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“I’m not taking no for an answer,” she murmured against my chest. “You are my family, Val. I need to be with you.” She pulled back just enough to look up at me. “You’re the one who’s always saying that we can do anything together. So practice what you preach.”
I stared down at her intently, trying to find a hint of uncertainty or fear. But I couldn’t. She meant every word. And suddenly, I knew exactly what I was going to do with the rest of my life. My brain was sharp, my focus formidable. This entire situation was preposterous. I refused it. I would bend all my will to the quest for a solution. For as long as it took.
“I’m going to find another way,” I whispered. “There has to be something, medically—some other way to stop the parasite. I’ll figure it out. I promise.”
Alexa stroked the tense muscles of my back through my shirt. “I believe you, love. If that’s what you want to do, then I know you will.
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But in the meantime, let me be your sustenance. I’m strong and healthy. I can give you this.”
Guilt and desire warred in my brain. I wanted so badly to accept what she was offering. But should I? What if she came to resent me?
What if I hurt her, or worse?
I breathed in her scent again, allowing her presence to calm me. The fact was, I needed her. I couldn’t escape that. I’d already tried to make one choice for her today, and that hadn’t been right or fair. If she didn’t believe that the risk was too great, then I had to make my peace with her decision—for now, anyway—and do everything in my power to treat her as well as I could. While searching for the cure.
“Okay,” I said softly. “I…I accept. I feel so selfish and so grateful, and—”
She cut off my babbling by pulling my head down and pressing her lips to mine. If I was thirsty for her blood, then I was starving for this—the perfect softness of her mouth, the hot stroking of her tongue, the gentle scrape of her teeth. I lost myself in that kiss. The room and its other occupants melted away as we reaffirmed us. When I finally pulled back to breathe, I cupped Alexa’s face in my hands and smoothed my thumbs across her cheeks. “That hour without you was the worst in my life.”
Her hands tightened on my hips and she pulled me closer. “Don’t you ever do that again,” she said, her voice ragged. I would have gone right back to kissing her if Kyle hadn’t spoken up. “Finally,” he hissed. When I glared at him, thinking that he was referring to us, I realized that his full attention was still on the wolf, which was blurring around the edges. Just like he had done in his human form.
“Look,” I breathed, turning Alexa toward the window. Moments later, a very naked Darren appeared on his hands and knees. Almost immediately, a spasm racked his entire body and he vomited. I watched him cough and spit and gasp for breath, wondering how much agony he was in. I could only imagine what it felt like to endure that kind of transformation—the pain must be crippling. How he even survived it was a medical miracle beyond my wildest dreams. A moment later, the main door opened and that same arm thrust in a set of scrubs. Keeping his back to us, Darren lurched to his feet and reached for the clothes.
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When he had pulled on the pants, Helen let us back into the conference room.
Darren glowered at me and Alexa, but his face smoothed when Helen rested a hand on his bulging right biceps. “I apologize,” he told her, his tone formal.
“You were provoked,” she said, stroking him lightly. “Go and change, then meet us across the hall.”
His eyes narrowed; I could tell he didn’t like the idea of leaving her alone with us one bit. But he obeyed the order. I gave the pool of vomit and rabbit remains that were scattered on the bloodstained floor a wide berth as we followed Helen out the door and into an identical conference room across the hall.
“If you have decided to feed from her,” Helen said to me once we were all seated around the table, “it will be best to do so under supervision the first few times. It will be easy for you to get carried away and take too much.”
“I want us to do it now,” said Alexa. “Show me.”
“Kyle will help.” From her purse, Helen extracted a scalpel. It was sterile—I could tell from the packaging.
I checked Alexa’s expression to see if she was having misgivings, but she only looked confused. “Can’t Val…” A flush crept into her cheeks, and she cleared her throat before continuing. “I mean, why not…bite?”
