by E. M. Moore
The conversation eventually moves on, and I find myself staring into the orange and red flames, watching them flicker into the night sky. I’m enjoying myself, I realize. This time with the lacrosse players is giving me a slight reprieve before camp begins tomorrow and it starts being all about basketball all the time.
I pull my phone out and check the time. I can’t be out too late because we have an early day tomorrow. After breakfast, it’s straight into an early morning run with one of the coaches leading. Camp is how I got into my long-distance running habit. With Dad, we only worked on shorter distances, a mile tops. Here, I found that I liked the solitude of running more miles, listening to music, and just dreaming. It’s my favorite time to think about what it’ll be like in college, pro, and even the years after.
“Can I ask you a question?” Chase asks.
I blink away my thoughts and look over at him. “Sure. What’s up?”
“You never really answered my question before…about going on a date. The assholes answered for you.”
My stomach sinks. I rub my hands together. It would be so much easier if I just liked Chase. He’s from Rockport. He’s another athlete, so he would get my obsession with basketball. There’s nothing there though. I give him a small smile, my gut roiling at the same time. I can’t let Chase think that something might come of this. It’s not fair. “I think I just need friends right now,” I tell him, and it’s the definite truth. I tried to be more with Alec and Sloan and look where that got me. I never thought in a million years they’d betray me like they did, but here we are.
“They really did a number on you, didn’t they?”
The only people he could mean are the Ballers, but I still don’t want to talk about them. The whole backstory makes me sound weak. I place my elbows on my knees and prop my head up in my palms. “It’s over,” I say cryptically. “We’re not in Rockport anymore, so they don’t have a say in what I do. They can’t force me to do anything anymore.”
Chase scratches his cheek, then turns toward me with a look I don’t immediately recognize. “It was more than just control over basketball, Tessa. Guys don’t beat up another guy just because. They knew I was there to see you, and they were jealous.”
A couple of them, maybe. Alright, Ryan, too. He straight up admitted it to me. But, honestly, with him, I think it’s more of a control thing than an actually like me thing. If he liked me, why didn’t he ever try anything with me like Sloan and Alec? “I don’t know.”
He smirks. “I’m a dude, Tessa. I know jealousy when I see it, and they were all consumed by it. Trust me. I didn’t realize the entire basketball team liked you.”
I laugh at that. “That’s not a problem anymore, if it ever was. You can trust me on that.”
Chase places his forearms on his thighs and looks straight ahead at the fire. “You say you want a friend? Someone who will tell you the truth?” He bounces his knee off of mine in a playful gesture. “Trust me on this. I saw right through them today. The two who came to the table when you sat with us? It wasn’t actually to invite you to play ball with them. It was a show for me, except you didn’t let it play out the way they wanted. They expected you to follow them instead of staying with me. I mean, I thoroughly enjoyed their faces when you dismissed them. I loved seeing those assholes get put in their place. I’ll gladly help you do it again.” He leans over, his mouth close to my ear. “Even more so if it’ll help you change your mind about just wanting to be friends.”
Chase pulls away, the fire reflecting in his eyes. When he notices goosebumps on my shoulders, he shrugs out of his hoodie and places it around me. I pull it tight around my arms. “Thank you.” I knock my knee off of his now. “I’m going to disagree with you on what those guys want though. Trust me, they don’t want me. They’ve made that much clear.”
Chase smirks and looks away, shaking his head the whole time. His hand comes up to rest on my thigh. “You’re just blind to it. It’s cute, actually.”
I go to disagree with him again, but a shadowy figure emerges from beyond the reach of the bonfire and moves within the furthest flickers of light. I squint, but I can’t tell who it is yet. Just one word drops from the tall shadow before moving in closer, the firelight lighting up his deep blue eyes. “Tessa,” Hayes says. His voice is part strain, part laced in thinly cloaked restraint.
Chase squeezes my thigh, then reaches down for my hand, interlacing our fingers. I look over at him, asking him with my eyes what he’s doing, but he just winks at me, then looks back over at Hayes. “Hey, man. What’s up?”
