t have minded. That’s fucked up for you to be chillin’ in here all this time,” Terrance said, shaking his head as he opened the door for Tony to leave. He was starting to get more and more relieved each time Tony was leaving. He almost wished that Tony didn’t know where he lived so he wouldn’t keep popping up at his house unannounced.

  “Cause she ain’t worth meeting my friends and shit. She more of a side jawn than anything,” Tony explained and then gave Terrance a pound. “Aiight man.”

  A side jawn, and you laying up in her house like you live there, Terrance thought. What about Quanisha?

  Tony came to the driver’s side of the car and saw Jenny sitting there strapped in with her hands on the wheel.

  “Move over,” he said signaling to her through the window by pointing to the passenger side.

  “No, I’m driving, go ahead to the passenger side. You had too much to drink Tony.”

  “What? I said I want to drive, now move over,” he said in a more agitated tone of voice.

  Jenny just sat there and looked forward out of the windshield, hoping that he would just go over to the passenger’s seat. Tony was about to grab the door handle, but changed his mind when he got a better idea.

  “Oh aiight then. You wanna be like that then fine, I ain’t got time for this mess tonight. You go ahead home, I’m stayin’ with my boy Ran,” he said as he headed back toward the house. Jenny opened the door and flew out of the car.

  “No no, I don’t want you staying here tonight. Alright, you can drive. Just promise you’ll be careful okay?” Jenny asked.

  Tony smirked as he slowly turned back around and got into the car. He always got his way with Jenny, and he loved it.

  They reached home, just barely since Tony was driving like a fool and Jenny was so sure that they would be pulled over. Tony got out and lit up his last cigarette. He walked up to the house as he was pulling out the key that Jenny had given him to the house.

  “Anthony, baby, could you please smoke that out here? I don’t want the smoke smell in my house.”

  “Geez, it’s just one cigarette, give me a break!” he said as he fumbled with the keys and held the screen door open. Before he could even put the key in the door, the cigarette slipped out of his fingers and fell behind the bushes.

  “Shit!” he exclaimed. “That was my last one!”

  Tony jumped down off the stairs and started searching through the thick bushes for the burning cigarette. Jenny stood behind him watching to make sure nothing caught fire. After several minutes of searching, and being pricked by the harsh brush, he finally saw the cigarette butt, which had miraculously burned up to the filter in that short amount of time, but hadn’t burned anything else.

  “Damn!” he said, now on edge because he was looking forward to that cigarette. Now on his knees, he picked up the cigarette and tried pitifully to suck a few last puffs of nicotine. Jenny looked at him like he was nuts.

  “Fuck it,” he said throwing the butt back down. “Do you have any cash on you so I can run to the corner store?”

  “Nope, not a dime,” she answered. And she wasn’t about to put cigarettes on her credit card. She didn’t care what he said.

  Tony looked at the time on his cellphone. It read 11:22pm. “Man, and all the stores that accept credit cards is closed. Awww. Fuck!” he yelled, as he got up and headed back towards the house. He tripped on the second step leading up to the porch, and tried to play it off.

  “You alright?” Jenny asked, cracking a smile. Tony didn’t answer. He just snatched the screen door open and put his key in the lock.

  That night Tony put Jenny down on the floor in her living room and banged into her so hard that she thought he was going to pierce her uterus. He was frustrated at missing his cigarette, and needed a release badly. At one point Jenny tried to stop him, because he was really hurting her, but he just ignored her complaints and kept on going. He finally pulled out and came all over her stomach. Tony didn’t know for sure about this girl and her birth control habits, so he wasn’t going to take any risks of getting her pregnant. Little did he know that a woman could still get pregnant with the ‘pull out’ method. Jenny was actually hoping to get pregnant by Tony this way, which is why she never complained about him always pulling out. Tony rolled over onto his back and closed his eyes as he tried to catch his breath.

  Jenny sat up a little and rested her head in her hand. “I was thinking maybe we could go up to see your grandmother at the hospital tomorrow morning. You know, the doctors say she should be out of the hospital early next week!”

  Tony opened one eye and looked at Jenny strangely. He didn’t know how she could be thinkiing about his grandmother literally five seconds after they had just finished having sex.

  “Yea, whatever,” he said closing his eye back. But he already knew he had no intentions of going anywhere with Jenny that next morning.

  “She’s been doing so much better as you know. The last time I saw her, she asked me if I was your new girlfriend, since I talk about you so
much,” Jenny chuckled and reached over to rub Tony on the stomach as she spoke. “I told her that she should really ask you that question. I’m sure she’ll be glad to see us both tomorrow. I was also thinking that maybe next weekend we could make plans to go see my mom in Germantown. She’s been asking about you Anthony. Anthony?”

  “What the fuck did I tell you about callin’ me Anthony? My name’s Tony! Damn it I hate that shit!” Tony suddenly burst out. “And I’m trynna sleep, so shut the fuck up!”

  Tony was so tired of hearing Jenny’s whiny voice that it was starting to make his head hurt just being in her presence. Sometimes it was as if her mouth were running a marathon; she went on and on about subjects that meant absolutely nothing to Tony.

  In fact, over the past few days he had been thinking more and more about Quanisha, and how much he missed her. He hadn’t seen her since she drew a knife on him in her car the day his grandmother went into the hospital. Quanisha could be very abrasive at times, but at least she was a challenge. Jenny was so easy that it was sickening to Tony. And she was like a cold fish when it came to sex; Tony had to do all the work while she just laid there. He needed his baby Quanisha back – that was his rock. He could have ten women on the side, but he knew that if anybody was going to have his back, it would be Quanisha. He started dozing off with thoughts of running his hand down Quanisha’s soft buttery thighs.

  Jenny was taken aback by Tony’s sudden outburst, and remained speechless for a long time. Why didn’t he want her calling him by his God given name? She debated on whether she should continue what she was telling him, or heed his request for silence. The margarita with an extra shot of Cuervo she had at dinner gave her a little confidence, so she decided to just pick up where she left off in the conversation, in a softer tone.

  “Well, I’ve told my mom all about you, and she really wants to meet you. So I’d appreciate it if you cleared next Saturday? I’ll drive,” Jenny said. She paused to see if Tony would have any objections, but he said nothing.