by Lori Wick
"What are you doing, Sophie?" Tory broke into these anguished thoughts. For a moment, Sophie didn't answer.
"You've been acting weird lately, Sophie."
"Have I, Tory?" She felt agony over Tory's words.
Tory nodded.
"I am sorry. I will do better."
Tory smiled as if she'd already forgotten all about it, and Sophie was admittedly relieved when she left the kitchen.If Tory can see this, what do the others see?No answer came to Sophie, and she continued on in confusion. She told herself she would do better, but didn't know how. Going to the picnic and spending all day in Mr. Riley's presence suddenly did not look so fun. Sophie asked herself how she would ever get through the ordeal.
***
The drive-20 miles west, out through Cross Plains, Black Earth, and then to Mazomanie-was beautiful. The bluffs and hills were lush with greenery, and the farms, with Holstein cows standing in their fields, made Sophie smile. It took about 30 minutes to reach the Barsness farm where the picnic was held, and Sophie enjoyed the warm reception Alec and the children received. Tory had told her that they only came out here one time a year, but it was clear that they were welcome.
Rita introduced Sophie to Dale and Katie Barsness who owned the farm, and Sophie was able to tell them in all sincerity how much she enjoyed their home and acres. She was introduced to several others who made her feel right at home as well. Craig placed their cooler in the shade of a tree, and when someone told Alec the volleyball game was just about to start, he and Craig loped off.
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The girls also disappeared. Sophie wandered a bit, looking at the creek and the beautiful trees before joining into conversation with several different people. Nearly everyone she spoke with knew Alec, or at least knew of him. And anyone who didn't know Alec knew Tory. Sophie could see why. Tory chattered and made her way to nearly every corner of the farm, leaving smiles as she went. She joined Sophie at one point while she was in the middle of a conversation, but didn't interrupt. When the woman who had been with Sophie moved off, Tory gave the housekeeper a swift hug.
"That was nice," Sophie said as she looked down at her.
Tory looked a little self-conscious and then glanced across the way. "You know those Christian romance books that Rita reads?"
"Yes," Sophie said carefully, wondering where this had come from.
"You were just talking to the author."
"An author! Living here?"
Tory nodded, feeling glad that she'd been the one to tell Sophie. "Rita says I'll like those books someday, but I don't know."
Sophie smiled very tenderly. "Give it much time, my Tory. There is no need to rush."
"You haven't rushed."
"This is true."
"Will you get married, Sophie?" The thought had only just occurred to Tory.
"I do not know, Tory." The little girl's question brought a rush of emotions to Sophie's heart, and she had to force herself not to look toward the volleyball court.
"I hope not," the little girl said selfishly. "I want you to stay with us."
Sophie decided not to comment, but she did hug Tory, all the while thinking how much she wanted the very same thing.
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WHEN DARKNESS FELL THAT EVENING, an air of excitement moved through the group. Sophie heard the wordfireworksover and over, and not just from the children; the adults were excited as well. Sophie readily joined in as the group gathered around the basketball court and watched as someone named Bob lit fountains of every size and color. Oohs and aahs seemed to be the order of the evening, and after a while it became rather comical. Laughter seemed to have no end, and Sophie joined in this as well, as jokes and sparks flew in unison.
Sophie was content to watch with the others until she looked behind her to the creek. Something caught her eye, and her attention was diverted for a time. Every so often she would look back at the fireworks display, but her eyes were drawn of their own accord to the banks of the creek. It wasn't very long after this that she was on her feet and moving toward the water, the crowd behind her nearly forgotten.
***
From his place on the other side of the group, Alec watched Sophie leave. They hadn't had time together like he'd planned, and the day had passed so swiftly. They'd both played softball, but had been on opposing teams. Outside of a short time she spent on third base, he hadn't been able to talk with her during the game at all.
Then for the meal, she had ended up at a table with Tory and Craig. There hadn't been any room left for him. There had been a lull after the meal, but without some business to discuss, they never sought one another out just to visit. Alec felt uncomfortable approaching. Now that she had walked away from the group, Alec did not want to invade her privacy. But the fear that she might not be feeling well propelled him forward.
Sophie was quite a ways down the creek before Alec found her. When he heard her gasp, he was sure his fear had been confirmed.
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"Sophie?" His voice was concerned.
"Oh, Mr. Riley," she sounded out of breath. "Look at them."
Alec followed her eyes and smiled. The woods around the creek were putting on a light show of their own as dozens of fireflies lit up and went out again in a symphony of color all their own.
"I have heard, but did not ever see them. Are they not beautiful?"
Sophie had caught one in her hands. As she let it go, it lit up and delighted her all over again.
"God is so wonderful to make these." Her voice was reverent. "I suppose frogs only like the taste, but for Sophie, they are so wonderful for eyes."
Alec smiled tenderly in the dark. "You're good for me, Sophie," he told her quietly.
"I am?" She looked over at him in surprise, just now realizing how dark it was and how far they were from the group.
"Yes. You appreciate things I take for granted, and I need that."
"I am glad." Sophie's voice had dropped now, too. "I wish to thank you, Mr. Riley, for asking me to this day. I had good time."
