While You're Awake

by Stokes, Amber

  Ava quirked a brow at him, hoping to appear calm and playful.

  Keegan’s hands found their way pack into his apron pockets. “Would you like me to call my uncle to see if he could come check out the house again?”

  “No.” She shook her head. “No, it’s totally fine. He already took care of the problem. He doesn’t need to come back.”

  “Then what if I stopped by after work, just to do a quick check? Would that be okay?”

  She glanced away from the earnestness on his boyish face and began tapping lightly, absentmindedly on the keys. He was worried about her. Tap tap tap tap. He shouldn’t be. Tap tap tap. He shouldn’t have to go out of his way for a virtual stranger. He’d already done enough. Tap tap tap tap. But how could she say no?

  “If you’re sure…I’d appreciate it.”

  “Sure. No problem.” He smiled, stepped back, then hesitated again. “By the way, do you have any other fears? Of animals, I mean.”

  She blinked, curious. “No.”

  Keegan demonstrated the real-life version of the cliché phrase “grinning from ear to ear.” With an encouraging wave at the coffee sitting neglected beside her, he returned to the counter.

  Ava drew the cup into her hand and sipped the warm mochaccino, eyes closing in a rush of relaxation and rejuvenation. Bless you, Angel Boy.

  Chapter 6

  Sun and Moon whined in eagerness as Keegan pulled up the gravel drive to Ava’s house. He could hear their tales thumping against the sides of the crates in the truck bed. Their enthusiasm—for new places, new friends, life—always amped up his own excitement for things as simple as a walk through the woods or a game of Frisbee. Tonight, though, he hardly needed any help in the heart-racing department.

  After he parked the car, he crossed his arms over the edge of the truck bed and leaned in to glance at his boys. “You two better be on your best behavior, okay? Don’t go scaring Ava.” Sun barked and gave a shake of his furry mane, while Moon scooted closer to his crate’s door and nosed the bars, releasing another whine.

  Keegan smiled. “I’ll let you out in a minute.”

  With that, he walked to the front door, grateful for the light shining over the stoop. No loud music blared from within as he knocked and waited. After a moment, the lock clicked and Ava appeared. “Hey.”

  She looked good. It warmed him in a way he hadn’t felt since his first high-school crush to see that she had changed from the tie-dye T-shirt and jeans she wore to the coffee shop into a simple, light green, summery dress.

  It took him a moment to realize he had been staring and hadn’t ever responded to her greeting. “Hey.” He kneaded the back of his neck and offered up an embarrassed grin.

  Even in the dim light on the stoop and the glow from a lamp in the main room, Ava’s blush was obvious. Was it so very wicked of him to let his grin grow along with his confidence?

  Pushing the limits, he winked and asked, “Mind if I take a look around?”

  “Oh.” Ava shook her head. With a step back, she added, “Come in.”

  Keegan inspected the house thoroughly—or, as thoroughly as a beekeeper’s nephew with no professional training could do. He peeked into vents, put his ear to various walls, looked through cabinets, and felt quite satisfied that no buzzing bees had taken up residence.

  If only his conclusion had taken away the lines across Ava’s forehead. Instead, he was pretty sure they had only multiplied. But he couldn’t quite figure out why.

  Well, stress sometimes took a while to dissipate. Time for Phase 2.

  “I brought a couple of friends I want you to meet, if that’s okay with you.” He watched Ava for signs of nervousness—lip-biting, nail-chewing, trembling hands, that sort of thing—but she only gazed at him in open curiosity.

  “Why on earth did you just leave them in your truck all this time?”

  Keegan headed out the front door, leaving it open behind him so Ava could follow. “I didn’t think you’d want them in the house.”

  “What?”

  He glanced back to see Ava with her arms crossed over her chest, hesitating on the last step to the gravel drive. “What sort of friends do you have?” Her voice was filled with confusion. He couldn’t help but laugh.

  “The very best kind. Come on.” He continued to the back of the truck, pleased when the crunch of pebbles alerted him to Ava’s presence behind him. He released the tailgate and climbed into the bed, resting his hand on the nearest crate. “These are my babies.”

