Endurance: A Salvation Society Novel

by Alexandra Silva

  “Okay…” Dark eyes narrow on me as though I’m crazy.

  “He’s barely been home the last two weeks, and last night when he came in, we had a fight about me needing to take a step back from work and Dad’s will…”

  “It’s not like you need to work, and the aquarium job isn’t exactly…you know…it’s not like the pay is amazing.”

  I don’t understand why she’s not backing me up. Kayla’s my friend. She may work with Carl, but we’ve known each other for almost fifteen years. She was my maid of honor. She’s Iris’s godmother…

  “It’s not about the money, it’s what I love. I love my job.” At one point, Carl didn’t mind it either. But now having a marine biologist wife doesn’t seem as cute anymore. Maybe because he’s realized that I can’t make people fall at his feet the way he wants. The way Kayla does.

  “I don’t see how this means he’s stepping out on you. You know I love you,” she tells me softly, like she’s talking to a child throwing a tantrum. “You’re going through a lot right now…”

  “My dad died, Kayla. He literally dropped dead, and I didn’t get to say goodbye. The last time I saw him, he was fine and happy, and two days later he was gone. Like that.” I click my fingers in her face to make sure she’s looking at me. That she’s seeing me and not whatever paranoid person she thinks I’m being. “I’m not going through a lot, I’m going through hell. I’m trying to understand what I didn’t see. What I missed. I needed someone to be there for me, and he’s too busy calling someone else babe. Babe.”

  She cringes, her face flushing red as she swallows down whatever she was about to tell me. It’s all bullshit. I shouldn’t even have said anything to her without talking to Carl first, but every time we talk, it becomes a fight that turns nasty and volatile. He hauls me around like a rag doll until I concede.

  But my job? It may not pay what his does, but it’s my only freedom. It’s the only part of my life that’s entirely mine, that I have control over. I can’t give that up.

  “Maybe you heard it wrong.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Have you asked him about it?”

  “No, and I don’t know what to do.” Every time I think I can talk to him, he lashes out at me. How can I talk to him when I’m scared he’ll hurt me? “I feel so lost right now.”

  “What do you mean?”

  The coach blows the whistle on the session, saving me from having to think about what I actually mean.

  “I need to go get Iris dressed. Thanks for coming to watch her. It’s the highlight of her week.”

  “Sure.” She smiles, looking torn as she heads up the steps to the viewer exit.

  I don’t know if I’ve done something wrong, but she doesn’t say goodbye. Where she would usually hug me, she walks away without another word, leaving me to think over our entire conversation, word for word, as I help Iris get showered and dressed.

  With the hour’s relay practice, she’s exhausted enough that she eats her snack and falls asleep on the short drive that takes me past my parents’ desolate home. I don’t even stop—the sight of it is all it takes for the grief to overwhelm me.

  As if my father’s attorney could sense where I was, my phone rings with his name flashing up at me from the dash.

  “Decline.” I blow out a breath as I hit the red button on my steering wheel.

  I know he wants me to finalize things with Dad’s will. He needs to go through all the estate and hand it all over to me, but I’m not ready. The thought of accepting everything and signing the final papers is suffocating. As agonizing as the second I found out he was gone and as the day I buried him.

  I don’t want this life anymore. My silent tears choke me as I turn into my drive and sit there, staring at the New England–style home my parents gifted me and Carl on our wedding day. All I can think is that I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to go back in there and pretend everything is okay.

  Folding myself over the steering wheel, I try to gather myself before I wake Iris up.

  What kind of mother would I be if I took this away from her? She’s lost enough already; I can’t take any more away from her. She needs stability and normalcy. And this is it. This is all she’s ever known.

  Taking a deep breath and pushing away the sinking feeling inside me, I gather Iris in my arms and head inside. With the door at the side of the house, it takes me by surprise when I find Dominic standing there. I practically jump right out of my skin.

  “Dom…what? What are you doing here?”