"You're welcome, Sophie. I'm glad you could be here."
It would be so easy now to reach for her hand, but the light suddenly caught her face, and Alec saw a glimpse of uncertainty. The darkness was romantic, but without knowing if his advance would be welcome, he decided he would have to wait.
"Ready to go back?" Alec asked.
"Not just yet," Sophie admitted, and they stared at one another.
"Take your time," Alec finally managed. "We'll wait for you."
Sophie nodded and watched him walk away. When she was alone, her gaze went back to the lightning bugs, but she wasn't really seeing them. Something was happening, but Sophie didn't know what. She could take rejection or acceptance, but the in between, the not knowing, was almost too much to bear.
But you will bear it, Sophie,she told herself.Right now you would do almost anything to be near that man, so calm your expectations and keep giving this to God.
***
It was a weary but content group that headed back to Middle- ton that night. It had been a marvelous day, even with the
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mosquitoes and heat, but now everyone was ready to shower and sleep. Alec told Tory to jump into the shower first, and Tory begged Sophie to stay and tuck her in.
"All right," the older woman agreed and waited in Tory's room while the girl showered. She was tired herself, but also strangely exhilarated. With its white-and-blue theme, Tory's room was comfortable, and Sophie felt herself relaxing. By the time Tory joined her, she was ready to fall asleep.
"Will you brush my hair?"
"Yes," Sophie told her and drew the brush down and through in long, slow strokes meant to soothe. When Tory's head bobbed several times, Sophie went for a dry towel. She laid it on Tory's pillow and, after the girl lay down, tucked the covers in around her. Her eyes were already closed, but she thanked Sophie who had kissed her brow. Sophie stood and looked down at her for a moment before turning off the light and closing her door
.
Sophie passed Rita in the hall, her hair wet from her shower, and also heard Craig as he started the water.
"Good night, Sophie."
"Good night, Rita. Sleep well."
When she got to the kitchen, Mr. Riley was leaning on the counter by the door reading the newspaper. He set it aside when she came in and smiled.
"Are you about done in?"
"Not too much. It was a fun day."
"Yes, we've been going out there for so many years that I've lost count. We missed last year, so it was good to see everyone again."
"Tory said your grandmother lived in Mazomanie."
"Yes, Grandma Wilson. She was wonderful, and she adored Vanessa and the kids. We had a hard time getting out to see her, so Van started the Fourth of July tradition with her, and we've never left it."
They were silent for a moment, and then Sophie said with tender compassion, "It must be hard for you today."
"Not as hard as I thought it would be," Alec told her. "I mean, I certainly remember our times there, but we made new memories today."
Sophie nodded. "Tory did not mention her mother today, and she does when she thinks of her. Craig seemed to be all right, too."
"Time, Sophie. Time really does make a difference. You hear that your whole life, and it starts to sound like a cliche, but it
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really is true. And then added to that is God's comfort and grace. We'll never forget Vanessa, and the healing has been long, but it would be more surprising if we didn't heal at all when you consider God's care for us."
Sophie nodded. "All the children seem to do well."
"Yes, they do, and I think I have you to thank for it."
Sophie smiled a bit self-consciously, and Alec cleared his throat.
"I've been meaning to ask you something, Sophie," Alec began. "You certainly have skills that go far beyond housekeeping. Do you feel like you're being wasted here, or that you would rather move on?"
"Oh, no, Mr. Riley. I enjoy my languages, but I enjoy this job more."
"Good," Alec said quietly. It was such an inadequate word, but he couldn't find another. He knew that the time was now. He should ask Sophie on a date, but he hesitated just a moment too long.
"I should get up to my house," Sophie said now, a small note of regret in her voice.
Alec could only nod, knowing his own regret. He moved to catch the door handle, but when Sophie moved close, he hesitated in opening it. Sophie looked in question at the door and then at him. She couldn't look away. Alec's eyes were filled with yearning, and Sophie couldn't move-not even when his fingers dropped from the knob and he reached with both hands to cup her face.
No words were spoken. Alec cradled Sophie's cheeks like she was a rare gift and looked into her eyes-so huge and lovely that he couldn't say anything. Sophie's lips parted, but she was not capable of speech. The movement drew Alec's attention downward, and then he lowered his head.
The kiss was unlike anything Sophie had ever experienced, and of their own volition her hands came up to hold Alec's arms. When his hands dropped and he put his arms around her, Sophie followed suit, lifting her arms to hold him as well. Alec's eyes were closed, but Sophie's were still wide with wonder over the way he held and kissed her.
"Dad?"
The soft voice broke through to Sophie before it did to Alec, and it took a moment for him to realize that Sophie had retreated from him. She was still in his hold, but her arms were gone, and
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then he watched as her head turned away. Alec stared at her profile as she looked at the door. He then glanced at Craig who was standing on the other side of the kitchen, and finally released Sophie. Her hand went to the doorknob and she exited soundlessly, without looking at either man. The click of the door latch was very loud in the still room. Alec finally turned to face his son.
"You were kissing her," he whispered, tears filling his eyes.
