Falling for Autumn

by Topham Wood, Heather

  The house was larger than the Football House, but with a similar three-floor layout. It was loud and crowded, but I still felt apart from it all. I had to keep giving myself a mental shake to try and make an effort.

  “Fucking Blake Preston,” Casey sneered and collapsed against me. “You look gorgeous and that prick has ruined my efforts.”

  Casey had decided it was makeover time for both of us and we spent hours dressing for the party. I had told her she was smoking crack when she tried to put me in a skirt, so she settled on a pair of jeans I owned and one of her tops. It was a red top with a scoop neckline and a back plunging below my shoulders. I wanted to keep my hair low-key, but Casey styled it in a low ponytail while adding textured waves. The style looked simple, but she had me sit like a statue forever as she added volumizing spray, styling mousse, and super-hold hairspray to perfect the look. She was also good at applying makeup and we shared the same shade of bronze eye shadow and scarlet lipstick.

  Casey’s friend Amy danced over to us and grabbed the water bottle out of my hand. Taking a long chug, she said, “This party is lame. Let’s blow it off and get some food at the diner.”

  Amy and I had hit it off and I caught us rolling our eyes in sync with Casey’s outlandish remarks. Casey’s relationship ending had changed her and she was ready to explore what she felt she’d been missing. Although I teased her, her fearlessness was enviable.

  “Fine by me,” I agreed.

  “No way. There has to be someone here halfway decent.” Casey moved her head side to side. Finally, she stopped and turned back to me with a sly smile. “What’s that guy’s name who lives on the other side of the hall and orders Chinese food like every night?”

  “Will?”

  “Yeah, don’t you talk to him sometimes?”

  “Not really. He sometimes asks me if I want to order with him. Apparently the place he calls only delivers if you order a twenty-dollar minimum.”

  “Well, maybe he wants to see your takeout menu tonight.”

  “That’s the dumbest innuendo I ever heard.”

  “Whatever, Autumn. He’s over by the staircase. At least say hi to him before we go.” She pushed me off before I could protest further.

  Somewhere along the way I’d become uncomfortable in my own skin and the idea of flirting was a completely foreign concept. I made my way over to Will and felt more at ease when I noticed his welcoming smile.

  “Hey, Autumn, I thought that was you and Casey. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing really. How are you?”

  “I’m all right. Been studying for midterms all week. I’ve been barely pulling a C in my chemistry class and I’m a bio major.”

  I made a sympathetic face. Will definitely fell in line with Casey’s requirements for the men we should look for. He wasn’t going to make me quiver with need after a single look, but he had a boyishly handsome face, with white blond hair and wide-set brown eyes. His smile was nice and he had a faint southern accent. As we began to commiserate about the difficulty of our classes, I realized how nice it was to turn down the intensity and have a normal conversation with a cute guy. We’d never exchanged more than a few words as I told him my Chinese food order and I was opening myself up to learning more about him. Within a few minutes of talking, I had found out he was the son of two schoolteachers who relocated from North Carolina to Maryland when he was in middle school. I began to give him my standard background information when I felt Casey knock against me.

  “Autumn, we need to leave,” she hissed in my ear.

  “Hi, Casey,” Will said.

  Casey nodded a greeting, but kept her focus on me. “I’m serious, we have to go now.”

  “Why?” Leave it to Casey to interrupt me when I started talking to the one guy who hadn’t treated me like I had the plague.

  “Blake just got here and…he’s not alone.”

  It took an effort, but I thought I succeeded at keeping a neutral expression. “So?”

  “The Football House party got broken up early and a few of the guys came over. I saw him in the kitchen with a girl. The way she was hanging on him made it clear she was staking her claim for the night.”

  “I don’t care,” I ground out. Will looked uncomfortable while I wished I had a gag to shove in Casey’s mouth. I appreciated the heads-up, but subtlety was not her strong suit. “Honestly, Blake and I were only friends. I’m not upset he’s here with someone.” I shot a smile I hoped was encouraging to Will, but by his expression, it probably came out looking deranged.

