Endurance: A Salvation Society Novel

by Alexandra Silva

  Avery smiles at me as I get in the driver’s seat and press a kiss to her forehead. It’s cute that she likes me to take the wheel when we’re together.

  “I know, Priscilla, and I’m going to take care of it. Things have been crazy…”

  “And you’re putting it off. Your father, God rest his soul, would want you to take care of his estate.”

  A suffocated look flits across Avery’s pretty face. She doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, but she’s too polite to tell Priscilla to stop nagging her. Not that I don’t agree with the advice Charlie’s mom is giving her, but I think life is complicated and hard enough right now. Avery doesn’t need another matter to stress over.

  “Darling…”

  “Cece…” She cuts off whatever Priscilla was about to say. “I know I need to take care of it all and that he is probably somewhere up there shaking his head at me for leaving it so long, but I’m not ready. I…”

  Taking her hand, I lace my fingers with hers and squeeze lightly so she knows that she’s not alone. That’s half of the problem with Avery—she’s used to dealing with most things on her own. I’ve noticed that over the time we’ve had together she has to be in dire need of help before she asks for it from anyone. And I know that it’s not a pride thing with her, which only makes me want to be certain that she knows I’m here for her always, because with her it’s a case of habit.

  “I promise that I’ll call the attorney soon and arrange for the reading.”

  “Good. And I know I’m pushing, but I would do the same for Dominic or Charisma. You know that, don’t you?”

  Both Avery and I chuckle at Priscilla’s use of Charlie’s given name. She would have a fit if she knew her mom was using it so openly with us.

  “I do.”

  “Okay, well, you make sure that you give our girl a big hug from me. I miss you both so much, and my invite is still open. Dominic would love for you to be at the fundraiser this weekend. Charlie is coming and bringing the children…”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “That’s more than enough to make me happy right now,” Priscilla sighs. “And bring your plus-one, of course.”

  “Of course.” Avery looks up at me with a soft lopsided grin as she squeezes my hand a little harder while bringing it to her chest.

  “Well, I better let you go.”

  “Thank you for checking up on me, Priscilla.”

  “Don’t be silly. You’re family, and you know how important that is to me.”

  There it is, that teary smile that shows how overwhelmed she is by the kind words alone. We’re almost at the school when Priscilla hangs up. The car line is already halfway down the block, so we opt to park a few streets over and take the short walk. It’s obvious Avery’s got a lot on her mind from the way she’s quiet.

  “Do you think I’m being disrespectful toward my dad?” she asks pensively. “You know, by not arranging the reading and avoiding the attorney?”

  “I think you have a lot on your mind and shoulders, sweetheart.”

  “But am I doing the wrong thing?” Pausing in the middle of the street, she looks up at me with a nervous gnaw of her lip.

  “Avery,” I murmur, using my thumb to free her pout from her bite. “There is no right or wrong when it comes to mourning the loss of someone you love. It’s okay to be overwhelmed and to take your time in dealing with your feelings and putting them before the litigation.”

  “But should I be better and just deal with it all? Honor his wishes? Am I being selfish?”

  “You know, you keep saying you need to be better. A better mom. A better friend. A better daughter. The truth is that you are the best mom, a great friend, and a wonderful daughter. There is nothing about you that needs improvement. You’re not selfish because you’re focusing on yourself and Iris. In fact, there isn’t a single selfish bone in your body, and believe me, I’ve come to know your body pretty damn well.”

  A deep blush tinges her cheeks as the trill of her laughter fills the air around us. It makes me chuckle right along with her as I wrap my arm around her shoulders and draw her to me, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as we start for the school again.

  “Take your time and do what feels right for you and Iris. Everything else can wait until you’re ready.”

  “Not everything.” She shrugs, pressing closer to my side. “And you need to stop moving your patients around so that you can hold my hand during drop-off and pickup.”

