Sophie's Heart

by Lori Wick

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  "Do not worry about me for church tomorrow," Sophie assured him. "It is an easy walk from here."

  "I wish I could invite you over for the day, but-"

  Sophie was already shaking her head. "I have you all the time, but Fraziers are only here for the weekend. It is best this way."

  They were in Sophie's tiny living room now, and Alec had taken the chair. He looked across at her and didn't comment.Ihave you all the time.Alec couldn't get the words from his head. Was she really content with the way things were? He longed to have her with him more, but maybe she-

  "Did you bring the book, Alec?" Sophie's voice cut across his thoughts.

  "No, I'm sorry. I plan to talk to my in-laws about us, but I didn't think it was fair to let them see the title of that book without an explanation."

  Sophie nodded, but she was disappointed.

  "I'll try to sneak away tomorrow and bring it to you."

  "All right."

  For some reason they both fell silent. Sophie still had a headache, but more than that, she felt like she had done something

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  wrong. Alec's eyes had looked so disappointed. Was it her, or the situation? She desperately wanted to voice these questions, but she didn't think she should delay him. Mrs. Frazier had said something about a cake; they were probably waiting dessert for him right now. With that thought in mind, Sophie stood.

  "I better let you go, Alec."

  He stood as well, reluctance covering his movements. "I'll probably see you at church."

  "Yes."

  Alec looked at her for a moment. "There's something bothering you, isn't there?"

  "I thought there might be something with you," Sophie told him.

  Alec sighed. "If we start on this, I'll never get home."

  "True."

  "It's frustrating not to have the time."

  This was true as well, but Sophie didn't know what to say.

  "I'll see you later," Alec now said, and moved out the door. He looked back for just an instant and saw that Sophie had moved to watch him. He lifted his hand, and she did the same. Hating his inconsistency, Alec turned away. One minute he was thrilled to have the chance of dating her at all, and the next he was frustrated over their lack of time.

  Get it together, Alec,he cautioned himself.You had plenty of time to talk with your in-laws today, so you could have brought her that book. You can't expect Sophie to read your mind. You've got to be up front with her and not leave her hanging.

  Alec berated himself all the way to the van and then stopped dead in his tracks. Making a quick decision, he swiftly retraced his steps. He surprised Sophie to no end when he returned so quickly and knocked on her door.

  "Why, Alec!"

  "I'm sorry to startle you, but I wondered if you were free for dinner on Friday night."

  "Dinner? Just the two of us?"

  "Yes. Nothing fancy, just lots of time to talk."

  Sophie sighed. "I would like that, Alec. I would like it very much."

  It was a much sweeter note on which to end. Sophie's heart had been so heavy when he had left. They had spent so much time together in the past weeks, especially on the weekends, and now having that time interrupted felt awful. As much as Sophie

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  tried to be thankful that Alec and the children could have this time with the Fraziers, she felt lonely. Her own place was so small that it took her no time to clean, and she found herself wandering aimlessly from room to room.

  "Get outside of yourself," Sophie said to her empty bedroom. "Are you such a shell these days that if you're left on your own, you're helpless?"

  Sophie did not like the way she was feeling. She wasn't afraid of becoming more deeply involved with Alec and the children, but this discontentment was wrong. Had their lights been on, Sophie would have knocked on the Kents' back door for an evening visit, but all was dark. Sophie double-checked her front door and windows and took her Bible to the bedroom. She read until she was too tired to keep her eyes open and then fell asleep with the light on. She woke early, but very refreshed, knowing in her heart who she was and how God would want her to be.

  She also woke with a tremendous gladness in her heart since this was Sunday. She loved being in God's house with God's people. The time was early, so she went to the early service, sat with Gladys, and then saw Brad in Sunday school. They hadn't run into each other for a few weeks. Since Brad had also gone to the early service, they had plenty of time to visit as they walked to the parking lot.

  "How have you been, Brad?"

