Chapter Twenty-Five
Lauren
The man that stood in the threshold of my office had arrived with a purpose. That much was evident, for as soon as I looked up from the massive amount of paperwork that littered my desk, he stepped inside, taking it upon himself to latch the door behind him.
His actions immediately put me on edge. My fingers reached for the handset of my telephone, ready to call either George or the authorities, depending on how things played out. Being stalked by a coworker had left its mark upon me, making me a little more suspicious of people. And though this guy was dressed to the nines, it still didn’t mean he didn’t have unsavory motives.
“May I help you?” I asked. Thankfully, my voice didn’t hint at the adrenaline coursing through my veins.
In the split second that it took for him to answer, I scanned my desk calendar for a clue. Had I forgotten to write down a meeting with a vendor? Was this guy just an overzealous salesman? Convincing myself that that had to be the case, I forced my hand away from the phone, hoping he didn’t notice.
“I apologize, Lauren. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
His voice was powerful, yet strangely poetic, like he was some sort of a professional speaker. My first name rolled off his tongue like he’d known me for years, even though I’d never seen him before. He had to be in sales, a master of the trade. But as much as he’d done to put my mind at ease that he wasn’t about to kidnap me or something, he was still downright rude.
“What can I do for you?” I tried again, folding the manila file on my desk and rising from my chair.
Even with my tall shoes on, the man towered over me. He had an imposing presence, that was for sure. Though he was likely old enough to be my father, he was notably attractive. With the way he carried himself, he knew it, too. But his attention wasn’t on me, so he didn’t notice me staring. Instead, he looked around my office space as if it were on display in an interior design showroom, and he was ready to write a sizable check to purchase all of its contents.
Done eye-fucking my decorations, he returned to the here and now, jerking slightly to attention as if he just remembered I was there. Like I was the person that didn’t belong, not him.
He extended his hand. Instinctively, I did the same. He grabbed mine, shaking it with a firm grip. I pretended that he hadn’t just crushed my fingers and bit the inside of my cheek in order to stop from crying out in pain and embarrassing myself. Clearly, this was not a person that you wanted to look weak in front of.
“Alan Snyder,” he announced.
“Excuse me?” I squeaked, forgetting my own advice. So much for that.
He actually grinned.
“Your reaction tells me that you heard exactly what I said. Please, have a seat.”
He gestured to my chair, like he was the host and I was the guest. And like the obedient person I was, I sank down into a seated position as he did the same across from me.
“What are you doing here?”
Another smile. I wasn’t sure if he was attempting to be friendly or condescending. I was certain that my hands were shaking, and I sat on them to stop it. I wasn’t nearly as successful calming down my heart, which was pounding so frantically it almost hurt. I swallowed tentatively, hoping he wouldn’t pick up on my unease.
Of course, being the lawyer extraordinaire that he was, he observed all of my nonverbal cues. I wouldn’t have been surprised if could have also accurately quoted my pulse rate. The room was so quiet, my heartbeat echoing in my ears so loudly, that if he’d heard it, it wouldn’t come as a surprise.
“You’re nervous,” he stated.
“No.”
“You’re lying.”
I bit my lip.
“You have nothing to worry about, Lauren. I didn’t come here to start a fight.”
“Then why?”
I arched an eyebrow, hoping to regain some of my confidence before I passed out. I reminded myself to breathe as he considered his response. I knew it wouldn’t be anything less than flawless, expertly succinct.
“I know that my wife has been visiting with you,” he began.
I remained motionless, unblinking. Did he wish for me to confirm this so that he could pound a nail into Patricia’s coffin accordingly?
“At first, she did it behind my back, because she was afraid that it would upset me. But as the months stretched on, it became harder and harder for her to hide. And she came clean to me, because something was bothering her.”
I could sense where this conversation was heading, but wanted him to say it himself.
“I imagine it’s one of the same things that is bothering you and your husband,” he led.
I’d had enough. “Look, I don’t have time to solve riddles. And I’m not going to be a gatekeeper for your own damn children. I did it once already. Never again.”
“Namely because she’s no longer talking to you either?”
I met his accusation with silence, mainly because there was no good comeback for that. We both knew it was true. If Patricia had confided in him regarding her reconciliation with Matthew, then surely she’d told her husband about Blake’s estrangement from her brother.
“Her presence is all around,” Alan stated, waving his arm like a game show host around my office. “At one point, I imagine she embraced you like one of her chosen family, correct? It’s the reason why she decorated this space for you. The reason why a picture of her remains on your desk even after she’s cut you out of her life.”
My eyes wandered down to the evidence he spoke of. Sure enough, the Thanksgiving snapshot from years ago still graced my desktop. Patricia had obviously been very detailed in her descriptions of her interactions with me if he knew about that.
And something in his practiced demeanor caused me to break. I supposed it was the reason he was so talented in the courtroom. If he stared you down long enough, he urged you to confess.
“I never thought that she’d react that way,” I admitted, pushing away my file folder and conceding defeat on getting any work done for the rest of the afternoon. “Did I expect her to be upset? Yes. But I also expected that from Matthew, and he was not as angry with me as I thought he would be.”
