Dirty Bastard

by Jessica Clare

  Except . . . that’s where my business is. My studio is there. Everything I’ve worked for in the past five years is there. Sure, it’s a small apartment and an equally small studio, but it’s mine. I’ve worked hard to build that up. Every customer that comes to my studio for yoga is an accomplishment that I made on my own.

  Moving in to a friend’s guesthouse doesn’t exactly advance my independence. But . . . it’s tempting. My credit cards are in the red thanks to my business, and they don’t look to be in the black any time soon. My studio rent is going up and attendance in my classes has fallen off dramatically. Some of it is because there’s a gym that opened up one town over, and some of it . . . well, it’s because I’m shitty with people. I have no patience and I’m weird. In a small, conservative southern town, I’m the weirdo that dresses in black and doesn’t go to the town social events. In the last three days, my classes have been nearly empty. I’ve been worrying over how I’m going to make the rent.

  Or I can say fuck it to all of it and move into Natalie’s guesthouse. I don’t know what to do.

  Knox

  Best thing in the world is wakin’ up with your woman naked in your bed. Lexi’s tucked against me with that flexible, bendy little body of hers that makes me so fuckin’ crazy, and her head’s against my chest. Fills me with all kinds of pride and possessiveness. This beautiful woman is mine, and she’s carryin’ my child. I’m overwhelmed with how good it makes me feel, how happy, how satisfied.

  I’m totally stealin’ her panties.

  She wakes up eventually, and after a quick round of morning sex, she heads for the shower. I hide her panties away before I join her, and then we get dressed for breakfast. Lexi’s not a morning person, and clearly grumpy but I don’t mind. Even her grumpiness is cute. We didn’t find any paranormal shit, but I don’t think either of us minded much. I know I didn’t. The living—specifically her—are far more interesting than any ghosts.

  We grab a couple of cups of coffee downstairs in the cafe and sit for breakfast. Lexi perks up a bit after the coffee, even though it’s decaf because of the baby, but she’s still awfully quiet, even after the food comes and we start to eat. I hope it ain’t regret that’s makin’ her silent. I snag one of the coasters at our table, just to see if she’s payin’ attention. She flicks my hand with her finger—yup, she noticed—but she’s still silent and thoughtful. I ain’t sure what to make of that.

  “Somethin’ wrong?”

  Lexi stifles a yawn and then shakes her head. “Lot on my mind.”

  I notice she’s demolished everything on her plate. She eats like a champ, my Lexi. “Like the baby?”

  Her expression grows even more thoughtful. “Am I a bad person if I admit I wasn’t thinking about the baby at all?”

  “Naw. It’s still pretty new for both of us, I imagine.” Though I’m already obsessed at the thought of a baby with her dark hair and smile. Wonder if it’s too soon for me to ask when the next doctor’s appointment is, so I can come along and soak up information about our baby. Course, that’s if she lets me. Lexi’s the type to run if she feels pressured. I gotta play it slow. “So what’s next?”

  “What do you mean?” She looks mournfully at her empty orange juice glass.

  I give a casual shrug, even though I’m not feelin’ casual. I’m feelin’ tense and possessive. Is she gonna run off on me again and ghost me for another two months? Or are we finally gonna get somewhere? Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I want her to have my name. I want our baby to be ours, not just hers. “I mean you and me. What’s next for us?”

  Lexi appears to consider that for a moment, and then gestures with her hand. “Give me your phone.” When I give it to her, she begins to type. “I’m going to put my phone number in here and I’ll add yours to mine. You can text me.” She looks over it at me and her mouth quirks. “I realize it’ll be a struggle, but try for my sake.”

  “I’ll do my best,” I tease back. “Unless this is a subtle request for dick pics.”

  “Oh, Knox,” she purrs. “You know I’m terrible with subtle.”

  I laugh, because she ain’t wrong. I’m disappointed that all I’m gettin’ is her number, but it’s something. “So that’s all we’re doin’, then? Exchangin’ phone numbers?”

