Amelia Fang and the Naughty Caticorns

by Laura Ellen Anderson

  ‘I can’t lift Pumpy!’ she called up to Florence in a panic.

  Tangine, who had finally made it into the aircraft, leaned over the edge and yelled: ‘PUMPY! DO THE THING!’

  Pumpy waggled his stalk once with a look of sheer determination. Then with one huge PA-DOOOOOOOOOING he bounced towards the aeroplane, corkscrewing through the air like a round orange torpedo. He bounced high enough so that Florence was able to catch him with one arm and fling him up to safety.

  Amelia was the last to climb up into the protection of Ricky and Graham’s strange and tiny flying machine. She saw with some alarm that the Wriggleroot had unknotted itself and was on the move again.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ said Ricky, adjusting his flying goggles. ‘We’re gonna treat that Wiggleroot with some WIGGLIGONE first fing tomorrow. It will turn it into a nice plant that don’t eat fings!’

  Amelia smiled. She pulled Squashy and the caticorns into a big hug and let out a long sigh of relief. ‘I’m so glad you’re all safe,’ she whispered.

  The murky skies over the city of Nocturnia began to get lighter, creating a blood-red strip along the horizon, and the moon had almost disappeared.

  ‘Ooh,’ said Amelia, suddenly feeling excited. ‘Mum and Dad will be home with my new brother or sister any time now! We’d better hurry back so I don’t miss their arrival!’

  ‘Meeeeeeeew!’ sang the caticorns together.

  ‘And we should get ready to perform your special show in front of Aunt Lavitora, who will be back soon,’ Amelia added, ruffling each of the caticorns’ furry heads. ‘She’s going to love it!’

  Ricky put his foot down and the small aircraft chugged along a little bit faster, even under the weight of all its new occupants.

  Pumpy suddenly made a very strange noise.

  ‘Are you okay?’ asked Amelia.

  Pumpy went completely cross-eyed, then gave a massive BELCH. Out popped something shiny, diamond-studded, and shaped just like . . .

  ‘MY SHOE!’ Tangine squeaked with joy and picked up the slobbery item. ‘How the BATS did you manage to get this?!’ Then he paused. ‘You know what, it doesn’t matter.’ He slipped the shoe on to his bare foot and waved it around before announcing proudly, ‘IT FITS!’

  CHAPTER 13

  SAVED YOUR ROYAL BOTTOM

  Ricky and Graham’s aircraft landed with a THUD outside the Fang Mansion. John the Vulture was still collapsed in the yard, eating any slugs that trailed past within tongue-stretching distance.

  As Amelia opened the door to the mansion, a BONG rang out from the grandfather clock in the entrance hall marking the hour.

  ‘We’d better get this place cleaned up,’ she said urgently. Amelia had forgotten how messy the house was. The caticorns’ trail of destruction was everywhere. ‘I need to show Mum and Dad that I AM a responsible big sister. If they see the house like this, they’ll be so cross.’

  ‘Young Amelia,’ said Wooo, touching her shoulder gently. ‘You’ve already shown your mum and dad what a brilliant big sister you are, and the baby will love you just as much as everyone here does. Just remember to always be you. ’

  Amelia smiled. She really, REALLY wished you could hug a ghost. She glanced at the glitter-stained walls and food splodges spread across the carpet.

  ‘Well, I’d still really like to tidy up so that everything is just perfect for my new baby brother or sister!’

  ‘We can help you clean up,’ said Ricky. ‘If you like?’

  ‘That would be amazing, thank you!’ said Amelia, grateful for her brilliant friends.

  ‘Yeah, we’ve finished our first-ever flying practice for the night,’ said Graham. ‘So we’re as free as flamingo-dragons!’

  ‘Wait,’ said Tangine. ‘You’ve never flown that thing before?’

  ‘Nope,’ said Ricky as he waltzed into the Fang Mansion and grabbed a cloth.

  ‘I reckon we’ll get the hang of it soon enough,’ said Graham indifferently.

  ‘We could have DIED,’ said Tangine, marching in behind them. ‘We could have crashed, and my beautiful face would have been ruined! You put the FUTURE KING of Nocturnia at RISK, don’t you know?!’

  The two unicorns stared at Tangine. Both raised their eyebrows.

  ‘Mate, we just saved your royal bottom,’ said Ricky. ‘We saved THE FUTURE KING! I reckon we deserve some kind of royal medal for that. Don’t you think so, Graham?’

  ‘Good point, Ricky,’ said Graham. He smiled at Tangine. ‘Let us know when the award ceremony is, and I’ll wear my BEST hat.’

