His Temptation

by Jaclyn Osborn

  “So, you’re angry that he kept it from you and not because he’s gay?”

  “I don’t know, Cas.” Ryan groaned and slumped forward, the car honking as his head bumped the horn. He jolted back up and sighed. “I guess a part of me is grossed out he’s gay. That’s just not normal. But he’s my dad, and I still love him. This is so messed up.”

  Ryan was grossed out by it?

  My heart squeezed and that empty feeling returned to my gut.

  “You wanna know something even more fucked-up?” Ryan whispered, his eyes watering and his jaw tightening as he stared at the dashboard. “The thing that bothers me most about it? I’m afraid I’ll turn out the same way.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, barely holding myself together. I just wanted this conversation to end.

  “If my dad is gay, what if I am too?” A tear escaped his eye as he met my confused gaze.

  There it is.

  The real reason Ryan was so bent out of shape about it. He wasn’t a homophobe like I originally feared. However, he definitely had an aversion to it. And that kind of fear could lead to hatred if left to build higher.

  “So what if you are?” I snapped. “There’s not a goddamned thing wrong with being gay. It’s not fair for you to treat Emery like he’s a damn pariah just because of your own fucked-up sense of right and wrong.”

  Ryan looked like he was about to punch me, and I braced myself for the hit. He released a sharp breath instead.

  “You’re right.”

  I blinked in surprise. “I am?”

  “Don’t make me say it again, asshole,” he said, cracking a small smile, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s exhausting being so angry at him, you know? And as always, you saw through me and got to the root of the problem. When it comes down to it, I’m just afraid. Plain and simple.”

  “You’re not gay, Ryan.”

  “How do you know?” he asked, his bottom lip quivering.

  “Have you ever wanted to hook up with a guy?”

  “No.”

  “Do you enjoy being with girls?”

  “Hell yeah,” he answered, grinning.

  “You’re not gay,” I said again. “Even if you were, you’d still be my best friend, and I’d kick the ass of anyone who gave you shit about it.”

  Ryan smiled. “Thanks.”

  He put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking spot, the tension between us gone. As we drove through town, heading for his house, I thought over my words to him. He had seemed relieved when I said it, but it got me thinking.

  When I eventually came out, would he do the same for me?

  Or would he cast me aside?

  Chapter 16

  Emery

  “What’s wrong?” Jay asked, as I slid off the barstool and reached in my back pocket for my wallet.

  “I gotta go.” Cason had seen me with Jay and probably got the wrong idea judging from the hurt look in his eyes before he practically ran out the door.

  Jay grabbed my arm to stop me. “Why? Everything was fine a few seconds ago. Sit down and talk.”

  Reluctantly, I sat back on the stool and rested an arm on the bar top. Jay still didn’t know about Cason. Not for lack of trying on his part. He constantly asked me about the mystery guy, and when I wouldn’t budge on my answer, he got the hint and moved on. But I was running out of excuses not to tell him, and he wasn’t stupid.

  Better to spill the truth than to keep the lie going a moment longer.

  I grabbed my beer and took a long pull from the bottle. If I was going to tell Jay, I needed liquid courage. Preferably whiskey, but beer would have to do.

  “Know that guy you were eye-fucking a little bit ago?” I asked, after finishing off the bottle and asking the bartender for another.

  “You mean the cutie with the football body and nice ass?” Jay smirked.

  “That’s Ryan’s best friend,” I said.

  Jay clicked his tongue and furrowed his brow. “Damn. Too young for me, then.”

  “I’m also fucking him.”

  Very few things could take Jay Foley by surprise. But when I shared my secret, he looked as though he was about to fall out of his damn chair.

  “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” he asked in a harsh whisper, leaning toward me. “That is the guy you’ve been screwing around with? He’s just a kid, Cross.”

  “He’s eighteen,” I said, a bit defensively. “He’ll be nineteen in November.”

  “That doesn’t make it better.”

