The tease in his eyes disappeared as quickly as the question left her lips. “No.”
“I think you should see them. I don’t want there to be anything weird between us, and seeing the pictures of me and Gunner for the first time when we’re out together would definitely be weird.”
He shoved his hands in his coat pockets. “I didn’t look at them because I don’t really know how I’ll feel when I see them.”
“At least you’re honest.” She laced her fingers with his and looked into his eyes, recognizing the worried shadow in them. “We just made incredible love, and you’re the first man I’ve ever shared a bath with.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his chin. “Whatever you feel when you see the pictures, at least you’ll know those things.” She pulled him toward the couch and pushed him down to a sitting position, then sat on his lap and leaned her forehead against his. “I hate that I had to meet him at all, and I hate that you have to see these. But it’s better that we face them together than try to pretend they’re not out there.” And I hate even more that I have to see him again.
NO PART OF Cash wanted to see those pictures. He didn’t have underlying curiosity about Siena and Gunner’s meeting or feel the need to know what the world had seen that he hadn’t. If he could ignore the fact that they were photographed together forever, it would make his life much easier. But he knew what he was in for. The guys at the firehouse had all seen the photos. After receiving Tommy’s text, he was certain of that—and knew they’d razz the hell out of him. Cash rubbed the tattoo on his arm and felt a stab of pain that came with the memory of Chuck. He closed his eyes for a beat to center his mind and move past the ache of it. Better to be prepared than blindsided.
“All right, but no promises.” He tucked a lock of hair behind Siena’s ear, feeling so many contrasting emotions. His pulse was ratcheting up by the second. He felt closer to her than he ever had another woman, and somewhere inside his head, even though he knew it wasn’t fair, he was hurt that she’d gone out with Gunner. They hadn’t been dating when she’d agreed to the meeting, and hell if he didn’t know that, but still…The hurt lay in wait, and he hoped to hell it wouldn’t claw its way out.
“Here’s the deal, babe. I could get pissed, and I might not want to go out after seeing them.”
Her brows knitted together, and her beautiful lips pressed together as she nodded, as if she understood. “Okay,” she whispered. “I understand. I still think it’s better that we do this together.”
She placed her palms on his cheeks and kissed him gently; then she drew in a deep breath and reached for the magazines. “Ready?”
He shrugged. “No, but…”
“Okay. Here you go. This is the worst, because it’s on the front page.”
She held the magazine against her chest and searched his eyes. A shadow of fear washed through her eyes as she lowered the magazine.
With one large palm, Cash pushed it back against her chest. “Are you sure you want to do this? I’m fine with pretending they don’t exist. More than fine with it.” Sort of. Shit, I have no idea if I’m fine with it or not.
She nodded. “I would rather you’ve seen them. I’m sure someone will say something to you at some point, and it’s better that you’ve seen them with me.” She lowered the stack of magazines again, quickly flipped them around, and clenched her eyes shut.
The first glance sent a shudder of anger through him. One sweep of the cover. Gunner’s hands were embracing each of her arms, their heads tilted, people behind them looking on. It was enough to make him want to stand up and walk out the door. He gritted his teeth so tightly that his gums ached. After the three-second sweep, he lifted his gaze to Siena, whose eyes were still clenched shut, and his anger softened just a little. She was right there with him, making them face the pictures together, and if the way she’d loved his body didn’t already tell, that courage spoke volumes about what she felt for him.
He kept his eyes trained on her as he took the magazine from her hands. She opened her eyes and they found his, searching them for a response. He reached up and cupped her cheek.
“You know, if you were a stripper, I wouldn’t have to deal with these types of things. I’d just have to stay out of strip joints and pretend you were a waitress.” His attempt at levity didn’t lessen the impact of the picture or the worry in her eyes.
“If I were a stripper, I wouldn’t last a day. My father would drag me to a military academy. Then he and Jack would go kill anyone who had seen me, just for good measure.”
She smiled, but it was forced, and Cash knew he had to take a better look and deal with what was right before them—and between them.
He dropped his eyes to the picture, and this time, he forced himself to study it, the way he had studied the pictures on the Internet, from a detached view. There wasn’t a chance in hell that he was going to be able to separate himself from the pictures. He had no choice but to look at the pictures through boyfriend eyes. He trained his eyes on Gunner and avoided looking directly at Siena’s image. Gunner was handsome, and in the picture—photoshopped or not, Cash didn’t know or care—he looked bigger than life and like he was enjoying the kiss far too much. His grip on her arms was tight, his lips slightly open, his eyes closed. Cash narrowed his eyes, searing the image into his mind, feeding his hatred of the man. He felt Siena’s hand on his forearm, but he couldn’t meet her eyes. Not yet. He shifted his gaze to the image of her and quickly scanned it from head to toe, then tore his eyes away, closed them for a beat, and drew them back. Her fingers were splayed, not touching his body, but an inch from his side. There were inches between their torsos, as if she were pulling back as he was pushing forward. Cash glanced up at Siena, saw that the worry in her eyes had spread, bringing tension to her jaw and forehead. He dropped his gaze again, and he forced himself to look at her face. Really look. He saw the same tension in the line of her jaw. He was avoiding looking at the one thing that would tell him her true feelings. Her eyes. He’d been able to sweep past them, and now, as he allowed himself to focus on them, he realized they were open, her brows knitted together, much like they were now. He breathed a sigh of relief and closed his eyes for a second again, envisioning Siena’s face when they kissed. Her eyes always fluttered closed; her sensuous lips were soft and tender, and her cheeks—he loved touching her beautiful cheeks—held no tension. They were relaxed, drinking in the kiss as much as he was.
