Against the Rules

by Isabel Lucero

As I’m heading back to Cashis Hall, I pull my phone out and respond to a couple texts from Ayanna and Lorenzo, letting them know I’m on my way.

  Two minutes later, headlights shine brightly into my eyes as a car approaches. A few seconds after that, the same car reverses and stops next to me.

  I turn my head in its direction, positive it’s some creep about to hit on me, but when the window rolls down, I see Elijah’s face.

  “Nova?”

  I stumble over a crack in the sidewalk as I make my way to his car. “Hey!” I say loudly, too excited.

  “What are you doing? It’s cold out here.”

  I shake my head, a smile on my face. “Not for me. I’m hot.”

  “And drunk?” he asks, a tiny grin on his lips.

  I shrug. “Maybe.”

  “Are you lost?” He looks in his rearview, checking for oncoming cars, but the road is fairly dead.

  “No,” I answer with a laugh. “I’m heading to Cashis Hall. My friends are there. I was looking for food.”

  He barks out a laugh. “There isn’t any food within walking distance from Cashis.” He looks at the clock on his dashboard. “And I think things are going to be closed now.”

  “Dammit,” I whine.

  He laughs again. “Do you want a ride back to your friends?”

  “I want a ride to some food.”

  I’m rewarded with another chuckle. “Get in, Nova,” he says with a sigh. I hear the doors unlock, and I don’t hesitate to yank the handle and climb in.

  As he drives away from the curb, I position myself to be able to get a good look at him. He’s still dressed in the clothes he had on in class today.

  “Do you always work this late?”

  “Not always, but I haven’t been here the whole time. I left and came back.”

  “Where are you taking me?”

  “Where do you wanna go?”

  Your house is what I think, then I giggle, because I’m still drunk. The look he gives me tells me I didn’t think those words. I said them.

  “Oops,” I say with a smile. “I don’t know. I don’t care. What’s open?”

  “Nothing on campus. Just the usual fast food places, probably.”

  I close my eyes, wiggling into the comfortable seat. “It’s so warm and cozy in here.”

  “Nova?”

  My eyes fly open. “Did I fall asleep?”

  “You may have dozed off.”

  I look through the windshield and see that we’re at Wendy’s. “Ooh, Wendy’s!”

  “I wasn’t sure where to go.”

  “No, this is perfect.”

  After we go through the drive-thru, Elijah drives around to the other side of the building and parks in the corner. I’m already digging into my fries and slurping down my Hi-C by the time he puts the car in park.

  He reaches over and brings a burger out of the bag, unwraps it, and starts to eat. I smile and he catches me.

  “What?”

  “I’m pretty sure we’re on a date,” I tell him.

  He gives me a stern look. “Nova.”

  “Mm. I like when you growl my name like that.”

  “Stop.”

  I laugh and continue eating before I realize I’m a total shit friend who didn’t tell my friends that there was a change in plans.

  “I gotta text Lorenzo!”

  Once I get my phone I notice a couple missed calls and a handful of unread texts.

  “Shit, I feel awful,” I say aloud, firing off a few apology texts.

  “Do you want me to take you back?” he asks.

  “No, no. Just let me explain to them what’s going on. Well, not the truth of course, but you know.”

  I tell them I started feeling sick and decided to catch a Lyft back to my house. Ayanna threatens to kill me if I ever disappear again, and Lorenzo seems worried and sad that I went home early. I explain that I won’t be such a loser next time we hang out.

  “Okay, we’re good,” I say, sliding the phone under my thigh and going back to my food. “Thanks for bringing me here. I know you probably don’t want to be alone with me.”

  Alcohol always loosens the lips. I say things my sober mind would tell me to keep to myself.

  He sighs, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “You should know by now that the problem is I want to be alone with you too often.”

  Warmth spreads across my cheeks and my stomach clenches. I shove the food into the bag and turn to face him. “I love that you want to be alone with me.”

