Harsh Light of Day

by Jaye A. Jones

  **

  I never gave much thought to what I must have been like as a human. I spent most of my time thinking about what I was like as a vampire. Though I pretty much obsessed about the stuff I remembered, the idea of actually being human was strange to me. How could I ever have been more fragile, slower, weaker? Could I have been happy back then?

  I didn’t even know what happy meant. Maybe when I was human I knew.

  Will Shepherd smiled with such ease, and not only at me, but at everyone. The giggling girls he held the door open for when we arrived at the small, smelly restaurant. The greasy man working behind the sticky bar. The youthful waitress who took our order and brought us our food. Each human got equal attention.

  The restaurant was empty but for the humans working there, and I was surprised at how they didn’t linger around us. No one in the outside world, it would seem, had a problem giving someone room to breathe. Or maybe it was strangers? I had so much to learn, and was enjoying observing.

  Actually, I kind of wished there were more humans in the restaurant. The more to observe, the better.

  The two bites of cheeseburger I tried to eat didn’t feel right in my stomach at all. They kind of sat there like two jagged rocks. Two pinecones. And even more depressing, that was what it tasted like, too. The cheeseburger didn’t taste anything like my memory thought it would.

  I thought it would taste rich and salty, but it was tasteless and bland. I remembered it being moist and pleasantly chewy, but it was dry and dense. It reminded me of chewing on a damp cloth.

  I probably should have known.

  Knowing for sure the things I liked before weren’t the same made me more miserable about my existence.

  Maybe if I had never known the truth, I’d still have the fun of wondering.

  But I knew better. That wasn’t how it was at all. It was torture, the not knowing. It’s always better to know the truth.

  Once I reminded myself of this, I felt better, except for the uncomfortable lumps of cheeseburger.

  Will’s voice remained pleasant. He did most of the talking. This Will was a very chatty human. And I appreciated that since I was still getting used to being out of Colin’s Castle. Actually, I wasn’t really listening to what he said exactly. Maybe that wasn’t good of me, but I was still getting the hang of having company I actually wanted to have.

  What I did pick up on, I enjoyed hearing. Will talked about classes and movies, some of which I even knew about thanks to the newspapers Declan had brought me. I liked the admiration his voice had when he talked about his friends.

  And he didn’t seem to judge me for being odd.

  I was so clearly out of place. I didn’t know how to sit, or what to do with my hands. I watched Will’s eyes as he talked which I began to realize may not have been the convention, since when I talked, the little I talked, Will watched my mouth instead, and then looked away. I got the distinct impression humans didn’t hold each other’s gaze for long.

  Vampires were always staring.

  But Will never appeared uncomfortable. He never made me feel out of place. Will talked happily as he devoured his cheeseburger and French fries, two soft drinks, and what appeared to be his weight in ketchup.

  It could have been thick blood if not for the sugary smell.

  The human smiled vibrantly and his chocolate eyes danced when he laughed. There was no hint of being afraid of me in his behavior, no matter how long I accidentally studied his honest face or how close our skin came to touching.

  Yes, I was enjoying my time with Will.

  I liked him.