Scratch the Matchmaker

by Austin Daniels

  "Hey, this is me, Jay. You tell me everything."

  "And I'll tell you this too. Just be patient. I'll talk to you later. I gotta go."

  "Okay, I'll talk to you…soon and I want details." Then I said goodnight. For some reason, Logan didn't want to tell me about this guy. I wasn't about to push him. I knew by now never to push Logan. He'd certainly tell me everything in his own time. The next day would come soon enough. Hanging up, the phone rang again while I still held it. This time it was Richard.

  "Hello?"

  "Hi, Jay, it's Richard. Can I come over for a little bit? I want to talk to you awhile."

  "Yeah sure, it's early still. Come on over."

  "Be there in five."

  "Okay," I said. When I hung up the phone my curiosity was getting the best of me. He sounded like he wanted to talk. There was something in his voice that told me this was really about talking. After putting him off the way I did I wondered if he was going to try to let me down easy. The place was picked up, but my refrigerator was empty except for half a can of dog food covered in foil with a spoon sticking out of it. Hopefully he wouldn't be hungry.

  Right on time, there was a knock at the door. I jumped to swing it open and saw Richard standing there in all his glory with an expression on his face I wasn't sure I was going to like. In his hands he held a paper bag. He was wearing a V neck t-shirt, and for the first time I could see a little bit of his chest. "You're hairy," I said. "I love that."

  "Well that's a good thing because there's more where that came from, but for now, there's something important I want to talk to you about."

  "Sounds ominous." I tried to say it with a smile on my face, but the smile didn't feel genuine. I had to let it go.

  "It could be," was all he said.

  I was getting ready to hear the 'this relationship isn't going to work' speech wondering how I might react. Should I be honest and show him how unhappy I am or should I play it cool and break down after he leaves?

  Richard leaned against the door jamb remaining silent a moment. I wondered if he even planned on coming in. He looked a little nervous then taking a deep breath he said, "We already talked about submission, but I need to expand on that." Pausing a moment and looking a bit uncomfortable he said, "It's like this: I'm a Dom. Do you know what it means to be a Dom?"

  "Yes, I think so. Doesn't that kind of mean you like to run the show?"

  "Not exactly. It means that I enjoy taking my partner to a level of submission that gives them incredible pleasure. That gives me pleasure. I recognize a quality in you. It's a special something that only a few people possess. It requires self-confidence and personal strength, and it's something I would like to explore with you when that time comes.

  "A special quality? What are you trying to say?" Listening to him beat around the bush was beginning to bother me. Was I just not getting what he was trying to tell me? Whatever this was, it must be a big deal to him, but he was acting like he was reluctant to bring it up. At the same time, he had a strong look about him that didn't seem to mix.

  The idea of being dominated by him didn't bother me. It actually excited me a little bit. This was so far from the conversation I had expected that I began to smile again.

  Maybe something in my expression put Richard at ease because his next words were much more explicit. "In my last relationship, we made some rules. One of them had to do with who would call the shots when we were intimate. Literally orders were given and followed. It's pleasurable for some people, and I think you're one of those people who would enjoy being submissive. At the same time, you have to be strong enough to realize you always have the ability to reject anything if it's not something you enjoy." He paused, eyeing me again—it almost seemed like he was nervous—before he said, "So what do you think?"

  I took a moment to answer, rolling his words over in my mind before committing to anything. "So you would call the shots. You would give me orders, and I would follow them, but the rest of the time, everything would be normal?"

  "Most of the time. There will be times when I might be a little more dominant than you expect simply because it's become a little part of my nature or as a gentle reminder of what is coming later, but I promise you, it will never be anything that will make you unhappy. I won't try to control your goals or your possessions because that is not what this is about."

  I found myself nodding. That seemed reasonable. "So have you always been a Dom?"

