Endurance: A Salvation Society Novel

by Alexandra Silva

  “Hey.” I manage to get her to look back up at me, but she won’t meet my eyes. “Look at me.”

  I wait for her to do it before I sit forward in the wicker seat by the side of the bed. There’s a sadness in her eyes that I’ve never seen before. A needy dejection that has me pulling her onto my lap and holding her to my chest.

  “Can you keep a secret?”

  “Sure,” she tells me even though I know she’s as bad as Makenna for sharing things.

  “I can’t love your mommy without loving you. You want to know why?”

  “Why, Doc?” She nuzzles deeper into me, one arm cuddling her bedtime buddies while the other wraps around the front of my chest.

  “Because when you love someone, you love all their heart, and the biggest part of your mommy’s heart is you. So, you see, it’s impossible for me not to love you.”

  “I love you too.” She tries to squeeze me as tight as she can, and I squeeze her right back, peppering her hair with kisses.

  I’m putting her back into bed and tucking her in when she asks me another question. “Are you going to take my mommy on a date?”

  “Do you know what a date is?”

  “Umm.” Iris thinks hard about it before she replies, “It’s when a girl and a boy are hungry and they share food together. If he really likes her, he lets her try his food.”

  “Yeah?” A chuckle escapes me at her definition of a date, and it makes me wonder how much more does she know about life that I don’t realize?

  For seven years old, she’s really switched on and savvy. She has a real old soul to her tender years.

  “That’s what Kenny said. She told me that her mommy steals her daddy’s food all the time and that he always moans about it but lets her have it because he loves her.”

  “You know what? That’s kind of true. I wouldn’t share Jo’s pie with anyone except your mom, and maybe you.”

  “So, are you going to take my mommy on a date?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Are you going to take Jo’s pie too?”

  “I think I’m going to have to.”

  “Mommy should take some red velvet cupcakes too, that way you can both share and that means that you love each other.”

  “Tell you what, if you go to sleep, I’ll come over extra early tomorrow so we can make more cupcakes.”

  “And then we can have a date?”

  “Hell yeah, you, me and your mom.”

  Turning on her side, she squees, “I can’t wait.”

  “We can go for a picnic, and I heard that tomorrow night there’s going to be a meteor shower, so we can put the stargazing tent up and watch it too.”

  “That sounds nice.”

  “Good, but you have to go to sleep.”

  “Okay,” she yawns on purpose as I tuck her in, and just as I’m about to leave the room, she tells me, “Don’t forget flowers. It’s not a date if you don’t bring flowers, and my mommy loves roses, and they have to be red because that’s the color of love. Okay?”

  “Sure thing, champ.”

  I make it downstairs as Avery’s finishing up in the kitchen. Jo wasn’t feeling too great after a restless night, and with everyone having turned up for dinner, she went to bed the minute they left. It’s just me and her Care Bear theme tune singing self.

  Finally.

  It takes her a moment to realize I’m watching her, and as always a beautiful blush colors her cheeks.

  “Did she make you read another chapter?”

  “I think she’s loving the story so far.”

  “It’s more about who’s reading it rather than the story itself.” She smiles, biting on that gorgeous lip I’m partial to while she watches me close the space between us.

  The cute little pink dress she’s wearing makes her light golden tan glow. With her hair knotted atop her head, my eyes are drawn to the heart-shaped neckline and the way the frilled straps fall off her shoulders where she’s so slender. Still, she’s a stunner with all her freckles and high cheekbones.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” Her hand hovers over my chest like she’s not sure whether she can touch me or not, and as always, I place it over my pounding heart to the sight of her broadening smile.

  “I’m looking at you because I like what I see. Because you’re beautiful, Avery.”

  Blinking, she lowers her gaze to the ground, much like the way Iris did when she asked me if I loved her, and it dawns on me that they haven’t been shown much love from the one person that should’ve showered them with it. I want to fix that. I want to be the one to pour it on them, to drown them in all the affection I have for them.