  Tangine harrumphed.

  Wooo grabbed a handful of cloths and mops from the cellar, and the friends got to work.

  Squashy and Pumpy took care of the dining room, each brandishing a feather duster in their stalks and a cloth in their mouths. Pumpy had gone the extra mile by wearing an apron with a picture of a six-pack on it.

  Florence scrubbed the glitter off the walls, whilst Grimaldi used his scythe to gather up all the broken bits of furniture, and Tangine made sure every vase was turned to face the right way.

  The caticorns helped Amelia tidy up her bedroom so that it looked as good as new.

  ‘Oh! One more thing!’ said Amelia as they stood in the doorway, about to leave. She pulled the shiny little pumpkin ornament out of her skirt pocket and placed it on her bookshelf in place of the old one.

  ‘Perfect!’ She smiled and ruffled each of the caticorns’ furry heads. They giggled and hugged Amelia tightly.

  ‘I’m going to miss you guys,’ Amelia said, suddenly feeling sad.

  But she didn’t have time to dwell any more, as the sounds of the door gong echoed through the mansion.

  Amelia and the caticorns rushed into the entrance hall, followed by Wooo, her friends, and Ricky and Graham. Squashy and Pumpy were still wearing tiny aprons and holding feather dusters. Amelia braced herself for the arrival of the new baby.

  But it wasn’t her mum and dad at the door.

  ‘FLOOFY WOOFY DOO-DAAAAAAHS!’ sang the shrill voice of Aunt Lavitora.

  The caticorns ran up to Aunt Lavitora and danced around her feet.

  ‘Mew! Mew! Mew!’ they sang.

  Amelia chuckled, and announced, ‘Aunt Lavitora, your caticorns have a special surprise for you.’

  ‘Oh! Really?’ said Lavitora. ‘I do love surprises!’

  ‘Mew! Mew-mew, mew!’ said Gerrard happily.

  ‘Meeeeew meeeew!’ added Butler.

  ‘MEW MEW!’ finished Mo.

  Aunt Lavitora gasped in response. ‘An important show? Right here, right now?’

  Amelia stepped forward and smiled at the caticorns. ‘There is indeed! Aunt Lavitora, will you follow me?’

  She took her aunt’s silk-gloved hand and led her through to the unliving-room sofa. Mo’s hand-painted scenery stood proudly in the centre of the room. Butler’s handmade instruments were poised at the side of the stage, ready to make beautiful music.

  ‘Darklings, what is going on?’ asked Aunt Lavitora as Wooo placed a bowl of sweet and salty snotcorn on to her lap.

  ‘Just make yourself comfy, Aunt Lavitora,’ Amelia said, grinning. ‘Here goes . . .’

  CHAPTER 14

  USEFULCORNS

  ‘Oooh, oooh!’ said Ricky eagerly, ‘Can me and Graham watch too?!’

  ‘Of course!’ said Amelia, ushering the unicorns into the unliving room. ‘Come through and make yourselves at home!’

  Ricky and Graham sat on the sofa either side of a very confused-looking Aunt Lavitora. She looked from Ricky to Graham before picking up a piece of snotcorn and asking, ‘Who are you exactly?’

  ‘We . . .’ began Ricky, scooping a hoof-full of snotcorn into his mouth. He chewed and chewed some more. Aunt Lavitora waited.  MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH . . .

  Graham shook his head and sighed. ‘He’s Ricky and I’m Graham and we are anything you want us to be, really.’

  Ricky finally gulped down his mouthful of snotcorn. ‘Yeah!’ he said. ‘We saved your c
aticorns from being eaten by a plant monster too. We are your ALL-ROUND-UNICORNS really. Useful unicorns.’

  ‘USEFULCORNS!’ Ricky and Graham blurted out at the same time, before high-hooving each other across Lavitora’s face.

  Aunt Lavitora looked from one unicorn to the other, then shrieked, ‘My darkling caticorns were almost eaten by a WHAT monster?!’

  Luckily, just at that moment, Wooo dimmed the lights and music started as the show began.

  Squashy and Pumpy bounced on to each of the sofa arms still wearing their tiny aprons. They waved their feather dusters around with their stalks and squeaked gleefully as Amelia introduced the show.

  ‘THIS is a special performance of the well-loved Nocturnian tale, THE YETI WHO WANTED TO FLY !’ she said dramatically. ‘We hope you enjoy our show!’

  Ricky and Graham cheered, Aunt Lavitora clapped and the pumpkins squeaked as the music came to a glorious end.

