“After you,” he said, stopping in the hall and motioning to a room.
I passed him in the doorway, my skin tingling at his proximity. His gaze remained fixed on me. Once in the room, I looked around, impressed. His office was nice. A leather couch was in the corner, along with a coffee table and a tall lamp. A large desk sat in front of the bay windows, and bookcases lined the walls.
“Have a seat,” Emery said, grabbing the armchair beside the couch and pulling it over to sit in front of his desk.
I did as he said and couldn’t help but smile as he walked over to the chair behind the desk and sat down, his expression too serious. Like this was a real business meeting. Role-playing took some of the pressure off, though. It helped avoid the subjects we might not be ready to discuss yet.
“First things first,” Emery said, resting his hand beside his mouth and studying me closely. “Show me Larry. I need to see if he’s okay before we continue.”
It amazed me how he kept a straight face while saying that.
“Of course.” I reached inside my jacket and grabbed the bottle of lube before bringing it out and placing it on the desk. The duct tape and eyes were still on it.
Emery looked at the bottle, a smile spreading across his face. And then he started laughing. I laughed too. It was the first time we’d been alone together where it wasn’t awkward or tense. My stupid game had been an icebreaker.
“See?” I said, petting the top of the bottle. “He’s okay.”
Emery shifted in his chair, bringing it closer to the desk, and grabbed the bottle. He turned it in his hands. “This was unopened when I left it.” Blue eyes lifted to me. “Did Larry have some fun before he was captured?”
“Just a little,” I answered, sticking my tongue between my teeth as I grinned. Remembering the jerk-off session that morning made my face heat. “Things got a little sticky.”
Emery pushed back from the chair and calmly rose to his feet, walking around the desk to stand in front of me. My smile fell as I met his angry gaze. Crazy how the mood in the room could shift so suddenly, going from light to heavy.
“What, did you invite some other guy to the room after I left that night?” Emery asked through clenched teeth. He squeezed the bottle tighter before tossing it on the desk.
What the hell?
“Huh?” I stood up. “Where did you get that idea from?”
Emery crossed his arms, and his nostrils flared.
“Wait.” The pieces slid together in my head. He’d seen the missing lube and assumed I’d fucked someone. “You’re jealous.”
“Jealous?” Emery shook his head. “That’s ridiculous. Why would I be jealous?”
I stepped toward him, noticing the quick swallow in his throat and how his eyes followed me. “You tell me. You’re the one who got mad at the thought of me inviting another guy over.”
“And did you?” he asked, his voice steady despite the fire in his eyes.
“Nah,” I said, leaning closer to him. God, he smelled so good. He’d used just a touch of cologne, not overdoing it. “It was three guys, and we totally had an orgy in the hotel room.”
Emery’s eyes darkened and he grabbed my shoulders, pushing me against the desk. We stared at each other, inches apart. And then his mouth was on mine.
I moaned against his lips and pulled at his shirt. He kicked my legs apart and stood between them, running his hands up my sides before sliding my jacket off my shoulders. I kissed him harder, deeper, desperate for his touch.
“Cason,” he panted, tearing from my lips. “This is a mistake.”
“Then why did you kiss me?” I hooked a leg behind him to keep him from going anywhere and smoothed my hands along his chest.
Emery ghosted his mouth over mine, caressing my upper thighs. “Because you’re fucking irresistible. I’m tired of fighting it.”
“So stop fighting,” I said, touching his bottom lip. “And put your hands on me.”
He took hold of my nape and crushed our mouths together. His hands moved to my pants and unbuttoned them, and mine did the same to his.
Was I really about to lose my virginity on a desk? I smiled against Emery’s lips as I thought of all the porn I’d watched that had started off like this.
“Why are you smiling?” he asked, his voice husky.
“I don’t know.” I smiled wider. “Just happy.”
And I was. Even though I didn’t know Emery well, I felt safe in his arms. The tension I carried with me everywhere I went seemed easier to hold when around him.