  I had no idea he knew my address. We’re friends, but he’s never been here. Priscilla’s never been here. We always had dinners at my parents’ house or at her house.

  “I need to talk to you.” He comes closer, and I realize that his expression is twisted with worry.

  “I can’t.”

  I fumble with the lock while I try to make sure that Iris doesn’t wake and see him. She’ll probably mention it to Carl, and it’ll be another fight that I have to endure.

  “Please, Avery.”

  “Look, Dom, we’re friends, and I know you have no other intentions, but Carl isn’t comfortable with us talking, and right now…I-I can’t have another fight with him because of you. I’m sorry, okay?”

  “Your dad always looked out for me—he made sure my shit was always legit. He had my back, and I owe it to him to make sure that you don’t get caught up in this.” He holds up a manilla file I didn’t even realize he had in his hand. “It won’t take long, and once I know that you are aware of what’s coming, I’ll leave you to do what you want…”

  “What are you talking about?” I stand to the side, knowing that I can’t let him leave without hearing him out. Not when he’s looking at me with the same devastation he had in his eyes when he found out about Dad.

  As dubious as it might look, I let him in and lock the door behind us even though Berkeley is possibly the safest neighborhood in DC. We’re in the middle of wealthy suburbia, and although houses come with break-in-proof locks and chains, no one uses them.

  “The kitchen’s through there.” I nod toward the right side of the house as I head up the stairs to put Iris in bed. It’s a relief she’s so tired from the restless nights she’s had and the swim practice.

  When I come down, Dom is pacing around the kitchen island, as though he’s debating a problem in his head.

  “We don’t have long,” I tell him even though I’m not exactly certain that Carl will show up tonight. The night after my father’s funeral, he stayed at the office and the night after that.

  “Has he hurt you?” he asks as I pull two bottles of water from the fridge and place them beside the file on the breakfast bar. “At the wake…”

  “If that’s what you want to talk about, I’m fine. We’re fine. So—”

  “Carl’s under investigation.” The baffled look I level him with must prompt him to explain further. “He’s under federal investigation for bribery and gratuity.”

  My heart drops to my feet so fast that I have to hold on to the counter to steady myself.

  “No. N-no,” I stammer, barely able to breathe through the panic spinning inside me. “No, he wouldn’t…”

  Except maybe he would. I don’t know.

  “How do you know this?”

  “I can’t tell you that. I shouldn’t be telling you this either, but I owe it to Rob.” Opening up the file, he turns it to face me. “They don’t have names yet. That being said, it won’t be long until they do.”

  I read through the editorial draft of the article for the Washington Post that’s in the file. Unable to breathe or talk, I stare up at him when I’m done.

  Dominic knows exactly what I’m thinking when he blows out a weary breath. “Seventeen years, Avery. Accepting funds in exchange for future favors is a federal crime, but the rest…blackmail and extortion, that’s criminal. That’s a completely different sentence.”

  I don’t understand what’s happening right now. I do and I
don’t. I feel sick with the possibility that it will blow our entire life up.

  “The bureau is out for blood. They’re going to turn everything upside down.”

  “I don’t understand what he’s done, Dom. I don’t get it. He only vets the funds. He doesn’t—”

  “He had to know. The people they’re investigating…he had to know what was happening and had to cover it up.”

  “But he might not.”

  “Avery…”

  I take a deep breath, trying to ground myself as I close the file and put it in one of the kitchen drawers.

  What would Dad do? I ask myself, avoiding Dominic’s gaze.

  He would close ranks and protect his home. That’s exactly what I have to do.

  “You need to leave,” I tell him, starting for the door.

  Dominic follows behind me, stopping in the open doorway when I hold the door for him.

  “I know it’s a lot to process, but I’m here and I’ll do everything I can to help you and Iris.” He pulls out an old-looking cell from the pocket of his slacks and holds it out to me. “You can call me anytime.” When I don’t take it, he puts it in my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before he leaves.