Hayes doesn’t say a word. His gaze zeroes in on where my hand is intertwined with Chase’s, and I’m sure he doesn’t miss the fact that Chase’s large hoodie is draped over me, too, almost swallowing me up in it.
I know what this looks like.
“You’re Hayes, right?” Chase asks.
Still, Hayes doesn’t speak. His lips are thin, and the flames from the bonfire make his skin even paler than normal. My stomach clenches at the sight of him like that. I don’t know why Chase is testing him like this. He knows what happened before, but I also know there are six or seven lacrosse players around us that aren’t going to let shit happen to their teammate. It’s the perfect opportunity to, as Chase said, ‘put the assholes in their place.’
“Aww, shit,” one guy says, since we’re suddenly the center of attention. “Fisher got the only girl in a five-mile radius.”
Chase looks over at me. His eyes are gleaming. I can tell he likes this. He’s trying to help me, but there’s more there, too. He wants me to change my mind. He leans in closer, his lips near my ear again. “Just go with it. You want to get back at them, this is the way.”
My eyes flutter closed. Dawn said something similar, but I’m still not sure this is the best course of action.
“Get the fuck away from her,” Hayes finally says.
He moves forward, and I immediately stand, Chase’s hoodie falling to the sand behind me. Chase is right next to me now, too, his arm possessively around my back and pulling me close to him. “Not happening.”
The lacrosse guys move around us, their gazes narrowed right at Hayes, their chests inflating like there’s about to be a throwdown right here. That wouldn’t be good for anybody.
Hayes looks at me. His jaw ticks. He’s holding it so tightly closed I wonder if he might crack a tooth.
One of the guys on Chase’s team says, “It’s cool, bro. Chase got her. No big deal. After camp, it’s a whole other story. More girls for all of us.”
The guy is just trying to diffuse the situation, but Hayes’s eyes are still flaring from when he said, ‘Chase got her.’ There’s something in “Ice Man’s” look that says there is no other girl. It’s just me.
Hayes doesn’t look like he’s going to leave. Not without me. Chase certainly isn’t going to back down either. He has to love this. The Ballers aren’t going to do shit to him with all these lacrosse players here. I squeeze Chase’s hand, which doesn’t go unnoticed to Hayes, and then move forward. “It’s okay, Hayes,” I tell him, ignoring the fact that everyone, including me, knows now that Hayes is jealous as fuck. I act like he’s only worried about me because we’re teammates. “I’ll be heading back to my cabin soon. I know we have an early day tomorrow.”
Hayes’s eyes lock onto mine. There’s an incredulous look there…and fury.
“Really,” I tell him again. “I’m fine.”
The lacrosse players all shift on their feet. They’re noticing now, too, that this might become something more. At this point, I’m worried for Hayes.
“It’s okay,” I whisper again, trying to tell him just to go before this escalates.
His deep blue eyes look almost menacing with the flecks of fire reflected there. “It’s not,” he forces out.
I look back at Chase. He has his arms crossed over his chest. He looks so pleased. I would be too if it wasn’t Hayes this was happening to. If it were Sloan, Alec, or Ryan, I’d let them wallow
in it, but Hayes has tried to make amends. He apologized. He’s stood guard outside my house like…like I don’t know what. I still don’t understand it.
I think Chase can feel my indecision. His jaw hardens, and then he moves forward, his hand coming to rest on the small of my back. “Why don’t I walk you back to your cabin?”
“I can make it,” I tell him, then look at Hayes, too. Neither one of them needs to follow me or escort me.
Chase lifts his fingers to run them through the hair around my ears. “I know you can, babe. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to make sure you’re safe.” He looks at Hayes pointedly, who’s about to lose his shit.
My heart takes off in my chest, pumping painfully. Slyly, without making Chase look like a fool in front of his friends and teammates, I maneuver out of his grasp. “Okay. Hayes, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I plead with him with my eyes to not do anything brash or stupid. He has to see right through Chase, right? He knows he’s just trying to get to him.
