Dark Shadows

by Jana Petken

  Mercy felt lighter, as though a weight had been lifted. Some lies and secrets had been brought out into the open. She’d been compelled to tell him the truth, even if he now despised her. She looked at him then, and to her surprise, she saw that he was smiling gently. He wasn’t disappointed, and she could tell that he wasn’t angry either. She smiled and dismissed the previous conversation by saying, “Please tell me about the cargo you’re carrying. I want to know everything.”

  Jacob talked animatedly for an hour or so. Mercy drank in the sound of his voice and gazed unwaveringly into his dark eyes sparkling in the candlelight. They sat closer together. She might have imagined it, but she was sure he’d pulled his chair a little closer to her.

  She heard about all the spices and commodities that filled the holds and listened to him talk of their destinations. Every now and then, she asked a question and hoped that she didn’t sound like a silly girl without a clever thought in her head.

  She was happy, but time was speeding by and she didn’t want the night to end. Life was coursing through her. Her heartbeat and breathing were normal but she felt as though tonight were the first day of her life, when breath poured forth outside a mother’s womb. She had never felt so alive.

  She wondered if she should offer to leave, but then she remembered that he’d asked her here because he wanted to speak to her about something. She watched him play with his thoughts and, without thinking, lay her hand on top of his. “Jacob, you wanted to talk to me. Is there bad news?”

  “No, there’s no bad news.” He smiled. “To tell you truth, I just needed to see you. I think about you, Mercy. I wanted to be alone with you.”

  Mercy’s eyes widened. This was not what she’d expected him to say.

  “Am I scaring you?” he asked.

  “No – I didn’t know – I thought you were hiding from me. I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying.”

  He stroked her fingers, squeezing them gently with his strong hands. Mercy’s heart began to race, and she felt her cheeks burn. She looked into his face, and her eyes were drawn to his mouth. She lifted them and looked into his eyes. She sucked in her breath and found it suspended and difficult to exhale. Jacob continued to stare at her without changing his expression. Her mind grappled with what she now knew to be true: Jacob desired her. He wanted her, maybe as much as she wanted him. His eyes were watering, and he was unable to speak, just as she was unable to tear her eyes from his face. The only difference between them, she realised now, was that for the last two weeks, he’d hidden his feelings, whereas she’d been a fumbling wreck every time she’d been near him.

  Jacob sighed and took a deep breath. “Miss Mercy, you’ve upset my neat and organised world. Damn it, woman, you’ve turned it upside down and inside out – and it’s time you knew this.”

  He moved closer, until she could feel his breath and the tip of his nose tickling her face like a feather. “May I kiss you?” he whispered.

  Time stood still. Mercy’s heart was racing, and she swallowed a lump stuck in her throat. She was about to be kissed for the very first time, and she desperately wanted his lips on her mouth. It was almost as though she already knew how wonderful it would feel. A strange sensation was covering her body like a shroud of light. Her skin tingled, and she felt a small ache between her thighs. It was a strange and annoying sensation. She didn’t know what it was, but her heartbeat was quickening even more. She stared into his eyes and nodded. “Yes, Jacob. I would like that.”

  His lips touched hers, and she closed her eyes. She felt the softness, the teasing magic that caused her to ache for something more profound. His tongue slid across the outline of her mouth. Then it slithered inside and connected with her own wet tongue. The burning sensation on her cheeks heightened as his kisses grew more ardent and intrusive. Her mouth was open, and she let out soft moans of pleasure as he got to know every inch of it, inside and out. Waves of pleasure crawled up and down her body. The sensation between her thighs was becoming uncomfortable. She needed more than his kisses. How she knew what she wanted was a mystery, but her body was uncovering secrets she had never known existed. Her mind had no part to play in what was happening. It was as though a primal sense had been awakened inside her and all she had to do was follow it. If he stopped now, she thought, she would quite possibly die with unspent desire.

  He laid his hand on her gown’s bodice, and she allowed him to slip his fingers inside it. He cupped her breast and softly squeezed her nipple. She felt it grow hard and moaned again. Then she pulled away from him and stood up.

  Jacob’s eyes were filled with hurt and guilt. She saw his disappointment and bent down to kiss him. She stood up straight again, unafraid, eyes shining seductively. She undid the tiny buttons on the front of her gown. One sleeve slipped off her shoulder, and the other followed.

  Jacob came to stand in front of her. Her dress was sitting at her waist. Her breasts were partially hidden by a cotton bodice, which Jacob removed tentatively from her shoulders and arms. His eyes never left her face as he took off his evening coat. She grabbed the bottom of his shirt with her two hands. He raised his arms, and she pulled it over his head. Her gown fell to the floor. Her undergarment followed, leaving only bloomers to hide her nakedness. His hands caressed her shoulders and then slid down her body to her hips. He tugged gently at her bloomers and drew them to her knees. They fell to her ankles, and she was left standing naked before him.

