Toy Soldiers

by Keith LaHue

  "Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked.

  "I have to. You can stay here if you want."

  "No. I'm coming with you. But I've got a bad idea about it. I think we should wait. Like a few days."

  "No. I need to be at home, to sleep in my own bed." He felt something new in his pocket. He reached in and found a key. "See? I've got a key to the place. I...I just found it. I didn't have it before."

  "Then we go in."

  He climbed the stairs, only one flight, with Camilla in tow. He led her down the well-lit corridor. Jerome remembered that this was a shooting gallery. But there was nary a junkie, or even a half-formed to be seen. Was the building deserted?

  They reached Jerome's home. He put the key in the lock and turned it. The well-oiled lock (another incongruity) sprang open and they entered.

  The apartment was empty. There was no furniture, nothing hanging on the wall, nothing. Jerome began to cry again. "No! it can't be. It's not fair. If I have to be here in this non-world than so do they!"

  Camilla sensed something. Someone or something was here. It was towards the front of the apartment, where there should be a window overlooking the street. That was if she had her bearings correct. She left Jerome in his agony; she could not help. She opened the door into the front room, and left him.

  She was aghast at what she saw. In the center of what she guessed would be a bedroom, there was a mass of something that resembled flesh. Only it was more than one person's worth. There were several beings in the mass. None of them had any features, but the arms and legs were recognizable. With growing horror, she knew that this was the beginning of Jerome's family. This is what the half-formed were before they were even half-formed.

  She quickly retreated into the main room, where Jerome had sat down on the bare floor. He wasn't crying anymore. He had this blank look on his face as if he were looking into the distance, beyond the wall he was staring past. She shook him.

  "Jerome let's go. There's nothing for you here. We tried. You came here with me and they were out, or they moved. Or maybe the memory you had was false. None of us know much about our circumstances. Hell, I'm a mage, but I cannot recall anything about my childhood. I don't know."

  "I guess you're right. So what do we do now?" He was drooling.

  "Let's go back. And find the others. If we can't find them, we'll go to Yankee Stadium. We'll see a game. There's always a game there. We'll get something to eat."

  "Why?"

  "Because that's what we do. We go on living. At least back in Manhattan, there were people."

  "Wrong. There are people that aren't alive. They aren't like us. I saw one of them trapped in the corner of a room. It was just bumping into the wall over and over. Is that the 'people' you're referring to? Because if that's the case, I don't want to go back."

  "Look, Jerome, we can't stay here. Please trust me. If you don't want to go back to the others, it's okay. But we need to leave here." She heard squishing noises coming from the front room. Oh God, they had to get out of there before one of those things became more complete and came into the room.

  Jerome sighed. "Okay. I'll be a trooper and we'll carry on. Back to Central Park. At least there are birds there. And not all of the people are semi-complete." He turned and looked at her. "I feel like we're all falling down a well, and we're never going to hit bottom."

  He rose to his feet. He looked like he might start crying again, then he left, not even bothering to close the door.

  Camilla followed.

  Tom and Jimmy flew along the empty desert, both of them wondering if it would ever end. Jimmy had bought a compass to aid them only to find that it spun wildly out here in the wasteland. So when they had come to the desert canyon, they'd taken a left, and followed the canyon.

  "What do you think we'll find?" said Jimmy, one hand on the wheel, driving as fast as the giant SUV would go. He had noticed the gas tank had been on empty for quite a while, but then cars here didn't exactly run on gas, did they? They ran on the same thing that had built the cities and countryside's they'd encountered. It was magic, and both of them knew it.

  "I don't know. But I'm afraid of it."

  "What are you afraid of?"

  "I don't think any of this is real. This is all the figment of someone's imagination. None of it, including me and you, is real. Take the half-formed we've encountered. Do you think they were born that way? No, something - or someone - created this for God knows what reason. I want to meet that person or entity. However, I admit that I'm not sure what I would say to them."