  She licks her lips and considers for a moment, and her expression seems a little tense. Troubled. “I need a few days to think.”

  “About me?”

  “Actually, about me.” Her smile is brilliant. “You’re the easy part to figure out in all this. I know what you want. I’m just not sure what I want.”

  “Can I help?” I nudge my half-drunk orange juice toward her. “I’m good at convincing, if that’s what you need.”

  “More like I just need to figure out which path is best for me and the parasite.” Her gaze connects with mine. “But I’ll include you, either way. This is not me telling you no or running away, Knox. This is me saying I might be running around this weekend and I want to hear from you, so please text me instead of dropping by.”

  “I can do that.” I ain’t got much choice in the matter, but I know one thing for sure: I’m not giving up on her.

  CLAY: Hey bro, u around?

  KNOX: call me

  CLAY: Where are you at? Gage said E Texas? Why??

  KNOX: call me

  KNOX: call me

  CLAY: Hit me back, in a mtg.

  CLAY: A mtg you should be in btw.

  KNOX: Goddamn it

  KNOX: Why doesn’t anyone call anymore? Why is everyone obsessed with texting?

  CLAY: Cuz you can do it in a mtg? Not my fault u got meaty fingers.

  KNOX: Fuck u

  KNOX: If you’re not gonna call me just tell me what you want already. I’m trying to keep the line open.

  CLAY: Bro did you fall out of the stone age? You can get a call when you’re texting.

  CLAY: Anyhow Boone wanted to know if you want to go on the next rig run with him. He’s dowsing on Tues at a new location. I’m taking Nat to a tile warehouse in Houston so it’s either you or Gage playing sidekick. You know he needs someone to keep the suits busy while he does his thing.

  CLAY: And just between me and you I’d rather it be you than Gage.

  CLAY: I don’t trust Gage to show up sober.

  KNOX: I might be busy.

  CLAY: Oh? With who?

  KNOX: Not necessarily a who

  KNOX: Damn it why can’t you just call me already

  CLAY: Well now I’m just gonna text you all the time

  CLAY: This is payback for putting ketchup in my beer all the damn time

  GAGE: I’ll go with Boone.

  GAGE: You go do your lil darth yoga chick.

  GAGE: Did you swap all the beer in my fridge with fuckin root beer?

  GAGE: I’m going to murder you when you get back.

  GAGE: Where are you?

  GAGE: Scratch that, I’m raiding your trailer.

  KNOX: Why do you mf’ers never call a man

  KNOX: You just text all day. It’s annoying.

  GAGE: Kinda like if your brother STOLE ALL YOUR BEER?

  GAGE: Dude your trailer has a padlock on the fridge. wtf

  KNOX: Thought you might head over.

  GAGE: U suck

  GAGE: This entire family sucks

  GAGE: If I wanna get drunk until my brain’s pickled I can

  KNOX: Quit bitching and give me some advice.

  GAGE: Advice?????

  KNOX: Ya. Call me.

  GAGE: Just text it

  GAGE: Or use symbols

  KNOX: I hate you.

  KNOX: Fine, I’ll text. So Darth Yoga put my number in her phone and said I could text her but not to come over.

  KNOX: Dunno what to make of that.

  GAGE: She’s married bro. You’re tappi
n’ married pussy. Abort. Abort.

  GAGE: You do not want that.

  KNOX: She ain’t married. Said she’s got some shit going on.

  GAGE: Married.

  KNOX: Forget I asked.

  GAGE: I’m just teasing ya

  GAGE: Hello?

  GAGE: Bro, it was a joke.

  GAGE: Damn you’re sure touchy in a txt msg

  GAGE: Fine you want my help, I will help.

  GAGE: Is it possible she has a really strict dad?

  KNOX: Don’t think her parents are involved anymore.

  GAGE: Then something’s going on at work maybe

  GAGE: Or she’s got finals or somethin’ stressful

  GAGE: That’s beside the point, though. She’s a chick. They can be cagey. Did you try texting her?

  KNOX: Not yet.