  “Why are you giving me shit, Foley?” I was getting pissed. “You were more than ready to drag him to the bathroom and bend him over when you saw him.”

  “Yeah, before I found out his age.” He tossed back his beer and slammed the bottle down on the table once it was empty. “And I wouldn’t have fucked him in the bathroom. I would’ve at least taken him to a hotel first.”

  “Classy.”

  “Like you have any room to talk,” he said. “Don’t forget I know all about the guys you’ve fucked. We used to pick them up together.”

  My heart raced a little faster. That had been right after Amber and I separated. I had still been closeted, and Jay had taken me under his wing and showed me one hell of a good time. It didn’t hurt that he had guys falling at his damn feet everywhere he went. We’d had many crazy nights in hotel rooms.

  “That was then,” I said. “This is now.”

  “Yeah, now you’ve moved on to teenagers.”

  “I don’t need this from you.” I stood and tossed some bills on the bar to cover my two beers.

  “Be careful, Cross,” Jay said, as I started to walk away. “You can be as pissed as you want, but if it was really something you saw no problem with, you wouldn’t have kept it secret.”

  The bastard was right.

  And I could’ve punched his lights out because of it.

  After leaving the restaurant, I moved down the sidewalk toward the parking lot. I didn’t know why I was so involved with Cason. Didn’t know why out of all the guys I could fall for, it just had to be my son’s best friend.

  Wait.

  Fall for?

  I shook my head at the thought and kept walking. There was no way in hell I had feelings for Cason. Sure, I liked him and the sex was the best I’d ever had. But that’s as far as the attraction went.

  Rain began to fall, tapping on the concrete in random patches. I walked faster to my SUV and got inside right as it turned into a downpour. I started the engine and turned on the windshield wipers but sat inside for a minute, taking deep breaths.

  My emotions were out of whack. I was concerned about Cason, hating the flash of betrayal I’d seen in his eyes before he’d left. I was angry at Jay for judging me so harshly instead of being a damn friend and talking me through it. Most of all, I was confused and disgusted with myself.

  Knowing I couldn’t sit in that parking lot for forever, I pulled myself together enough to drive home. I fell into bed even though it was too early to sleep.

  Cason’s scent lingered on my sheets.

  I turned to my side and pressed my face into his pillow. His pillow. Funny how I thought of it that way. He’d been part of my life for almost a month, and the ache in my chest told me I wanted him for much longer. Because I hated the emptiness when he wasn’t there, sprawled out in my bed and giving me that adorable crooked smile.

  I need to talk to him.

  After grabbing my phone from the bedside table, I found his name in my contacts and nearly called him. But if he was with Ryan, I didn’t want to risk outing myself, just in case Ryan was close enough and recognized my voice. I texted him instead.

  Me: Hey. We need to talk.

  His response came instantly.

  Damsel: Have fun on your date?

  Me: It wasn’t a date. Come over so we can talk about it.

  Damsel: Not sure I wanna see you.

  The place right above my stomach ached, and that ache shot up to my chest like branches on a
streak of lightning.

  Me: Stop acting like a child and get over here.

  Damsel: A child? Good to know that’s how you see me. Is that why you went out with a guy more on your level?

  More on my level? What the hell was he talking about?

  Me: If you’re not over here in an hour, I’m coming to you.

  Damsel: You don’t even know where I am. Maybe I’m at a party, drinking and about to fuck someone else.

  Goddammit, my blood boiled at the thought of someone—guy or girl—putting their hands on him. I couldn’t tell if he was lying just to get a rise out of me, or if he was actually doing it. And if he was at a party flirting with other people, I had no right to be mad about it.

  Because we’d never said we were exclusive. Never said we were anything other than a good time.

  Me: Okay.

  Damsel: What do you mean by okay?

  Me: If you’re getting shitfaced and plowed by some dude at a party, go for it. I won’t stop you.

  I tossed my phone on the bed and sat against the headboard, frustrated. Why did I have to go and catch feelings for Cason? I was good at fucking guys and moving on. Why did he have to be the goddamn exception?