  "It's a philosophical question then. Have to admit I hadn't thought of it. You know, the old Descartes musing of 'I think therefore I am', or however it was phrased occurs to me. I feel alive. Don't you? From a biological standpoint, we now meet the criteria."

  "We didn't always. I have vague memories of never eating. Back then the tribe more or less went through the same thing every day, just like everyone we've encountered. None of us started out sentient, we just gradually became aware that we were...alive. I'm not sure we are alive though."

  "Well suit yourself, but I consider myself to be alive. Maybe I wasn't at one time, but now I am. I do remember the endless loop we were all stuck in. I don't want to go back to it."

  "I have a feeling that choice may not be ours. Remember the shift in the magical confluence that is beneath us? I think it's up to whatever used that point of convergence to create us. Was it God? I doubt it."

  To the left of them, the canyon came to an abrupt end. Jimmy pointed it out to Tom, and the two of them agreed that not they could go around it, or maybe they'd come into another city. Phoenix was the logical choice. They were immersed in conversation when Jimmy looked ahead and slammed on the brakes.

  "Whoa....shit, it's the end of the world." Stopped now, they both got out of the car. "Look at the ground. It's not sand or any kind of earth. It's just..." he knelt down to touch it. "I don't know what the hell this is, but it isn't found in nature."

  Tom was wandering to the edge of the world. His mind was a jumble of conflicting emotions. Jimmy caught up to him. They stood at the edge of the world; beyond it was void, ether-all that defied description. Some of the "sky" looked brownish while looking straight out one could see a sort of gray nebulas "something" Jimmy was lost in thought when he noticed Tom had a vacant look on his face.

  "Tom, what's wrong?"

  "What's wrong? This confirms everything I said. None of this is real, not the landscape, the people, none of it. Have you ever seen earth that was white? Or a brown sky?"

  "The sky has always looked a little funny to me..." Jimmy trailed off, not knowing what to say. "We should go back to New York and report in"

  "I'm afraid you're on your own now Jimmy." He turned to him. "I've enjoyed our journey. Now mine comes to a close."

  Without warning, Tom threw himself off the edge of the world.

  Jimmy stepped to the edge, in a futile attempt to stop him. He was too late. His friend was dead. "No..." he cried out as he looked over the edge as Tom disappeared into the void.

  "Damnit, Tom. You didn't have to do that." He said to no one.

  Now he was alone, adrift in the void of all he had known. Tom had been right, none of it was real. Still, he wanted to go on. To find out what was on the other side of the canyon. The mage's had all wanted a report on what the excursion parties had found, but fuck them. He'd just lost his best friend, and he wanted - no, needed - to push on. They'd get their report when he damned well pleased, and not before.

  He sat on the edge, thinking about what might be at the bottom. His feet tingled slightly as he moved. Maybe he'd end up throwing himself off too. Not now, but later, when he too came to the inescapable conclusion that nothing was real. Nothing.

  He stood, and said a silent goodbye to Tom, and got back in the SUV that ran on magic, not gas. He turned it around and started back the way they'd come.

  At least as far as he could tell.

  Jane and Artimus
where well within Rome when Artimus suggested that the telescope they'd built here had indicated that the area north (did cardinal directions mean anything?) of the city seemed void. As far as the "Romans" could determine, there was nothing there. They had no high-rises to obstruct the view.

  "You know the skyscrapers of New York are mostly fake," said Jane. "The only one I was able to go up in was the World Trade Center. To windows on the world."

  "What did you see?"

  "Blue mist beyond the city, save one wall. On the one side, there was a cityscape, just as I guess it was supposed to be. It went on forever. There were a few half-formed there, they were staring out, most of them had eyes, like it was all real. I knew it wasn't real, but thought, 'Wow, is this what will be?"

  "You see, I think that whoever dreamt us up intended for the construct to grow."

  "I kind of hate it when you talk like that. 'The Construct' and such. As if none of us are real."