  “Maybe I do, but I’m choosing to focus on what matters, and the whole point of having another partner in the practice is that we can share the workload. Now that the pediatric patients aren’t on my roster, I have more time, and I want to spend it with you.”

  Burrowing her face into the side of my chest, she wraps her arms around me tight enough that we have to pause for a moment. When she looks up at me, I kiss her warm lips, savoring every second of the feel of her shaky breaths on my skin. I love that it doesn’t matter how many times we kiss, she still gets breathless every time and my heart never knows what to do with itself. It never gets old or habitual. Every kiss is something new and better than the last.

  “I wish things were simpler…that they were easier,” she rasps into my slightly gaping mouth.

  “Nothing that’s worth having is simple or easy, sweetheart, and you are the most precious thing I’ve ever had and ever will have. You and our girl…who’s going to kick our asses if we’re not there when the bell rings.”

  With a snicker and a nod, she threads her fingers with mine, pulling my arm tauter around her as we continue toward the school.

  “You keep calling Iris our girl…” she sighs happily. “She likes that. I like that.”

  “Well, you’re mine and she’s yours. Ergo, she’s ours.”

  “That simple, huh?”

  “Not simple. It just is. It’s a default…and I love you both so…”

  It really is that basic. I love Avery and Avery loves me, and we both love the smiley girl looking for us eagerly on the top step.

  The minute she sees us, Iris points us out to her teacher and comes barreling toward us. One of her front teeth, the one that was wobbling last night, is missing, and she doesn’t waste time pulling the small envelope from her coat pocket and shaking it at Avery and me.

  “So now we put it under my pillow, and the tooth fairy will finally have to come visit me!” She jumps up and down with excitement, and when she leaps into my arms, I know that there is nothing I won’t do to keep her and her momma safe. No matter what, I’ll make sure that she always has that beautiful smile on her pretty face. At all costs.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  AVERY

  Charlie looks up at me from across the table, fluttering her lashes in my direction like that’s going to make Priscilla’s invite to the fundraiser any more appealing.

  “I think Dominic is dreading the idea of going into this without your dad, and maybe having you there will…I don’t know…make him feel better?”

  “It’s his career choice, not torture,” I laugh even though the mention of my father makes my heart squeeze a little too tight. Not to mention that the smell of coffee and milk in the coffee shop is overwhelming today. “I’ve got this fear that if I go back to DC, Carl will find a way of making us stay there. What if he takes Iris from me? You’re asking me to be Daniel.”

  “Daniel?” Charlie looks at me baffled as she sips her coffee.

  “You’re asking me to go into the lion’s den, and I’m not sure I’d make it out alive like he did.”

  “With all your sinful ways,” she snickers, “sometimes I forget that you’re a good, God-fearing girl.”

  Something about her words hits harder than I know she intended, but that’s how things are. Even if they don’t feel wrong, I guess that’s how it looks to the outside.

  You want people to think you’re a whore? A cheap, two-bit whore.

  Carl’s words come back to haunt me even though I’m the happiest
I’ve ever been. I’m left wondering if this is how it’s going to be until Carl decides he’s done.

  “Oh my God, Avery, I was joking.” Charlie rests her hand over mine, squeezing as she adds, “Even if I wasn’t, which I honestly was, it wouldn’t matter. You’re happy, you’re healthy, and you’re safe…the rest can go to hell. But if Mike isn’t having any luck helping you out, maybe you can work this fundraiser in your favor.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Priscilla likes to invite all the important people.” She air quotes the last part of the sentence, and with the roll of her eyes, it’s obvious that’s not how she feels toward her mom’s VIPs. “There’s always a judge or two in attendance. People that loved your father…maybe you need to use that to your advantage?”

  “Wow, you are good.” Holding my coffee up to my mouth, I can’t bring myself to actually drink any of it.

  “Listen, I worked a mighty SEAL over…”

  “Oh yes, I forgot how you’ve tamed the wild beast and made him your bitch.”