"Yes, I was," Alec admitted quietly.
"What about Mom?" he said on a sob. "Have you forgotten about Mom?"
Alec's hand went to the back of his neck. "I don't know what to say to you, Craig," he admitted. "If I tell you I haven't, then you'll ask me how could I be kissing Sophie. If I say I have forgotten her, then you'll say how couldI.Ihonestly don't know what to say."
More than anything in the world, Craig wanted to run and hide. He wished he hadn't come downstairs at all, but he'd done too much running as it was. He needed to stay with this until he understood.
"Do you love her?"
"Your mother?"
Craig shook his head. "Do you love Sophie?"
Alec sighed. How in the world did he handle this?
"I have strong feelings for Sophie, Craig, and I would like to get to know her better, but not at your expense. Do you understand what I mean?"
"I think so. Do you want something, you know, permanent, with Sophie?"
"If it came to that, yes, but you kids would need to want it as well. I'm not going to go off and do my own thing without you."
Craig didn't say anything for a moment. He realized now that this had been going on for some time. He had noticed his father was different when Sophie was around, but he hadn't wanted to face it.
"When were you going to tell us about the two of you?"
"Craig, there's nothing to tell."
"That wasn't nothing I saw going on a few minutes ago."
Alec shook his head and whispered, "Sophie doesn't even know how I feel, Craig."
"And you kissed her?" His young voice was quietly incredulous.
"Yes. I probably totally blew it."
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Craig had not expected this. His father looked so lonely and vulnerable that the boy's throat ached.
"You don't think she wanted to be kissed?"
Alec's smile was self-mocking. "I don't know, son. I didn't give her any time to say."
"But you've been interested in Sophie for a long time, haven't you?"
"Yes."
Again words failed them. Alec could see that Craig was ready to walk away, but Alec couldn't let him.
"Are you angry, Craig?"
"No. I'm just not sure I understand."
Alec nodded. It was easy to see why.
"I'm going to go up to bed."
"All right. We'll talk tomorrow."
"Okay. Do you have the day off?"
"No, but I can come home for lunch, if you want."
"No, I don't think it'll work if Sophie's here."
Alec nodded. "Tomorrow night then."
"Right. With the girls?"
"Yes, I think it's time."
Craig agreed and bid his father good night, but he came right back.
"Are you coming up now?"
"Yes. I just need to lock up."
"I'll wait for you."
They walked up the stairs together, and for an instant Alec wondered if Craig might have waited to check on him. The thought was banished completely from his mind when Alec walked him to his door and reached to give him a hug. Craig clung to him.
Alec showered and turned in, certain that Sophie would invade his thoughts. But that was not completely true. His children continually sprang to his mind, and finally Alec slipped from his bed to kneel and pray for them. Not until that moment did he realize things had changed forever. Whether Sophie was on her way out of their lives or still with them, things would never be the same.
"Things will never be the same," Sophie prayed in Czech to the Lord from where she sat on the edge of her bed. "I will have to
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leave here. I don't think I can stand it, Lord. This has become my home. I told Rita and Tory never to rush, and then I kissed him." She was crying now. "We haven't even been on a date, and I kissed him! I will never be able to look him in the face again."
Sophie now laid her head on her pillow and sobbed. She was tired and awash with misery, or she might have thought about the fact that Alec had kissed her as well
. Indeed, Alec had started the whole thing. The only thing she knew right now was pain over the belief that he had certainly been kissing his wife while holding Sophie in his arms. She had never known such heartache.
Had she even dared to hope that she might be wrong, she might have altered her next move, but suddenly her mind was made up. She had to run from this place. To be a substitute was more than she could bear.
Was it too much, Lord, to want his love for my own? I can't stay here and pretend. I just can't.And again she sobbed into her pillow even as she decided that she must put some space between her and Alec Riley. She would not stay away forever, but by morning she must be gone.
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The next MORNING Alec CAME through the kitchen a few minutes before 6:00, but the note was already on the kitchen table. He picked it up with a steady hand that belied the way his heart hammered in his chest:
I will not be down today.
Sophie
It was to the point, but said nothing. Did she come back down last night so she could sleep in, or had she actually left this note before 6:00 this morning? If Alec hadn't been afraid of waking her, he would have knocked on her door right then to see if he could gain an answer.
Instead, he pocketed the note and left one of his own for the kids. He didn't want them to know that the situation had stepped out of the norm-at least not yet. Craig was sure to suspect, but he wanted to avoid upsetting Tory, if at all possible. His note only told them not to look for her today, and that he would call before lunch to see how they were doing. Beyond that, he could do little.
He went to the truck then and backed into the street. He didn't drive away, but sat for a moment looking up at Sophie's windows.Are you in there, Sophie?His heart pleaded.Please show yourself so I can come up and talk to you.The curtains did not stir. Alec sincerely hoped she was asleep in bed, but somehow he doubted it. He forced himself to drive away without the answers he so desperately wanted, all the while trying not to count the hours before he could call the kids on the slim chance that she had been in touch.
Had this not been the month of July when Wisconsin was very hot and muggy, Sophie would never have gotten away with what
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