  I can’t think. I can’t talk. I can’t even cry even though my eyes are stinging and my throat is swollen. I’m beyond choked as I fall to my ass on the stairs, staring at the door and the phone in my hand.

  I thought I was on a parallel universe before, but now, I’m being sucked through a black hole. Every part of me is being pulled apart and twisted, and I have no idea when or how I’m going to be spat out.

  Chapter Four

  AVERY

  The front door slams closed, a sign that Carl is finally home. It’s dark with the exception of my screen. I’ve sat here for hours staring at it blankly, hoping that it would give me answers to questions I don’t even know how to ask.

  The low clack of his shoes on the hardwood gets louder as he nears, and I close the file in front of me, my gaze going to the flip phone beside my MacBook.

  Call me. Anytime.

  The words echo in my head while I watch Carl drag his feet to the fridge. He takes out the milk and pours himself a small glass—something he does after he’s had a few too many drinks.

  “How was work, babe?” I ask, watching as he gulps down the entire glass in one.

  It’s a stupid move on my part. Nevertheless, I flick the switch, turning on the light above the breakfast bar as I shut my laptop and stare at the file on the counter. The feel of his stare on me makes me shudder, and it’s an odd moment to realize that I don’t care about him at all.

  In a way it’s a relief; in another, it angers me that I’ve sat here all evening wondering what to do with all the information when I should’ve packed a bag and left with my daughter.

  “What did you say?” He stands on the other side of the breakfast bar, looking at me with his brow all kinds of scrunched up with incredulity.

  “How was work?” My bravery tucks its tail between its legs when he leans forward, his hands flattening on the file. “Good day?”

  “It would have been if my fucking wife wasn’t entertaining other men.”

  I freeze. My pulse skitters icily through me as it dawns on me that he knows Dominic was here. He knows and his anger is bordering on rage as he rounds the counter and comes to stand in front of me.

  “What the fuck did I tell you? Are you fucking stupid?”

  His dark plum lipstick–smeared collar peeks from beneath his suit jacket. All his late nights at the office, the slew of days he’s spent away from home boil down to the stain on his shirt. The proof of my suspicions right in front of my eyes cuts deeper than it should. I’m done.

  “Is this true?” I take the file and hand it to him, before taking the cell that Dom left and slipping it into my pocket. “Did you do it?”

  Without looking, he rips it in two and throws it in my face as I manage to get down from the stool and put some distance between us, but he’s faster than me even in his half-drunken state.

  “That’s why my father stopped working with you, isn’t it?”

  It makes sense now. He wasn’t shunning Carl at all—he knew, and even when we fought about it, he tried to protect me from the truth.

  The copper tint of his mussed hair glints in the dim light as he hulks over me. He’s tall and broad, and there is nothing about him that’s warm. Even his anger is cold.

  It’s only when we’re like this that I realize how much bigger he is than me. How easily he can overpower me.

  In a panic I try to push him away, and before I can get away, he slaps me so hard that I collapse into the corner of the wall and kitchen cabinet. The pain rings loudly, echoing around my head in a daze that leaves me incapable of finding my feet.

  “All you had to do was stay the fuck away from him,” he spits in my face while his hand winds in my hair and he drags me down to the stone floor.

  His hand goes down to his belt, and my heart begins to hammer frantically. So hard that it physically hurts. Breath after desperate breath congeals in my lungs.

  “Why is it so hard for you to listen. Just do as you’re told?” He lifts my chin with the tip of his shoe, examining the damage he caused, no doubt. “I swear to God, Avery, you’re a waste. You’re nothing but a spoilt daddy’s girl, and now he’s gone…”

  I don’t let him finish, pushing away from him as fast as I can to crawl to the doorway. I almost make it. Almost. Only almost isn’t enough.

  Grabbing me by my nape, he hauls me to my feet, spinning me to face him in such a way that I trip over his feet and face-plant into the breakfast bar. The sharp burst of pain from my cheek and the side of my head is a reminder of what’s already happened as blood runs down the back of my throat and pours from my nose as I turn to be greeted by Carl’s darkened features. His thin lips look sinister with his scowl, his skin ghostly.

