A Reason to Hope

by Christie Capps

  With everyone’s agreement of informal address, Darcy began to write.

  In the lengthening silence, Elizabeth glanced at her father. He shrugged his shoulders as he examined the younger man. The minutes passed without Darcy hesitating once in his scribbles in the journal. Finally, he finished.

  Placing the quill on the stand, he blotted the paper carefully. Sliding the book in front of Elizabeth, she studied him before her eyes dropped to the page.

  Never before had she noticed how much could be revealed by a person’s iris. His dark orbs were shot through with pain, which was almost crowded out by flashes of turmoil. Elizabeth guessed that his emotional struggles were typically hidden by his erect posture. Unless a person looked carefully.

  She sincerely doubted that he let many people close enough to see the real gentleman.

  As her own eyes focused on the words, her hand went to her mouth.

  16 October 1811

  Longbourn, Hertfordshire

  To my wife,

  Thank you for agreeing to marry me, to share my burdens, and to help ease my way to whatever life holds out for me.

  I failed to see your value on the evening we met. For this, I offer my sincerest apology. Since then, I have come to appreciate the gentleness of your heart and the quickness of your wit. Of all the ladies of my acquaintance, I truly believe only you could step into the shoes of my mother and those who came before her as Pemberley’s mistress. From being its master, I can verify that the workload is tremendous. But the rewards are bounteous.

  My sister will do well to follow your example.

  I hear your father’s confidence in you as he speaks. I see your confidence in yourself. What I need you to know now, and in the future should you falter, is that my confidence in you is complete.

  Your husband in sickness and in health,

  FD

  Elizabeth had no words.

  Her father chose that moment to attempt to lighten the mood. From where he sat, he could not possibly see the seriousness of what Darcy had written.

  Mr. Bennet slapped his hands down on his desk and stood, “Well, Darcy, I will let you know from experience that your life will change from this moment on in ways you never imagined.” Walking around the desk to stand next to the younger man, he put a hand on Darcy’s shoulder. “Mrs. Bennet has never tolerated the smell of cigars. Despite my enjoyment of the habit, I have not smoked in over twenty years. I do not attempt to sneak out to the stables as she can smell the residue on my clothes and taste it on my breath. Elizabeth and Kitty have, neither of them, been able to tolerate cigar smoke. Therefore, if it is your habit, I suggest you stop it today.”

  Patting his hand on Darcy’s fine coat, her father continued. “As well, my wife is desirous of my continued good health. Because of this, she limits the rich foods offered at our table to a minimum. I receive one cup of coffee each morning when I break my fast, and a glass of brandy with only a hint of liquid in it after the evening meal. I tell you this now because I suspect nothing will change with your presence in our home. As she does with all our guests, be they friend or family, my wife will see to your good health as well.”

  Darcy looked up at him, his expression grim. “I will take this information into consideration.”

  Mr. Bennet chuckled. “Oh, I would do much more than that, Son. You see, by your informing me of your need for an heir, there is a time when a woman is increasing that she holds all the power of decision in her hands. Early on when her stomach revolts with the changes to her...her body, you will likely very well find yourself adjusting your own preferences several times each day. What appeals to her on her plate one morning may turn her stomach inside out the next.” He smirked. “I do not envy you my stubborn Lizzy during those months. Ah, but it is a blessed time you have to look forward to. Just watch yourself. Be willing to adapt and sacrifice. The joys of enduring those months are worth it all.”

  Elizabeth studied the man who would soon be her mate. With each word, the color appeared to drain from his face. Still, he said nothing.

  Finally, her father stepped away from them with the intent to vacate the room.

  “I shall leave you two some moments of privacy. I am sure you have much to discuss.” He opened the door. Before her father stepped out and closed it behind him, he said, “I am off to torment Mrs. Bennet. See that you make progress in your understanding while I am gone.”

  At his parting comment, he closed the door.

  Darcy roused himself to address her.

  “Your father...” He halted, as if the whole of the conversation had hit him like a blow to the head, stealing his ability to think clearly. “I find him to be as insightful as his second daughter.”