  “My oh my…sweet little Avery’s found her sass again. Put it to good use and charm the old folk—if it works for Dom, it’ll work for you. Trust me.”

  “Charlie, I don’t even have anything to wear, and the thought of having people talk to me about Dad…”

  “I get that it stings, and like most things, the first time is the worst because it’s like being stabbed in the heart, slapped in the face, and punched in the gut all at once.” Her words get to her as deep as they get to me; it’s obvious from the way she takes a moment to clear her throat and catch her breath. “But then, you listen past his name and you focus on all the amazing things people have to say and…it feels good to be a part of someone so incredible.”

  “When you put it like that, it makes me feel even worse for avoiding his attorney and all things to do with his estate. Garrett said that it was okay for me to take my time, but the more I think about it…I guess a part of me is still waiting to wake up and find him there.”

  That part I try to keep at bay chooses this precise moment to recall all those times I would fall asleep before Dad got home from work and he would wake me with a kiss just to tuck me in again and wish me good night.

  “Regardless of whether or not you have closure, that whim never goes away. Especially with the kids. I always wonder what kind of grandfather he would’ve been.”

  “Dom used to talk to Dad about him a lot.”

  “It’s all you can do. Talk about them and remember them through your memories and other people’s memories too. Tying up loose ends doesn’t give you closure. But—” Charlie pauses, screwing her eyes shut with a groan. “I’m about to sound like mother dearest. It hurts so bad.”

  Resisting the urge to laugh, I shake my head at her dramatics, sneaking a peek at my phone when it vibrates on the table. Butterflies fill my stomach when Garrett’s nickname pops up with a message notification.

  Doc: We need to add The Shallows to the movie night list. X

  “No, Avery, focus.” Charlie flips my phone over. “Eww, was he sexting you?”

  “What? No!”

  “Then why are you so flushed and smirky?” Cocking an eyebrow, she sits back in her chair with her arms crossed over her chest as though she means business.

  “Movie night.”

  “Is that code? Like fertilizing the flower bed or—”

  “No, it means exactly what it means. It’s what we do on a Sunday evening once Iris and Jo have gone to bed. We stay up and watch random sea-themed movies.”

  The lunchtime crowd starts gathering around us in the quaint coffee shop, and she leans forward again. We must look like the town gossips with the way we’re both huddled in our corner.

  “I thought The Shallows was code for some hot sex move or something. You know, like edging…”

  “What the what is hedging? And why do you use gardening references for your sex code?”

  “Edging.” Charlie rolls her eyes. “It’s basically extreme teasing. Hot as fuck and frustrating as hell.”

  “Yeah…” My snicker cuts me off as the waitress brings over the grilled sandwiches we ordered for lunch. “You don’t need to worry.”

  It feels so good to have a friend of my own. Someone that I know will have my back beyond any doubt. I think back to my friendship with Kayla, and it’s funny how now that I know about her affair with Carl and all the other shit they’re in together…realization has hit home.

  She hadn’t been my friend in years. All the private conversations we had were never between us at all. No wonder she always pointed out that I didn’t need my job. Iris didn’t need to have friends over. Kayla loved to point out how I was too stuck in the ideals society painted rather than living my own life. She was wrong and selfish. She was nothing but a liar because all I wanted was to be a good mother and a decent person.

  “Worry about what?” Charlie asks, swallowing a bite of her lunch while I pick at the stringy cheese of mine.

  “Sounding like your mom.”

  “Can you imagine if Priscilla heard this conversation? The woman that can’t handle the use of ‘bullshit’ would probably have an aneurysm.” Taking a deep breath to calm her laugh, she sits straighter and takes a drink from her coffee before she says, “You should get the will over and done with. Rip that bitch of a Band-Aid off so you have one less thing to stress over. Have you heard back about the job at the aquarium?”

