Penance

by Kristin Harte

  “That’s it?” Elijah asked, looking from me to Mercy and back again. “Thanks?”

  “What? Did you expect me to see Finn with new eyes and fall in love right here in this bar?” Mercy scoffed, her eyes finding mine again. “I liked you, Finn, but I never loved you. That’s not about to change today. Besides, you’ve got a girl.”

  A girl who had left me with this gaping, burning hole in my chest. “Jinx and I aren’t—”

  “Do you love her?” Mercy asked, blunt as ever and not giving up.

  You could have heard a pin drop with how silent Elijah and I went. For different reasons, I was sure.

  “That’s not really the issue here.”

  Mercy downed the rest of her drink and slammed the empty glass on the counter. “I call bullshit.”

  Elijah grinned. “Damn, I like her.”

  “Shut up,” I hissed, ready to toss him on the floor.

  Mercy ignored us both and leaned forward, all intense expression and surety that I’d never seen before. “The pain and sadness radiating off of you tell me the answer, but I want to hear it from your lips. Do you love this girl? Jinx.”

  The answer hung heavy in my heart and on my tongue, making it practically impossible to deny. “Yeah. I think I do.”

  “Then quit being an idiot and go get her.”

  As if it were that easy. “She left me, not the other way around.”

  She focused on Elijah. “He really is nonconfrontational.”

  “Told you so.” My brother finished his drink and grabbed both their empty glasses. “He needs to quit worrying about upsetting people and use that big dick energy he’s got for his own good.”

  “Big dick energy?” I asked, looking from one to the other. “Is this a thing now?”

  Mercy put her hands up. “Don’t look at me. We never had sex, remember?”

  “It’s in our blood. All Kennards have big dick energy,” Elijah said, looking cocky as fuck. “Even Lainie.”

  “Stop.” I put my hands up. “I don’t need to think about big dicks and our little sister at the same time.”

  “Fine. No more talk about big dicks. So, what are you going to do?” Mercy asked, as if that topic were any better. “If all Kennards have this energy about them—and I’ll admit I’ve seen it with Lainie, Alder, Bishop, and even smarty-pants Elijah here—how are you going to use it to your advantage?”

  I didn’t feel any sort of special Kennard energy. Especially not in regard to this particular arena. “What if she doesn’t want me back?”

  “What made her leave in the first place?”

  Bikers. Her past coming back. Me being no one to her.

  Me giving her the silent treatment after that altercation in the grocery store instead of talking to her.

  Me failing to see how much those guys had likely scared her and she’d tried to protect me.

  “I fucked up.”

  Mercy didn’t seem surprised. “So, go fix it.”

  “I don’t even know where she went.”

  “Sure you do,” Elijah said. “She may not have told you, but you know.”

  Whether or not I wanted to admit it, he was right. I did know. She’d gone back to the bikers who’d owned her. Not the Soul Suckers—I had a feeling she was more scared of them than anything. No, she went back to the Black Angels. To what she knew, even if that world was hell. The devil you know and all that.

  “He’s going to go get her,” Mercy whispered, leaning into Elijah’s shoulder.

  “I sure hope so. He’s boring as fuck when he’s mopey.”

  “Who’s boring as fuck?” Deacon came strolling into his bar, looking all sorts of worse for wear. Tired, dirty, and with bags under his eyes the likes of which I’d never seen on him before. “I heard a rumor that Elijah Kennard was in my bar. Looks like Vol’s wife was right on the money again.”

  Score two for the gossip mill, but they no longer mattered. Not to me, at least. My mind was made up, my path forward growing more and more clear with every second. I knew what I needed to do. “We were just leaving.”

  Deacon frowned. “Where are you going?”

  Big dick energy time. “Jinx and I had a little issue, and she left to go back to the Black Angels. I think. I’m pretty sure.”

  “Be sure,” Elijah said, to which I gave him the international symbol for shut the hell up. Also known as a middle finger pointed straight up in the air.