  Instead of the ping of a text, I heard my ringtone.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “I’m sorry,” Cason said, his voice cracking. “I’m not at a party. I’m at home.”

  It sounded like he’d been crying.

  “Are you okay?”

  He laughed without humor. “That’s a loaded question.”

  “I’m coming to get you.”

  “Why? I figured you’d be balls-deep in that hot blond by now. I don’t want to interrupt your date.”

  “It wasn’t a date,” I said, getting off the bed and grabbing my shoes to put them back on.

  “Ryan told me he’s the guy he saw you with.”

  I froze as I bent to tie my shoe. My heart hammered against my ribs. “He finally told you.”

  That was progress. Maybe Ryan was coming to terms with it now.

  “Yep. He told me. He explained how he walked in on you pushing the blond against your desk and getting ready to bang him right there in your office. I had to sit there and pretend it didn’t bother me. But it did.”

  “Cason…”

  “You can fuck whoever you want, Emery. We made it clear we were just a fling.”

  “So, why do you sound so upset?” I asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  “I want to see you so we can talk.”

  “Sure,” Cason answered, breathing out a sharp breath. “I’ll be over in a few.”

  I had a feeling everything would change after tonight.

  ***

  “Say something,” I said, watching Cason as he walked over to the back door and peered outside. He’d been at my house for about five minutes and hadn’t said a word. I had opened the garage for him, he’d parked and come inside, and then we’d stood in silence.

  “I don’t know what to say.” He turned to me, a faraway look in his eyes. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this, Emery. We were supposed to fuck and have fun. Leave emotions out of it. That was the rule.”

  “It was.”

  “Then I had to go and get jealous seeing you with another guy,” he said, stepping toward me. “I said I didn’t want anything serious. That I don’t want a relationship. It was all bullshit.”

  Though he was upset, I found myself comforted by his words. I wasn’t alone in my feelings. For whatever reason, Cason and I both felt the same magnetic connection. We shouldn’t… but we did.

  “Sometimes life doesn’t follow our rules,” I said, closing the distance between us with one stride. I slid my hand along the side of his neck and cupped his warm cheek. His brown eyes rooted me in place. Invisible vines ensnared my heart. I knew I should try to break free, but a bigger part of me wanted to be right there, holding him. “Our hearts sure as hell don’t listen.”

  “I was an idiot for thinking I wouldn’t fall for you,” Cason whispered, pressing his cheek to my palm and briefly closing his eyes. “Even before I knew for sure I was gay, I was drawn to you.”

  “Remember the snowstorm that stranded you and Ryan here?” I asked, keeping one hand on his cheek and moving the other to his waist.

  He nodded.

  “That’s how long I’ve wanted you,” I admitted. “You asked me that night in the hotel why I agreed to meet up with a random eighteen-year-old, and truth is, I was trying to get you out of my head. I thought by fucking him I’d be able to forget about you.” I held him tighter and growled, “Then you showed up at my door. Not a substitution but the real thing.”

  “Here we are now,” Cason said, a smile slowly lifting his lips. Lips I wanted to taste. “I don’t know what I want between us, but I do know I hated seeing you with that guy.”

  “His name is Jay,” I said, grabbing his hand. I led him into the living room and sat on the couch. I wanted to take him to my bedroom, but no talking would happen once we were there. And there were still things we needed to set straight. “Yes, I used to fuck him. He’s actually the first guy I was ever with.”

  Understanding sparked in Cason’s eyes. “He’s the friend you told me about. The one who helped you out of that dark place.”

  “Yes. Jay was there for me during one of the hardest times in my life.” I fought the sadness in my chest as I remembered the argument with Jay earlier. We’d been through so much together, and it hurt to be at odds with him now when I could really use a friend to talk to.

  “Why were you with him tonight?” Cason whispered, staring at his hands as they rested on his lap.

  “It wasn’t sexual,” I said. “We go out for drinks sometimes.”

  “Have you slept with him recently?” Still, Cason stared down. Refusing to meet my gaze.