  Aunt Lavitora flounced on to the stage and embraced the caticorns. ‘Oh, Gerrard, my precious little snot-globule, I never knew you could dance like that! And Butler, that music was divine. You are so talented, my darkling! As for this masterpiece,’ Aunt Lavitora continued, stroking a picture of a pretty flower on the cardboard stage set. ‘Well, Mo, I just don’t have the words . . .’

  ‘WELL, THAT’S A SHOCKER,’ Florence muttered under her breath. Grimaldi tried to hold in a giggle, but ended up spraying snot all over his cloak.

  Amelia’s cold vampire heart swelled with pride at what the caticorns had achieved with a little bit of help from their friends. She was also relieved at how impressed Aunt Lavitora was with it all.

  ‘Actually, one moment! I DO have some words after all!’ Aunt Lavitora declared, beaming at Amelia and the others.

  Florence raised an eyebrow. ‘KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.’

  Amelia looked around at her friends in excited anticipation of the praise to come.

  ‘I do so hope that one delightfully dreadful night, you may ALL wake up and be as talented as my fluffy babies!’ Aunt Lavitora trilled. ‘You could learn a lot from them, you know. You really could!’

  Amelia rolled her eyes but then laughed to herself. Unlike the tiny caticorns, it seemed Aunt Lavitora was never going to change.

  Tangine, on the other hand, was having none of it. His face had turned as purple as his curly wig. ‘HANG ON one royal second,’ he said. ‘I think you’ll find that THE—’

  CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAK!

  The sound of a door slowly opening came from upstairs. Amelia looked up towards the ceiling, then looked at Wooo.

  ‘Amelia?’ came the voice of Countess Frivoleeta.

  Amelia felt like all of her limbs had gone numb and her heart began to beat faster.

  This was it. Her parents were home.

  Amelia rushed to the spiral staircase.

  Countess Frivoleeta and Count Drake emerged at the top. Their eyes were tired but bright, and they had big fang-filled smiles on their faces.

  Amelia rushed forward, then paused. In her mother’s arms was a big bundle of shimmery black fabric.

  ‘Is that . . . ?’ Amelia whispered.

  Her mother nodded and beckoned to Amelia.

  Amelia walked over slowly. Her mother leaned forward gently.

  And there he was.

  ‘Meet Vincent Fang,’ said the countess softly. ‘Your new baby brother.’

  CHAPTER 15

  VINCENT

  Until that moment, Amelia hadn’t thought it possible to feel the amount of love she felt for her baby brother. It was as if the love was flooding through her cold veins and bursting out of her like a glitterbomb explosion.

  ‘Vincent,’ she said, stroking the tiny vampire’s cheek. He was so small. But he had the same round face and tiny black freckles as Amelia.

  ‘Would you like to hold him?’ asked Countess Frivoleeta.

  Amelia nodded.

  Her mother placed Vincent carefully into Amelia’s arms. He was much lighter than Squashy. The baby vampire began to stir, before slowly opening his big eyes.

  Amelia felt a smile spread across her face, until she was grinning more than she’d ever grinned before!

  ‘Hello, Vincent,’ she said. It was as if nobody else was in the room. Just Amelia and her new little brother. ‘We are going to have so much fun together.’

  She knelt down and beckoned to Squashy. ‘This is our pet pumpkin, Squashy,’ she told Vincent. Squashy sniffed at the baby vampire’s face and waggled his stalk from side to side happily.

  ‘And these are my best friends in the entire world,’ Amelia said, walking over to Florence, Grimaldi and Tangine, before whispering, ‘Tangine doesn’t always wear a big purple wig.’ She looked at Tangine and winked.

  ‘Well, Vincent Fang,’ said Tangine. ‘Your big sister is quite mistaken . . . It’s PRINCE Tangine La Floofle the First actually. And I’m sure those will be your first words.’ Then he turned to Countess Frivoleeta and lifted a foot. ‘How much would you accept for these shoes? I think I’m in love.’

  Amelia’s mother chuckled and put an arm around Tangine’s shoulder. ‘If you like them that much, they’re yours, darkling!’

  Tangine gasped and kissed Vincent on the cheek in sheer delight. ‘You have the BEST mother, Vincent Fang!’

  Vincent gurgled in Amelia’s arms and then farted.

  ‘BEST WAY TO RESPOND TO A PRINCE, I SAY!’ said Florence.

  ‘This is Wooo. He’s the best ghost ever.’ Amelia smiled at the wonderful ghost butler who had floated over. ‘He will always make sure you believe in yourself no matter how hard things may seem.’