When he opened his eyes, Siena still had a pinched look on her face. He felt a smile form on his lips, and as he reached for her with two hands, the magazines tumbled to the couch.
“Okay,” was all he could manage to say. He took her face in his hands and brought her lips to his, and in that moment, as he felt the tension release not just from her mouth and jaw, but from the rest of her body as she melted into him, it was better than okay. The surety of them was perfect.
“Okay? So, you’re not upset?”
“Jealous, maybe.” He picked up the magazine again and pointed to her face. “See your face? I read all sorts of discomfort there. And when we kiss, unless I’m totally reading you wrong—and I could be; I’m no expert on women. When we kiss, you’re fifty shades of comfortable.”
She threw her arms around his neck. “Oh, thank goodness! I hated kissing him. I can’t believe you can see that. I kinda hope the world can.”
“No, you don’t. That would defeat the purpose of the pictures.” He patted her hip. “Come on. Let’s go do something fun.” They stood, and he handed Siena her purse.
“Don’t you want to see the others?”
“Nope. You said that was the worst of them. I survived it. That’s enough torture for one night.” For a lifetime. “I’m glad it’s done. There aren’t going to be more surprises like that, are there?”
“What do you mean?”
“Dates with Gunner? Or anyone else? I mean, I know you agreed to meet him before we started dating, and you’ve fulfilled that commitment. So now you’re all mine?” He
pulled her close and felt her pull back. Aw, shit.
“Cash…”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Jewel said I had to meet him one more time, just to solidify it in the press. Then that’s it. I told her I wouldn’t do it again after that. We’ve come this far. It’s one more time. That’s it. No more. I promise.”
Cash ran his hand through his hair and turned his back to her, trying to weed through his tangled thoughts. Once more. It’s her career. Shit, this sucks. Anger brewed in his gut, but as he turned back to her and she reached for him, looking up with those trusting baby blues, full of worry, he wrapped his arms around her and tethered his anger.
“We can handle one more media splash.” He rested his forehead on hers. “I wasn’t ever a jealous guy until you came along. You’re killing me in all sorts of ways.”
“No. I’m making parts of you that you never knew existed come alive.”
Chapter Nineteen
THE POET HOUSE was dimly lit with at least three dozen small tables squeezed so close together there was barely enough room to walk between them. Cash had always wondered what it would be like to listen to poets read their work, but since it wasn’t the manliest thing to do, he’d never admitted it or taken the time to check it out. The women he’d dated in the past were all about the fast lane—loud bars and quick lays—which had suited him just fine because he knew they weren’t right for him in the long run. Siena was more grounded than them. He could tell how important her family was to her, and her career. She wasn’t a kid playing at the dating world. She was an adult living her life and doing all she could to make her mark in the world. He respected her. Hell, who was he kidding? He was falling for everything about her.
Siena leaned forward, completely focused on the poet and what he was reading. Her eyes widened; then her brows drew together with each passage, and when he finished, she placed her hand over her heart and sighed with a dreamy look in her eyes.
“That was so moving.”
Cash had been so focused on her, he’d missed the last of the poetry reading. But watching Siena’s facial expressions and the way even her breathing became lighter, as if she didn’t want to breathe too hard or too loud for fear of missing a word, moved Cash.
“Yes, it was.” He reached for her hand as her phone vibrated.
“Oh, gosh. I thought I turned that off. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. You can check it.”
She pulled out her phone, mumbling as she scrolled to the text. “It’s rude. I’m sorry.” After reading the text, she shot a look at Cash.
“Everything okay?”
She texted back, then turned her phone off and shoved it in her purse. “Yeah. It was Jewel.”
His stomach clenched.
“I have to meet him for dinner this week.” She fiddled with the ends of her hair. “I’m sorry, Cash.”
He forced himself to unclench his jaw and be civil, even though his gut was on fire. He shrugged. “It’s one dinner. I can deal with it.”
“You know I’d rather not go.”
“True, but that doesn’t change the fact that it sucks.” He held her stare, trying to convince himself to ignore the anger, but as soon as that crossed his mind, he knew it wasn’t anger at all. It was the green-eyed monster twisting his gut and pushing anger into his tone. “It’s not the pictures that bother me. It’s knowing there’s some other guy who’s going to touch you, kiss you, and...”
“But you knew that kiss wasn’t real. You saw it on my face.”
“Yeah. I did.” He leaned back in his chair and looked around at the other couples, wondering how many of them had to deal with this type of shit. None of them, of course.
“I’m sorry. Last time. I promise.”
It was all he could do to nod in acceptance.