  "Oh come on. You know we're not real. It's the only explanation that makes sense."

  "Then why are we doing anything? Why not just...hell, I don't know."

  "Because I have a built-in curiosity. I have to know more. Don't you?"

  "I guess if I didn't, I never would have been a part of the group that built the telescope. I believe that was beyond the means of my time period, but we did it anyway. We improvised."

  "It's my guess that it was a magical construct."

  "Quite possibly."

  "Let's keep walking."

  They kept walking "North", maneuvering their way through the streets that we're designed for pedestrian travel, they'd had to abandon the car almost as soon as they'd entered Rome. They'd passed through part of Jersey that was fighting with Rome for turf. And Rome had grown as well.

  They reached the edge of Rome. Looking into the distance, they saw a low-lying city, and to their left, nothing.

  "We're going to the nothing," said Jane.

  "Why not go to that city."

  "Right now another city doesn't interest me. I want to see the nothing, and make something. Did I tell you that I remember the construction of most of New York? I was in on it, even when I was in my loop. After it was built, I lost most of those memories. They came back though when we all started truly becoming."

  "I still think we should go to that other settlement."

  "How about I create something so vast that it connects to the other city, or whatever that is."

  Artimus smiled. "Okay, it's a deal."

  They wandered for what seemed forever before coming to the edge of the world. Artimus was aghast, while Jane took it in stride. This is what she had wanted. Artimus watched on as she gesticulated with her hands, and made strange utterances, along the same lines as the protection spell, but different, too.

  Artimus couldn't believe his eyes as he watched the landscape grow larger, extending itself out farther from the edge. She was creating something out of nothing. A few buildings popped up as an afterthought he mused. They weren't the giant high rises that Jane had said she's built. These were one and two story houses. They looked inviting. Grass and trees came too, all of the things of nature.

  Artimus was shocked when a half-formed came out of one of the houses and began tending a flower garden. He ran to it to get a closer look. Jane was lost in her spell and didn't notice. She was creating life! How was this possible? He wanted to stop her, something told him that this was wrong, and couldn't be.

  He ran back to her and tapped her on the shoulder. Her concentration broke at once; she looked at him, angry.

  "Look at what you did! You broke my spell. This better be good."

  "You're creating life! That is reserved for the maker."

  "We've been through this. We're not alive. And look at what I've created? You do know what it's for don't you? Have you guessed?"

  "Look at that half-formed working in its garden."

  "You don't get it. We all started out as half-formed. Then we became. And if we have it my way, all of the half-formed will become as well. I'm just a little farther along than you, and most of the others. I was a part of the original creation."

  "What is this part of the creation for? You indicated you had something specific in mind."

  "It's for all of the now-aware to live in. See, the sky? It's sort of blue now. And the grass is green. Flowers grow. It's away from all of the ugliness of New York. Our first suburb," she smiled.

  I never did like Rome. But I like New York. And baseball games. Tell me, do you know where Boston is? Can we create it?"

  "It's in another state, but I don't see any reason we couldn't make it. There are no limits."

  "Go on with your spell then. I want to watch you build."

  Jane went back into her trance, moving her hands and speaking words that had never been spoken. The entire world broke into color all at once, now the sky was a deep blue, and the grass all the greener. Artimus smiled as the work went on. It wasn't just duplicating something they already knew, it was true synthesis. The creation of something where there was nothing. It hadn't required brick and mortar, or construction machines of any kind. It had only required a belief, and a faith that Artimus could tell was almost within his reach.

  He knew he would be like Jane in some time. He too would wield magic, and create something where there was nothing. He reveled in the thought of omnipotence, and the power it gave. It was too good to be true, still here was Jane, still creating. More buildings popped up as she wove her magic. It was the magic of all of them, even the yet to be formed. The half-formed would become; as Jane had said.

  There was a library all of the sudden. He knew from what Jane had experienced with the Library in New York, that this one would already be full of books, ready for the reading.