  "Just great. How about yourself?"

  "I am fine, too," Sophie told him, and then a teasing glint sparkled in her eye. "Did I see you speaking to a woman a few weeks back, one who was wearing pants?"

  Brad chuckled. "I've thought a lot about what you said, Sophie, but I've been too prideful to tell you."

  Sophie clutched Brad's arm, her face alight with pleasure. "Are you seeing her, Brad? Are you dating?"

  "Yeah," he said softly, flushing just a little. "You really challenged me, Sophie. Here I felt so certain that God wanted me to marry someday, but I was getting in my own way."

  "I do not remember saying that," Sophie frowned.

  "No, you didn't, but you did ask me what I might be missing if my only objection to a woman was the pants she wore. I couldn't stop thinking about that, and now I've met Kathy Ann. She's wonderful, and I realize as I've gotten to know her that I have been judging people harshly. Kathy Ann, and probably most Christian women, are not trying to make some sort of statement

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  because they're wearing pants. They're just a part of our culture and, when worn modestly, can be done before God."

  By now, Sophie's smile was stretched across her face.

  "I hear you've been doing a little dating of your own," Brad now said with a smile that matched Sophie's.

  "Yes." Sophie's eyes grew a bit dreamy. "I am seeing Alec Riley."

  "I'm not surprised. He was not at all happy to see me in your hospital room that day."

  Sophie blinked at him. "My hospital room?"

  "Yes. When you had appendicitis."

  "But, Brad," Sophie said as if he'd taken leave of his senses, "that was months ago."

  Brad only grinned. "I know."

  Sophie felt thunderstruck. She stared at Brad and then across the parking lot at nothing in particular. Brad only watched her face and smiled. Sophie didn't know how long she would have stood there, but Gladys suddenly pulled up.

  "Sophie, would you like a lift home?"

  "Oh, Gladys-yes, I will. Brad, I am sorry, I just-"

  "It's all right," he cut in. "I can see that you're surprised, and you probably need some think time."

  "Thank you, Brad."

  With that Sophie climbed into Gladys' car and was on her way. Brad stood still for a few minutes, hoping and praying that Alec Riley understood what a special woman he had on his hands.

  ***

  "Sophie, are you all right?"

  "Oh, Gladys, yes. I am just in thinking."

  With a slight smile, Gladys fell silent. These days if Sophie's English was that bad, shemustbe in need of quiet. And indeed, she was. Brad's words had so surprised her that she didn't know what to think. If what Brad said was true, then Alec had cared for her for months. But Sophie had had no idea. Suddenly she remembered the conversation on the phone with her grandmother.

  Ithink he is still in love with his first wife.

  What else would you expect him to be, Sophie?

  What do you mean?

  I mean, there is no one else to fill his heart and arms

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  But what can I do?

  I cannot tell you, my SophieYou must discover this on your

  own.

  And then just a few hours later the Rileys had come home from the lake. Sophie remembered the way her heart had leapt at the sound of the garage door going up. She'd rushed down the stairs to greet them, hugging
the children and telling herself to be calm, and then finally allowing herself to look at Alec Riley. There was certainly no way of knowing what he saw, but Sophie realized now that she must have given him some type of signal, because his manner toward her had changed right after that.

  All that time,Sophie now marveled.All that time he's cared for me and not said anything. And how long have I cared? I do not know. I think he's been growing in my heart for weeks, but my surgery was last March.

  "Are you all right, Sophie?" Gladys asked again, and Sophie came back from a faraway place to find they were parked in front of the Kents' residence.

  "I think so, Gladys. Brad said something about Alec not wanting him in my hospital room and I just-" Sophie couldn't go on.

  "You just didn't know he'd cared for so long."

  "You knew, Gladys?" It suddenly became very clear to her, and she turned to look at the older woman.

  "Yes, dear. I could tell."

  Sophie stared straight ahead again. "He must be in love with me." Her voice was very soft. "I have not seen it, but it must be true. He said at times he did not want to go slow, and this is what he meant."