  “I’m sure. It’s the only place she’d go other than to Parris, and no one seems to know where he is.”

  “He’s busy,” Deacon said, looking at the three of us in turn. “So you three were going to…what? Drive into a biker camp, throw the girl over your shoulder, and carry her out?”

  Mercy stepped back. “Don’t look at me. I’m just here looking for an asshole.”

  “Parris,” I said when Deacon raised an eyebrow. “She’s looking for Parris.”

  “Like I said, he’s busy. He’ll be back in a day or two.”

  “I’m not really one for waiting around. Not when my son is involved.” She moved beside me and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’m glad we talked. Go get your girl. And come see me more often. I don’t bite.”

  She didn’t and having her back as a friend might add a little levity to my life. Something I seemed to need more of. “You okay to drive?”

  “Of course.” She grabbed her coat and headed for the door. “Tell Parris not to bother coming around anymore. Beckett doesn’t need another man in his life who’ll do nothing but disappoint him.”

  “He’d be there if he could,” Deacon said, sounding weary. “You and your son have been on his mind, I can promise you that.”

  “Yeah, well…” She shook her head. “Actions speak louder than words—or thoughts, as this seems to be. And his actions are saying it’s time for me to walk away.” She yanked open the door, letting in a swath of bright, late afternoon sunlight. “See you guys later. Stay safe out there.”

  Deacon waited until the door had closed behind her to refocus on me. “So…what’s the plan?”

  “I don’t have one, but I’m going to get Jinx back.”

  He nodded once. “Let’s go.”

  “Just like that?” I asked, glancing at Elijah. “We have no idea what we’re walking into.”

  “We weren’t prepared when those fuckers took out Camden’s house and killed Leah, but we know more now. Not everything, but more.” He rubbed a hand over his face, eyes unfocused for a second, looking more exhausted than I’d ever seen him. “Sometimes you have to brass-ball a mission, and this seems like one of those times.” He slipped behind the bar and grabbed a large metal lockbox from under the counter. “So long as you’re prepared.”

  Elijah watched as Deacon opened the box and pulled out five guns, his lips growing tighter with each one. “What about Alder?”

  Deacon sighted down a pistol as he replied, “What about him?”

  “He’s your usual partner,” I said, jumping onto Elijah’s train of thought. “Aren’t you going to call him to help?”

  “Alder’s not the only Kennard in town who can shoot. You and I will do just fine, Finn.” He looked to Elijah. “You in, counselor?”

  My twin didn’t even hesitate. “I’m in.”

  “So we go.” Deacon stopped and looked me square in the eye. “So long as you trust me to help you get your girl back.”

  As if there was any question. “I trust you.”

  “Then let’s do this.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  JINX

  I was going to throw up.

  There was something so stifling about the RV, something so cage-like. It reminded me of those first few days with the Soul Suckers. When they’d tied me down in a dark room. When they’d threatened to take turns with me if I didn’t behave. I knew that wasn’t what Edge wanted—he didn’t usually like to share. And yet, that feeling of impending terror hovered around me all day.

  As the sun finally began to set, the feeling g
rew stronger. I didn’t want to do this. Didn’t want to once again give up my freedom. But then I thought about Justice. Thought about Alder and Shye. About Deacon and the menagerie of locals he’d collected and cared for at the bar. They were all in danger. They still would be with the Soul Suckers around, but not as much. The Black Angels weren’t as vicious as the Soul Suckers, but they were more trained. More militaristic in their operations. Put their sort of smarts behind the Soul Suckers’ sociopathy, and they’d be unstoppable. I had to give Deacon and Parris the chance to stop them. That meant taking the Black Angels—and therefore Edge—out of the equation.