  What the hell, he thought, and went to the library. He opened the front door and entered. A half-formed was standing over a cabinet, arranging some kind of cards. He walked into the main room. From floor to balcony to ceiling there were books, books of all kinds. He knew Jane hadn't written them. Somewhere else, he thought. These books come from somewhere far from here, if not in distance than in the ether-all. He chose one at random and began to read.

  47

  Davey ran into the kitchen, half suspecting what his dad was going to talk about. His mother was just finishing up the dishes.

  "Mom, dad wants us. He says he had something to tell us. I think..."

  "What do you think?"

  "Nothing really. I don't know what he wants to talk to us about."

  "Well okay then, we'll see what daddy wants." She leaned over and planted a gentle kiss on Davey's forehead.

  The two of them entered the guest bedroom, which Dave Sr. would only have to occupy for one more night. He smiled a wan smile at his family, knowing that this probably wasn't going to go well, but what the hell, he had to do it. In Marigold's case, it was way overdue, in Davey's; it would be too soon, but oh well.

  Davey, please let me talk to your mother in private for a few minutes, please. Okay? And don't listen at the door. I'll know."

  "Aw, dad..."

  "Enough. I'll send your mom out when it's your turn."

  "Well okay." Davey exited the room, leaving Dave and Marigold alone. Dave waited until he was sure Davey wasn't listening at the door. He gesticulated with his left hand and cast a dimming spell to shroud their voices. Davey might get an abbreviated version of what he was going to tell his wife.

  Maybe.

  Maybe not.

  He cleared his throat. "Marigold, I'm not sure how to tell you this, so I'll be direct."

  "I thank you in advance for the candor. Something tells me you've been hiding something." She cocked her head to one side and folded her arms. "Alright, out with it."

  "Magic is real. I'm a wizard. And the model in the basement is alive. The beings there created most of the cities and landscapes down there. I don't have the talent to create something so complex with my own two hands. Although I suppose that my hands did have som
ething to do with it, in a sense."

  "Now the spell has been running out of control for weeks, as I've been laid up. I think some of the inhabitants that Davey has always suspected were there have become sentient; self-aware, and have been creating new places, and fixing the old ones. Tell me, when the Stenger kid attacked the model, were there parts that were damaged, and parts that were not? I felt the spell that these creatures possess protecting the model, at least as far as they could. You see, they are but minute extensions of me, and others. I sort of gave them magic. And now they're using it."

  "Aren't they?" Dave said.

  Marigold remained silent, somewhat stunned that what she had imagined in the farthest reaches of her mind was true! Then she started to yell. "You've kept all this from me for how long? Since the day I met you years ago? Oh, Dave how could you? All this time I thought we were living a normal life, and then I find this out? And what about Davey? I assume we're going to tell him. He's already figured it out anyway.

  "You lied by omission all these years. You couldn't trust me. And our relationship has always been about trust, like any marriage." She sat in the armchair she'd spent so many hours occupying during her husband's convalescence. She buried her face in her hands.

  "Mary, it's not like I didn't want to tell you. I was scared. I thought...I thought you wouldn't love me if you knew. That's why for the duration of our marriage, and before it, I didn't use magic. I could have us living in a castle. But other than the model, I've lived the life of the non-magic users. I work at my job; I change my own flat tire when I get one. All of the luxuries we could have..."

  "I'm sorry sweetheart, please forgive me. I'm in trouble now, the spell I cast on the model has been running way too long, and I've got to get down there and fix things. Put it all back the way it was. Or get rid of it altogether if that's what you want. Can you just say something? Anything? This is driving me nuts."

  "In case you hadn't noticed I'm in my own world of crazy now. Magic is real and you're a wizard that cast some spell on a supposedly inanimate tableau that is now alive? You'll have to excuse me but I'm a little out of sorts. Reality has taken on a new twist for me. And to find out that you've been lying to me all this time. You've really fucked up Dave. I don't know if I can live with this. I can live with magic. I can't live with the lies."