  “Great!” Casey backed away. “Well, I’ll leave you two alone then. Come and find me if you want to take off.” Before turning back toward the throng of people, Casey gave me a meaningful look, conveying her happiness over my ability to move on.

  “Are you and Casey close?”

  I noticed Will watching Casey long after she left us. She rejoined Amy and they had their heads together, talking closely. His smile was shy as he watched her throw her head back, her laughter carrying over to where we stood.

  “Yes. She makes me laugh and although she can come off as tough, she has a really big heart. I’ve been kind of down lately and she and my roommate have really helped me take my mind off of things.”

  “She has a boyfriend, right?”

  “No, they broke up.” The longing look on his face was all the convincing it took to see I wouldn’t be the one set up for the night.

  I was about to motion Casey back over when the feeling of being watched diverted my attention. Every hair on the back of my neck prickled and I sighed, knowing an inevitable stare-down was about to take place. I was reminded of how Blake and I first met and wondered if we had come full circle as he likely shot daggers at me across the room. Refusing to let him interrupt my night any further, I looked expectantly at Will. “If you’re interested, I could talk to her for you.”

  His cheeks colored. “I don’t think I’m Casey’s type.”

  “You’d be surprised.”

  “Were you meeting up with Blake? It looks like he’s trying to get your attention.”

  “No. What’s the deal with this school and him anyway? We’re in college, why does everyone give a shit about who Blake’s involved with?”

  Will’s eyes doubled in size. “Because he’s the only reason our football team isn’t a bunch of scrubs. They lost more games than they won before he started playing. He’s sort of a celebrity around here.”

  “It’s a sad state of affairs in our culture when being good at football gives him a god-like status at this school.”

  “I thought you liked him.”

  I inched forward and asked in a conspiratorial whisper, “Have you ever been screwed over by a girl? And then forced to see her move on? That’s how it feels right now for me.”

  Will nodded. “That sucks. But think about how it must feel for her.” He looked discreetly over my shoulder before meeting my eyes. “She’s trying everything to get his attention and he can’t be bothered. I really doubt anyone could be clumsy enough to drop a purse so many times in the span of five minutes.”

  I laughed. “I think I’ll probably take Casey up on that offer to leave early. But don’t worry, I’ll talk you up the entire ride home.”

  He reached over and took my hand in his. He gave a gentle squeeze. I looked down at our hands intertwined and shot him a questioning look. He shrugged. “I was just thinking how much better it would’ve felt to have someone with me when I ran into the one who screwed me over.”

  “You really want me to put in a good word.”

  “Well, I thought it was a lost cause, but if she’s single now…”

  “I’ll give you an insider tip. If you ask her out, don’t suggest Chinese food—she hates it. Offer to take her out for Mexican food and she’ll love you forever.”

  “You’re the best,” he said. I was surprised when he abruptly dropped my hand. But I caught on quick when a familiar scent assaulted me from behind.

  “Hi, do you mind
if I steal Autumn for a minute?” The mixture of Blake’s woodsy cologne and citrusy deodorant intoxicated me when he moved in closer. His natural musk also created a longing that started deep in my belly and spread the more I breathed him in. His interruption caused an unwanted reaction in my body I wished I could subdue.

  “Sure,” Will replied quickly.

  My jaw went slack as I started at how quickly my savior deserted me. “Seriously?” I had thought we shared a moment and Will was handing me off without a backwards glance.

  At least he had the decency to look contrite. “Sorry, but he asked nicely. Besides, I help run the school’s sportsbook. Don’t want to do anything to mess up the spread for next year.”

  “I swear I need to transfer to a new school.” I swung to face Blake. “What do you want?”

  “Can I talk to you alone?” When I didn’t answer, he added, “It will only take a sec.”

