by E. M. Moore
I want to tell him that was a nice start, but I know that’s just the hormones talking. There’s far more to relationships than physical connection.
“Sloan?”
“Yeah.”
“I missed you, too.”
His jaw hardens as he stares at me. A mixture of shame and anger comes over his face.
I prop myself up on my elbow. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, Daddy’s Girl. Nothing at all.”
I look away at his nickname. Today, right now, it’s bothering me. I barely want to be associated with that man at the moment.
“We all make mistakes,” Sloan says.
Some more than others. “Are you going to tell the others what we just did?” I ask.
He smirks. “Hmm. It’s tempting. But I think I’ll keep this one to myself. I don’t want you to feel like one of those other girls, Tessa. You’re far more special.”
He lies down, then pulls my head onto his chest. My head raises and lowers with each of his breaths. I know we shouldn’t be lying here any longer. I’m so tired, it’s likely I’ll just fall asleep and then what will happen if we get found out in the morning?
Even after that all goes through my head, I put my arm around him. His other hand comes up rests on my side. “Sweet dreams, Tess.”
I think I murmur the same, but I’m taken away by sleep, drifting off into a land where I only have to think about what just happened with Sloan, and not about the consequences or the aftermath.
The dream world is a nice respite from real life. It’s the reason why I have so many aspirations in the first place.
22
The last thing I want to do is see my dad this morning, but he shows up right outside the main building, intercepting me as I’m about to walk into breakfast by myself. Sloan did get up in the middle of the night to go back to his cabin, but not before kissing me on the forehead. Not even the memory of that can keep my lips from scowling as I follow my dad to his car parked in the lot.
I tap my fingers over my thighs as he drives us away from camp. I have no idea where he’s taking me, and he’s quiet for now. Things will blow up, I’m sure. This is like the calm before the storm. We drive to the little town closest to Camp Holly. It’s basically just one intersection with a row of businesses all connected together. You know the kind, the ones that actually still have a barber, a furniture repair shop, and a candy store. It’s exactly like I remember it from last year, and I’m sure the elderly people in the town can say the same thing dating back to when they were young children. It’s kind of neat to see something that’s frozen in time.
He pulls over to the side of the road and tells me to wait in the car. He’s going into the doughnut shop he knows I like. I look away. Watching him in there smiling and laughing with the owner just reminds me of the time when he used to do these things for me because he actually cared, not because he was trying to soften me up, so I’ll forgive him.
Stepping outside with a brown paper bag, he goes around to his side of the car and gets in, placing the bag on the console between us. I can smell the sugary goodness from here. He drives out back toward the small lake, but instead of going to camp, he stops at a dock slip. Putting the car in park, he picks out my doughnut and hands it to me. While we eat, we’re silent. I’m watching the geese as they pad next to the shore, then of course, there’s the birds that are diving into the ripples right out in the middle of the lake trying to catch their food.
“Pumpkin,” my dad says to start off what is hopefully him telling me what an asshole he’s been. I shove the last of the doughnut in my mouth and then turn toward him. He’s got one hand on the steering wheel, angled toward me, his knee practically resting on the center console. My dad looks humongous in most vehicles and this isn’t any different. It’s always odd to see him squished in something like this. When he’s outside, he doesn’t look nearly as big as he does when he’s surrounded by other things, including people. “I’m sorry you saw that yesterday.”
I nod, waiting for him to go on. I want to ask him right away how his talk with Ryan went, but I deserve to get the same talk, so I practically bite my tongue and wait for him to get this out.
“I’m sorry anyone had to see it. You were right about some things. I should have told your mom about Leslie and me, and I definitely should have told you about Leslie and me. It’s a sorry excuse, but I knew you had so many other things to worry about that I didn’t want you to have to think about one more thing.”
“I was already thinking about it, Dad. You just up and left Mom, and I know your relationship is your relationship, but I’m your child, so I’m automatically involved.” I don’t want Mom to sound like a desperate woman, so I leave out all the times I heard her crying and how she walked around like she was a zombie. He doesn’t need to know all the things I saw that made me more involved than he thought.
“I guess I was trying to keep you from that.”
“But Ryan was going to be my teammate, didn’t you think I was going to find out sooner or later?”
He sighs. “I did think of that. Ryan said he wouldn’t tell you until I was ready, even though he thought it was a terrible idea. Sometimes you kids are a lot smarter than adults. I don’t know.”
“Stop saying ‘I don’t know’, Dad.”
His gaze cuts to mine. I can see that he wants to argue with me about giving him attitude, but he doesn’t. “You’re right. It was wrong. I was wrong. I’m sorry. As for yesterday, I had no idea your mom was coming. I was blindsided, and I fell into an old pattern—briefly. Very briefly. And not that this part is any of your business, but I did tell Leslie, and I had a conversation with Ryan about it.”
“If you didn’t want it to be anyone’s business, you shouldn’t have done it in public.”
His fingers tighten around the steering wheel. My father and I never fight. Sloan was right about one thing. I’ve always been a daddy’s girl, until he moved in with Leslie and Ryan anyway. “Fair enough,” he says.