  "Yes and no. I've been both, and I've experienced the emotions from both. When I was dominant in the past, I didn't choose to follow any of the games that people come to expect in role play. You see, I'm a total romantic at heart. I don't want to live by just anyone's rules. I want to do our thing with our own rules, which means a lot of experimenting to find out what those are."

  "Sounds kind of hot. I'll give it a try. If I don't like it, I'll let you know. Deal?"

  "That's what I wanted." There was only a moment in between words, but his voice seemed to change completely. "Now take your shirt off."

  Realizing he was taking this new attitude for a test drive, I felt a jolt of desire mixed with fear. It was a good feeling. Knowing I would do whatever he asked, I reached for the bottom of my shirt and began untucking it. But then I remembered: "I thought we were…?"

  "Nothing has changed. I got you something that I want you to wear tonight. Afterwards I want you to fold it and save it."

  I was puzzled, but I reached down and pulled off my shirt, still standing there in the doorway. Richard was silent for a few seconds watching me. The fact I had rendered him speechless caused a thrill to go through me. "Richard? You said you brought something?"

  "Oh, yeah." Richard stepped inside and reaching inside the bag, he pulled out a folded t-shirt. He was taking a long time to say anything else. I realized he was studying my chest. My chest was practically hairless. I hoped he wasn't disappointed. Compared to his, my chest was bald, but I was in good shape—although by no means overly muscular. I couldn't believe I was having this strong of an effect on him. He had that same expression that Robin had in the restaurant when all the muscles of his face just fell. He handed me a black t-shirt with white letters stenciled across the front. The letters spelled out "NO GAMES & NO LIES" in three lines.

  He reached down, pulling off his own t-shirt. I was overwhelmed. I'd never seen his full chest before. Richard was built. I wasn't blind so I'd imagined him this way, but now I could see it for myself. He had well developed pecs and broad, muscled shoulders. His chest was covered in dark hair. It was like a carpet that tapered down in a V to a single line disappearing into his pants. He had a body I'd be thinking about all night.

  In seconds, he covered it all up with the second shirt that he pulled out of the bag. We were standing in the doorway wearing matching shirts. He said, "I want to talk. This is going to be a little weird because I want to talk very honestly."

  "What do you mean? What's weird about that?"

  "You're the first guy I've ever met who didn't want to screw up something good by getting involved without getting to know each other first. That's what I meant." I could hear the sincerity in his voice. He wasn't trying to touch me and he wasn't trying to get closer, but there was something in his voice and his words that was seductive. I couldn't really put my finger on it. After what he'd just said, I didn't dare move.

  "In my past relationships, by the time we started to discover who the other one really was, we were already emotionally and intimately entangled and people got hurt. This time, I want no games and no lies. I had these shirts made in a t-shirt store downtown. I realized it's hard to be truthful because before you can reveal to someone else who you are, you have to know that yourself. We're both young and we're still learning that about ourselves."

  This was starting to sound really good. My first thought was of David. If he'd told me he was a lying, cheating bastard the first time I met him, I would have never gone to the next level.

  "Stop thinking about 'like' and 'love
' and all the stuff you've been taught to think of as feelings," he said. "I want to talk about the psychological feelings you have no control over, like passion and other feelings related to passion you probably haven't given names."

  Something told me this whole new Richard was a good thing. I closed the front door and headed us toward the living room, where I assumed we'd be sitting. I said, "Okay, I'll start. I have very strong emotions regarding you, and I don't know why. I am aware that I barely know you, but I want to be around you all the time. I'm not 'cool.' I'm not the kind of guy that will wait two days to call you so I won't look needy or anxious. I am anxious, even though we've agreed for good reason to wait; I want to touch you with every fiber of my being. I won't do that because something tells me if I do, I'll mess this up. I realize that having strong feelings for someone you don't know doesn't make sense."