  His eyes meet mine. “I know you do.”

  “I understand you’re worried about your job.”

  He shakes his head and I’m not sure if he’s trying to say that he’s not worried about his job or if he’s just frustrated with the whole situation.

  “How old are you, Nova?”

  I was wondering when he’d ask. I’m almost afraid to tell him, because it’s just going to give him another excuse not to be with me.

  “Twenty-one.”

  Once again he shakes his head, then throws his food in the bag. “So young.”

  “I’m an adult.”

  “A very young one.”

  “And how old are you? You act like you’re fifty or something.”

  He looks at me and says, “Thirty-five.”

  Elijah watches me, waiting for me to have a visible reaction, but I don’t. I guessed he was in his thirties.

  “That’s fourteen years,” he states.

  “I know I’m shitty at math, but I’m not that shitty.”

  He ignores my barb. “Like I said before, you don’t deserve to be hidden.”

  “Like I said before, I don’t care.”

  “You say that now.”

  I let out a growl. “Ugh. You’re annoying!”

  “I’m annoying?” he asks, like he’s never heard that word before.

  “Yes, you are.”

  “I’m annoying for not wanting you to have to hide your relationship or whatever this would be from your friends and family?”

  “I only have a sister and a few friends. I wouldn’t be hiding it from a lot of people,” I retort.

  He goes quiet, his body still. I glance over and see him looking at me with some sort of pity.

  “What happened to your parents?” he asks.

  “They died.”

  He sucks in a breath. “My parents died too.”

  I don’t want to tell him I know because I did a little online sleuthing, so I just nod and say, “I was thirteen.”

  “I’m sorry, Nova.”

  “Me too. For you.”

  We stay silent for several seconds, our food forgotten. He sighs then turns and looks at me. “I wish things were different.”

  I chew on my lip and look up at him with hooded eyes. “If they were, what would happen?”

  He groans. “Oh, Nova. You have no idea.”

  21

  Her chest rises with a deep breath. “Tell me.”

  Nova’s dress has ridden up high on her thighs, showing off her flawless golden-brown skin, and I think about what’s hiding between those luscious thighs.

  It’s a risky game even talking about what I want to do, but it’s not doing it. That’s what I tell myself.

  “I’d want to take my time with you, unlike last time. I would taste every inch of your body—those thighs, your hips, stomach, breasts, neck.” I eye each spot as I name them, and her breathing becomes ragged. “Then I’d flip you over and work my way back down.”

  Her shiver is visible in the darkened car, and her moan audible over the music playing low over the speakers.

  I watch as she squeezes her thighs together, closing her eyes briefly. When they flicker open, she stares straight at me and says, “Keep going.” It’s a husky whisper. A demand I want to meet.

  “I’d bury my face between your thighs and lap up every drop of your arousal. I’d fuck your tight cunt with my tongue and then gently lick circles around your clit until I brought you to orgasm. And then I’d lick y
ou clean.”

  Her eyes widen in surprise at the vulgar language, but the wanton moan she releases lets me know she loves it. My cock comes to life as her hand drops slowly to her thigh and moves under the hem of her dress.

  Good God.

  Against my better judgement, I keep going. I can’t help myself.

  “I’d thrust into you, fucking you hard and deep.”

  “Oh, God,” she moans, tossing her head back as her hand begins moving between her legs. I can’t see much, but what I can see is driving me crazy. She’s so confident and unafraid. I’ve never been with a woman who was able to touch herself in front of me. And here’s Nova, seeking an orgasm through my words alone.

  Knowing what’ll help her get there, I change it up. “I’d take you to my desk.”

  Another moan as her hand moves faster. “Yes.”

  “I’d bend you over the side—”

  “Oh, fuck,” she groans, cutting me off. “Yes, Elijah.”

  I rub my hand over the front of my pants, wanting nothing more than to free my cock and stroke it to release, but I don’t.