  The darkness hid Ava’s expression, but he imagined it to be skeptical. “Your…babies?”

  He knelt down next to Sun’s crate and grabbed two leashes from the toolbox. “Behave,” he reminded the dog in a whisper. As regal as ever, Sun practically strolled out of the crate after Keegan unlatched the door. He hooked up the leash to the German shepherd’s collar, then released Moon, who made a beeline for the back of the truck as soon as he spied freedom.

  “Moon, stop!” The command caused the dog to halt right before the big jump, thwarting him from his obvious plan to tackle Ava in unrestrained joy. Keegan caught Ava’s squeal as she took a couple of giant steps backward, hands up as a shield.

  Keegan sighed. Great first impression, Moon. “Come here, you mutt. I told you not to scare Ava.”

  The dog obeyed—less enthusiastically then he had disobeyed, of course. Keegan latched on the leash and then led the two golden and black canines out of the truck bed.

  Ava remained a safe distance away. “What kind of dogs are those?” The high-pitched nature of the question made Keegan wonder if this had been a stupid idea on his part. Sun and Moon were supposed to help calm Ava, not induce even more fear.

  Too late now. He took a step forward, then, in a firm voice, he commanded, “Down.” Immediately, Sun and Moon laid down next to his feet, watching him for signs of a reward or further commands, tongues lolling in anticipation.

  “These are my German shepherds, Sun”—he gestured to the furrier, more golden dog on his left—“and Moon”—he smoothed the fur of Moon’s sleek, darker head.

  Ava stood frozen, her wariness obvious even in shadow.

  “You can come pet them,” Keegan offered. “They’re big, but tame.” He sensed Ava watching him—or maybe studying would be the better word. He had to resist the urge to squirm like Moon was doing as the dog bided his time before licking poor Ava to death.

  Ava took a step toward Sun and finally knelt beside the gentler of the two. Raising a tentative hand, she began to stroke the dog’s ears and hairy neck. Sun was totally in heaven…and Moon was totally jealous. Keegan put a stop to the whimpering with a whispered “no.”

  “They’re beautiful dogs.”

  Keegan felt his shoulders relax at Ava’s quiet praise. “I think so, too. Moon can get a little rowdy, and Sun has an obnoxious bark, but they’re really great. I thought maybe we could take a quick walk around with them. If you wanted.”

  Ava stood, stumbling a bit when Sun rubbed his side against her leg. Keegan shot his hand out, but Ava just giggled and patted the dog.

  That giggle—it made all of Keegan’s concerns pop like bubbles floating in the night breeze.

  He held out Sun’s leash, and with only the slightest hesitation, Ava grabbed it. With Sun and Moon in tow, they walked through the fields around Ava’s house, chatting about nothing much and laughing at Moon’s antics.

  Keegan couldn’t blame the dog for wanting to show off a little.

  ∞∞∞

  It soon became a regular thing. Ava showed up at the coffee shop Monday, Thursday, and Friday each week for the next three weeks, her laptop in tow and a dark chocolate mochaccino delivered to her table by an angel.

  Keegan showed up at Ava’s place Wednesday nights, Thursday nights, and Saturday mornings for walks with Sun and Moon.

  And while odd noises in her home still made Ava lose sleep as she worried that perhaps the bees had returned, she managed to avoid texting Keegan late at night by reliving, as mu
ch as possible, every conversation, every teasing remark, every wink, every smile.

  Then one Saturday, Keegan suggested they take their walk at the local rose garden.

  When Ava resisted, declaring she had plenty of space around her house, Keegan tried to entice her with descriptions of the flowers.

  “Come on. They’ll be in full bloom right about now. Pink ones, red ones—I thought you would like this sort of stuff.”

  “Well, yeah, but…” Flowers attract bees.

  Keegan raised his eyebrows, leaning against his truck without a care in the world. Ava found it increasingly difficult to hang onto her concerns around him.

  “Fine. You win.” Although she felt her own sense of victory when he rewarded her with a wink and a helping hand into the passenger’s seat.