  Gladys didn't know what to say. She could have told Sophie just how Alec felt, but it wasn't her place. Instead, she asked a question.

  "Do his strong emotions scare you, Sophie, or are you pleased?'

  Sophie turned to look at her. "I think a little of both. In my heart I want to be with Alec for years to come, but I haven't asked myself if he is truly the man I want to marry. I have romantic dreams that say yes, but I have not faced all the facts."

  "But that's what you're doing now, isn't it, dear? I mean, you're dating him and that's the whole point-to get to know one another."

  "That's right!" Sophie's eyes were huge. "I have not been wrong or foolish. I'm doing as I should."

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  Gladys wanted to laugh. Sophie was talking to her, but she was in actuality having a conversation with herself.

  "Can you talk to Alec about this, Sophie?"

  "I don't know," she said honestly. "How would I say, 'I just found out you love me, and I think I might love you, butI need more time'?" She shrugged helplessly. "I would turn red, Gladys. I know I would."

  "Would that be the end of the world?"

  "Yes," Sophie told her dryly, and they shared a smile.

  "Take some time today to examine your heart and pray. God will not leave you adrift. He'll show you."

  Thinking what a good friend Gladys was, Sophie thanked her and climbed from the car. She had asked Gladys to lunch but learned that she had plans. After Sophie settled into her house, with her shoes kicked off and some lunch in front of her, she was glad. It was good that she would have some time alone. God had placed her in Alec's life; Sophie knew this for a fact. She also knew that for this reason He was certain to have a purpose. Suddenly, her day looked much brighter.

  Iwas worried and upset, Lord, but You have known this all along. You know Alec's heart, and You know mine. Help us to be in one accord not with each other, but with You. The rest will take care of itself.

  It was not the last time Sophie had to pray these words. She did so as often as fear or anxiety reared its head, but God's peace was her choice. She wrote a letter to her grandmother and then went skating. It would have been more fun with Tory and Craig, but it was better exercise than a walk, and she had needed some exercise.

  She also saw Mrs. Kent on her way back to the house. They spoke for a few minutes, and for the first time Sophie was able to tell Mrs. Kent that she had prayed for the healing of her ankle. Sophie watched as the older woman went from shock, to surprise, and then to great pleasure. She actually thanked Sophie with tears in her eyes, and Sophie went away praising God that a seed had been planted.

  When she arrived at her door, she found the book on marriage Alec had described to her. Sophie was sorry to have missed him, but was not sorry for the book. He had left a note asking her to read through the first chapter so they could discuss it on Friday night.

  Without even removing her skates, Sophie took a seat at the kitchen table and opened the book. With pencil in hand, she

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  scoured the introduction and first chapter. She then read the discussion questions in the back and went over the pages again. When she finally closed the book, her neck was stiff and her ankles hurt from the skates, but she could hardly wait for Friday night.

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  "I MUST CONFESS SOMETHING TO YOU," Sophie said softly as soon as they were seated in the restaurant on Friday night.

  "All right." Alec's expression was open, although his date looked rather serious.

  "I read past the first chapter."

  Alec's smile was huge. "So did I."

  Sophie laughed softly; she had been so nervous. "It is such a good book, so practical and with humor, too. I could not stop."

  "Me, either. On every page I found something else I wanted to discuss with you."

  "It was the same for me. I wished we could be reading together."

  Alec smiled very tenderly at her. He had read his book while in bed, and Sophie could not know the image her words created. It was a relief to have the waiter arrive to take their order.

  Sophie ordered the Tour of Italy, just as she'd done when she'd dined in this restaurant with Brad Marshall, but he was the farthest person from her mind. Alec was in the mood for lasagna, and both were in the mood to talk. They interrupted one another for the next 90 minutes in their haste to say all that had been trapped inside for a week, laughing time and again at how often they spoke nearly the same words.