  “You like that idea? You want me to fuck you on my desk?”

  She nods. “Yes, anywhere. Everywhere.”

  “Fuck, Nova,” I groan, shifting in my seat, my erection becoming uncomfortable.

  “God, Elijah. Ahh,” she moans, and it’s the sexiest fucking noise to ever be made. “I’m so wet.”

  She spreads her legs a little wider, her dress coming up higher. Her fingers are shoved underneath a patch of white lace, and I can hear how wet she is with her movements. God, I’m torturing myself, but I love it too much to stop.

  “Think about me being inside of you when you come. Imagine my cock moving in and out of your slick cunt.”

  “Oh shit.” Her fingers rub harder and faster circles over her clit as she squeezes her eyes closed. And then she comes with my name on her lips. “Elijah!”

  My body’s on fire, heat racing up my spine and spreading across my chest and into my stomach. My heart races in my chest as I continue to enjoy the spectacular view before me.

  Nova takes a few seconds to catch her breath, then slowly eases her hand out from beneath her dress. Her eyes find mine, suddenly shy, maybe embarrassed now that the moment is over.

  I reach out and grab her wrist, then lean over the console and take her two fingers into my mouth.

  “Oh, God,” she whimpers at the same time I let out a low groan.

  “Mmm.”

  That night, as I’m crawling under my covers, I tell myself I didn’t do anything too wrong. Maybe sucking her fingers into my mouth was a little over the line, but I didn’t touch, kiss, or lick anything else. And I deserve a fucking medal for it.

  I took her back to her car and we didn’t discuss what happened. She thanked me for the food and the ride, hesitated before leaving, but eventually stepped out and got into her car.

  Of course I didn’t want the night to end like that. If I’d had my way, I would’ve had her in bed even now, doing a multitude of dirty things to her.

  Instead, I came home, jumped in the shower, and masturbated to the image of her playing with herself in my car—a memory that’ll live with me forever.

  Eventually, I’ll have to stop this. I can’t keep seeing her alone. I’m inching closer and closer to the line I can’t come back from.

  I slept with her when she wasn’t a student. If anybody were to find out, at least I’d have that defense. If I do it now, I have nothing. She’s in my class, so I can’t play dumb and pretend I didn’t know.

  A million other thoughts bounce around in my head, along with excuses, loopholes, justification. I try to convince myself it’s not the worst idea. And it’s only when I’m about to drift off to sleep that I think about why I’m so obsessed with finding a way around the rules.

  She was a one-night stand. I’ve had those before. I have a handful of women I could call up right now and be with if I wanted. Why do I want her so bad? Is it because it’s wrong? Or is it because I like her?

  Saturday morning, as I drink my coffee, eat breakfast, watch sports clips from last night, and read some of the paper, I keep thinking about Nova. Flashbacks of last night keep hitting me over and over. I daydream about all the things I want to happen. I can’t shake her and it’s a little worrying.

  Eventually, it’s time for me to meet up with Barbara, and I’m desperate for the distraction, so I get to the park a little early and find a park bench to wait on.

  A few minutes later, Barbara comes speed walking up the concrete path.

  “Got here a little early and did a lap already,” she says. “Gonna sit next to you and catch my breath a bit.”

  I chuckle. “Sounds good.”

  She exhales. “Okay, let’s talk.”

  “You don’t waste any time, do you?” I say with a grin.

  “You can’t waste time in life. It’s too short.”

  She’s right about that. “Not really sure where to start.”

  “Well, the last time we talked, you mentioned not thinking you were meant to have a woman in your life. Why is that?”

  I let out a breath before I start talking. “Do you remember Jenn Pascal? I was with her for a few years.” Barbara nods. “She and I met in college, talked about getting married, though I never actually proposed. Anyway, I thought that was my forever. She knew me and my life story. She knew what happened to my parents and how I was left to take care of my brothers. Fast forward a little bit and she started having issues with the fact that my brothers came first. Merrick was still young, and I needed to be here with him. She wanted to take day trips and plan vacations and even talked about moving away from Gaspar after we were done with school. It caused tension between us, but I thought she understood my responsibility.