  I didn’t turn on any lights as the rooms darkened under the incoming night sky, choosing instead to become one with the shadows. To sit in the deepest ones and let my mind wander. To my past, to my childhood, to my mom. I’d been hunting for her for close to a year, had given up everything I’d loved to try to find her. All the while, deep down, I’d known she was dead. Edge not denying it had only cemented that knowledge. My mom was gone. Likely over drugs or for having a loose mouth. Secrets ruled with the Black Angels, just like any other biker club. They were vital to each member staying alive and out of prison. My mom might have said something she shouldn’t have or seen something Edge knew she wouldn’t be able to keep to herself. Hell, she might have simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time or charged the wrong John too much for what she’d given him. Whatever—she was gone, and Ravel had killed her. Eventually, I’d pay him back for that.

  But not right then. I needed to focus on getting the club out of Colorado. For good.

  Which was why I didn’t jump when the door to the RV opened and Edge climbed inside. I was settled, decided and ready. Dead inside so that what I knew was coming wouldn’t hurt so much.

  Just don’t think about Finn.

  “Your price is a little steep, Jinxy.”

  But not impossible or he wouldn’t be talking to me about it. “My offer is worth the price.”

  “Maybe.” He stepped closer, pulling me to my feet and capturing my chin with his hand. Squeezing hard and slipping his thumb between my lips as he practically growled, “You going to bite me, bitch?”

  I waited for him to remove the offending digit, to release his hold enough for me to speak again. “I might. I’ll likely fight back until I know my offer has been accepted.”

  He took a step back, watching me. Sizing me up. A shark on the hunt. “Maybe I want to try this new Jinx out. Take you for a test drive.”

  Don’t throw up. “I’m not spreading my legs until we’re on the road home.”

  “We’ll see about that.” He leaned closer, the smell of the beer on his breath almost making me gag. “Don’t bite.”

  And then he kissed me. I squeezed my eyes tight and tried my hardest not to think of how wrong this felt. How much I hated it. My friends had to be protected, Justice needed to be saved. I could help them. Could take some of the danger out of their path. I just had to be willing to let Edge do more than kiss me. Had to be able to take his abuse and deal with his lust. I had to die inside so he could have the outside. And I would, because there was a man back in Justice—

  Don’t think about Finn.

  Edge broke the kiss with a groan, tilting his head and staring down at me. Looking for any sign of resistance, I assumed. I wouldn’t give him one. This was his game, his rules. He’d shown me what he wanted when he’d chased after me, when he’d tied me down and sliced into my skin. When he’d gotten more and more interested the less I fought back. He wanted me to submit, and I could do that. For now.

  I stared back at him, chin up and eyes locked on his. I would not fail. “What’s your decision?”

  The man almost smiled. “I’ll take your deal, Jinx. On one condition.”

  “I’m the one—”

  An explosion of pain spread across my cheek as the flat of his palm made contact, and my words died on my tongue. This was the Edge I remembered, the one who hated disobedience. The one who would tape my mouth shut if I argued too much.

  Mistake number one was talking back.

  “You think I’m just going to play into your hands?” Edge asked, grabbing me by the arm in a harsh, bruising grip. “You want us to leave this place, so we will. I’ll pull the fucking national club out of Colorado for good because I get you—completely submissive to me in every way when we do. But that’s not enough.”

  I really was going to be sick. “What’s your condition?”

  “I want your suck.”

  “I told you, I’m not—”

  “No one said anything about spreading your legs. Just your lips. Besides, this isn’t for me.” Edge smirked as Ravel stepped up into the trailer and closed the door behind him, looking dark and mean and absolutely terrifying. “It’s for him. I want to see you on your knees for my friend here. I want to see you thank him for taking care of our club so well.”

  Taking care of the club…by murdering my mom. My stomach lurched hard, and I had to lock my muscles down to keep from shaking. Ravel had gotten his hands on me a few times, had given me some of the scars on my skin, but this was different. Edge had never let him touch me in a sexual way. Never made me do anything with him. The man had murdered my mom, and I was going to have to—

  Finn and Deacon and Shye and good soup and all the things that made a place a home. Don’t think about anything else.

  I swallowed down the sick rising in my throat. “And then we can leave?”

  “Yeah. Then we can leave.”