  Elizabeth grinned. Then she laughed.

  Chapter 5

  Mr. Bennet had been correct.

  Five days of dining at Mrs. Bennet’s table, where the rich sauces were few, fresh water instead of wine was in abundance, and no smoking was allowed, had settled the pain in Darcy’s insides until the disruptions were far fewer than before. Elizabeth and Darcy had sat at the opposite end of the table from her mother and two younger sisters, which made the company exceedingly pleasant. The settlement papers and Last Will and Testament had been signed and reviewed by all three. This increased Darcy’s peace of mind.

  On the sixth day after his proposal, Mr. Bennet accompanied Darcy and Elizabeth to London. Their purpose for making this journey was to introduce Darcy’s bride-to-be to his mother’s family, the Fitzwilliams.

  Mr. Bennet’s intention was to locate a former classmate from university with whom he had kept in contact over the years. As a third son, Mr. Ernest Cuthbert had studied medicine under some of the finest surgeons in Scotland. As a healthy man, Mr. Bennet had never before required his friend’s services. However, he had promised Darcy that any inquiries made about the master of Pemberley’s health would be discreet.

  “You are not happy, William.” Elizabeth squeezed his arm where her hand rested.

  “I am...how did you know I was unhappy?” he puzzled. They had decided to take advantage of the lack of rainfall to walk from Darcy House to his aunt and uncle’s London residence. “Have you already known me long enough to accurately predict my attitude, or was it merely a guess?”

  She muffled her laughter with her gloved hand.

  “You forget, sir, that my opportunities to observe you were mainly when you were in company with Miss Bingley.” Elizabeth hopped over a puddle, pulling at his arm.

  He placed his hand over hers, tightening his grip—for safely purposes only, he reasoned to himself.

  “When in her presence, your constant expression was a frown. Your forehead furrowed, the back of your knuckles would turn white, and your lips were pressed together.” Elizabeth smiled as she looked up at the exact representation of his countenance when in Bingley’s drawing room. “Yes, your expression mirrors that from the assembly and Netherfield Park, which begs the question: do I have reason to fear your mother’s family?”

  “No!” he replied immediately. “My uncle and aunt, Lord and Lady Matlock, are unpretentious. Their eldest son, Rupert, is a bit of a dandy. Their other son, Richard, is my closest friend. He is two years older than me, a colonel in the military who earned his rank, and is co-guardian to Georgiana. There is no one I trust more than I do him.”

  Elizabeth pondered the information. “Then why the frown? Do you fear me making a poor impression?”

  “Absolutely not! Why would you ask such a thing?” Her statement was ludicrous.

  “Then, pray tell me, what has you concerned at this moment in time?”

  He stopped walking. Pulling the glove off his free hand, he turned her palm to undo the two buttons holding her glove tightly to her wrist. Placing the small lacy garment in his pocket with his own glove, he took her fingers in his.

  The sensations pulsing up his arm were delightfully unexpected.

  “Elizabeth, when my father was ill, physicians and surgeons came
and went, each practicing what they felt was best for my father’s improvement. Despite bleeding and purging him repeatedly, nothing worked. Each doctor on their own served to increase his misery, and mine.” He inhaled deeply, pausing before releasing the air in his lungs. “I am not entirely comfortable with your father speaking to one of the many men who ‘practice’ medicine. I cannot take the chance of becoming too weak to sire an heir.”

  “I understand.” She squeezed his fingers, her gaze never leaving his. “William, my father is a practical man who rarely allows an emotional attachment to influence his decisions. He will do everything within his power to see you hold his first grandchild in your arms. You see, both of my parents longed for at least one of their children to be a son. It was not to be. The potential to have a grandson, a boy to train and influence, is important to them.”

  “We may not have a son the first time, Elizabeth.”

  “Which is all the more reason to see to your health.”

  “And to marry quickly.”

  “Yes, William.” Keeping her hand in his, Elizabeth turned to resume their walk. “Are you settled on Wednesday?”