  “After a couple years, she basically lived with me. She wanted to move things forward in our relationship, but hated that I came with three others. I think staying in my house with all of us made her realize she couldn’t do it. I understand that it’s hard for someone to take that on. We were both in our twenties and I had three boys I needed to finish raising, and she wasn’t trying to be a stepmom figure.”

  I stop for a little while, because I’ve never gone over this with anybody before, and it’s bringing back all these feelings that I had buried several years back. I never wanted my brothers to know the reason she left. I didn’t want them to feel at fault or guilty in any way, because that was on her. Not them.

  “When she left, she didn’t say a word. I came home, and her dog, Sugarfoot, ran up to me. I thought she was upstairs, but after searching the house, I came to realize she had left. I found a letter on the kitchen counter.”

  “What did it say?”

  “She told me she had loved me, but she also said that I’d never be able to find someone to stick around if I wasn’t prepared to put more effort into the relationship. She wanted me to put her first. She wanted the freedom I couldn’t provide. She just wanted more than I could offer at that time. Taking care of my brothers was my life. I busted my ass for them. I was going to school, I was working, I was cooking and cleaning, doing homework, disciplining, teaching them to drive, cook, wash clothes, and how to be good men. Even after Cillian and Royce moved out, I had my hands full with Merrick. I was busy. I don’t blame her for leaving.

  “So, I guess I just figured I’d always be busy. Family would always come first, and I’d never be able to put in the effort a woman deserved. So, I stopped trying. I had casual hookups, short-term situations that women were always aware of ahead of time. I didn’t lead anyone on. I thought I was doing everybody a favor.”

  Barbara’s silent for a few seconds, taking it all in, then she says, “You grew up fast. You had to. I get that you were an adult already, but a young one, and yet you were immediately thrust into a parent role. No warning, no help. Sometimes that can create a hero complex. You have to be able to solve everything and come up with solutions to any and every problem. Yo
u thrive on being in control. Sometimes people like that struggle with trusting others, and they’re very self-reliant.”

  I stare off, listening to her descriptions and realizing she’s pretty spot on.

  “What you did for your brothers is award worthy. You were a better parent to them than a lot of other kids have. Look at them, Elijah. Royce owns his own bar. He’s happy and successful. Cillian is a gifted artist who owns his own tattoo shop. He’s also happy and successful. And do we even have to mention Merrick? Our very own locally grown rock star? They’re amazing adults. You did your job.

  “I appreciate your love and dedication. I’m so happy you all get together for family dinners once a week. But you can move on and have your own life now. They don’t live with you or rely on you any longer. You still work and you’re still busy, I get that, but you have time to focus on yourself and happiness. And you should.”

  She stops talking, letting the words sink in. After a minute, she asks. “What ever happened to Jenn?”

  “She moved away. She found someone else—another college student. I think their relationship started while she was still with me. But they moved away together and started a life.”

  “But she left the dog?”

  “Whatever her reason was, I’m glad she did.”

  “Hmm.”

  After another long pause, I say, “Barbara, I think I found someone I want to spend time with. She’s on my mind a lot.”

  She shifts her position so she can get a good look at me, and I meet her excited gaze. “That’s wonderful!”

  I shake my head. “Not really.”

  Her shoulders droop. “Why?”

  I take a deep breath and finally tell someone the truth. “She’s a student.”

  22

  “What are you doing?” Gia asks as soon as I pick up the phone. “You didn’t call me back last night and I know you saw my texts.”

  “I’m sorry.” My voice is scratchy with sleep.

  “Did you just wake up? It’s like twelve-thirty.”

  “I had a late night last night,” I tell her, rolling over to my side.

  “Well, shit, you had me over here worried.”