“Here’s the thing, Dad,” I say, taking a deep breath to gather my thoughts before I spew them all over him. “I know you’re moving on from your life, but that doesn’t mean you should leave me out of it. Fine, be with Leslie, but you didn’t have to keep it from me.”
“I know,” he says, shaking his head.
“I don’t think you do know, Dad because I haven’t told you. You want to know what it feels like? It feels like Ryan is your child right now, not me. You ran after Ryan to smooth things over with him. Ryan knew about your new life, and you ask him about the bullying being done to me. If you want to know something about me, ask me.”
“Pumpkin,” my dad says, reaching for me. “You’re my daughter, you always will be.”
“It hasn’t felt like it.”
His touch on my hand burns. He pats it a few times, then pulls away again. “I’m sorry. I know I haven’t seen you as much. I’ve seen Ryan more, but I guess that’s what happens when you live with someone.”
“I just don’t want you to forget about me, Dad.”
His throat works. “I could never do that.”
Like Hayes says, sometimes words are empty unless they’re backed by action.
“I’ll do better,” he says. “I promise. I’ve been trying since we talked the other day.” He smiles. “Your mom and I waited so long for you, baby girl. I could never forget you.”
I wait for my emotions to swell up, but it never comes. He and Mom used to tell me about how long they waited for me when I was a kid, and it always made me feel special, but right now, I just feel…cautious. There’s no other way to explain it.
We’re silent for a few more minutes until Dad says, “Now let’s talk basketball for a second. Your mom still wants you to go to Springs.”
“No.”
“I’ve told her I don’t like the idea either because you really want to stay at RHS, but you’ve got to work with me here, Tessa. Talk to me about what happened last year. About the girls in
the stands and the guys freezing you out after you got the start.”
I shrug. “I don’t really know the reasons why, Dad, but I do know Lake O’Brien hates me, and I’m pretty sure he was the reason those girls all hated me, too.” I leave out the part where some of them were jealous because of Sloan and Alec, and the fact that the Ballers claimed me.
“Do you want me to do something about it?”
“Honestly? Last time when you stepped in to get the scout, you just made it worse.”
His jaw ticks. “Your mom’s not going to let you go there if the same thing happens again, Tess. She’ll pull you from the school.”
“I can handle it,” I tell him. “I handled it last year.”
“If you don’t play, Tess…”
“I know,” I growl out. If I don’t play, how are any of the colleges supposed to know if I’m good or not. “I’ll handle it.”
He shifts back in his seat. “I’m not promising I’ll stay out of it this time, Pumpkin. I get that you need to do things on your own. I know people automatically think that I just give you things. I can read it all over their faces until they actually see you play, but I will step in next year if things go too far. I made the mistake of turning a blind eye before, and I won’t do it again.”
I shake my head. “Dad, you’ll just…”
“And I can’t promise I won’t support your mother if she wants to enroll you in Springs. Your mom makes a good point. If moving to RHS was supposed to be about basketball, how can you still want to go there? You didn’t have the playing time, Tess.”
“But I deserve the playing time.”
“You and I know that. Hell, Coach Bradley knows that, but he can’t let the rest of his team go to shit for one player. I don’t know how you’re going to do it, but you’ve got to get those guys on your side.”
My face heats. Sloan was certainly on my side last night.
Hayes is on my side, too, though something was up with him last night. Alec, I think, is just confused. Ryan, too. Ryan will be the hard one. He likes me, that much is obvious, but one of the reasons why he shouldn’t is sitting in this car with me. How awkward will that be? Ryan’s the cornerstone of the team, too. I can’t let Lake influence him the way he did this past year.
“I’ll figure something out.”
He swings his gaze toward me. “I hope you do. I was proud to see you in my high school colors.”
This time, a warm feeling expands in my chest. It’s the first real emotion I’ve felt other than anger during this whole conversation. Dad puts the car in reverse. “Let me get you back to camp. Hopefully I’ll have you back in time for the run. I wouldn’t want the others saying you got any special treatment. Though, Jacquin tells me you’ve been leaving them in the dust. I think he might actually have a crush on you.”
My dad smiles away as he maneuvers out of the parking lot. He’s oblivious to the fact that my stomach has just plummeted like an anchor through still water. The last thing I need is for one more guy to like me. Camp is already confusing. It should be about basketball, and that’s it. Instead, I’m in some sort of weird reality, needing to gather players on my team to overthrow the evil king or else I can kiss my basketball career goodbye.
If I were less stubborn, I’d just go to Springs like my mom wants me to. I can see that play out and end well, but I also know that the kind of colleges that will recruit me from RHS will be better than the ones that will recruit me from Springs. At RHS, I’m a novelty. I stand out. At Springs, I’ll be just another good female basketball player. A girl who wins against other girls is just good for her sex. A girl who can hang with the guys is great.
There’s also the fact that the Ballers go to RHS, not Springs.
In my head, I only see two options. Either I have to make nice with Lake or take him down. The former will be hard to do since I’m seriously addicted to his best friends for life. They’ve already shown that they’ll stick up for him. They care. Maybe they won’t do it at the expense of me anymore, maybe they will.