Alan almost looked smug as he crossed one well-dressed leg over the other, an expertly shined black dress shoe peeking out from his trousers. He’d gotten what he’d come for, and that was my warning to be careful. I’d vowed before not to reveal anything that wasn’t my story to tell, and divulging secrets that weren’t mine to Alan was even more harmful than it would have been to Patricia. This man had power and clearly wasn’t afraid to use it to his advantage.
“Let me let you in on a little secret.” He leaned over, as if he was afraid someone else would overhear. My body language mimicked his, much to my dismay. I was involuntarily under his spell. “Matthew and Patricia are more alike than you think. Loving, nurturing, eager to forgive and forget.”
He paused, letting me digest his words. That wasn’t exactly the story I’d been told of the Snyder childhood, but who was I to argue with his version of the truth? From what I’d heard, Patricia had been the epitome of the absent mother when Blake and Matthew were growing up. But she was now atoning for those sins, and as far as being a decent grandmother, I couldn’t complain. Matthew still kept her at arm’s length, but if things continued on the same path, I could see the two of them eventually having a relatively normal mother/son relationship.
“Blake and I?” he continued, “We’re cut from the same cloth, though we wear it a bit differently.”
I coughed, clearly not swallowing down his interpretation of things. I reached for my coffee cup and took a sip, the look of amusement evident on my face.
“You don’t agree? Think about it. She may carry herself as sweet and innocent, but she’s cold and calculating underneath. Two characteristics that I’m sure my children have attributed to me.”
“I’m not going to get into this with you.”
“And there
you are, the peacemaker. But it didn’t go how you planned this time. Did it, Lauren?”
I lowered my gaze away from him, a nonverbal admission of guilt.
“Don’t feel bad. If nothing else, Patricia now has Sadie in her life. And every little girl needs a grandmother, especially her, who would otherwise have none.”
My head jerked back up. Was this something else that Patricia had shared with him, or had my father-in-law done some digging on his own time?
He ignored my unspoken question and pushed forward.
“And Matthew will warm up in time. But it’s Blake that’s her concern now. And by default, mine. Personally, I don’t think that’s about to happen any time soon.”
“Nor do I,” I sighed.
“My initial problem was never with Blake, as I’m sure you understand.”
I nodded my comprehension. Of course it wasn’t. Had Matthew not been arrested, who knew how their respective childhoods would have played out? Matthew would have accepted one of many college scholarships to play football. Blake may or may not have broken up with Chris, and may not have ever had an unplanned pregnancy to begin with. The two of them would have carried on life as spoiled rich kids, likely never crossing paths with me.
“But Blake didn’t realize that I was giving Matthew tough love in my own misguided way. I was tired of his behavior, his recklessness and his lack of responsibility. I couldn’t contribute to that. And I would have been had I continued to let him live under my roof, handing him money to support his illegal activities. Or if I would have called up a favor to one of my colleagues and gotten him out of paying his debt to society for his crimes. I would have been condoning his actions, and I never agreed with them. I couldn’t stand for that, couldn’t lift my own son above the laws that I’d promised myself to uphold. What kind of a lawyer would that have made me? Let alone what kind of a father?”
“You could have explained this to them,” I countered.
“I was pissed off. I let my emotions get in the way. Matthew and I were never friends, never the kind of father and son that camped together, or took hunting trips, or even threw a baseball back and forth out in the backyard. But he was talented in ways that I wasn’t, and for that I was proud. And after the first arrest, he lost the trappings of his athletic ability as well as his car. I thought that would have been enough punishment. Enough of a wake up call for him to get his head on straight. But it wasn’t. I never asked him to leave; that was his choice. His decision, so that he could continue his downward spiral into addiction. Of drugs, alcohol and women.”
I closed my eyes, not particularly wanting to be reminded of the cold, hard facts. But now that I had heard them straight from Matthew’s lips, his father’s description of things was shockingly accurate. There were always two sides to every story, weren’t there?
“I don’t mean to upset you. But I’m certain this doesn’t come as a surprise to you.”
“No,” I breathed, shaking my head, “it doesn’t.”
“So when the call came about the second arrest, I was beyond done with trying to get him to see sense. I was fed up and tired of him making the same mistakes over and over, and compounding his problems. He was past the point of me helping him, and I knew I needed to cut ties.”
“Because you were embarrassed of him?”
“Because nothing that I did seemed to get through to him. I wasn’t going to enable him. And honestly, the thought of seeing him, knowing that he’d not learned anything from the past, made me physically ill. So I said some things that I’m not proud of, at least many years removed from them. I thought that eventually cooler heads would prevail and that he would thank me for letting him conquer his own demons instead of conveniently brushing them under the rug for him.
“But Blake took offense at this and we all know what happened next.”
“Yes, we do. Which leads us to the here and now.”
“Blake always took what I said to Matthew as a personal offense. She was never his keeper, but she assigned herself that role just the same. Even though Matthew himself will admit that he never wanted her to take the drastic move she did, she acted first and thought later. Or maybe never thought at all.”