A stab of arousal jolted through my body, leaving me throbbing. Alexa wanted me to bite her. Fucking hell. I reached for her hand under the table and squeezed hard, my mind’s eye overwhelmed by visions of me sinking my teeth into the buttery-smooth skin of her inner thigh while making tiny circles with my thumb against her—
Helen laughed low and rich, and I caught her regarding Alexa appraisingly. My jaw clenched, and I had to fight an urge to growl.
“Biting is certainly our most common method of feeding,” she said.
“But Valentine’s teeth are dull, and a bite from her right now would be quite painful for you. If you like,” she continued, meeting my gaze effortlessly, “you can elect to have a special kind of dental surgery that will elongate and sharpen your canines. The modifications can either be subtle or more extravagant, as you prefer.”
I made a mental note to talk more with Helen later about the surgery. If Alexa wanted me to bite her, then I was going to do my
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damnedest to make it as pleasurable as possible for her. The idea of biting was much more palatable than using a scalpel anyway. As Helen handed it to Kyle, I watched him warily, hating that he was going to cut into Alexa, even though it was what she wanted.
“Roll up one of your sleeves,” he told Alexa, who picked her right arm. “It takes practice to get good at doing this yourself, so I’ll do it this time. The trick is not to go so deep that you’re bleeding heavily. On the other hand, you don’t want only a shallow cut that will barely bleed at all.”
Alexa nodded. “Come here, Val,” she said, pushing her chair back so that there was space for me to kneel at her right side. I stood, wiping sweaty palms on my jeans. My heart, pounding against my rib cage, felt torn in two: equal parts desire and fear.
Kyle cradled her elbow in one hand, and held the blade poised above her arm in the other. “Just tell me when.”
Alexa cupped the back of my neck with her free hand, drawing me closer. “I love you, Valentine Darrow,” she whispered. “And I want to be inside you this way.”
Tears sprang into my eyes at the depth of emotion in her voice. I blinked furiously to stop them from falling and leaned in to claim her mouth in a gentle kiss. “I love you, Alexa Newland. And I need you—in all ways.”
She smiled as she told Kyle that she was ready. She didn’t so much as flinch when he drew the scalpel across her skin. I could feel her gaze on me as I watched the blood rise from the open lips of the cut.
“Take it,” she whispered.
My hands replaced Kyle’s; I held her arm with a feather-light touch as I bent my head. I sealed my lips over the gash and let my tongue trail across her broken skin. The flavor burst across my tongue, bright and hot like the dawning of the sun.
Alexa’s hand moved into my hair, her fingers tightening as she urged me even closer. I groaned as I hollowed my lips and drew her blood into my mouth. Its taste was rich and complex, like her scent only far more potent. The world’s finest wine, mixed with ambrosia from heaven.
Nothing could have prepared me for this sensation. Heat and light spiraled down my throat, soothing the ache, filling the dark void of thirst. I had been empty—a well of need, the vacuum of
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deep space. She was making me whole again, replacing the nothingness with her very essence. My love, my desire, my life. She was my life.
“Oh God, Val,”
she whispered, not in pain or fear, but in pleasure.
My grasp on her arm became less gentle, more possessive. I drank and drank, desperate to have more of her inside of me, until it was impossible to tell where I ended and she began. She was liquid strength and vitality, mending my broken body, soothing the desperate need for her that burned at the heart of me—that eternal, unquenchable flame.
“Valentine. Stop.” The cool voice was distant, and I paid it no mind. I needed more of her. I feathered my tongue along her skin, and was rewarded by a low gasp. She wanted me. Wanted this. Desire thundered in my brain, and I clutched at her thigh with my free hand, wanting my fingers inside her just as my teeth were.
“Convince her to stop, Alexa. If you don’t, we’ll have to use force.”
“Val.” Alexa’s voice was more distinct. “It’s time to stop.” I paused, conflicted. Stop? Why was she telling me to stop, when she wanted to give more? I could feel it in the way her body was responding to me, in the enhanced sweetness of her blood. She tasted even better now than she had a few moments ago. I gripped her leg even harder to stop myself from taking her here, in front of an audience: flattening my hand against her stomach, diving down beneath the waistband of her jeans, slipping beneath her—
She tugged gently on my hair. “I love you, Val. I love doing this for you, and it feels so good. But that’s enough for now.”