  I touched his chin and forced him to look at me. “Have I slept with him since first hooking up with you? No. I’ve been with no one but you since then.”

  He tried to fight a smile, but it surfaced anyway. “We’re horrible at this, Emery. We’re like a dumb couple in a romantic comedy.”

  “A comedy?” I asked, frowning. “There’s nothing funny about Larry Lube being captured. Poor guy still has nightmares about it.”

  Cason laughed, and my heart felt lighter at the sound. “So what now? Where do we go from here? We both kinda broke the rules already.”

  “Fuck the rules,” I said, angling my body over his and pressing a kiss to his throat. His answering sigh made my blood heat. “I want you, Cason. More than just a fuck buddy for the summer.”

  His arms came around me, and he rested his cheek on my shoulder. “What about Ryan? He’ll freak out.”

  “I know,” I said, my heart dropping into my gut. “That might be the one rule we keep… secrecy. At least for a while. Is that okay?”

  Cason nodded. “I’m still not out, so that’s more than okay for me.”

  I kissed his temple. “Take your time. Only do it when you’re ready.”

  When Cason came out, he needed to be in the right headspace for it.

  “We’re exclusive, right?” he asked.

  “Yes. I hate the thought of anyone but me touching you.”

  “Same,” he said, running his hands up my back. “Especially that blond bastard.”

  “Don’t worry about Jay. He’s just a friend.”

  However, I didn’t know if Jay still was my friend. His reaction about Cason hadn’t been totally unexpected, but it had been somewhat of a shock. He’d made me feel dirty for desiring Cason, even though he was of legal age. Out of all the people in my life, I had thought Jay would understand.

  “Is it okay if we don’t fuck tonight?” Cason asked, wrapping his arms around my neck and nuzzling my collarbone. “I mean, I wouldn’t say no to sex if you wanted it, but I don’t know… I kinda like holding you like this.”

  “Fine with me.” I shifted my weight to where I was lying behind him on the couch. “We n
ever finished watching that Ted Bundy documentary.”

  “Oh, how sexy,” Cason said, grinning. “Cuddling and serial killers. All we’re missing is pizza.”

  I grabbed my phone and brought up the Domino’s delivery app. “What kind of pizza do you want?”

  “Wow. We’re getting to all the personal details. Guess this really is more than sex now.” His tone might’ve been playful, but his eyes were filled with warmth. Happiness. “Favorite pizza is cheese.”

  “Just cheese? Nothing else?”

  “Hey, I don’t need pizza judgment from a guy who can’t even cook a steak without burning it.”

  “Ouch,” I said, putting a hand to my chest. “Stick that blade a little deeper next time.”

  “I’ll stick something a little deeper next time,” he muttered under his breath.

  Smiling at his silliness, I ordered a large cheese pizza with chicken alfredo pasta as a side and breadsticks.

  “Thanks,” Cason said, pulling my arm across his stomach once I’d settled back in place behind him. Good thing I had a big couch. “Not just for the pizza. But everything. The weeks with you have been awesome. I wasn’t ready to end it, and I got scared when I saw you with Jay earlier because I thought that maybe you were tired of me and wanted someone more mature.”

  “You’re mature for your age.”

  “Even though you said I was acting like a child?”

  “I wasn’t acting any better,” I said, tugging him closer. “Emotions get in the way sometimes when we should be levelheaded and talk things out. They make us say things we don’t mean.”

  “Yeah, like when I lied about being at a party and hooking up with someone else. I wanted to make you jealous because I was upset.”

  “I know.” I kissed the back of his shoulder.

  “I’m sorry for that.”

  “I know,” I repeated. “It’s okay.”

  The pizza arrived about thirty minutes later, and we watched the documentary as we ate. I enjoyed having sex with Cason, but I was glad he didn’t want to that night. Because I got to know so much more about him. We discussed the Bundy case and commented on the outlandish events surrounding it, like Bundy breaking out of jail various times and all of the twisted shit he did.