“She thinks about it more than any of us know,” I mused.
“Are you so sure? Her reaction was just as impulsive, just as far-reaching as her brother’s. But in that very moment, I learned that she was very much her father’s daughter. I can’t say that it didn’t instill a bit of pride in me.”
“Can I just say that that’s messed up?”
“You’re entitled to your own opinion,” he allowed. “But what I saw was her standing up for what she believed in, damning the consequences. Consider how difficult it would be for you - in her shoes - as an eighteen year old to give up a Mercedes and a luxury home with all expenses paid, to live in your brother’s unremodeled foreclosure, drive his rusted out car, and saddle yourself with student loans to make ends meet. But she stayed true to her own convictions, and is continuing to do so.”
“I suppose so.”
“And not unlike Matthew, she persevered despite all those hardships.”
“So this is a wonderful, touching story of how disowning your children makes them better people in the end? So it was all worth it? Even if you never get to speak with your daughter again; if you’ve taken that right away from her brother as well?”
Alan looked at me, unwavering in his stance. If what I was accusing him of affected him, he wasn’t going to let me know via his reaction. Instead, he calmly replied. “I never said that my tactics were the best. But they worked.”
“And now that they have, it’s time to make amends? Now that your children have proven themselves not to be deadbeats? Now that you don’t have the fear of them calling you up and asking for a handout? Or is it just because of Sadie? Because your wife has a decent bone in her body and wanted to be a part of her life? You should have been there all along, Alan, and you know it.”
“Obviously Matthew married a firecracker. A true mother bear, happy to step in and take care of her family. But why the hostility towards me, and the open hand extended to Patricia?”
“I wish I knew. And I wish I would have reacted differently during her initial visit. But my feelings got in the way, and negated the things my brain was telling me. For a split second, I believed that I could put into place the happy ever after that both Matthew and Blake deserved. But in the end, I probably made things worse.”
“In the end, it wasn’t your decision to make.”
“Had I known what it would have done, I never would have helped out. Matthew had made peace with you disowning him. He could have lived the rest of his life without ever speaking to you or his mother again and things would have been fine. Instead, I’ve taken away the one person who’s always been there for him.”
“Not true. Chris has never faltered in his support.”
“That’s different. And even that is putting a strain on things, considering.”
I trailed off, dangerously close to delving into subjects I didn’t wish to broach.
“Considering Chris is married to Blake and that she’s expecting his child?”
My mouth dropped open. I had been extra careful not to mention Blake around Patricia, and I seriously doubted that Matthew had said anything either. His stance on things mirrored mine, and we weren’t comfortable offering up information that was classified. So Alan hadn’t heard the blessed news from his wife. But from whom?
“Don’t look at me that way. I’ve done nothing wrong. All of that is public knowledge.”
“Not exactly.”
“Oh please. That’s precisely my point. Blake doesn’t do anything without thinking it through. Every single vindictive choice she’s made to rub things in my face has been on purpose. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. Number one, she set up shop mere blocks away from my law office, hanging our family name outside the storefront. Number two, the birth announcement for Sadie, naming your decea
sed mother, but not her very alive paternal grandparents. Three, even if marriage licenses weren’t posted in the newspaper, she changed the name of her business. And four, my associates know what she looks like. She doesn’t exactly hide, and it’s very apparent now that she’s with child. Not that you’d know yourself.”
“Chris told me, but we haven’t seen her for ourselves in months,” I admitted.
“Now tell me she hasn’t done all of that on purpose. Tell me that she didn’t do those things at least partly to laugh in my face.”
I couldn’t and he knew it.
“So what now?” I asked. “I don’t get why you’re here. It’s never been a secret that your wife wants to reconcile with both of her children, but I can no longer help with that even if I wanted to. If Matthew couldn’t get through to Blake, and Chris won’t force her to do it, no one can.”
“I think she’s lost to us forever,” Alan said simply. “Unless something major happens, I think she’s gone.”
It was my long held fear, voiced out in the open. Matthew and I had never spoken of it, even if we did think it ourselves. And our brainstorming sessions with Chris and Gracie did no good either. Blake had written us out of her life, seemingly without remorse.
“That’s what I’m afraid of, too,” I said quietly. “What I don’t understand is that she’s been mad at me before.”
Alan cocked his head, inviting me to expand on my thought.
“When I first moved in with her, I was in a serious relationship with another man. Things weren’t wonderful with him by that point, and it was difficult to deny the growing attraction that Matthew and I had to one another. I wasn’t in a good place. And I chose to run away from my problems, taking off in the middle of the night without letting either her or Matthew know. Long story short, I broke up with the other guy and bought my own home here. After a series of strange events happened, Matthew learned that I hadn’t accepted Eric’s proposal of marriage, and I’d never left Fort Wayne. He sought me out and we haven’t been apart since. I’m sure Blake was upset with me for many reasons, but she welcomed me back with open arms, like nothing had happened.”
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