Enough? I would never get enough. Stopping was impossible, but she was asking me to. She was everything to me, and I could deny her nothing. I fought against the urge to draw her even deeper inside of me, and instead forced my mouth to move gently against her fragrant skin. Pulling away from her was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life—harder even than speaking the words to push her away, mere hours ago.
I licked my lips, seeking every last drop of her, and blinked hard as my vision snapped into focus. Kyle was fixing a Band-Aid onto her arm. For the first time, she winced.
“I know, the cream stings a bit,” he said, smoothing down the adhesive strips. “But it will help you clot faster. I’ll give you some to take home.”
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Alexa nodded but never looked away from me. She cupped my cheek, her thumb dipping into the corner of my mouth. When she held it out to me, I could see a smear of dark red. I curled my tongue around her finger and her breathing stuttered. Never had I glimpsed such desire in her eyes. I wanted the room to empty so that I could give her what she so clearly needed. Even now, a few feet away, I could hear the drum roll of her heart within her chest. Her pupils were dilated, her skin flushed. And when I took a deep breath, I could actually smell her. Now, now I understood what Helen had meant about feeding and sex being a cycle. I wanted to make love to Alexa more urgently than I ever had. But it wasn’t safe.
“Are you all right?” I whispered.
“I feel fine.” She cocked her head slightly and worried her lower lip with her teeth. “Was that…okay?”
“You couldn’t tell?” I wasn’t sure that she would want a kiss after I’d been drinking from her, so I contented myself with leaning forward and resting my hands on her knees. “Babe, there aren’t words for how good you taste.”
She embraced me then, folding me into her arms and lightly massaging the back of my scalp with her nails. It felt incredible.
“I love you,” she murmured into my ear, her warm breath bathing my sensitive lobe. “And I want to do that again.”
I shuddered, barely resisting the urge to tear into her neck with my dull teeth. “Me, too,” I managed to say. Would this craving ever let up?
Would I ever not be a danger to her? The cold fear pierced through my euphoria, and I sat back on my heels. “Maybe in a few days?”
She looked as disappointed as I felt. “That long?”
Helen’s laugh was knowing. “Valentine is right. Give yourself at least three days to recover, if you’re going to let her take that much every time.” She turned her attention to me, and for the first time, I met her gaze without flinching. “And how do you feel?”
Only when I pondered her question did I realize that it was the absence of pain and weakness that I was experiencing. I smiled, exhilarated. “Different. Stronger. It’s because of the…?” I gestured aimlessly, uncertain of the vocabulary I should use to describe what had just happened. What I’d just done to Alexa.
Helen nodded. “You’ll experience these effects for several hours. The easiest analogy I can provide is to performance-enhancing drugs:
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drinking blood from a human will make you physically stronger and faster. All of your senses will temporarily improve. Right now, I imagine Alexa’s blood must be a relief to you, serving as a panacea for your injuries.” Her expression was a mixture of both wistfulness and desire. “It is not only the parasite’s thirst that drives us. The stimulation is…heady.”
I heard the word she wasn’t saying. Addict. Blood wasn’t only her sustenance—it was her drug. As it would be mine. I shivered, and Alexa’s hand moved immediately to the nape of my neck, rubbing and massaging my tense muscles there.
“It’s okay, love,” she murmured. “You’ll always have what you need. I promise.”
I chose not to call her on the lie, knowing that right now, we needed to cultivate hope. When she stood, I watched closely to see whether she was in danger of fainting, but she didn’t even waver on her feet. “Come on. Let’s go home.”
I stood slowly and reached for her hand, kicking myself for what I was about to do. I wanted to go back with her to our apartment, so very badly. But I just couldn’t. Not yet—not until I had myself under better control.
“I think I should stay here for a while.” When pain flashed across her face, I shook my head, knowing what she was thinking. “I’m not leaving you. I’m just—I’m afraid that I’ll hurt you. I’d rather spend a few weeks here, learning to control myself, than…” I trailed off, not wanting to say it.