Emery kissed my jaw before dipping his head to my neck and sucking the base of my throat. I whimpered and clawed his shirt, getting a handful. He tugged down my jeans, exposing my boxers, and then he was on his knees in front of me.
“What are you doing?” I asked, having a damn good idea what he was doing but not able to believe it.
He peered up at me as he moved his hands up my thighs and slipped his fingers below the waistband. My breath caught in my throat when he pulled down my boxers and my erection sprung forward. His mouth was so close, the heat of his breath causing goose bumps to spread down my legs.
When Lindsey had been about to suck me off, I’d felt so wrong. But with Emery, I wanted—needed—his mouth on me.
Emery gripped my base and slid the head of my cock between his lips. I shuddered at the explosion of warmth and knotted my fingers in his soft black hair. Watching myself sink into his mouth was so hot, and that heat turned to a blazing wildfire when his eyes lifted and locked onto mine.
“Ah, shit,” I whimpered, going weak in the knees. I would’ve fallen over if not for the desk behind me, which I slapped a hand on top of.
Emery stroked my shaft and pulled me deeper into his mouth, touching the back of his throat. He withdrew in a slow, sexy glide before flicking his tongue against my tip. Chills spread down my arms and legs, and I panted, holding his hair tighter.
Yep. I wasn’t going to last long.
“I’m gonna…” My words cut off into a low moan as my cock twitched and pulsed.
Emery’s eyes flashed with surprise before he sucked me faster, bringing me closer to that edge and over it. I stilled as my muscles tensed, and then I was spilling into his mouth, pleasure so intense I cried out.
Embarrassment flooded me as my spent cock slipped from his lips. Emery wiped the back of his mouth, his eyes lifting to mine. I had lasted all of a minute, give or take a few seconds. I’d thought I had more self-control than that—I could go for a while when jacking off, making it last. But it was totally different when someone else was touching me.
“I… uh,” I stammered, becoming more embarrassed by the second. My cock rested between us, now limp, and I tucked it back into my boxers.
Emery stood and slid his hand to my nape, using the other to hold my waist. I expected him to laugh or make a joke about me coming so fast, but he didn’t look at me with anything but the same lust I’d seen in his eyes while he’d been sucking me off. However, softness warmed his eyes now too.
“Come to bed with me,” he said, bringing our faces closer together. He kissed the tip of my nose before trailing his lips to my forehead.
An ache struck my chest, but not an unpleasant one. Emery treated me gently. Like a lover. I never knew it could be like this.
“Should I bring Larry with us?” I asked.
A raspy laugh left him before he lightly pressed his lips to mine. “I’m not fond of threesomes, but I’ll make an exception for him.”
Not fond of threesomes? Did that mean he’d had one before?
Emery kissed me once more before pulling away and heading toward the door. My breaths were shallow, and my hand shook as I grabbed the lube and followed him out of the office and down the hall. When we entered his bedroom, my gaze shifted to the large bed. We’d be wrapped up together in it very soon.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Mhm.” My heart beat so hard I heard the thumping in my ears.
He moved clo
ser, wrapping his arms around me. “You’re shaking.”
“I’m okay.” Crap, my voice was shaky too.
“Cason…” Emery released me and stepped back. “I’m not pressuring you into doing anything, am I? That’s not my intention. If you don’t want this…if you don’t want me… I understand.”
“That’s not it,” I said, going over to sit on the bed. Being on the bed might not have been the best idea at the moment given my nerves. Which made no sense. I felt more nervous now than I’d been when meeting up with him at the hotel. And I had thought he was just some random dude then.
“I’m sorry.” Emery came to sit beside me. “We were only supposed to talk tonight. I knew we couldn’t continue as we were, pretending it never happened, so I thought talking about it would help us move forward. I didn’t intend to jump right back into it.”
“You’re not pressuring me,” I said, needing him to understand that I wanted him too. “I’m just…” God, should I tell him the truth? “I’m not used to this.”