  “You honestly think Congressman Erickson cares? About you?” Taking a step back, he looks down on me. “You’re nothing, and now that Robert’s gone, you’re worthless.”

  The space between us offers me an escape and a sliver of hopeful relief as I slip away from him.

  “We’re not done!” He grabs me by the crook of my elbow. His grasp is lax enough that I manage to pull away.

  “Yeah, we are.” Pushing through the pounding in my head, I head for the stairs.

  I have to get me and Iris out of here. Away from him. Away from his mess. Each step turns my gut with how my head is still spinning. Now that the blood is crusting over my nose, it’s getting harder to breathe too.

  “It’s always the same with you, Avery. Need, want, whine…whine…whine. You’re thirty years old, for God’s sake!”

  “Actually, I’m thirty-one!” I blurt behind me. Carl wouldn’t know, though, because he’s missed my birthdays the last few years. He would’ve missed our daughter’s birthdays if I wasn’t the one organizing the cakes and buying the presents.

  I’m halfway up the stairs when he catches me through a gap in the woodwork. My socked feet slip on the wooden steps, and I crash down. The entire right side of my body scrapes down the edge of the steps. The sound is louder than my garbled cry.

  There’s no remorse at the sight of the damage he’s caused. Not a shudder or grimace as he stands over me, coming to crouch so that our faces are level with me hunched on the step, only indifference.

  A tear burns through my resistance and skates down my pulsing cheek to his audible swallow. A sick, stupid part of me feels sorry for him.

  His freckled hand cups my jaw, and he studies my face before he stands.

  “You ever walk away from me again…ever…I’ll break your fucking legs.” His navy suit jacket strains over his thick arms with his hands braced on his hips. Carl is a striking man. Breathtaking with his rusty hair and porcelain skin. Amber eyes and sharp, high cheekbones. “You go near that prick again and I’ll kill you. And believe me, nobody, not a single fucking soul in this world, wi
ll give a shit if you’re gone.”

  I almost believe him as he stands over me, watching as I breathe through the burning pain consuming every inch of me. He’s right—I’m on my own now. But I’d rather be on my own than with him.

  “Mommy?” I look up to find Iris standing at the top of the stairs, staring with wide eyes between us, terrified.

  “Go back to bed,” he barks at her coldly.

  Her eyes focus on mine. I know they’re teary by the way her chin is quivering and she’s blinking.

  “I’m thirsty, Mommy.”

  My legs wobble when I stand, and it takes me far too long to right myself, because he’s standing right in front of me. Alcohol-sweetened breath coats my face as he tells me, “Put your daughter to bed. We need to go over the ground rules.”

  Taking the momentary out he’s given me, I head upstairs one slow step at a time. Fully aware that our only escape is back there, I need to find another way of getting us out of here.

  “Come on, baby,” I coo as steadily as I can, taking Iris’s hand and guiding her back to her room.

  “I’m not thirsty,” she tells me when I walk her through her closet to her bathroom and start running the cold water to make her a glass.

  Wiping her eyes, she hugs me tightly. It takes everything to hold in the pain that throbs up my side.

  “You’re bleeding.”

  “It’s nothing. Mommy had an accident.”

  “I don’t like it when Daddy’s angry,” she whispers when I take her back through the closet.

  “I need you to get dressed, okay?”

  Iris does as she’s told, putting on the pink leggings and sweater I hand her.

  “I’m scared.” She’s sobbing as she watches me pull out handfuls of clothes and throw them into one of her swimming bags.

  “It’s okay, baby.” I manage a smile that curdles my insides with every second I hold it in place for her. “Go get your toothbrush.”

  The entire time I’m throwing essentials in the bag, I’m asking myself why I didn’t do this earlier. Why did I wait? Why didn’t I pack our bags and leave before he got home?