  No words were spoken between them. No words were needed. For a second, she thought that maybe this would be a mistake that she would never be able to fix, but she didn’t care about mistakes or what he might or might not think about her behaviour. She had never wanted anything so much in her life.

  Jacob kissed her neck, gently pushing her hair away. He undid his trouser buttons, and the cloth fell to his ankles. He stepped out of them and led her by the hand to the bunk.

  She lay down and realised that she had no clue what to do next. But when Jacob explored her body with his hands, mouth, and tongue, there was no need for lessons of any kind.

  She saw his cock standing hard and proud. The old man in the bedroom flashed in front of her eyes. She had pushed him away – but this was Jacob. She wanted to touch him, every part of him. She drew her hand across his body and forked her fingers through the black glistening hair that rested between his chest and groin. She touched his cock, hesitantly at first, and heard him laugh softly.

  “It’s yours, Mercy,” she heard him say in her ear.

  She wrapped her small hand around it and felt it pulsate. She stroked it, and he kissed her more deeply, until she thought she’d drown in him. She let him go and opened her legs. He came to lie on top of her, one elbow on the bed holding his stomach just inches from her own. His fingers teased her there. Then they arrived at the place where Madame du Pont’s cotton finger had been. The image was dismissed. She spread her legs wider. He stroked her, and she thought she might scream with pleasure. She was wet, so wet, and still desperate for more. He guided his cock inside her. As it pushed its way up, her body suddenly jerked backwards, and she screamed.

  Jacob stopped moving. He had clearly felt her tightness, felt her break. He was as still as the dead. He stopped breathing, devouring her with his eyes. They were questioning and surprised. “Mercy, you’re—”

  “Yes. I’m a virgin,” she whispered. “But please, Jacob, please don’t stop. I’ll die if you leave me now.”

  “My God – I didn’t know—”

  “Shh. Love me, Jacob,” Mercy begged again.

  Jacob’s rhythm started gentle, slow, and tender, but he kissed her with an even deeper passion than before. She rose and fell with him in perfect harmony, as though she’d been born with the knowledge.

  He thrust deep inside her, and there was no pain. She was floating on air. She felt faint with pleasure, yet still she hungered for more. She lifted her hips off the bed to meet him and heard herself panting as they moved together faster, with an urgency she
couldn’t quite fathom. Then a new and previously undiscovered sensation flashed through her, forcing a loud moan from deep within her throat to echo around the room. She buried her mouth in his shoulder. Her body rose up, suspended in air, and shook with pleasure. Then it slowly descended to lie flat again on the mattress.

  She heard him say, “I love you, Mercy.” Then his body tensed, his cock shuddered, and his seed exploded inside her. He moaned loudly too before she felt his body relax. He lay spent, partially on top of her, as they both tried to regain control of their breathing.

  This is love, Mercy thought at that moment. It was not what she had expected at all. There was no discomfort or pain throughout – that had lasted but a few seconds. There was no shame or disgust in the act. There was only pleasure, so much pleasure that there were no words to describe it. Their souls had joined, loving and worshipping each other’s bodies. She was no longer a virgin, and her heart was no longer her own. She belonged to Jacob Stone now in both body and soul – and she was changed forever.

  Jacob caressed her face, and she kissed him again. She faced him, feeling drowsy and limp. She wanted to say so many things to him. She wanted to tell him that she’d been the one responsible for murder and fire, for then there would be no more secrets between them. Instead, she lay contented in his arms, feeling his hands stroke her hair. Her secrets would remain hidden for a while longer. She would not, could not, break the beautiful spell he’d cast – not tonight.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Jacob opened his eyes just as the sun was rising on the eastern horizon. He held Mercy in his arms, listened to her soft breathing for a moment or two, and then slid slowly and quietly to the edge of the bed. He pulled back the sheet and saw bloodstains. He lay on his back, stared up at the ceiling, and captured the previous night in his mind.

  Mercy had given him the greatest of gifts. She had come to him willingly and without reservations. She was the perfect lover. He was now in unknown territory, filled with love and passion.

  His mind was in turmoil. He wondered if he should despise himself even a little for taking her innocence when he held a secret that would most likely crush her. Would she have given herself to him had she known about Elizabeth? No. She was proud, too damn proud for her own good, he believed. She’d been willing to walk the streets of Liverpool without a cent rather than accept the money he’d offered her. That was the measure of the woman.

  He fought now against what he knew to be true. He could try all damn day to tell himself no harm had been done. No matter how many times he said those words, he had betrayed her trust. That was a fact.