  “Tonight?” Because if we stayed any longer, I’d break the deal. I’d run back to Justice. Back to the little ranch house with the pretty floors and the wood carvings decorating just about every flat surface. I’d go back to Finn if this didn’t move quickly.

  Edge took my question as something it wasn’t, though. “She’s so fucking anxious, Ravel. Maybe you should give her something to calm her down a little first.”

  Drugs. They mean drugs. I jerked away, yelling my refusal, but Edge held me tight. He twisted my arm and yanked me into his hold as Ravel approached, pulling a syringe from his pocket.

  “Don’t worry, Jinx. This won’t hurt.”

  Hell yes, it would. It would break me in a whole different way than I was prepared to deal with. It would kill any chance of ever getting back to Finn.

  Something I hadn’t even allowed myself to consider yet.

  Something being taken away before I had a chance to even contemplate the option.

  “I don’t need that,” I said, pulling against Edge and trying to break his hold. “I promise—I’ll behave.”

  Ravel scoffed. “I doubt it.”

  “Please don’t,” I yelled, jerking my hardest to pull out of Edge’s hold and failing miserably. Tears ran in fiery rivulets down my cheeks as I stared at the needle. That gateway to a life of addiction. I’d never been drugged before, not even when I’d first made my way to the Black Angels looking for my mom. They’d threatened me with it, of course—hung the thought of their injecting me with some unknown substance over my head as a way to make me compliant. They’d also drugged other women while I was around. I’d seen what happened to them—how they went from saying no, no, no to accepting all the attention the men gave them. All the touching and kissing and…more. I didn’t want that. I at least wanted the illusion of consent. I at least wanted to know there was one line I wouldn’t have to cross.

  “Please don’t give me that. I promise I’ll be good.”

  “Oh, you’ll be better than good.” Ravel grabbed my arm, and I screamed. Unable not to. Unable to hold in the fear coursing through me as he twisted and pulled and brought that needle closer. As Finn’s stormy eyes exploded in my mind.

  My sweet man. My former addict. He’d never want me after this. “No. Don’t do that. I don’t need it. Stop.”

  But they didn’t listen. Instead, they forced my arm down onto a counter and held it in place as I screamed long and loud and hard. As they wrapped a rubber tube around my bicep
and tapped on my elbow crease.

  As I felt the prick of the needle poking through my skin.

  As I lost myself to the swirl of light inside my own mind.

  Gray. Lots and lots of gray.

  Finn.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  FINN

  The campground where the Black Angels had taken up residence in Rock Falls looked a little too suburban-vacation-getaway for my taste. Lots of little wooden cabins, RVs, and pop-up trailers sitting close together in a multilevel circle. If it weren’t for the beer and whiskey bottles stacked near the entrance and the sheer number of motorcycles parked across the frosty grass, one might have thought that’s exactly what it was.

  “Is it just me, or are you waiting for some kids to bust out the Slip’N Slide?” Deacon asked, staring out the window and frowning.

  I glanced across the truck cab. “You reading my mind now?”

  “Nope. We must be on the same wavelength, though.”

  “God help us all,” Elijah said from the back of the crew cab. “Do we have a plan yet?”

  Deacon shrugged, sitting in the driver’s seat of the parked truck and looking at the mess of campers and RVs before us. “Walk in, find Jinx, get the fuck out.”

  “Wow,” Elijah said. “That’s some thorough planning you got there. I thought you Special Forces guys were supposed to be the experts at this.”

  “We are, but we usually get more than a few hours to research, recon, and plan a hit. I’m flying by the seat of my pants over here.”

  “Here’s to hoping we all stay airborne, then.” I opened the door and stepped out into the grass. The sun had begun to set, the shadows deepening throughout the woods and across the campground. We’d passed about fifteen bikes going in the opposite direction on the way in, so the number of people in camp would likely be smaller than we’d anticipated. Still, Deacon had come prepared.

  “Do we need a reminder lesson on how to shoot, Finn?”

  I took the semiautomatic pistol from him, sighting down the barrel and getting used to the weight. “Nope.”