Sophie's Heart

by Lori Wick

  The mall on the east side of Madison was even larger than the west side mall, and once there it took some time for them to reach the store. Craig had a particular set of sweatpants and sweatshirt in mind, and the only thing Sophie helped him with was finding the right size. He wasn't going to try them on, but Sophie shepherded him to the changing room. Just as she suspected, he needed a larger size for the shirt. She was pleased when he thanked her for coming into the store to help him.

  The snow was falling heavily when they left, and Sophie drove slowly and carefully. There was an accident ahead of them on the beltline, and they were held up for over an hour. In that time Craig, who had started to cheer up, grew more anxious by the moment.

  "I can see a huge opening up there. Why don't they route us that way?" he burst out at one point, but Sophie ignored him.

  "Doesn't anyone know what they're doing up there?"

  "Try to be calm, Craig."

  "Here, Sophie, drive that way!" He hadn't even heard her. "Go, go this way, or they're going to take us right past the accident. Oh, no!"

  Sophie was not about to go against a police officer's directions, so she ignored her young charge and drove where she was told. Craig, who had not wanted to pass the sight, seemed incapable of looking away as their van approached. He even cranked his head around as they drove past to get a final glimpse.

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  "Why did you do that? Why did you go past it?" He was really upset now. "There was a little girl out there."

  Sophie still did not answer him. Most cars were shooting ahead to catch the beltline farther up, but Sophie stayed on the detour and spotted a driveway. Not realizing where it led, she signaled and pulled in. It was a grocery store parking lot. Although nearly deserted, the store was still open. Sophie parked way out where the lot was poorly lit; it was dim and the snow was accumulating fast. She stopped, put the van in park, switched on the interior light, and turned to Craig.

  "What are you doing?" He was still angry.

  "What is going on, Craig?"

  "Nothing! Let's go home." He looked ready to panic. Sophie said nothing. "Come on."

  "Not until you tell me why you are so raged."

  "I'm not!" he lied. "I just want to get home."

  He was so upset that he couldn't sit still. He shifted in his seat constantly.

  "That wasn't your mother, Craig," Sophie said gently and watched him go completely still.

  "I don't know what you mean."

  "I mean, you don't have to let the accident upset you very much. That wasn't your mother."

  "Don't say that to me!"

  "It's true, Craig. Please tell me why you are so angry all the time and now tonight."

  "No," he cut her off. "Just take us home."

  "She's in heaven, Craig. There is no reason for you to know all this pain."

  "Don't tell me where my mother is,"he shouted in her face, but Sophie didn't flinch.

  "Someone needs to tell you, Craig. Because the way you act, you would think she was lost."

  "Just stop it,"he was shouting again. "I know where my mother is. I know exactly where she is. I sent her there!"

  There was absolute silence between them. Craig was shocked speechless by his admission, and Sophie was appalled that he believed it.

  "What do you mean, Craig?"

  "I don't mean anything," he said, but she could hear the tears.

  "This is not true, Craig."

  "You don't know." He was crying now, his eyes unseeing on the windshield. "You don't know how true it is."

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  "Oh, Craig, no. Please listen to me."

  But he broke down now, and Sophie knew he would never hear her words through the harsh weeping. "I killed her," he sobbed. "I wished her dead and she died. I prayed for it, and God did it."

  "Oh, my darling Craig." Sophie's heart broke over this admission.

  "We fought." His bottle seemed to come uncorked. "She wanted me to wear these pants, and I said no. We argued, but she made me. When she dropped me off for school, I prayed that she would die. I was so mad, and she did die. That's been God's punishment to me.

  "I wear them." Craig now looked up and spoke as if to the heavens. "I wear them now, Mom. Can you see me?" He cried like a lost child. "I wear them as much as I can, Mom. I'm so sorry."

  Sophie couldn't take anymore. She reached for him and brought him across the space between the seats and into her arms. Craig's whole body convulsed as he sobbed against her. Sophie buried her face in his hair to cry as well.