“I understand,” she said after a moment. But displeasure was written plainly across her face. I threaded my arms around her, hating myself for continuing to make her unhappy.
“It’s going to be so hard to be apart from you. Will you come and visit, when you can?”
She rested her head against my chest. After a few moments, I realized that she was listening to my heartbeat. “I’ll come every day,”
she finally said.
“You’ll eat something, right? To replenish what I took?”
“Mmm-hmm.” She pressed even closer, weakening my resolve.
“Maybe you can stay a little longer? To see whatever room they give me, so you know where it is?” I was grasping at straws, but I couldn’t bear to watch her walk away. Not yet.
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She smiled brilliantly at me. “I’d like that.”
“Okay,” I whispered, kissing her forehead. In a minute, I’d ask Helen about the room she had offered, and about those records that she said I’d have access to. In a minute.
For now, I needed to hold on to Alexa and savor the hope that just maybe, thanks to her, everything was going to be okay.
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Chapter eight
But that night, I dreamt of my attacker. It was only a jumble of images and sensations: the pungent smell of decay, the smooth metal of the knife handle against my stinging palm, the sickening thud of my head connecting with the pavement. I woke pouring sweat, thigh and shoulder throbbing dully, reaching for Alexa—
I was alone. I took some slow breaths to try to calm my heart rate. The absence of sharp pain from my cracked ribs was a surprise, and I tentatively tried inhaling deeply. Only a faint twinge. My surprise sharpened when I realized that for the first time since I’d woken from the coma, my throat didn’t ache. I was thirsty, of course—I would never completely escape thirst again—but the persistent burning pain was go
ne.
My thirst had abated thanks to Alexa’s blood. Did I have the same source to thank for the healing of my bones? Helen’s prediction that the salutary effects of my feeding would wear off in a few hours had been true—the familiar aches and fatigue that had disappeared last night were present this morning. But they were noticeably diminished. Was Alexa’s blood having an additional, unforeseen effect? It seemed impossible, but since yesterday, my definition of that word had radically changed. Despite the maelstrom that my life had become over the past twenty-four hours, one thing was clear: I needed to find out as much as possible about this parasite and its effects so I’d know what I was up against.
I sat up against the headboard, pulled the blankets to my chin, and stared at the unfamiliar room. It looked for all intents and purposes like a hotel, down to the reading lamps mounted on either side of the bed
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and the cookie-cutter alarm clock that sat atop a nightstand to my left. I wondered whether, if I opened the small drawer, I’d find a Gideons Bible. Rays of light cascaded through the windows to my right, and I remembered Clavier’s passing comment yesterday, about how the parasite made its victims more sensitive to the sun. How did that work?
Would it actually burn me, or was that a myth?
So many questions. The prospect of attending my Anatomy class paled in comparison to staying here and beginning to look through the Consortium’s medical records, and I decided to skip out on school today. It wasn’t a particularly good idea, seeing as I had already missed so much—but I’d be of no use to my professors or classmates with my attention so completely diverted.
Just today, I promised myself. One day to familiarize myself with the Consortium’s research so that I wasn’t so much in the dark. But after this, no more skipping. I had to make a concerted effort to get caught up with my medical studies. I needed that degree now more than ever, if I was going to make research into the parasite my life’s work. A PhD would probably help, too. I rubbed the back of my neck while contemplating how soon to talk to my advisor about that. This mattress was too soft. I missed my own bed, not to mention Alexa’s sure and certain hands. She was so very good at kneading out the tension that never failed to pool in my neck and shoulders. Tuesday was her busy day, but I would see her tonight. She had promised. In the meantime, I was going to focus. I slid out of bed, bracing myself for the pain of my left foot meeting the floor…but the surge of discomfort was far less sharp than it had been yesterday. I went to the chair in front of the small desk over which I’d draped my jeans and fished the card that Helen had given me yesterday out of the back pocket.