  Richard nodded his head appearing to agree with what I'd said. "Good start. That's the kind of truth I'm trying to get to. That's what I want. Let's throw away all the standard rules of romance we learned from our friends and parents and make our own. Some of the questions I ask you might seem very personal. It might be like opening up a wound, but I'm hoping that when we're done, we'll know each other a little bit better. I think it'll help to free us to be the best we can be. I want to ask you something very personal. It's something I've been thinking about a lot because in the past, I've found myself controlled by feelings I didn't exactly understand."

  Sitting up straighter and taking a deep breath he stared into my eyes and asked his question. "When you first realized you were gay, why did you think that?"

  Staring into Richard's eyes took a lot of my concentration. I wasn't really sure I'd heard him correctly. If I had it was certainly something I thought all gay men had in common. "Well, I was drawn to guys. I thought they were beautiful. I was only too aware that I didn't have similar feelings for girls. When I experimented with guys who were curious like I was, we didn't get very adventurous. Eventually, one guy wanted me to do more. He leaned over and took me in his mouth. While it felt great, it was short lived. He stopped really soon, before I could get into it. I wasn't sure, but I think he did it just to prove to me that it was okay because right after he sat back up, he started trying to persuade me to do it for him. His persuasion excited me."

  "You mean emotionally?"

  "Yeah right! Exactly." Jumping up, I started to pace a bit, trying to find the words to put my feelings into some kind of understandable language. "Just knowing that it was something he really wanted me to do started to make my feelings stronger. I just wanted to do it for him. I didn't just want it—I really really wanted it. It was something about his desire." The look on Richard's face told me he thought I understood where he was going with his questions.

  "I remember that as I leaned down, looking at him close up, he was holding it in his hand. It was throbbing, and he aimed it at me, placing his other hand over the back of my head, pushing lightly. That push, the feel of his hand on my head, is something I know I'll never forget. The feeling wasn't about what it felt like to see it coming closer, or what it was going to feel like in my mouth. The feeling was all about him trying to make me do it.

  "At that moment, I knew I was going to give him anything he wanted. I never wanted him to let go. I know it was a special feeling because I relived it a hundred times after that in my fantasies. From that day forward, I thought about him differently. It was apparent to me he didn't see me much differently than before. I thought I was thinking about what we had done, but as I look back, I realize I was having a reaction to his trying to make me pleasure him."

  A smile began to fill Richard's face. I'd said something he liked. Sitting back down, I finished my story, adding, "I knew that day I'd always want to fulfill someone else's desire in order to fulfill my own. I just never gave it much thought until now. It had little to do with my own orgasms. Do you think that's weird?"

  Richard and I hadn't talked about coming out. I looked at the words blazoned across his chest, wondering what he would tell me.

  "That was perfect," he said. "You went straight to the bullseye. This is exactly what I wanted. It's kind of like introducing our souls to intimacy as we choose to define it. The feelings you're describing are the kind of feelings a good submissive understands.

  Richard rose and prepared to tell me his story. I sat on the warm spot he'd left on the couch, anxiously awaiting what he might reveal. "When I came out, I met a young man who showed me the ropes, so to speak. I guess I was kind of lucky, because that guy was very submissive. Like you, his main pleasure seemed to be fulfilling mine. His behavior toward me would change dramatically whenever we were alone and I would approach him. His submission and desire made me feel strong and desirable. He made me feel like I was all powerful, and he reacted to every little thing I would do for him in a way that was excessive, if anything.

  "He was the guy that originally got me to thinking that how we thought about what we did meant more than the mechanics of what we did. He had me thinking in terms of emotions and what worked and what didn't. We talked about it after we got to know each other better. He told me what he wanted from me, and it sounded like I'd hit the jackpot. All he wanted was for me to pleasure myself with him. He already knew he'd do anything I asked. Later I decided to try the other side of this whole thing. I met a Dom. I'll tell you that story later.

  The conversation was having a huge effect on me. Richard was getting better looking with each breath I took. Our commitment was getting harder and harder to keep. As he paced the room it was all I could do to keep from examining his body, wondering what it might feel like to have his hands on my head, knowing he would before too very long.