  I nodded and steeled myself. He was dressed in layers with a T-shirt and a hooded gray sweatshirt over it. His black pants molded perfectly to his body and I had to admit he looked incredible in everything he wore. He could put on a Hawaiian shirt and plaid shorts and still find a way to make it work.

  Blake tilted his chin toward the stairway. “I’m friends with one of the guys who lives here. He won’t mind if we talk in his room.”

  I rolled my eyes because I already knew about his tight friendships with the men of Sig Chi. I followed him up the stairs into the quiet section of the house. A few of the rooms were occupied, but the bass from below was muffled on the top level. A guy wearing a Sig Chi T-shirt came out of one of the bedrooms. He nodded to Blake before heading downstairs. Blake came to a vacated bedroom to the left of the stairwell and switched on the lights before entering. The room was sparsely furnished with a twin bed, desk, and dresser.

  “How have you been?” Blake asked and stayed on his feet in the center of the room. I remained by the door and didn’t close it after passing through.

  I mulled over my reply for a second before asking, “Is that what you needed to talk to me in private about?”

  “No, but we haven’t talked in weeks and I wanted to see how you were. You told me to leave you alone and I was trying to respect that.”

  “Then what are we doing up here?”

  Blake stared at the ceiling. “I miss hanging out with you. I screwed up that morning and I want to fix things between us.”

  “But why?” I clarified, “You’ve been telling me over and over again how you’re bad for me and I’ll end up hating you eventually. Why should I waste any more time on you if I’m only going to be hurt at the end?”

  Blake’s eyes clouded over. “This probably doesn’t make much sense, but I’ve always done what’s expected of me. And hurting you just seemed to be the direction I was heading whether or not I wanted to.”

  “You’re right, it doesn’t make sense to me.”

  Blake had such a strange look on his face and I felt more than ever I wasn’t the only one with baggage. It was likely part of his draw—finding another human being who was as damaged as I was.

  “When we met for the first time, I thought it was inevitable for me to hurt you. I figured the more time we spent together, the more likely it was you’d uncover all the bad shit everyone else in my life refuses to see.” His smile was weak. “But you called me on everything. When I was an asshole, you told me. You had no problem admitting you didn’t give two shits about how good I was at catching a ball. No one else does that and I liked it.”

  “But what bad shit is there, Blake?”

  “I feel like I’m ready to explode at any given moment. Like the pressure from my family and the team is going to make me crack. Sometimes, it takes so much effort to not give in. I went through a period where I was always picking fights and playing football was the only time I felt calm enough to function.”

  “But what are you so angry about?”

  “About my dad mostly.” I made a sympathetic noise in the back of my throat. Although he was a baby when his father died, it must’ve been hard never knowing his dad. “I love my mom and she’s done her best, but she’s a lot to deal with. She’s always pushing me and thinks football is going to be our way out of financial hell. I don’t think she realizes going pro is something that may never happen.”

  “You don’t like playing football?”

  “I do, but it was better when I could think of it as a game. Ever since we started running into these money problems, she’s become like a warped version of a stage mom. I got a concussion last year and she rode me until I was back on the field.”

  Meeting his mother just jumped on the list of things I never wanted to do. My parents were the exact opposite and I sympathized with how hard it must be to be thrust into the role as a breadwinner at twenty-one years old.

  “Just because you’re pissed off about certain aspects of your life, it doesn’t mean you’re going to screw up all of your relationships. I think you’re relying too much on the concept of manifest destiny.”

  “What’s that?”

  “It’s the idea your future is certain. You’re your own person, Blake. You’ve never shown me this darker side and if it’s there, you have it under control. I get pissed off at the world sometimes and want to lash out, but I don’t think it makes me a bad person.” I hesitated, but then took a step to close the gap between us. “You’re funny and nice and you have a lot of friends that would do anything for you. I’m your friend too.”

  The relationship drama aside, I did want to be his friend. Blake was showing his vulnerability and I understood he was doing it to mend what had been broken between us. I was starting to understand him a little better. I wasn’t a stranger to feeling the pressures of the outside world. Blake didn’t have the easy life everyone suspected and it stirred up so many emotions inside of me.