The difficult part will be figuring out how to maneuver through it all.
23
My dad didn’t get me back in time for the run. Instead of using the short period of time in between the run and the start of the camp day to wash up, I do some sprints. By the time I run to the indoor courts where everything will take place today, the first raindrop falls from the sky. The dark clouds had been hovering ever since this morning. The doughnut is sitting in my stomach like a lead weight as I suck in air and make my way toward the short section of bleachers where everyone else is sitting.
Dad is standing in front of everyone. He hasn’t officially started yet, so he just nods at me when I walk in. I eye the seating possibilities before me, frowning when I see that Hayes has sat himself in the middle of Sloan and Alec. Maybe it was just my imagination before, but I thought he was purposefully sitting on the outside of the group to give me some place safe to sit. I try to catch his gaze, but he’s avoiding it, choosing to stare at my father instead.
Sloan, though, has the biggest smile for me. When I sit, he bumps me with his shoulder. “Where were you this morning?”
“My dad,” I tell him, nodding toward the front.
He nods knowingly. He keeps his shoulder brushed up against mine. Ryan turns, glancing over at us, and I can’t help the fact that my face turns red. I feel like what Sloan and I did last night is written all over us. Sloan shouldn’t be smiling that widely at me, and I shouldn’t be blushing this much. I only hope my dad’s not paying enough attention to me at the moment to figure it out.
“As you can see,” my dad’s voice booms through the sparse room. “We’re taking things inside today. We’re supposed to get some storms. I wanted to use this opportunity to remind previous attendees, and inform the new ones, that we do have an MVP award at the end of camp. We give awards out for each position, and then an overall award. Position MVP’s get one thousand-dollar scholarships from the Timothy Dale Scholarship Fund to their college of choice. The overall MVP award winner gets twenty-five hundred dollars from the TD Scholarship Fund.”
My skin buzzes. Other than the bragging rights for getting the MVP awards, there’s also another reason why it’s so coveted, why I came into camp wanting to kick some ass. I’ve only won once, and that was the year the Ballers humiliated me. Instead of tearing me down like they expected, it fueled me. I’ve never received the overall MVP award, but Ryan’s won it the past two years.
There’s always been whispers about how I shouldn’t win. My dad already has enough money to send me to college wherever I want to go, but if I’m good enough, I should win. In fact, last time I did win, Dad and I decided to donate the money back to his fund to spend on another female player. I did keep the trophy though. I’m not giving that up for anything. I’d love an overall award, but even I know that will be hard to win. Not just because everyone else here is as good or better than me, but, as my dad explained to me the first year I got invited here, I’d have to blow them all out of the water. It’s a sad truth, but it is what it is. I knew it was going to be harder for me going in because my dad is who he is.
“In order to win the MVP award, it’s based on a lot of factors. Leadership, skills, effort, swag…”
We all laugh. I look down at Ryan. His hands are clasped in his lap, but his leg is jumping up and down. I can feel the excitement pouring off him as my dad talks about this. That year at camp, he confessed to me that getting those scholarships was a big deal to him. Winning that money helps take some of the financial strain off him and his mom.
I just hope he’s prepared to lose to me this year.
My gaze rises, and I find Jacquin smiling at me. I hope what my dad said in the car isn’t true. And I really hope that my dad isn’t as happy about the prospect of Jacquin liking me as he seemed. Don’t get me wrong, Jacquin is truly gifted. I think he’s hot, and I admire him for what he’s been able to accomplish at such a young age, but…there’s nothing there.
It’s like staring at Chase.
Whatever is wrong with my body likes the guys who torment me, apparently.
When Dad breaks, asking us all to line up so we can start our exercises for the day, I feel Jacquin’s gaze on me. He follows me around the room, but I shake it off. In fact, I make a pact with myself not to worry about anything else besides basketball before we break for lunch. I can’t get off track again. No more remembering what Sloan’s hands felt like on me last night…or even more, his tongue.
The drills start: footwork, ball handling, and passing. All the coaches are in the room today, so it’s no surprise that they’re definitely looking at all of us for the MVP awards today. I once overheard my dad talking to one of the coaches telling him that they like for us to settle in before they start evaluating. Especially for the new players who have never been here, it’s a bit overwhelming.
We just started a shootaround when the lights in the big gymnasium flicker. A crash sounds overhead. The only windows in this place are long horizontal ones toward the ceiling. I look up to find that we can’t even see outside. Rain spatter on the windows completely transfigures our view. Lightning lights up the sky, and it suddenly grows very dark outside. A second later, a thunderous boom sounds. I admit that it even makes me jump. The sound rattles the walls and half a second later, the lights go out completely.
This is a first.
“Let’s move to the bleachers,” my dad says. “The owners warned me this might happen. Let’s see if the generator can come on.”
My dad moves around. They’re almost shadows in the darkened room until my eyes adjust and I make out who’s who. He moves to the other coaches and they whisper about what to do. We certainly can’t play in the dark. That’s an injury waiting to happen.