  Excitement rolls through me in a way that has my insides vibrating, making the mouthful of grilled cheese I was chewing hard to stomach. I can’t remember ever being so happy and excited that I can’t physically take it. It’s almost as though it’s too much.

  “Yeah, the project won’t start until the New Year, and until then I’m kind of jobless.”

  Although it makes me emotional to walk away from the job I fought so hard to keep over the last few years, the reasons for giving it up more than overshadow that slight sting. In fact, the loss of that part of my life, that I loved, doesn’t even begin to dull what Iris and I have found here with Garrett, Jo, and Charlie.

  Forcing myself to eat through overwhelming butterflies in my stomach, I can’t hide my smile. Sure, the storm is far from over, but one day it will be. The dark clouds will pass, and the blue sky will still be there, bluer than ever.

  “It’s sort of a good thing that I’m getting good at mucking out the stables and cleaning out the coop. Makes me feel useful.”

  “You lost me at mucking out. There’s a reason we are a no-animal household, I can’t deal with actual stinky shit.”

  “You have two kids.”

  “Exactly, I’ve paid my crappy dues.” Our laugh is loud enough that the tables closest to us look our way. “We should go find you something to wear.”

  “Why are you Ericksons so damn hard to say no to?”

  “You’ve met Priscilla. Dom and I learned from the best.”

  We’re putting on our coats when her phone rings. And while she’s on it, we wander out of the coffee shop toward the small row of boutiques that lead to the bigger shops.

  What was meant to be a catch-up turned into a day of trying on dresses and shopping. Thank God I managed to get the aquarium to pay my last couple of months’ salaries into my solo account now that Carl’s and my joint accounts are frozen.

  Iris jumps out of the Jag more excited than ever about it being almost Friday, and while I’m relieved that this week Carl hasn’t shown up at the school again, like I feared he would, I’m now feeling all kinds of anxious about asking Garrett to come with me to DC. Deep down I know that he won’t turn me down, but there’s always that one chance…

  At the sound of the pickup coming up behind me as I pull the dress bag from where it’s hooked up in the trunk, I turn to catch my first glimpse of Garrett since he left this morning. One of his patients was having open-heart surgery today, and he wanted to be there with them. He’s the most dedicated person I know, and at the sight of his smile, part of the apprehension I’ve be
en carrying around all day dissipates. The outcome must have been good.

  “Hey!” Getting out of the truck, he comes to stand in front of me. Nudging the tip of my nose with his, he tilts my face up to his so that he can kiss me while grabbing the dress and shoe bags in my hands. “What’s all this?”

  “Charlie.”

  “Okay.” He nips another kiss to my lips, pressing the button to close the trunk before he guides us up the porch. “I need to talk to you about something.”

  “Sounds serious,” I muse, taking my dress and hanging it in the closet with the coats while I listen to Iris tell Jo all about her day and how the school is planning an Addams Family–type Thanksgiving performance.

  The exact conversation we had on the way home, which makes me dread telling her that she’s going to miss school tomorrow given they’re handing out parts. I’m hoping that the prospect of seeing Priscilla and Dominic is enough to keep her happy, especially since Makenna will be there too.

  When I look back at him, his earlier smile is gone, and a serious expression replaces it. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to shake the alarm that rattles around my insides, I still find myself chilled to the core and waiting for him to deliver the worst.

  “I’m going to get changed so I can do the horses, and then we can order takeout so we can sit and talk. Is that okay?”

  “Sure.” It’s all I can manage as I watch him put the bag with the shoebox down on the console table and then head upstairs.

  After putting the shoes away with the dress, I join Jo and Iris in the kitchen. Cap is asleep and snoring loud enough that the sound vibrates around the space while the other three are lazing by the bottom oven. The weather is cooling down rapidly, and when they’re not running around like mad puppies, they’re in front of the fire or the oven when it’s on.

  “How was your day?” I ask Jo, hugging her as I stand beside her watching while she covers the lids of the applesauce jars she made yesterday with some green gingham cotton squares.