  Long minutes passed as they clung to each other. When Craig began to calm, Sophie spoke.

  "Do you understand what Christ did for you on the cross, Craig?"

  "Yes," he sniffed.

  "Sin is awful thing, Craig, but in Christ we are free. If you have believed Christ, then you are free, too-free to confess your sin from that day and let it go."

  "I don't think I can. Ikilledher, Sophie."

  "No, my darling Craig, you did not. You sinned and you need to confess, but your mother's death was all part of God's plan."

  He sat up then, straightening into his seat and trying to compose himself. Sophie undid her seatbelt and leaned forward. She gently cupped Craig's face in her hands and turned him to look at her.

  "Let go of this, my Craig. Satan is lie to you. I do not know why God wanted your mother home with Him, but it was not to punish you. Do you know 1 John 1:9?"

  "Yeah."

  "Say it, Craig."

  Again he sniffed. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

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  "That is right, Craig. Confess it. Tell God that you sinned against Him and your mother on that day, and have done with it."

  "I don't know, Sophie."

  "It is that simple, Craig."

  "What about all the anger since then?"

  "The verse, Craig," Sophie said urgently. "And to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.' Claim it, Craig. It is your inheritance in Christ."

  His face was so full of fear and pain that Sophie wanted to cry again. She dropped her hands to his now and held them tight.

  "I'm going to pray, Craig," she said decisively. "You pray after me. Father God, touch my precious Craig. Touch him with Your mighty hand. He is hurting now, God, and listening to the lies of the evil one. Help him to see. Help him to confess and know Your forgiveness." With that, Sophie stopped talking.

  Craig had thought she would go on and on, but that was the end, and suddenly he knew what he must do. Sophie talked to God like He was right in the car, and Craig now did the same.

  "I'm so sorry, God, for the way I acted." He was crying again, but it was not out of control. His voice was pleading, but not desperate, and Sophie prayed with him. He had more to say to the Lord than Sophie would have expected, and she thought her heart would burst with her own prayers on his behalf.

  They were both rather spent when Craig said, "Amen." The young man seemed almost out of breath, but he smiled at Sophie in a way she'd never seen before.

  "Shall we go home now?" she asked gently.

  "Yes," Craig told her. "And thanks, Sophie."

  Sophie reached to hug him, and Craig hugged her fiercely in return. What a long journey it had been for this young man. He was going to be 13 next week, but Sophie suspected that the celebration had already begun.

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  The LAST time Alec LOOKED AT HIS WATCH it was after 9:30. His own meeting had been canceled, but he hadn't known that until he had arrived. He had missed Sophie and Craig by half an hour. By the time he realized the roads were getting slick, it would have been foolish to try and go after them. However, they had been gone far longer than he expected. The girls were in bed asleep, something he was thankful for, but his heart was having a hard time with anxiety. He had prayed the entire time, but the visibility was only getting worse, and he told God outright that he didn't want anything to happen to Sophie and his son. He knew hi
s trust was waning, and he was headed to get his Bible when he saw the lights.

  Since he was sitting in the living room with the lights off, he saw the van as soon as it turned onto their court. Not even bothering with his coat, he stood and walked through the kitchen, a prayer of thanksgiving in his heart. There was a small walk-door that sat at the bottom of Sophie's stairs, so by the time Sophie had turned the van off, Alec was there waiting.

  "Everyone all right?" he spoke and held her door, sagging at the knees so he could look in and see Craig.

  "Yes," Sophie answered. "There was accident on the beltline. We were detour."

  By the time all this was said, Craig had been given time to come around to Sophie's side. For the first time Sophie looked up and Alec was able to study their faces. He didn't comment because he saw that Craig was looking at Sophie, and for a moment she spoke to him alone.

  "I am going up to bed now, Craig. I will talk to you tomorrow."

  "All right."