  Keegan released Sun and Moon from their crates once they arrived at the rose garden. A network of paths branched out through a park brimming with rose bushes, and Ava chose the one bracketed by blush-pink roses.

  Clouds threatened from one corner of the sky, but for now, sunshine enveloped the park in welcoming warmth and brightness. Ava held fast to Sun’s leash and admired the colors around her without pausing. As long as she didn’t stop, the bees were fairly easy to ignore.

  “You know, I never asked you how old Sun and Moon are.”

  Was it her imagination, or did Keegan almost trip?

  “They’re both eight.”

  Ava reached down to rub Sun’s ears, velvety smooth. “Did you get them when they were puppies?”

  “Yeah.” His response was so subdued, Ava could hardly hear it over the buzzing…

  She shut out that thought quickly. It wasn’t hard to do when Keegan took her free hand in his. “Ava, why don’t you slow down a bit? I would say this is more of a ‘strolling zone,’ not a ‘sprinting zone.’”

  “I was not sprinting.” But she forced herself to take in a deep breath of fresh, fragrant air and slow her pace.

  “I confess I had an ulterior motive for bringing you here.”

  Ava’s heart hiccupped as she glanced over at Keegan’s earnest expression, lips pressed tight and eyes full of…what? Pleading? Sympathy? What could he possibly have planned?

  “You’re going to have to stop for a second, though.” And with that, he rooted himself to a spot at the edge of the path, tugging her to a halt beside him.

  “What is it?” Ava couldn’t decide whether she should be excited or afraid. Sun nudged her shorts-clad leg with his wet nose, apparently sensing her distress.

  Keegan waited for a couple to walk past them before he said, “I wanted you to see the bees here, in their proper environment.”

  She tilted her head, mimicking the dogs beside them. Waiting.

  Keegan tipped his chin toward the nearest bush sprawling along the path. Bees covered it, almost as numerous as the bees covering her window all those weeks ago. She swallowed and attempted to step back—but Keegan’s grip was as strong as a leash, keeping her from getting too far away. He shifted his hand so that he could weave his fingers through hers.

  “It’s okay. See? They’re not paying any attention to you at all. They’re just going about their work.”

  She could feel her fingers start to tremble, but the tremors passed as Keegan gently tightened his grip, his solid fingers holding her together. With a tug, he brought her closer to his side.

  Left with little choice—she didn’t have the will to let go of Keegan—she watched the bees.

  Watched as one landed on a bloom, hiding away inside the petals.

  Watched as another emerged from a rose, crawled to the edge, and then took to the air.

  Watched as it found another bud nearby to pollinate.

  Watched as each bee followed its own invisible path, helping the roses to fulfill their purpose. Ensuring that more roses would come one day.

  Keegan said nothing as they continued to observe this dance of nature, bees and flowers switching partners and imparting a little bit of hope for one another’s lives. The bees would make honey. The flowers would spread.

  Slowly, Ava’s heart resumed its usual rhythm and her grip on Keegan’s hand lost its urgency.

  Keegan was right. While she still didn’t want these creatures anywhere near her house, they looked almost…graceful…here, in this rose bush.

  Suddenly, Moon snapped at a passing bee, which zipped away before the dog could swallow it whole. “No, Moon. Those aren’t treats.” Keegan shook his head, but when Ava met his gaze, they both laughed.

  The spell was broken, so they continued on their way.

  Keegan still held onto her hand.

  Chapter 7

  Keegan lay in bed that night, unable to rid his mind of Ava’s innocent question. Did you get them when they were puppies? It brought him back to the roly-poly days of Sun and Moon, when they could hardly have protected him from anything and yet somehow helped to keep the terror at bay. They were tangible gifts of love from another time when Keegan had tried to be the hero—succeeding only in part.

  He hadn’t thought about that day in months. At least he hadn’t dwelled on it much since then. But as his mind drifted from his walk with Ava at the rose garden, it all came back to him.

  Eight years ago. Seventeen years old. A bus stop. A gunman.