  “About that morning…”

  I laced my fingers in front of me and swayed from side to side. “We really don’t have to talk about it. I misread things and overreacted because my feelings were hurt. We can pretend it never happened.”

  “Autumn, I was telling you the truth. You deserve much better than what I have to offer.” I didn’t reply and waited as he cleared his throat. “But what if you’re right and I’m not fated to be this fuck-up? What if I could change and be the guy you deserve?”

  My head shot up and I looked up at him in disbelief. “But you’ve been telling me over and over again we were just friends.”

  “I’ve tried so hard to stay away and I said things to make it seem like I didn’t have feelings for you. But if I could tell you one absolute truth right now it would be I’ve thought about kissing you every single day we’ve spent together.” He smiled wryly. “And maybe on the days I didn’t see you too.”

  My lips parted but I was unable to form a response. My heart leapt into my throat and my body shook with relief. Blake had been holding back his feelings and everything I felt over the last couple of months hadn’t been all one-sided. He had been careful with my heart and it was another point proving he wasn’t the man he thought he was. I didn’t agree with how he tried to stop me from falling for him, but I believed wholeheartedly his actions were his warped way of protecting me.

  My chest felt tight as he stepped forward and completely closed the space between us. His fingers caressed my cheek before he ran his thumb across my lips. “Can I kiss you, Autumn Dorey?”

  He didn’t know how perfect he was making the moment for me. We were in a rundown frat house and he had turned our first kiss into something amazing I would remember forever. Because he was asking. Blake wasn’t plundering my lips as if it was his right; he was giving the choice to me.

  “Yes,” I breathed and lifted up onto my toes. I closed my eyes and seconds later Blake’s lips were on mine. I had been kissed before, but kissing Blake was incomparable. Although his lips remained on my mouth, I felt his kiss everywhere. He ignited my body and I never wanted him to pull away. His lips were soft a
nd the kiss sweet. With Blake’s reputation, I expected more tongue and more aggression. I had made so many wrong assumptions about this guy—because he knew exactly the way to kiss me that would leave me weak in the knees.

  I didn’t know who pulled away first. I leaned into him and set my ear against his chest. His arms wrapped around my back and he rested his chin on top of my forehead. He felt solid against my body and it felt like I finally found someone who would get me. I had been ostracized, and living on my own felt like the only way I could be safe. But the amazing thing was being in Blake’s arms didn’t steal away my security blanket. Being with him gave me the sense I’d been wrong to shut away my heart. It erased the last lingering doubts I had about Blake being good for me.

  His right hand worked its way up and down my back in a steady rhythm. His hand stopped at my mid-back before moving its way up to the center of my shoulder blades. The way his fingers moved over my skin was gentle, like he had a sixth sense over exactly the way to touch me.

  He pecked the top of my head. “You have goose bumps. Why don’t you take my sweatshirt?”

  I untangled myself from his arms as he pulled the sweatshirt over his head. His T-shirt lifted with the movement and I tried not to drool as I saw his abs peek out. The goose bumps weren’t from the cold, but I took the sweatshirt from his hands. He watched me as I put it on, swimming in the fabric. I rolled up the sleeves. His expression was pleased as he appraised me. “It looks good on you.”

  I quirked an eyebrow and pursed my lips. “I think my shirt looked better.”

  “It did,” he laughed. “Maybe I want to keep all of your hotness to myself.”

  I pressed a quick kiss on his lips. “Claiming me already? I was the one who had to hear you came to the party with someone.”

  He looked genuinely confused and I was pleased. I liked Blake, but I understood I wasn’t the only one. “I didn’t come to the party with Tori. She hopped in Darien’s car when we left the Football House. She’s been glued to my side, but I let her know I wasn’t interested.” He grabbed my elbows and pulled me in closer. “I’m interested in someone else.”