  Wooo bowed his head and tipped his top hat.

  ‘And here are the unforgettable Ricky and Graham!’ said Amelia, turning to the two unicorns. ‘They always seem to be there when you need them most.’

  Ricky and Graham beamed and nodded their heads, accidentally cracking horns. ‘OW!’

  ‘They are USEFULCORNS!’ Aunt Lavitora chipped in, looking proud of herself.

  Ricky and Graham gave Aunt Lavitora a high-hoof. ‘You nailed it!’ Ricky cheered.

  Aunt Lavitora gazed at Vincent and looked as if she might cry. She put one arm around the three caticorns and another around Amelia’s shoulders.

  ‘Look at how ickle he is,’ Lavitora sniffed. ‘You all used to be that small,’ she told the caticorns.

  Gerrard, Butler and Mo stared at Vincent, their eyes wide with fascination.

  ‘Do you want a cuddle with him?’ Amelia asked them. ‘If you sit on the sofa nicely, I can put him between you all.’

  The caticorns ran to the sofa, snuggling into the stripy velvet cushions. Amelia very carefully placed Vincent between them and the caticorns all put their paws around him. Aunt Lavitora began to sob, followed by Countess Frivoleeta.

  ‘Oh my,’ said Count Drake. ‘There’s a lot of emotion in this room right now.’ He sniffed. ‘And I’m feeling it too!’

  Amelia, Florence, Grimaldi and Tangine shared a glance and giggled. Amelia leaned in towards Vincent and whispered, ‘Our family is rather weird.’ She stroked his little pale cheek. Vincent burped up a tiny splodge of sick. ‘But I think you’ll fit right in,’ Amelia said with a grin.

  ‘You know, Amelia,’ said Aunt Lavitora. ‘You’re going to make such a wonderful big sister.’

  Lavitora turned to the countess and smiled. Countess Frivoleeta almost choked in shock.

  Count Drake leaned in to Amelia’s mum and whispered, ‘Are you SURE that’s your real sister?’

  ‘I, er, I . . . that’s a lovely thing to say!’ said Countess Frivoleeta, still stunned. ‘I’d offer you some scream tea, but I’m guessing you have to shoot off ?’

  Aunt Lavitora raised an eyebrow. ‘Frivvy dear, I’d love nothing more than to stay for a cup of scream tea.’

  Countess Frivoleeta’s eyes grew wide.

  ‘Maybe I’ll even stay for TWO,’ Lavitora added casually.

  And then both of Countess Fri
voleeta’s eyeballs popped out.

  ‘Okey-dokey,’ Wooo said to the room. ‘How many for scream tea and tongue-twister sandwiches?!’

  ‘MEEEEEEEEEE!’ shouted everyone, apart from Countess Frivoleeta, who had fainted.

  ‘You’re going to have so much fun with your little brother!’ said Grimaldi as the friends prepared for a second showing of THE YETI WHO WANTED TO FLY (at Amelia’s parents’ request).

  ‘I’m so excited!’ said Amelia, who was still cuddling the baby vampire. ‘There are so many things I want teach him. I don’t know where to start!’

  ‘YOU CAN TELL ’IM ALL ABOUT PUMPKINS,’ said Florence, putting a big hairy arm around Amelia’s shoulders.

  ‘And blame him for stuff you did but don’t want to get told off for,’ said Tangine proudly.

  Florence raised an eyebrow. ‘NO, TANGINE, YOU DON’T DO THAT.’

  Tangine looked confused. ‘Oh.’ He scratched his head. ‘Are you sure ?’

  The friends laughed.

  Then a very unpleasant smell filled the air.

  ‘Oh my!’ shrieked Aunt Lavitora, squeezed on the sofa with Ricky, Graham, the count and countess. ‘Drake, was that YOU?!’

  Count Drake gasped and looked offended. ‘How could you, Lavitora?!’ he said defensively. ‘You would KNOW if it were me. I think you’ll find Vincent has successfully filled his first nappy!’

  Everybody in the room covered their noses. Count Drake looked over to Amelia, who was grimacing. ‘Well, Amelia, my awful little onion skin,’ he said. ‘I feel like this is a job for Vincent’s fangtastic big sister!’

  Amelia flared her nostrils. She’d not really thought about the smelly part of having a baby brother! But she didn’t mind.

  ‘Well, I’d better get you cleaned up before the show starts,’ she told Vincent. ‘You’re one stinky little vampire. But I love you very, VERY much.’

  Vincent made a gurgling sound and smiled.