  She stepped forward to hug him and was hugged in return. While they embraced, she whispered in his ear, "Tell your father tonight, Craig. Do not wait."

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  She stepped away from Craig and bid them both good night, handed the keys to Alec in the process, and went on her way.

  Alec pushed the button to lower the garage door, and the men followed her out.

  "Thanks, Sophie," Alec called to her as she climbed the stairs to her apartment, and she replied without stopping. He held the door for Craig and waited for his son to precede him into the kitchen. The room was in shadows, making it easier for Craig to turn and say, "Can I talk to you, Dad?"

  "Sure. Why don't you go get ready for bed and I'll come to you."

  Craig nodded and moved off. Alec secured the downstairs and tried to calm the frantic beating of his heart. Something had happened tonight, and not knowing what was almost as hard as waiting for Craig and Sophie to come home safely.

  Alec reached Craig's room just as the young man was climbing into bed. He sat on the edge like he usually did, and the bright light from Craig's nightstand showed what Alec had suspected in the garage: Craig had been crying.

  Craig was tense as he began, but told himself that he was not going to cry. However, he hadn't reckoned with the way his father would break down. The two of them ended up clinging together on the side of the bed, both sobbing. It took some time before either was capable of speech, and when he could, Alec asked to see the pants. Craig rose and took them from his top drawer. They were the very pair he suspected Craig had been talking about. He'd seen him wearing them dozens of times. The dark-blue fabric was very faded. Alec held them in his hand and asked, "Would you like me to take these, Craig, or do you want them?"

  "I don't know. I mean, I know I don't need to wear them now, but they still remind me of Mom."

  "Good reminder or bad reminder?"

  "Good, now." Craig's eyes dropped to the pants, and he chuckled softly. "I can barely get into them."

  Craig had laid back down now, and Alec tenderly rubbed his head. "Your mother would not have wanted you to hurt that way, but she would have been pleased that you now want to obey her."

  "I just wish I'd done it that day."

  "No more regrets, Craig."

  He nodded. "All right, Dad."

  They were silent for a time. "I need to thank Sophie, don't I?"

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  "She gave my son back to me."

  If Craig had any tears left, they would have spilled over again, but he was dry.

  "I'm sorry I've been so hard on you, Dad."

  "I forgive you, Craig, and I hope and pray that you won't let it build again. Come to me, and I'll help you however I can."

  "Thanks, Dad."

  They hugged a final time, and Alec went to bed. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so tired. He wanted to get up right now and write a note to Sophie in order to thank her for the part she had played this night, but he was too far gone. With a prayer of thanks in his heart, and one that he would remember the note in the morning, Alec fell into a deep sleep.

  ***

  Sophie saw the note taped to the coffeepot as soon as she came down the next morning. It was not fancy or flowery, but said, "Thanks, Sophie. Alec." That was it. Three little words. However, they meant more to Sophie than she could say; they meant that Craig had been mature enough to talk with his father. Although God had used her to help Craig, the real help was going to come from the one who really counted: Craig's dad.

  Sophie folded the note carefully and put it in the pocket of her jeans before she started breakfast. This morning called for something special, so she started a bowl of pancake batter. There was a plateful of hotcakes in the oven by the time Tory made an appearance.

  "Good morning, my Tory."

  "Hi, Sophie. Pancakes?"

  "Yes."

  "I'll get the syrup." With that the ten-year-old set the table and poured everyone's juice. Craig and Rita were just as pleased as Tory with the morning fare, and then Craig surprised everyone again by offering to pray for the meal.

  "Dear heavenly Father," he began, "thank You for this food and all the work Sophie does. Bless Dad at work today, and us, too, at school. And please bless Sophie as she works here, too. In Your name I pray, Amen."

  Rita's eyes, kind and speculative, rested on her brother for several heartbeats before she began to eat. Something had definitely gone on. He even looked different.

  "Rita," Sophie interrupted her thoughts, "I received the invitation yesterday."

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  Rita smiled at her.