  Richard continued, finally sitting down next to me, "He behaved that way because it accentuated a feeling he had, which sounds a lot like the feeling you just told me about. It made me feel special to be able to do that for him. Anytime I wanted him, he'd just melt into an emotional pool of desire. If I didn't put my hands on his head to direct him, he'd stop and put them there. Funny, he needed no direction. He knew what to do, but he wanted to feel my encouragement. He needed to know I wanted him. That experience left me with an understanding that in order for me to enjoy my own feelings, I had to fulfill his."

  It sounded a lot like Richard's sub was too good to be true, but one thing bothered me. There was something about this story that didn't add up. Standing up, I turned to Richard and asked him, "Okay, if he was so good, where is he today?"

  Rising from the couch, Richard reached up and took me by the shoulders, looking into my eyes. "Well, it turned out that he melted into a pool of desire anytime anyone wanted him. He just couldn't say no. When I found out he was melting for a lot of guys, I made the choice not to be one of them. Like you, when I thought about the feelings he'd generated within me, I didn't think about the orgasm. Getting off is a part, sure, but what I thought about most was the feeling his submission gave me.

  "When I would meet someone else, I'd be thinking about the feeling, and I'd be acting the way I thought I was supposed to act. Being the way I thought other people expected just didn't take me there. If I tried to express dominance with other guys sometimes I'd just piss them off. The very thing that boy wanted from me, other people were turned off by. If they liked it, they wanted to turn it into roll play, and then we had a game separating and defining us. The game had its own rules and parameters, and I didn't want a game." Pointing to his chest he said, "I want it to be real. Thus the rule: NO GAMES.

  "I can see how for us, waiting to experience one another, while difficult, can help us assure that our first time is very special for both of us. Knowing who we are and who we strive to be in our intimacy ahead of time should help us and allow us to be the best we can be."

  Pulling Richard close, I laid my head on his shoulder. "So you will, with my help, discover what causes my special feeling?"

  "Is that what you want?"

  "I think so. It sounds great, bu
t I've never been with someone who was even thinking like that, much less willing to walk me down that road. I don't know what would happen to me if I ever just let go and allowed it to take over."

  Pushing me back, Richard looked me in the eye. "I do. That's why you need someone who completely understands where we are going, who you totally trust, guiding you. It means trusting me to be in control of your deepest desires and knowing I'd never do anything to hurt your body or insult your feelings in any way. I will never treat you like you are somehow lower than me. My goal is for you to have an overwhelming desire to give yourself over to me. If you can do that, and I know your desire is real, I'll be bathed in my own special feelings.

  Kissing me lightly on the lips, he added, "Knowing I've had that effect on you is how I go to my special place."

  "I think I can do that," I said. I was starting to tent my shorts. I sat back for a moment to check. It won't matter now, I thought. He did it to me after all. He should be proud.

  Richard smiled. "I see this is meeting with his approval." Looking down into my lap, he said, "Sorry, fella. Today is not the day. Soon… don't you worry." Then looking me directly in the eyes, he said, "Don't go looking up sub-dom relationships or flipping through any romance novels. Everything that happens between you and me is going to be by our rules, yours and mine. You might as well know now it's my intention, if this all works out the way I think it will, to keep you."

  Hearing him say 'keep' had an effect on me all by itself. "'Keep' sounds so… possessive."

  "I believe more than I ever have that you, Jay Davis, might just be the one person in this world who can fulfill me. We each have a lot to learn about the other, but my intuition tells me this is right. No games. I don't go around telling guys things like this and talking about passion the way we have today. I thought you and I needed to start this conversation sooner rather than later. I had to know you were the guy I suspected you were. I needed you to know what being with me is likely to be like. Something just tells me this is the way you and I will be from now on. This open door of honesty between us must never close. You, Jay Davis, are special, and you're right, 'keep' is possessive."