Chase waves at his friends and then he and I walk along the sand again until we hit the trees. I’m almost scared to look back, but since I don’t hear anything, I allow myself to. Hayes is no longer at the bonfire. He’s not following us either. I don’t know where he is.
I let myself relax a little. Chase, too, lets out a breath. “That was fun. Serves that fucker right. He’s got a hell of a right hook.”
I almost feel sick. For whatever reason, I can’t picture Hayes hitting Chase. Hayes, who barely talked to me before, punched Chase for me. I just can’t reconcile it in my mind. “I’m sorry about that. The other guys must’ve roped him into it.”
Chase shakes his head at me again. “Are you sure you’re not supposed to wear glasses? I think you’re the only one who can’t see.”
I bite down on my lip. Maybe I don’t have any idea what’s going on. The moment I think it’s something else, my mind takes me back to what Sloan said to me before: “Don’t pretend you know what’s going on here because you have no idea.”
7
Chase and I don’t say much when we get to my cabin. I’m too wrapped up in my own head trying to untangle my thoughts. The Ballers gave me up when Lake asked. I don’t see how the situation can be any clearer than that, so why the hell is Hayes showing up at the bonfire and demanding someone get off me? They haven’t spoken to me in months. They’re the reason I didn’t play any minutes for the rest of the fucking basketball season. That alone should make me hate them.
But at the same time, I’ve always felt like me and them are the same. Cut from the same cloth. Made from the same stuff. Maybe if they weren’t basketball players, I would hate them.
I honestly don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.
Chase says he’ll see me tomorrow. I give him a small wave, then turn to unlock my door, except it’s already unlocked. What the hell?
Bringing out my phone, I check the time. It’s barely even ten yet—so much for being excited to break curfew. Whoever unlocked my door isn’t one of the coaches looking to get people in trouble. I fling the door open to find Hayes standing in the middle of the small room, silhouetted in the dark. “Jesus Christ, Hayes,” I whisper yell. “What are you doing?”
The door bangs closed behind me, and I turn on the overhead light. His expression looks so much harsher here than in the subdued light of the campfire.
“How’d you even get in here?”
Disregarding my questions, he asks, “Do you like him?”
I drop my head back. Of course he would want me to answer his question before he answers mine. “What if I did?”
“You don’t.”
“What if I did?”
“But you don’t, do you?”
I tilt my chin in the air. “Maybe I could grow to like him.”
He moves forward. I back up against the door until he’s towering over me. His blue eyes are so intense, I’m suddenly caught up in a Hayes tornado of emotion. Everything he says and does seems heightened because he’s quiet and still most of the time. When he moves, it’s noticeable. When he speaks, it’s as if his words are coming straight through a megaphone. “Tessa,” he says. He grabs my hands in his. “I’m sorry. I’ll keep saying it until you believe it. I’ll keep trying to prove it to you. I should’ve told Lake to fuck off that night. I wanted to.”
I swallow. “You…you like me like that?”
He presses his lower half into mine. The fact that he’s turned on is apparent. A chill shoots up my spine. Hayes…
“But you like me?” I press. “You don’t just want to…” I shake my head. “You don’t just want to do things with me?”
He turns his head, his brows pulling together. I move out of his grasp and away. “You know all about Alec and Sloan. That’s all they wanted.” I face him again, my hands on my hips. “That’s not me, Hayes. I don’t let just anyone touch me. I’ve learned my lesson.”
He closes his eyes. When he opens them again, there’s a certain amount of torture there. “I wish you could see inside my head. Words have never been my thing.” He points toward the closed door. “If you knew how badly I wanted to rip that fucker’s arm away from you, maybe you’d understand. Or the fact that you’re so pretty it hurts. Or if you knew why I hung out outside your house for two weeks straight. I’ve been trying to show you, Tessa. And I’m trying to tell you now. You said you wanted words. I’m trying. I’m sorry.” His last proclamation is said with so much force that I suck in a breath.