  The topics of discussion from the book were varied, but the main subject was marriage with some discussion of their childhoods. They had both read that they had to be compatible not just physically and mentally, but spiritually as well. "Now Is the Time" was one heading in the book where it discussed the fact that the first year of marriage was not the time to find out about each other. Nothing was off-limits. Pasts must be discussed, future dreams, goals, sin problems, everything. It was imperative that it all be uncovered during courtship. The book recommended that the superficial be stripped away, and that the real people come forth. It was easy to put on a facade for an evening,

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  but how did your potential spouse respond in private? At one point, Alec made a very honest admission.

  "I really struggled with jealousy," he told Sophie. "When Van and I had been married for about seven years, we attended her class reunion. An old boyfriend of hers was there. I was incredibly jealous. She didn't do anything to tease me, and her actions were proper in every way, but I was a mess. I thought I was all over that, but then on Sunday-"

  He stopped talking, and Sophie leaned forward.

  "What happened Sunday?"

  "I saw you talking with Brad Marshall," he admitted. "I heard almost nothing of the sermon, worried to death that you were going to accept a date with him."

  Sophie's heart broke. She could tell him that he meant more than that, but it wouldn't have made any difference since he'd felt that way with his wife-a woman who had vowed her life to him.

  Sophie couldn't know that that was exactly what Alec wanted her to say. He wanted her to tell him that she was totally committed to this relationship, that he didn't have a worry. Instead, she shocked him speechless.

  "Is it not wonderful that jealousy is a sin?"

  Alec only stared at her, and Sophie didn't notice his expression.

  "You could have told me," she went on, "that you have cancer, and I would know there is no cure. But sin is good news. Sin has a cure because of Christ's work on the cross. I could tell you that there is no need to feel this way because I care for you and would not do this, but that is only a little gauze and tape on the wound. In Christ you can be cured of the sin of jealousy."

  Alec was still staring. He had never met anyone like her.

  "I've never thought about it that way before, Sophie. You're certainly right. I mean, nothing els
e makes sense, but I've just never-"

  He stopped, but Sophie did not understand how thunderstruck he felt. She only smiled gently and accepted more coffee when the waiter arrived.

  "I will pray for you, Alec. If I can do something, please tell me."

  "You've already done quite a bit."

  The conversation made a gentle turn then and moved to the children. Tory and Craig were headed back to school on Monday,

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  and Rita would return Wednesday. There were mixed reactions from the children; they were excited to see their friends, but the summer had gone too swiftly.

  "And what will you do for something special this weekend?" Sophie wished to know.

  "Well, I don't know. Craig always wants to go to the Dells, but the girls are tired of that. And since they're all with friends tonight, I think they might want to take it easy."

  Sophie lifted a very skeptical brow over this, and Alec shrugged. That he couldn't be more wrong was proven to him the very next morning when both Tory and Craig appeared in his room just after 7:00. He and Sophie had talked until after midnight, so he was not thrilled to see them.

  "We want to do something today, Dad," Tory began. "School starts Monday, so this is our last chance."

  "You make it sound like your life is over," Alec mumbled, but they were not amused.

  "Come on, Dad," Craig now urged.

  "Can I have another hour?" he asked and heard them sigh.

  "All right," Craig yielded. "Are you going to get up, or do we come back?"

  "You better come back," he managed before sleep crept in again.

  They forgot him for over an hour, and by the time they returned he was ready to rise. Rita was just climbing out of bed as well, and they sat around the breakfast table trying to agree on an activity. When it was decided that they would miniature golf, Alec said he would give Sophie a call.

  "Does Sophie have to come?" Tory asked. The other three members of her family gawked at her.

  "Why don't you want her to come?" Rita asked before Alec could utter a word.

  "She's just around all the time," the youngest Riley complained.

  "Well, get used to it, Tory." Craig thought she was being ridiculous. '"Cause Dad's gonna marry the woman."