Mad Maxxx

by T. Styles

  Ten minutes later everybody seemed to come out into The Pit. A lot of people were crying after they learned that Fierce was dead and I felt fucked up for how I treated him. That’s until I realized he had to do this shit to himself. Why did he have to go get himself killed? This is the last thing I needed right now.

  Pickles walked up to me, grabbed my hand and started crying too. Although Pickles knew Fierce I think he was really crying because everyone else was.

  Later on that night we buried him across from The Pit. In the place we kept most of our dead. Spirit said a few words in his honor and when we were done I was exhausted. Mainly because Pickles wouldn’t stop crying. Gage kept rubbing her temples. It was one thing to lose just another person from The Catacombs, but it was another thing to lose someone you broke bread with everyday.

  We were at The Pit looking at the fire when Wicked said to me, “You know it’s all your fault right?”

  “My fault?” It was so ridiculous I almost laughed. “How is this my fault?”

  “Because he told me you wouldn’t talk to him even though he begged you. Told me he wanted to apologize but you didn’t hear him out. What’s up with that? We may have had our problems but Fierce was a good friend and now he’s gone.”

  “Nigga, I don’t owe you shit, especially not an explanation. You betta be glad you still got your face after what you did to Pickles. Stay the fuck away from me. I’m warning you.” I grabbed Pickles’ hand and stepped off.

  CHAPTER 22

  MAD

  It was Tell All Tuesday again and I was at The Pit with Spirit, Gage, WB, Everest and Pickles. Although I could tell that most of us were still thinking about Fierce. We needed to take our minds off the fact that he was gone.

  I didn’t let them know that I was taking his death hard. As much as I hated Wicked he was right. Fierce had done everything in his power to connect with me and I knocked him down. Now it was too late. Too late to tell him it wasn’t that deep. Who the fuck am I to point a finger in someone’s face after everything I’d been through? I let him down. While I was thinking about Fierce, Motor Angel was Turning Tell All. When she finished I knew it would be the last time we saw her too. I was looking at her like it would be the last time I saw her.

  “Anybody else want to turn Tell All?” Spirit asked.

  When I saw Everest raise her hand my heart thumped. “I’d like to go next please.”

  “No you won’t,” I yelled not realizing it was so loud until I looked at everyone’s faces. “Just sit down and let somebody else talk for a change. It ain’t always about you, Everest.”

  “It’s okay, Mad,” she smiled looking into my eyes. “I really want to.”

  “Everest, I’m begging you not to talk about your past. Just leave it alone.” I didn’t want her doing that shit. I was just getting to know her and I wanted her to stay around. What I couldn’t say out loud was that I needed her, and Pickles did too.

  “If she wants to talk let her,” Wicked said entering The Pit with Pop Kill. “Its high time people started letting you know that you aren’t running shit around here.”

  “You don’t know what you talking about.” I told him. “You always flapping your lips but you never saying shit.”

  I focused back on Everest. I know she wasn’t my girl but I didn’t want her to Turn Tell All tonight only to leave in the morning. It was mainly for Pickles because he had gotten use to her being around. At least that’s what I was telling myself.

  I felt like I wanted to snatch her out of here. Convince her that she didn’t need to give her story to anybody but it was too late she was talking. Why is she doing this shit to me? And why can’t I tell her how I feel?

  When she looked down into the fire I knew it was over.

  “I’ve lied to most of you,” she said softly. “Well, I’ve lied to all of you.” The glow from the flames turned her eyes into caramel candies.

  I didn’t want her to do this.

  I didn’t want her to do this!

  “Every time I leave here I never go on any crazy adventure. I don’t travel the world or hang out with famous movie stars either. When I leave it’s not because I want adventure. It’s because I’m scared. Scared of getting too close to you all. Scared of getting to know you all because I’m not sure how long you will continue to love me.” Tears rolled down her face, and she wiped them away. “I’m not who I say I am.”

  “Everest, it’s okay,” Gage said.

  “No it’s not,” she said wiping her eyes. “I’m a fraud, a fake, and I don’t deserve your love. And losing Fierce reminds me how much of a liar I am.”

  “That’s not true, Everest,” Gage said approaching her. “I saw the passport and everything, from when you got the stamps. You’ve been everywhere. To China, Rome and—”

  “I haven’t been anywhere and the stamps are all fake,” she yelled cutting her off. “Unless you consider a train ride to New York or Philly some place,” she continued wiping her eyes again. “I wanted everybody to think I was somebody. I wanted everybody to think that even though I stayed here, in the tunnel, I didn’t have to be here. I wanted you to believe that I was here visiting and not staying because unlike you I had some place else to go.”

  “But…you always had money,” Gage said softly. “How?”

  “I would sell my body before I came back.” She looked at me. “I didn’t care about myself or anybody else until now. I’m a failure.”

  It was now completely silent. She was a whore. Just like my mother and I still loved her.

  Later that night when we were in my cubby she didn’t say anything. When I heard her crying I wanted to go to her but I was mad. Pickles even tried to read one of his favorite stories but she acted like he was bothering her.

  The next morning, something told me it would be a bad day. And when I turned around in the cubby I was right.