  Keegan had simply reacted. The guy was one of his classmates. That year they shared the same physics class. He sat across the room, always absorbed in his work. Whenever Keegan happened to see him in his peripheral at lunch, he always had his headphones on. In his own bubble on the quad.

  And now here he was, holding a gun and threatening to take out everyone at the bus stop. Students. An older couple. Some twenty-something girl in a Burger King uniform. A businessman who had been absorbed with his iPad only seconds ago, tie uneven, collar wrinkled.

  Keegan walked in on that scene, coming down the sidewalk. Saw the terror. Heard the screams as his classmate shot at the businessman. Tackled the gunman before he could squeeze the trigger again. Saw the girl dive for the gun and grasp it in shaky hands while the older man shouted something into his own phone. Straddled his classmate while the guy spit in his face and thrashed back and forth, up and down. Bucking and kicking and slamming his head against the pavement until the police came.

  Keegan was hailed a hero. But all he could see every night he closed his eyes—for months and years—was the businessman bleeding out. All he could feel was the hatred of his classmate and the terror of those innocent people at the bus stop. All he could taste was the tears he cried at the businessman’s memorial service.

  Luke Tanner. That was his name. The name of a husband. A father of two. A son. A brother. A coworker. A friend.

  Gone. Just like that.

  A tear slid down the side of his face and into his ear as he lay there in bed, remembering.

  He didn’t fear death. Not for himself. He believed in Jesus. Believed in heaven. In grace. In hope.

  What he feared most of all was that feeling of helplessness. It still haunted him in public places like grocery stores and movie theaters and art galleries. What if…? What if he could do nothing to save the people, to stop the panic?

  He clenched the sheet in his fists. Then sat up, groaning in frustration. Ava brought it all back, and he wondered if helping her through her fear would make any difference if he had no control over the fears that might plague her in the future.

  What good would it do to better someone’s life if they could lose it tomorrow?

  Somehow, deep down, he already knew that answer. He’d wrestled with this question years ago. It was stupid to wrestle with it again and again and again.

  But sometimes, that’s what it takes.

  Sliding out of bed, he got down on his knees, praying. Begging, really. Striving to remember the truth he’d once come to realize about the value of life—the enormity of it—and how the light of it couldn’t be snuffed out by darkness unless one chose it.

  He didn’t know how long he’d been c
rying into his comforter before he heard the clack of nails on the kitchen floor and the padding of paws on the carpet. Moon came and rested his heavy head on Keegan’s shoulder until Keegan turned and buried his face into his friend’s fur. Just as the dog had done since the very first day Keegan’s parents had bought the two puppies, he provided a loyal presence. A blessed reminder that Keegan wasn’t alone.

  Moon followed Keegan onto the bed, and Keegan drifted into a nightmare-free sleep. He knew better than anyone that German shepherds made the best kind of guard dog.

  ∞∞∞

  Ava glanced up from her laptop when she heard a knock at the door. Her brow furrowed as she puzzled over who it could be. The only person who came to visit her was Keegan. But today was Sunday.

  Ava opened the door, blinking her bleary eyes at the twilight sky casting Keegan in a golden glow.

  “Got off work an hour early.” He shrugged. “I know Sunday isn’t one of our usual walking days, but do you want to take a walk with me?”

  She leaned against the doorjamb, glancing back briefly at her laptop and the manuscript she’d been editing. She had made good progress today, despite the sleepless night and the late-morning church service. And a walk in the fresh air sounded nice.

  Actually, a walk with Keegan in the fresh air sounded nice.

  “Are Sun and Moon coming with us?”

  She caught Keegan’s smile, although he seemed less vibrant today. The light never left him, though. His thoughtful attitude just brought him from noonday shine to twilight glow.

  “I see how it is. You only want me for my dogs now.”

  The words startled Ava. Not because he was flirting—which wasn’t such a rare thing—but because it was true. She did want him. But not for his dogs. For his joy. His kindness. His care.

  She sucked in a breath of the lukewarm evening air. “Let me just save my work and grab a light sweater.”

  After a moment, Ava rejoined Keegan on the stoop, closing the door behind her and stuffing her hands in her sweater pockets. “Lead the way.”