  “I mean it, sweetheart.”

  Eyes widening at my endearment, she sways on her bare feet with a sigh. “Doc…”

  “Yes, sweetheart?” I repeat. Hooking a finger in one of the gaps between the buttons on the front of her dress, I draw her to me until we’re flush to one another.

  Tears line her eyes even though she’s evidently trying to force them away. “Why are there tears in your eyes?”

  Shaking her head, she brings her other hand to my chest too. “I’m not just Avery to you,” she murmurs into my chest.

  “No, you’re not. You’re my sunshine.”

  “Your sunshine,” she repeats, tipping her head to meet my gaze.

  “Yeah.” I bite the tip of her dainty nose before pressing a kiss to it. “Mine.”

  Slowly, she rolls onto the tips of her toes and wraps her arms around my neck. Her breath licks over my lips, scorching and magnifying my thirst for her.

  “Yours.”

  With her eyes still locked on mine, I press my lips to hers in an awkwardly perfect kiss that has her wrapping her legs around me when I sit her on the counter. My hands bracket her hips so that my thumbs stroke over the flat in the middle.

  Hum after hum, she kisses me back deeper with her fingers knotting in my hair and her tongue dueling with mine. And I want her so damn much. I want every part of her. To devour every moan and taste every inch of her body. My need for her is overwhelming, coursing through me without mercy.

  But with Avery it’s not about my need; it’s about hers. Reluctantly, I pull away with one last lick into her mouth and a bite of her lip, tracing my hands over her sides all the way to her shoulders.

  “I should go,” I tell her, but as I try to step back, she refuses to release me. “Avery…”

  “I don’t…I don’t want to be alone, Doc.”

  Nuzzling into my neck, she holds on tight as I lift her from the kitchen counter and take her over to the couch. The TV is on one of the movie channels showing Piranha.

  We settle in a huddle along the length of the couch, and with Avery tucked into my chest and our legs tangled together, there’s nothing I can do to distract from my reaction to her. My jeans have never felt so tight in my entire life as they do now with her body flush to mine and her hot, trembling breaths seeping beneath my skin.

  I would give everything up to live in this moment forever. To never let go of her and be the one constant in her world that never lets her down.

  Chapter Seventeen

  AVERY

  Coffee. The smell fills my lungs mixing with the fresh Saturday morning air from the open window. For the first time since I can remember, I feel good. I’m not drowning in grief, overwhelmed by the loss of my father. Even as his favorite song plays over the radio, I’m smiling while I hum along to a soft version of “Beyond the Sea.” Although I’m aware that the situation with Carl is far from over, I’m breathing, and it doesn’t hurt. Knowing that Mark has eyes on him has helped ease my worry and fear.

  Sitting back in front of my laptop with my coffee, I read over the email my boss sent over. A part of me is wary of replying with my notice, especially when he’s giving me the okay to work from out of state.

  Take your time.

  I read over his close again and again. Iris is out in the orchard with Jo and the dogs, leaving the house in complet
e peace and quiet. I should be concentrating on the water quality reports for a couple of the new exhibitions I headed along with the plans for the new touch tank. Nothing calls to me, though; I want to be out there with them, enjoying what we have left of the summer sunshine.

  Closing my laptop, I head outside. There’s a large tent set up by the edge of the lake. The top is all mesh, allowing me to see through it.

  I’m checking it out when the nudge at my back makes me jump. Big dark eyes look up at me from behind a creamy mane. With a neigh, the longhaired pony nudges my belly, offering me a bright red, fully blossomed rose.

  “Do you like him?” Iris asks excitedly, running to where I’m standing with a small pink rose pushed into her bun. “Isn’t he cute? He is, isn’t he? And he brought you the flower from Doc.”

  I look beyond her to find Garrett standing by his Jag, parked behind Jo’s pickup, too perfectly hidden away because I had no idea he’d returned after leaving early this morning. Last night was the first time I’ve slept with another man beside me in eight years, and it was wonderful.