  Everest was gone.

  ****

  The day after Everest left, Old Man Young said I caught the flu because I was lovesick. Not sure how one catches the flu because of being in love but I do know I was fucked up in the head. My temperature was high and I was sweating.

  Spirit, Gage, WB and Pickles stood in my cubby looking down at me like I was going to die. I could tell by the look in their eyes that they were worried.

  “I’m fine,” I told them feeling worse every time I opened my mouth. “I just need to hang back and relax that’s all.”

  “You’re not fine,” Spirit said firmly. “You sick, man. And the air down here can’t make things much better. You may have to go to a hospital. Real talk!”

  “You already know that’s not happening,” I responded. “I’m not trying to go to jail just to get over no cold.”

  “I’m sorry she left you,” Gage said, “If you chose me I would’ve never left you.”

  “Why would you say something like that to him right now?” WB asked.

  “I just wanted Mad to know that it was a sucker move on Everest’s part. I am grown you know? I do get to speak my mind.”

  “What Everest did is her business and I don’t give a fuck,” I said as every muscle on my body shivered. “Ya’ll act like we were in a relationship or something. And if ya’ll came in here to rap my head off about that chick, you can kick concrete.”

  “We not coming in here for that,” Spirit said. He walked into the doorway and told somebody to come inside. “We came to bring Old Man Young to check you out.”

  Although I was annoyed maybe he could give me something for a broken heart, body and mind. Like he did when I had the urinary thing.

  He stepped closer to me with his dirty eye patch. “Well you definitely have the flu,” he said after checking me for an hour. He looked over at Spirit. “Go get her a box of tea, lemon, and some Hennessy. Feed it to her every hour on the hour. After that both her broken heart and body should be fine.”

  I hated that he mentioned my heart because it made me feel soft. Instead of arguing with him I went to sleep. When I woke
up I felt something on my ankle. When I looked down I saw Pickles at the foot of my bed. He was massaging my feet for some reason. Not sure what his purpose was but it felt good and I drifted back to sleep.

  When I woke up about an hour later I smelled tea and Hennessy. Spirit handed me a white Styrofoam cup and I took my first sip. It was warm and I downed it all before handing it back to him hoping that he’d give me some more. For some reason I felt worse. It was as if the tunnel was spinning.

  “Mad, you okay?” Spirit asked me.

  I knew what was happening. I was dying. So I looked up at him, Gage, WB and Pickles. In the drunk zone I said, “I just wanted ya’ll to know that I fuck with you. Hard. I might not always say it but it’s true.”

  “Mad, chill out,” WB said. “You tripping right now.”

  “I’m not tripping. I’m being real, and I need ya’ll to look after my man Pickles.” I swallowed and chills covered my body. “I don’t think I’m going to make it. I don’t think…”

  I drifted off into a deep sleep and started dreaming. In my dream I was standing in front of Mr. Nice Guy, the only man other than my father who cared about me. We were in a park with real big green trees all around us. The trees had red fruit that looked like large strawberries the size of apples.

  “How are you, Madjesty?” He asked smiling down at me. “How are you really?”

  “I’m fine,” I swallowed looking around. The place felt crazy. “Am I dead?”

  “Not yet,” he smiled. “I just wanted to tell you that your mother is here with me and she’s fine. A lot has changed since she passed over and she wanted me to ask you to please forgive her.”

  I was immediately angry. “Why would I forgive her?” I frowned. “And why would you ask me to? It’s because of her that you’re dead. You should be on my side.”

  “Your mother was sick in the mind, Madjesty. She didn’t know how to be a good mother because she didn’t have a mother to show her the way. But more importantly I’m asking you to forgive her because if you do you’ll be better for it. Physically and mentally. I promise you.”

  “And how do you know? You left me too,” I yelled beating on my chest. “You fucking left me in the world by myself after you made me love you. All for a woman who didn’t like you and got you killed. My precious mother that you keep talking about.”

  “I know that’s how it looks and I’m so sorry about that Madjesty. But you must understand that I love you and I always will. The thing is, your mother loves you too and she is sorry for everything she did to you and your sister. She wants you to get your son and repair the bond with Jayden. People make mistakes and so did she.”

  “You don’t know shit about my mother! She ain’t nothing but a lying bitch, even in death. And I will never, ever forgive her for what she put me through.”

  He sighed. “I can tell you’re still in pain but give it some thought, kiddo,” he said. “I promise it will be worth your while. And now you have to wake up because I have a special gift waiting for you.”

  When I opened my eyes Everest was at my door.

  CHAPTER 23

  MAD

  I was sitting on the bed in my cubby and Everest was behind me brushing my hair while Pickles read me a story. Although I didn’t have the flu anymore. I wasn’t feeling myself yet.

  “How you feeling?” Everest asked. “You seem distant.”

  I looked over at Pickles who kept flipping the pages of his book. “I’m fine. Sometimes I feel weak but other than that I’m good.”

  “I meant how do you feel about me?”

  “I don’t know what you want me to say, Everest.”

  “Do you care about me? Since I’ve been back you’ve been keeping your distance and I kind of want to hear how you feel out of your mouth. Not from other people.”