  GAGE: Don’t send her dick pics

  GAGE: Girls hate that shit.

  KNOX: You send your dick to women??

  GAGE: Me? Nah, I don’t need to. I get in their pants just fine. :)

  GAGE: Just saying in general.

  KNOX: I just wonder if she’s pushing me away again.

  KNOX: Man I sound like a chick saying that.

  KNOX: But she’s hard to nail down. Doesn’t want anything to do with me, and then when she caves, we’re all over each other for a day, and then nothing.

  KNOX: So I don’t know what to think.

  KNOX: I asked her to marry me.

  GAGE: The fuck?

  GAGE: You did what???

  My phone rings a moment later. Figured it would. I consider for a long pause, letting it ring three times, and then pick it up just before it goes to voicemail. “Yo.”

  “You jackass. You asked Darth Yoga to marry you? Why? If you want to get laid, bro, there are easier ways!”

  “You sound sober,” I tell him cheerfully. “Run out of trailers to raid for beer?”

  “Fuck you for padlocking your fridge. And yeah, I’m far too sober to deal with this shit. Don’t change the subject. You really asked her to marry you?”

  “Yeah.” I think of Lexi and how even though it’s only been two days since I saw her, I miss her like crazy. I don’t bring up the baby, though. Not yet. “You know how Clay just knew when he met Natalie and didn’t want anyone else but her? Ever? That’s how I feel about Lexi.”

  “Yeah, but Clay’s a fuckin’ dumbass. I thought you were smarter than that.” He sighs heavily. “Fuck, am I gonna be the only one left in this trailer park?” For a moment he sounds so lost and lonely that I want to get in my truck and drive home to hang out with him. I know what he’s thinking. That it used to be him and Seth that would bro up and play video games and talk shit when they didn’t have dates, and now it’s just him. The fact that all his older brothers have someone in their lives now has to be making him feel even more isolated.

  “So you can’t help me?” I ask, even though I don’t really want help. Lexi’s a puzzle that Gage won’t be able to figure out. She’s mine to decode, and I love her tricky personality, even if I don’t always understand it. But Gage needs someone to talk to, I think. And if there’s one thing Gage is good at, it’s romancing women.

  “Lemme think. You’re still out in bumfuck East Texas, right?”

  “Yeah,” I say, settling in to the motel chair. “Will be for a few more days in case she wants to hang out. She’s texted me, but they haven’t been real conversations.”

  “She texted you? You didn’t text her?”

  “Right.”

  “That’s a good sign, bro.” I hear a crash of something and then a heavy thud on the other end.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Heading back to my own trailer. Yours sucks. Fuckin’ padlock on the fridge.”

  “Enjoy the root beer,” I needle him.

  “Go fuck yourself,” he tells me in the same singsong voice. “Did you want my help or nah?”

  “I’m listenin’.” Mostly because I’m worried about him. Well, and I wouldn’t mind some perspective on Lexi from another point of view.

  “You’re showin’ your hand far too soon. Best way to get a girl after you is to let her know you’re interested, but just a little. You’re comin’ on far too strong. See, she texted you, right?”

  “Right.”

  “And it wasn’t much? Just a hey, what’s up?”

  “Right.”

  “What did you send back?”

  I shrug my shoulders even as I answer. “Just asked her how her day was going and if she was busy.”

  “And what did she say?”

  “She said she was busy and I haven’t texted her since.”

  Gage makes a pained sound. “Bro, she is using my playbook on you. She flipped the script. She let you know she was interested, but just a little. Now she’s waiting for you to chase again.”

  Kinda hard not to, seeing as how she’s got my baby in her. “Mmmhmm.”

  “You need to turn this around, Knox, or you’re gonna be jerkin’ it on your couch for the rest of your life.”

  I scratch my beard. Is he wrong? I don’t know that he is. Lexi has shown she feels she’s just fine without me. She doesn’t want my money despite being broke as fuck. She doesn’t want my help despite being pregnant with my kid. If I fell off the planet tomorrow, I’m not sure it would affect her in the slightest. That . . . bothers me at a really deep level. I mean, damn.