  "I would like to come very much, but I need you to help me with what to wear."

  "Oh, sure, Sophie. It's not formal, but it is dressy. I think I'm going to wear a skirt and blouse."

  "All right. Could you maybe look at my skirts, too?"

  Rita was going to tell her that whatever she chose would be fine, but it was there again-that look of vulnerability that would cross Sophie's features when Rita least expected it. Whenever she saw it, she wanted to promise Sophie the world.

  "Sure, Sophie. We'll do it today after school."

  Sophie nodded and a distinct look of relief flooded her eyes.

  Iwas so worried,Rita now told the Lord,about how I would feel at the tea that I never gave Sophie a thought. She wants to please so badly, and I think she would die if she ever thought I found her embarrassing.

  Tears filled Rita'seyes over her own thoughts, and she had to bend low over her plate to cover them. There was a time when Ritawasembarrassed by Sophie's looks, but not anymore. Not since she saw the person inside Sophie and realized with a new maturity how little difference her clothing really made.

  "You best move," the housekeeper now warned everyone, and there was a mad scramble as they gathered book bags and coats and shoved their feet into boots. Rita was the first out, kissing Sophie's cheek as she went. Tory, after a fast hug, was hot on her heels. Craig came behind and seemed in no hurry at all. He stopped at the door where Sophie was standing and just looked at her.

  "Will you have a busy day today?" he asked.

  Sophie smiled. "I think just normal. I have to wax this floor and in the laundry room."

  Craig nodded and seemed to stand in indecision. Sophie rescued him.

  "Hug me good-bye, Craig, and go get in the van before you are late."

  He didn't even hesitate, but gave Sophie a mighty squeeze and opened the door. Sophie had plenty to do, but she put it aside. In a moment she was in what she now deemed her "prayer chair" in the family room, taking time to praise God and pray for this family who were so solidly embedded in her heart.

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  The day of the ladies' tea had finally arrived. The sun was shining brightly off the snow. Sophie's new navy skirt and white blouse were pressed, and she had found a dark plaid ribbon to tie under the collar and darling little earrings to match the outfit, but Sophie wasn't content. It was only 9:30 in the morning, but she was not working. She was standi
ng in front of the mirror in the hallway, studying her reflection.

  How long are you going to be afraid of this, Sophie? You know you want to. What better day than today to surprise Rita?Sophie's thoughts fell silent then, but she didn't continue to stare. With a determined move she went to the phone.

  "Hello." ,

  "Hello, Gladys, this is Sophie."

  "Hi! I was just thinking of you. What day is your tea?"

  "Today."

  "Great. Are you excited?"

  "I will be if I can walk over and borrow your car."

  "Of course you can. Are you going to tell me what this is all about?"

  "Not yet. I'll explain when I return."

  "All right, but the suspense is going to kill me."

  They hung up then and Sophie bundled up and headed out the door. The day was wonderful, the air clean and cold. In less than ten minutes Sophie was ringing Gladys' doorbell. The older woman answered the summons with the keys in her hand.

  "Are you certain you can't tell me?"

  "Yes. I will see you soon." Sophie moved away before she weakened, and very soon she was warming up the car. It hadn't been driven for a while, so she took her time, but it was only 15 minutes later that she parked and walked into the mall. Once outside the shop her nerve almost deserted her, but she made herself walk in.

  "Can I help you?"

  "Yes." Sophie's voice only quivered a little. "I would like haircut."

  "Shampoo and cut?"

  "Yes, please."

  "All right. I have someone open in about five minutes if you'd like to give me your name and take a seat."

  Sophie did as she was asked and sat down, her palms making damp marks on her leather purse. The girl who had been at the appointment desk slipped away, and Sophie was suddenly alone. Doubts assailed her, and she had to force herself to stay seated.

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  I could leave. No one would know. No one would even care. AllIhave to do is stand up and walk out that-

  "Sophie," a voice called from the edge of the waiting room and nearly startled her out of her skin.