  I sighed. “I don’t know what I’m feeling. I think it’s too early to go there.”

  She stopped brushing my hair. “I don’t want to fall in love with you for no reason. If this thing is real between us then I wanna know now. I need to hear you say it, Mad.”

  Instead of giving her what she wanted I don’t talk. I feel like if I admit that I got feelings for her things will change again and she’ll end up leaving me like everyone else I cared about in my life.

  I guess my quietness irritated her because she jumped up and walked toward the door.

  Before she walked out I said, “I care about you, I just need you to give me time to think things through. Every relationship I’ve ever been in failed. I like to take things slow. Either you get with that or you can do us both a favor and bounce now.”

  ****

  Pickles was with me in the soup kitchen. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him for some reason today. I imagined that my son Cassius looked just like him and that he knew how much I loved him even though I never got a chance to tell him.

  I was watching him eat bread when Father Brian walked over to us.

  “Hello, Madjesty,” he said.

  It was then that I remembered he said my full name before when I was beating the brakes off of the nigga in front of the kitchen.

  “How did you know my first name?”

  “I saw it on the Wanted Poster.”

  I swallowed.

  “Don’t worry though, you’re safe here,” he smiled.

  I’m starting to feel a creepy vibe about him. It may be because he’s so nice, and I can’t find another reason why he would help me.

  “This young man seems hungry,” he sat next to me and looked over at Pickles. “Hey little—”

  “Don’t touch him,” I said catching him before he placed his hand on his hair. “He’s not like that.”

  “Like what?”

  “You know…gay.”

  He frowned. “Mad, I know many priests in my religion have developed a bad reputation, but I will assure you that I’m not one of them. Anyway I’m coming over here to talk to you.”

  “About what?” I stirred the soup in my bowl.

  “About what happened when you were last here, with the teenager out front.”

  I dropped the spoon. “I thought you said you weren’t going to snitch. So what you a liar now?”

  “Mad,” he said calmly, “please listen to me. What happened that day was unfortunate and I understood why your anger was directed toward him. But what I wanted to talk about was what you said when you were beating him.”

  I frowned. “What you talking about?”

  He leaned back into his seat and looked at me as if I were confused. “You don’t remember?”

  “What you talking about?” I repeated even more frustrated. “If I remembered I would say so. Plus I probably say a lot of shit when I’m angry.”

  “You kept saying the name Jayden, and you mentioned how you hated her. Who is she?”

  ****

  I was sitting in my cubby thinking about what Father Brian said. I don’t remember calling Jayden’s name or saying that I hated her. But I’m not surprised. My sister stabbed me in my back when she took side of outsiders instead of mine.

  I was trying to get my mind right but I smelled them before he even got to my cubby. Just like most West Wingers, he stank of dirt and grime. Blazer stood in my doorway, and I cracked an empty bottle to use it as a weapon.

  “Fuck you doing in my room, snitch?”

  “I came to talk,” he said eyeing the weapon. “I’m not coming to cause no problems or nothing so you can ease up some.”

  “Fuck do you wanna talk about then?” I’m gripping the glass in my hand so hard I can feel it starting to crack again.

  “There is a plan going down next week that involves you,” Blazer warned. “And all I’m doing is coming to let you know about it so that you can prepare.”

  My heartbeat rocked. “By who?”

  “Who do you think? Wicked and Pop Kill.”

  “Why you telling me this?”

  “Because you didn’t tell anybody about how I left you hanging at the grocery store, and thi
s is my way of paying you back,” he paused.

  “But after this my debt to you is over.”

  CHAPTER 24

  MAD

  “Gage, why you coming at me sideways again?” I asked as I sat in my cubby on the bed. “We been through this. I’m not feeling you.”

  She was blowing me because the plan was to walk Everest and Pickles to the entrance of The Catacombs later so we could grab something to eat up top. But thanks to this argument, I couldn’t go anywhere. Why won’t she just get over me? It seemed like women wanted you more when you didn’t want them.

  “I feel like you want me to lie to you, and that’s fucked up, Gage, because you putting me in a fucked up position.”

  “I’m not saying I want you to lie to me. I just want to know why you didn’t want to fuck with me, but you got up with my friend instead. I mean, what’s so special about Everest?”

  “It ain’t about her being special. It’s about us having a connection that you and I don’t have.”

  “So you are admitting to being in love with her.”

  “I got feelings for her, Gage. That’s all I know for sure.”

  “You so fucking stupid,” she said. “She got you wide open even after she said she’s not who she claims to be. If anything you need to be running the other way.”

  “Who in The Catacombs is who they claim to be?” I looked into her eyes. “Name one person, Gage. Who down here ain’t running from a past? Or lying?”

  “You know what I mean, Mad.”

  “All I know is this, I fuck with you, and hard too, but I will never like you the way that you want me to like you. Ever. Plus I’m bad news, Gage. How come you never gave Spirit a chance?”

  “Spirit?” she laughed. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about the fact that Spirit wants to be with you, but you don’t give him the time of day.” I know it was wrong to throw my man under the bus but I hoped it would work to my advantage...and his.