  “Yes.” His confidence returned, he clarified, “I wrote to my aunt and uncle the day I received your father’s consent. They are anticipating their introduction to you. Richard asked for leave to travel to Pemberley to retrieve Georgiana. All of them plan to be at the wedding. Bingley has offered hospitality to them all. I asked Richard to stand up with me.”

  “Jane will attend me,” Elizabeth said. “Papa said you both went to the rector for a common license. It appears all will be in order for a wedding in five days’ time.” She gulped.

  It was the first evidence he had witnessed of her nerves. He felt like gulping, too.

  This whole situation felt unreal. They had known each other less than a month. Yet in less than a se’nnight, they would be bound together in holy matrimony until death did them part. God willing, they would have a son before that happened.

  In fewer than ten more steps, they were in front of Matlock House. He had no fear of introducing Elizabeth to them. At the slight tremble of her hand, Darcy determined to be her strength.

  It did not matter what information for a diagnosis or possible treatment was recommended, he and Elizabeth would decide their course together.

  At that lovely thought, he offered her a rare smile. Her response was joyous. Rarely had he seen such beauty in a lady. Her eyes sparkled. The rose color at the apples of her cheeks made him want to drop a kiss on the reddest spot. Controlling himself, right then and there he vowed to smile at her more often.

  “Why the rush?” Hugh Fitzwilliam, Darcy’s uncle, asked. “Does not Miss Bennet want all of the pomp associated with wedding a member of the ton?”

  Elizabeth liked this man. His jolly countenance was the perfect foil for his direct speech. A person knew exactly where they stood with him the moment that he opened his mouth.

  “I want nothing of the sort,” was Elizabeth’s quick reply. “My character is far more suited to country life, My Lord.”

  “Darcy, what have you to say?” the earl insisted.

  “Uncle Hugh, I plan to winter at Pemberley. To host my intended for that length of time without the support of her family, well, I would not want any speculation against the Darcy name or hers. Therefore, after consulting extensively with each other and Elizabeth’s father, the decision was made to marry now. Thus, we can spend the whole of the winter together.”

  “I say, what a good plan,” the earl spouted. “Why, I recall waiting months to wed Helen only to continue our routine of socializing until we realized we were spending time with everyone else, not each other. I stopped that right away, I tell you.”

  “Darcy, you are set in your plans?” his aunt asked. “Should you return to town after your wedding, I would host a ball to celebrate your union.”

  Darcy glanced at Elizabeth, his brow raised.

  Signaling to him that she desired to continue with what had already been arranged, he said, “I am terribly sorry, Aunt. Elizabeth and I long to spend our time together—alone with Georgiana. In that way, we can cement our relationship as a family before we need to return to town in the spring.”

  Rupert smirked. His uncle nodded his agreement.

  Rupert asked, grinning from ear to ear, “Have you told Aunt Catherine of your upcoming nuptials?”

  Darcy replied, his tone firm, “I sent a letter to her as soon as I arrived at Darcy House inviting her and Anne to the wedding. Either she will, out of spite, not reply, or she will come barging in to try to stop the wedding. Either way, Elizabeth and I will marry on Wednesday with or without her.”

  “I am certain you have much to do to prepare, Nephew.” His aunt set her teacup aside and stood. Darcy did as well. When she embraced him, she added, “My dear young man, I am pleased you have decided to wed. Unlike your cousins, who appear in no hurry to make me a grandmother, I will look forward to spending much time with the two of you, hopefully three or more of you, in the future.”

  Elizabeth chuckled to herself as Darcy blushed. Inhaling quickly, she considered what that meant.

  When she had first noticed Darcy at the assembly in Meryton, the lighting was muted. Elizabeth was unable to look at him closely. At Netherfield Park, she had noted the pallor of his skin but incorrectly assumed he was a man who spent little time out of doors. Now she knew her assumptions had been entirely wrong.

  Had she become so used to him that she missed the change to the tone of his skin? Shame on her! What sort of wife would she be to a man of ill health if she failed to see what was in front of her face?