“Not used to what?”
His puzzled expression made me even more self-conscious. He really had no idea. It was okay for girls to still be virgins at my age, but guys really harped on each other for it. Like we were less of a man because of it.
“I’m…” My heart jumped up into my throat, and my ears felt like they were on fire. “I’m a virgin, okay?” And then because I was nervous, I began to ramble. “I mean, I’ve made out with people and stuff, and a girl almost sucked my dick once, but you were the first to ever actually do it, which is why I—”
“You’re a virgin,” Emery stated.
I snapped my mouth shut and nodded. I hated how ashamed I felt. An uncomfortable silence passed between us.
“Does that bother you?” I whispered.
He stared at me with a tight jaw. “Are you out of your goddamn mind?” he then said, anger lacing the words.
I’d assumed he’d get weird after I told him, but his reaction took me by surprise. His stormy eyes were fixated on me, becoming more dangerous as the seconds ticked by.
Oh, shit.
Chapter 10
Emery
I had the mind to bend Cason over and spank his ass.
A virgin. Yeah, he seemed innocent, but I would’ve never guessed how far that innocence actually went. Once I was passed the shock, irritation had quickly taken its place.
“You’re a virgin and still agreed to meet up with a stranger for sex that night at the hotel?” I stood and walked across the room. I needed distance between us so I could wrap my head around what he’d just said.
“Yeah?” Cason remained on the bed, watching me as I paced. “I don’t see what the big deal is.”
“You didn’t care if your first time was with a guy who would’ve fucked you and then tossed you aside? You could’ve been hurt!”
“But I wasn’t,” he said, much calmer than me. “You were the guy I met at the hotel. No point in talkin’ about what-ifs.”
My emotions pulled me in different directions. One part of me liked that Cason had never been touched by another, and a possessiveness took root, wanting to claim him. But another part of me felt even worse because of it. I was already struggling with Cason’s age and the fact he was my son’s best friend. Having him be a virgin on top of that just made him even more untouchable in my eyes.
“I think you should leave,” I said, despising the words but needing to say them. It was the right thing to do.
“Really, Emery?” Cason got off the bed and walked toward me. “You were ready to fuck me not even two minutes ago, and you certainly didn’t mind giving me head in your office, but now that you know I’m a virgin you don’t want to anymore? That’s not fair.”
“Fair?” I gritted my teeth and closed the gap between our bodies. I gripped the side of his neck, feeling his pulse beneath my palm, and stared into his chocolate eyes. “It’s not fair that I want you, that I want to throw you on that bed and fuck you so hard you’ll feel me for days to come. It’s not fair that I can’t get you out of my damn head, that I know how wrong it is for me to want you, yet I still do.”
“No one is saying you can’t do those things,” Cason whispered, his eyes flickering to my mouth. “Because I for sure wouldn’t mind. The only person stopping you is yourself.”
“And thank god for that.”
If not for my self-control, I’d already have him on his back, begging for more.
“Do you really want me to leave?” he asked. “Because the way you’re holdin’ on to me says otherwise.”
I realized then how close I was holding him, one hand at his neck and the other resting at his lower back, my fingers knotted in his shirt. I quickly let him go and stepped away.
“What’s really bothering you?” Cason’s brows dipped in the center. “Is it really because I’m a virgin? If all guys have that mentality, I guess I’ll be one forever. Either that or I’ll just not tell them.”
“They need to know,” I said. “It can really hurt if they’re not careful. If you bottom anyway.”
Cason blushed. “I think that’s what I’d like. To bottom.” He looked away. “Maybe. Hard to know without trying it.”
Innocent—in more ways than one—and too fucking young at only eighteen. He needed to be with someone his own age, someone who wasn’t divorced and old enough to be his dad.
“Promise me you won’t go and have sex with some random guy,” I said, running a hand through my hair. Frustrated. Whether I was frustrated at him or at the thought of someone else touching him… I wasn’t sure. “It needs to be special your first time.”