  I know I’m gutted every time she doesn’t answer me right away. Am I coming on too strong? Would it be smarter to play a little harder, then? “So what do I do?”

  “You make her thirsty,” Gage tells me. “That’s your problem. She ain’t thirsty.” He sounds a little too confident as he repeats his advice. “Thirst is how you win a girl.”

  I don’t think he’s wrong, but I’m not sure how I make Lexi “thirsty” when she’s carrying my baby and doesn’t need me. Somehow I’ve got to figure out how to make her want me and want me hard.

  Chapter 13

  Lexi

  To say that business has been slow since I got back has been an understatement. I mean, I was gone for two days and had to cancel two private sessions, but that doesn’t explain why my studio has been completely empty for the past three additional days. No one’s showed up for classes despite being signed up. My private sessions have had all kinds of excuses why they couldn’t come in.

  It’s like everyone in town has decided to bail out on me.

  It’s a little worrisome, of course. Business has never been brisk, but I’m also kind of a prickly asshole at best, and this is a small, conservative town. They don’t know what to make of someone like me, who has no kids, doesn’t go to church, wears black, and never attends bingo night. I’ve always been an oddity, and it’s never bothered me that much. I figured business would build with word of mouth and happy clients, and even if it was never booming, I could make enough to be my own boss and be happy.

  But a deserted yoga studio three days in a row has me worried. It’s like I came back after being away for a short period and all my business up and left. I’d blame Keith, but he’s been awfully silent lately, which makes me hope that he’s found someone new to stalk and harass.

  It’s all very strange.

  I check my schedule for next week, and I have a nagging suspicion that the people that canceled on me today are going to cancel on me again next week, too. Did I say something that somehow got around town and that’s why I’m being ignored?

  I call up Mrs. Bateman. She’s not scheduled for another two days, but I don’t care. She picks up after the first ring and doesn’t sound thrilled to hear from me. “I’m glad you called, Lexi. I need to cancel the rest of my appointments.”

  “You do?” Not just this week, but forever? “Can I ask why, Mrs. Bateman? I thought you liked coming to my studio.” />
  “Well, I do. And I know my doctor said it’s good for my posture, but I’m not a fan of the little problems you’ve been having.” Her tone is very matter-of-fact. “You’re a very nice girl, but that sort of thing is just disgusting.”

  Problems? She wasn’t even one of the clients I canceled on. What is she talking about? “When you say ‘problems,’ I assume you don’t mean my avant-garde personality?”

  She snorts. “I mean your bedbugs, young lady. That’s something you should really disclose to your clients, seeing as how we have to take off our shoes and lie on your mats for class. What if we picked them up? It’s horrifying to think about.”

  What? “Bedbugs? I don’t have bedbugs.”

  “Isn’t that why you shut down this last weekend? So you could fumigate? That’s all everyone at the diner can talk about: your filthy little studio.” There’s pure revulsion in her voice. “This is a small town. Did you think it wouldn’t get out?”

  “You’ve figured me out,” I say drily. “It was my secret plan to infest the good people of this town with bedbugs and now I’ve been foiled.” My tone is mocking to cover up the hurt I’m feeling. “So, who told you?”

  “Well, Agnes said she heard it from one of the firefighters that saw the truck pull up in front of your building and stay there all night. Like I said, this is a small town.”

  There’s a knot in my gut that seems to swell the moment I hear “firefighters.” “The smallest of towns,” I agree with her, and hang the phone up. No sense in talking anymore. I know exactly where this rumor came from.

  Keith Lawrence.

  I should have known. I’m filled with blistering rage at the realization that he’s sabotaging me, and it’s quickly followed up with helpless frustration. What can I do? No one will ever believe me over Keith. Everyone adores him. They think he’s perfect, and if he’s a little too single-minded in his pursuit of me, I must be the problem and not him. He’s handsome and strong and helps old ladies across the street . . .