  “The rose is for you, Mommy.” Iris takes it from the miniature horse and holds it up to me. “It’s red for love. Pretty, right?”

  Taking it from her, I twirl it between my fingers, unable to conceal my happiness and the warmth that’s filling me.

  “She’s beautiful,” Garrett murmurs beside me, tipping my chin up so that our gazes meet. “It’s not a date unless you bring a girl flowers, right, champ?”

  “Right,” she squeals excitedly beside us, jumping up and down in my peripheral vision.

  It’s probably the worst moment to get emotional and teary. I know it is, but the gesture is sweet and cheesy all at once. My lungs pinch with how full my chest feels.

  “I needed this. Thank you.” He doesn’t realize how this small surprise has helped me compartmentalize all the issues going around my head. All this talk of time, and really everything that I’ve always wanted is right in front of me right here and now.

  “I want to make you happy, sunshine, and I know that you need time, but I’m not giving up. Today, tomorrow, next week, month, or year, I’m still going to be here. Wanting and needing you.”

  “The here and now is pretty damn great, Doc.”

  I focus on the way his entire demeanour practically lights up. Everything about him is so striking. The sharp lines of his jaw that are softened by his pink lips and golden stubble taunt my fingertips. The depth of his stare makes me want to free-fall into him.

  “It is, huh?”

  We’re so close, and every cell of my being is yearning for his kiss as his eyes shine into mine. Bright, warm tropical waters that soothe over every broken inch of my soul, making me forget that my heart has ever been crushed.

  “You know”—Iris taps his arm—“you can kiss my mommy. I saw you do it already.”

  With a deep guffaw, Garrett plants a kiss on my forehead and each of my cheeks, whispering into my ear as she carries on squealing beside us, “I’ll keep it PG for now.”

  “Good idea,” she replies, sending us all into a fit of laughter.

  “What do you think?” Garrett sits beside me on the picnic blanket while Iris paddles in the shallow stream.

  “It’s a stunning view.”

  Without looking away from him, I lean closer. I want him to kiss me again. The feel of his tongue licking over mine is addictive, and I’m salivating at the mere memory of it.

  The sound of my heart thrums in my ears as he smiles down on me, doubling up its pace when he meets me in the middle, his lips brushing mine with an audible hum that vibrates through me.

  “Are you flirting with me?”

  “Is it working?”

  There’s no point in denying it, and besides, he’s always been honest with me, up-front and straightforward in his intentions. It’s what makes it so difficult to keep Garrett at a distance. There are no games or duplicitous designs.

  “What do you think?”

  “I think I’m out of practice and breaking a sweat.”

  “Avery, Avery…Avery, think about it this way, I brought you here because I want to spend more time with you. I want to get to know you in every possible way because to me you are a strong, intelligent, and gorgeous woman.”

  He kisses me softly and briefly, then pulls back, staring into my eyes. There’s no other choice other than to believe every word he whispers, because it’s all there is in his gaze. He looks at me with awe and want, and I feel it deep inside me. A flame licking at my insides. I’ve never yearned for the physical touch of words as I do for Garrett’s. It’s a nonsensical need that is completely out of my control.

  “You’re an unexpected possibility I didn’t see coming, and every moment I spend with you, I want more. I’m always going to want more when it comes to you, sweetheart.”

  “What if one day you don’t?” It’s the one thing that keeps plaguing me, even when all I want is to live in the moment with him.

  “That’s never going to happen.” He presses a kiss to my head. “The only thing I ask is that you trust me, Avery.”

  “I’m here because I do, Garrett. I trust you enough that I don’t want to go back to my life, or what’s left of it. I want to be here…with you.”

  “I bought this land from Jo a couple of years back. After Duke died and when she started showing obvious symptoms, she had to close down the rehab part of the ranch. I used to keep it going, but having so many people around was too much, and she chose not to go on with it.”

  “It’s a shame because she’s as hospitable as someone can be. Even when she’s having a bad day.”