Jay had been the first guy I’d ever been with, and he’d treated me amazingly. It had hurt but not nearly as much as it would’ve had he not known to be extra careful.
“Look, my virginity means nothing to me,” Cason said, annoyed. “It’s more of a burden than anything. I just want to be fucked and be done with it. I don’t need romance.”
“But you deserve it.”
Cason stilled, his gaze pinned to me. “How do you know what I deserve, Emery? You barely know me.” He pressed his lips together and glanced at the door. A tic started in his jaw. “Know what? Maybe I should leave. This is going nowhere. You kiss me one minute and reject me the next. The back-and-forth with you has my head all kinds of messed up.”
Why am I doing this?
Cason was of legal age to consent, but him being the same age as Ryan challenged my sense of morality. Much like at work, when I had to juggle my work ethic with my own personal beliefs.
“I’m sorry for confusing you,” I said before exhaling and slowly approaching him. His eyes hardened and he tilted his head. “Truth is, I want you. Even when I push you away, I still want you. Ever since that night in the hotel, I can’t get you out of my head.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Your age, for one. You being Ryan’s best friend.”
“Is that all?” Cason had a fire inside him, one that simmered in his dark eyes. “Because you overcame that earlier when you sucked my dick. If the virgin thing is the deal breaker, I can totally go fuck someone and change it.”
“No,” I growled.
“You can’t have it both ways,” he said, a smile slowly spreading across his handsome face. “If you won’t fuck me, I’ll find someone who will.”
He clearly knew which of my buttons to push.
“Okay. Let’s say we fuck right now. What about after?” I asked, so close to throwing morals aside and pulling Cason against me—so close to tasting him again.
“What do you mean?” His lips parted as his breathing kicked up a notch.
“I mean…” I tugged him closer with one hand and caressed his neck with the other. He was warm and so damn perfect. “Do you just want me for tonight?”
I craved his body, but I also craved his mind. I wanted to know Cason, a desire I hadn’t felt with a man in a long time—if ever. But if fucking me once would appease his curiosity
and let him move on with his life, I’d do it.
Better me than some stranger that might hurt him.
“I… I don’t know.” He licked his lips. “All I know is I’ve been drawn to you for months, and I never knew what it meant until I opened myself up to the possibility of me maybe liking guys. It’s confusing, Emery. And I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. I hoped you’d help me figure it out.”
I had a flashback of me at his age. If I’d had someone to talk to, maybe I wouldn’t have denied who I was for so long.
“I want to tell Ryan,” Cason continued. “He’s always askin’ me about girls, and I hate lying all the time. I finally understand why I’ve felt different for so many years. I’m also kinda happy. Relieved, even, because it means I’m not broken like I thought I was. And all I want is to tell my best friend.”
“He might not take it well,” I said, remembering the look on Ryan’s face when he found out I was gay. I went over and sat on the bed. Cason sat beside me. “Ryan is a good kid, but he shares a lot of his mom’s conservative views. After Amber and I divorced, I still wasn’t out. I intended to tell Ryan when I was ready, but he found out before I could.”
“He found out? How?”
“He walked in on me kissing a guy.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Exactly.” I looked at my hands, remembering how I’d reached out for Ryan that day when he saw me with Jay and bolted out of my office. I’d chased him out into the hall and grabbed his arm to stop him.
“Get your hands off me!” Ryan yelled, tears in his eyes. “You’re a fucking queer?”
The crack in my chest from that day would probably never close. I’d felt nothing when Amber found out and insulted me, but having my son react that way had been a hard blow to take.
“I’m not sure I wanna tell him, then,” Cason whispered, hanging his head. “At least not for a while. We’ll go off to different schools in the fall. He’ll be focused on baseball, and I’ll be doing my own thing too. If he decides to cut me out of his life, well, by then it won’t really matter.” He looked back up with watery eyes. “This is our last summer before everything changes, and I don’t wanna ruin it.”
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