  Watching him closely, when the blush faded, his cheeks had a slight pinkish hue—a healthy hue.

  In studying him, she neglected to attend the conversation. It was only after they left when she realized they would be returning to dine with the family. Elizabeth’s father had been included in the invitation.

  Hours later, after the elegant setting had been appreciated and the meal had been consumed, Elizabeth discovered once the gentlemen returned to the ladies that Darcy was again a pasty shade of beige.

  The fish course had been a turbot served in a butter and white wine sauce, the potatoes had been swimming in cream, the roast beef was soaked in a rich red wine Bordelaise, and the only green vegetable served had been sautéed in butter. The fragrance coming off the men after their time alone in the dining room was a blend of spirits and smoke. Each one of these elements increased Darcy’s suffering.

  By the time they returned to Darcy House, her betrothed had ripped off his cravat and unbuttoned the collar of his shirt. Abandoning Elizabeth and her father in the entrance hall, Darcy ran to his chambers. Elizabeth heard him retching on the way.

  Without thought, she followed him, bursting into his chambers as Thornton shoved a chamber pot in front of him. Holding Darcy as she had done before, the valet prepared a damp cloth and filled a glass with water.

  “Does it still burn?” Elizabeth placed her hand on his chest.

  “Aye, it does.” He leaned against her, his eyes closed, his breathing ragged.

  Looking around for Thornton, Elizabeth was pleased to see her father standing inside the room.

  “Can you tell us, Papa, if Dr. Cuthbert had any recommendations for us to aid William?”

  Mr. Bennet cleared his throat, then said, “Ernest discussed a few different forms of disease which could cause these symptoms. One of his instructors from medical school spoke of pépticus ulcus, which is Latin for a sore in the digestion areas. If this is your situation, Darcy, there is little known that can be done. Ernest told me the best measure is to keep relaxed, to eat simply, to keep up your exercise, and to avoid brandy, whisky, or wine. In effect, to keep yourself from doing what you have just done.” Mr. Bennet paused before continuing. “Or, it could be exactly as your father had, I am sorry to say.”

  The discouragement that hit Elizabeth at his words crushed Darcy. His head dropped into his
hands.

  “William,” Elizabeth whispered for his ears alone. “Pray do not accept any more social engagements. Should your aunt and uncle want to see you, they can come to us where we can chart each crumb and drop served. Let us spend the next few days together where I can learn all I can about Darcy House and your London concerns. Then we can leave for Derbyshire immediately after we wed. Would this be agreeable?”

  “Yes, Elizabeth.” Darcy sat up, looking directly at her. “I am ready to go home.”

  Chapter 6

  Five days later, the couple married.

  Mrs. Bennet, upon hearing she would have an earl, a countess, and a viscount in her home, had outdone herself for the wedding breakfast. Suspecting the food would be too much for his stomach to bear, Elizabeth had ordered a basket prepared by Longbourn’s cook with simpler fare.

  Georgiana had elected to accept the invitation extended to her by the Fitzwilliams. This would leave Darcy traveling alone with his wife. Additionally, they would winter together, just the two of them. In truth, he did not mind at all.

  Over the past fortnight since their engagement, Elizabeth had proven to be exactly the lady he needed to help him through his trials. The journal her father had gifted them was almost halfway filled with meticulously written details. She now knew more about him than any other human, including Richard. After their wedding night, she would know him better than Thornton.

  During their brief time together, their physical contact had been a touch of her hand on his arm, the embrace as she held him during his sickness, and the one time he had held her hand. After the ceremony ended, it was time to kiss his bride.

  He was not comfortable with public displays of affection. Never would he have considered doing the like himself. Yet when the opportunity presented itself, Darcy viewed the twinkle in her eyes, the touch of her fingers brushing his sleeve, and the lifting of her chin as an invitation. Lowering his head, his lips brushed hers, the contact little more than a whisper of a promise. When he raised his head, her smile had him undone. With no consideration for those in the chapel who witnessed the marriage, he gently pulled her toward him, this time deepening the kiss until he was aware of only her.