I sit back on my bed, the mattress cushioning my fall. I hold my head in my hands. This camp was just supposed to be about basketball. I’m supposed to try my best. I’m supposed to kick their asses on the court. Not this. Not in a million years did I think I would be back in this position with one of the Ballers. I squeeze my eyes closed until stars appear, then relax. “I can’t do this right now, Hayes. I’m fucked up in the head. I’m…I don’t know. I obviously don’t know anything anymore.”
The floor creaks underneath him. I peek up to find him coming closer. His face is pinched and tinged in worry. “I have no right to ask you this. I don’t deserve any of it, but please, Tessa, don’t push me away. I’ll wait right beside you. I’ll keep apologizing. I’ll be your friend, but don’t tell me to go away. I did that once and it broke me.”
I’m trembling. The power of his words, the force of my feelings. My brain is trying to combat my body, so I’m lost in the middle, not knowing what to do. All it does is shake in response. “Lake,” I force out. Just that one word, and it makes my previously mush body turn to steel. I straighten my shoulders and look up into his eyes.
“I’ve about had it with fucking Lake,” he says. He clenches his jaw, like that one sentence was so hard for him to admit. “He’s one of my best friends, but that’s…that’s it. That’s the truth. I’m beginning to see that some things run deeper than friendship.”
He sits down next to me on the bed, and I scoot over. “You’re confusing me.”
“Good.”
I shake my head. “Not good. I didn’t even know you liked me like that.”
“I like you like that, Tessa. We all do.”
“Don’t speak for them,” I say through clenched teeth. “Just don’t.” If they all still like me and let Lake do that to me, I don’t even know what to do with that.
“Fine. I like you.”
“But tomorrow if Lake asks you not to, you won’t.”
He shakes his head. “Not again.”
“I don’t believe you,” I say wistfully. I really wish I could believe in someone right now.
He swallows. “I know you don’t. It’s my fault.”
I run my hands down my face and look over at him. God, his eyes. They’re like stars in the night that beg to be looked at. Already, I feel ten times the emotion I’ve ever felt around Chase even though I know rationally that Chase is the better option. Fucking Chase Fisher doesn’t do it for me though.
Fucking Hayes. What am I supposed to do with this?
“Don’t give me a reason to.”
“Never again,” he pauses between the words, imbedding the promise into me. I just hope I can believe him.
Emotion crawls up my throat. The air in here feels so heavy with unsaid words and thoughts and feelings. It’s like my skin is stretched so tight trying to keep everything in. He won’t look away from me now. I lift my hand and move it toward his face. His cheekbones are so defined, almost elegant. I brush my fingertips across them. He closes his eyes, staying as still as a statue even though he’s so wound up he looks as if he could snap at any moment. I don’t want to know what that would look like.
I retreat, pulling my hand back and just stare at him some more. After a while, I say, “I think I should go to bed now.”
He nods. “I’ll leave you alone.”
I nod back in answer. Words are failing me now, too. Then again, I’m not the best with words either. I’m better than Hayes, but only marginally. If I was better, I’d have told all of these guys to get the fuck out of my life a long time ago and meant it.
He stands. He’s so tall he almost brushes the low ceiling. His hair definitely tangles in the rope leading from the single ceiling fan in the room, but he just moves it out of his way as he backs up, still facing me. When he gets one hand on the door, he asks, “Are you still going to play that game with Chase tomorrow?”
I guess Chase and I weren’t fooling anybody. Hayes knew it was bullshit. “Maybe.”
His lips thin. “He knows you don’t like him like that.”
I can’t tell if he’s asking me a question or if he’s trying to reaffirm it to himself, but I just nod anyway.
“He’s playing a dangerous game,” Hayes muses.
Don’t I know it. My jaw tightens. “Don’t do anything to him.”
He hides his face, looking down at the doorknob as he twists it in his hand. “Good night, Tessa.”
“Good night,” I choke out.