  “Yeah, she’s always been a character, and it was obvious it was killing her to sell off part of the land to pay off some of the debts that had been building up.”

  “So, you bought it. Just like that?” It seems far too easy. I may be new to the picture, but I know for a fact that Jo loves to help others, but she struggles to let others help her in return.

  “No,” he chuckles with a shake of his head. “Jo gave me hell because I bought it for the exact amount that Duke’s half of the practice was worth. She never wanted to take the money when he passed, and she’s too proud to let me help.”

  “I’m amazed she didn’t kick your butt.”

  “I told you I’m a great doctor and a fucking genius.” Garrett winks, and wrapping his arm around me, he pulls me into his side.

  Being this close to him is the best thing I’ve ever felt. Being in his arms is the best place I’ve ever been.

  “One of my patients’ parents is an architect, and I had them draw up some plans. I figured it was a great investment, and it would keep my offer from being charity. It never was—that money is hers, and so is this land.”

  “Okay, Mr. Genius, so what are you going to do when…you know…Jo’s not going to last forever.” The sadness that darkens his eyes has me turning closer to him.

  “I haven’t thought about it,” he states, but something about the way he breaks our eye contact tells me that it’s not true.

  “Garrett.” I cup his face, drawing it back to me. “One day, you’ll have to think about it. I hope to God that you get to make peace with it before it happens too.”

  Choked at my own words, I look away, finding Iris watching us from the edge of the water. When she smiles, my heart sighs. My precious girl.

  “I don’t know if I can.” He clears his throat, and when I look back at him, he’s as enamored as I am with my baby girl.

  I think if there is a possibility that someone could love her even a smidgen as much as I do, Garrett is the person to do it. That revelation makes me cling tighter to him, hoping that I can offer him some of the comfort and strength he’s offered me over the last two months.

  “Maybe you’re right—making peace with death doesn’t seem like a possible thing to do until it happens. My dad was here one day and gone the next.”

  “A STEMI, huh?”

  “STEMI?”

&
nbsp; “Charlie said he suffered a heart attack. We call it a ST-elevation myocardial infarction. STEMI for short.”

  “It sounds familiar.” Taking a deep breath, I burrow into him. Without hesitation, Garrett pulls me between his stretched legs. “I didn’t get to say goodbye. Uncle Mike, you know his partner? He found him the next morning.”

  It was a fool’s decision to fall into this conversation, and even more foolish to suggest that there could be some kind of peace because talking to Garrett about my dad feels like it’s the first time I’m voicing it all. Even though it’s breaking my heart, I can’t stop. It feels safe to be vulnerable with him. I’m certain that he won’t trivialize my pain or hold it against me.

  “For as long as I can remember, he never went to the office on a Sunday. Sunday was the holy day. When I was little, we used to go to church, then we’d go visit my grandparents or we would go for Sunday lunch at this quaint little restaurant overlooking the river.”

  “Hmm…” Garrett chuckles by my ear, pressing a kiss to my bare shoulder while he wraps his arms tighter around me, holding me prisoner to him. “I can imagine you going to Sunday school in your pretty dresses and Princess Leia knots. A bit like Iris.”

  “Darker hair…” I muse. He’s not wrong. I was that child in her fancy cotton or velvet dresses with braids, bows, and buns. “There was no Sunday school at our church. We sat in the front row every week, come rain or shine.”

  “Is that why Dom goes to church too? I’ve heard Mark give him shit, and I don’t think Charlie has ever stepped foot in a church since I’ve known her…”

  “Maybe. I know that Dom started attending church with our family five or six years ago. I stopped going after Mom died.”

  “Why?”

  “I guess I was angry. They were good people, you know? Always doing the right thing and following all the rules…and one day she got sick and ended up in hospital. We thought it was pneumonia, turns out it was advanced-stage lung cancer, and within four months she was gone. Just like that. She didn’t smoke, barely drank, and she was the best person I’ve ever known. So much like Jo.”