THEY WALKED BACK to Siena’s loft hand in hand. She could feel tension in his hand and she could see it in the lines that snaked their way across his forehead.
“Should we talk about it?” she asked.
He smiled down at her, a tense smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “No. I’ll get over it in a few minutes.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.” They passed the bench near the café where they bought hot chocolate when he brought her home after the photo shoot. “Let’s sit down for a few minutes.”
She watched him draw in a deep breath of the crisp night air. She wore the gloves and scarf he’d given her, and she fidgeted with the edges of the scarf beside him.
“I’m not mad, you know.”
“What are you?”
He lifted her chin so their eyes met. “Babe, how would you feel if I told you that Tommy set me up with his cousin and I had to go because she was family?”
She stopped fidgeting and put her hand on his thigh. “Did he? I thought we decided to be exclusive.”
He laughed softly. “Yeah, so did I.”
His brows lifted and his meaning became clear. “I’d hate it. But Gunner is work for me, not a date.”
He shrugged again. “And mine’s a familial commitment, not a date.”
“Cash, are you telling me you’re going on a date with someone else?” She sat back against the bench, her heart aching with the thought.
“I’m asking how you’d feel.” He turned his body toward her and draped his arm across the back of the bench.
“I would be hurt. I wouldn’t like it.”
He lifted her chin again, and without anger, without accusation, he said, “Me too.”
Shit, shit, shit. “But this is work. You know he’s not someone I even want to spend time with.”
“Babe, I know all of that. I’m just being honest with you.” His eyes held steady. “Can I deal with it? For you? Yeah, I can deal with another date with Gunner. Do I want to? Hell no. But I will. I just want you to understand how it feels from my side.”
She couldn’t pull her eyes from his. She loved his honesty, and with every word, she hated herself a little more for what she’d agreed to do, and she owed him the same honesty.
“You’re stronger than me, Cash. I don’t think I could take you going out with someone else. It would hurt too much, even though we’ve only just begun seeing each other. It would be too painful.”
“Then it’s a good thing I’m as loyal as a retriever.” He leaned forward, pressed his cheek to hers, and whispered, “And I’m falling hard for you, so if you’re going to toss me aside, please drop the leash fast.”
Her hands stilled. “Who are you kidding? I’m holding on to the leash with both hands.”
Chapter Twenty
WAKING UP IN Cash’s arms was the best feeling in the world. When they’d returned to her loft last night, they’d watched P.S. I Love You, and Siena swore Cash’s eyes were damp, though he vehemently denied it. Neither one had wanted to be apart, and having Cash spend the night felt natural. Now, as sunlight brought in the promise of a glorious day, and he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close, she wished they could stay in bed all day.
“Did you sleep okay?” Cash kissed the top of her head, which was all he could reach because Siena’s arm and leg had him trapped.
“Better than okay.”
“You didn’t mind me taking up your entire bed?”
She moved up his chest so they were eye to eye. “I was just trying to figure out how I could skip my photo shoot and keep you here all day.”
“As much as I would love that…And trust me, I would…” He grabbed a handful of her ass. “If you start canceling photo shoots, Jewel will have you dating the whole football team. Besides, I’ve got to finish Vetta’s album, and I’m on duty for the next forty-eight hours after tonight, so I want to get a few things done.”
“Forty-eight hours? That’s a long shift, but the timing is perfect. Why don’t we get together after my shoot, if you’re free, of course?”
“I’ll check my very busy calendar.”
She ran her finger down his chest and felt his muscles
jump. “Bring your stuff and spend the night.”
“Careful. You’ll get sick of having me at your beck and call.”
He sat up, and she tossed the covers aside, loving the desire that filled his eyes as he raked them down her naked body and the way his body became instantly aroused. A rush of heat coursed through her, driving her to straddle him. His hands found her hips and expertly guided her over his erection, then buried it deep inside her.
“I love having you at my beck and call,” she whispered as she kissed the sensitive skin beneath his earlobe.
Cash groaned with need. His hands tightened on her hips, moving her in pace to his efforts before lowering his mouth to her breast. She loved the way he touched her, with just the right mix of lust and something more. When he shifted positions and rolled her beneath him, then drove into her hard and fast, a thrill ran through her entire body. He kept up the quick, hard pace, causing every sense to heighten and every nerve to burn with desire. Moments later, her eyes slammed shut as an orgasm ripped through her, so strong she could barely breathe, couldn’t hear past her own passionate cries. She felt Cash’s muscles harden beneath her hands as he followed her up and over the peak of his own intense release, panting, gripped every few seconds with powerful aftershocks that rocked his entire body.
It took a minute for them to realize that his phone was ringing in the other room. His eyes flew open.
“Shit. That’s the station.”
He flew from the bed and ran into the other room buck-naked. She pulled the sheet over her chest and listened.
“Got it. Okay. Yes, sir.”
Cash came back into the bedroom and went directly into the bathroom, where she heard him washing up. “Sorry, Siena. I gotta fly. There’s a two-alarm, and everyone’s been called in.” His eyes were intense, calculating, as he hopped on one foot, tugging his jeans on, then pulled his shirt over his head. “Text me. I’ll come over tonight.”
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