  Mercy, the most honest woman he’d ever met, would not have gone near him knowing he belonged to another woman. In fact, he felt sure that had she been informed of his situation, her rejection of him would have been accompanied with a slap to his face.

  He was feeling conflicted. Should he tell her about Elizabeth and about his plans to call off the wedding? He could use all his powers of persuasion to convince her that all would be well and that patience was required on both their parts until he sorted this mess out. Or should he take the coward’s way out and say nothing? He could tell the others to keep quiet and make sure Mercy didn’t find out about Elizabeth until after he broke off the engagement. Belle, Hendry, Isaac, and Jack were not stupid; they knew how he felt about Mercy, and they would not betray him. But would they respect him or admonish him for his deceit?

  He thought about their lovemaking and felt himself harden again. Had he been wrong to presume she’d been with a man, willingly or by force, at least once? Christ almighty, she’d been imprisoned in a whorehouse for weeks! It was only natural to think she’d been used, broken in, or raped by a customer, or by one or both of those bastards he’d found trying to set fire to the other women.

  He got up, dressed, and found his usual tray with coffee pot and cup on the floor outside in the passageway. He poured himself a cup and sat at the small table, watching Mercy sleep on, despite the aroma of fresh coffee filling the cabin.

  Her face held a peaceful expression. He could almost see an aura of light surrounding her. Being in love was not an everyday experience for him. He felt like he’d been put under a spell.

  He laughed at himself. He was seeing lights! Next she’d be floating on air like an angel. Her face was angelic, and he marvelled at her resolve in overcoming her terrifying experience.

  His thoughts raced back to the du Pont mansion, and he felt the familiar burning rage grow inside him. Mercy had been upstairs for at least a good half hour before the first screams and first sign of smoke. What had happened in that bedroom? Why had the old man not taken her?

  He tried to remember the smallest of details from that night. Mercy had been semi-naked when he’d found her. She wore nothing but a torn corset. It was covered in blood – but whose blood? How had she escaped the man? What had happened between them? Where did the man go when fire struck the building? Had he run like all the other cowards?

  An image jumped into his mind like a flash of light, and he tried to resist it: the burned body on the bed. Was it possible that the blood on Mercy’s body belonged to that corpse? Had she refused him, fought him off? Mercy was sweet and gentle. Violence was not in her nature. But against all odds, she’d left the mansion a virgin, and for the life of him, he didn’t know how that was possible.

  Mercy opened her eyes and saw Jacob sitting at the table, head down, writing something in a logbook.

  “Good morning,” she said sleepily.

  “Mercy, you’re awake.” Jacob smiled warmly. “I have some coffee. It’s still warm. Can I pour you a cup?”

  “Yes, please. I’m beginning to like coffee.”

  “As much as wine?” Jacob teased.

  Marcy laughed, sat up, and pulled the sheet up to her chin, holding it in place with one hand.

  Jacob smiled again and raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Put this on. You’ll be more comfortable.” He handed a shirt to her, and she slipped it over her head. The sleeves were far too long, and he rolled them up for her. She then took a full cup of coffee from him and savoured every warm sip. She was still smiling. She was unable to stop smiling.

  Jacob sat on the edge of the bed and hated the thought of what he was about to do to her. The questions invading his mind had to be answered. A wonderful future together awaited, but Mercy’s secrets would grow like weeds and eventually destroy her and everything that was beautiful and pure about her. Those secrets would sit between them like a giant chasm.

  He began, hesitantly at first, “Mercy, are you happy?”

  “What does my face tell you?” she asked him, grinning.

  “It tells me that you feel the same way about me as I do about you. I love you, Mercy. I’ve never said those words before to any woman, but I want to say them every single day to you from now on.”

  “I love you too. I think I’ve loved you since the moment we met, although I didn’t really know what love was until you kissed me. I’m very happy. I’ve never known such joy.”

  “You know I’ll never let you go. You’re stuck with me now.”

  “I’m glad. I want to be the best woman I can be – for you,” she told him.

  “I think we need to get something else out in the open, just between us. No one else needs to know anything about it.”

  “Of course,” Mercy said, feeling uneasy. “What is it?”

  “It’s about Liverpool and Madame du Pont,” Jacob said.

  Mercy suddenly panicked. She was reading his mind, for she knew what was about to come. She dropped her eyes, unable to look at him. “Jacob, you’re scaring me.”

  “Look at me,” Jacob urged. “I love you, and that will never change now. You have my whole heart. I will never allow anyone to hurt you. But I have to know what happened to you in that bedroom before the fire. I saw you go up the stairs with a man, and that’s why I thought—”

  “You thought he’d taken me?”

  “Yes, that’s w
hat I presumed. I guess I was wrong. But you were with him for quite a while, and men didn’t go to that mansion to have polite conversations.”

  Mercy’s face turned a deep red. She opened her mouth a few times but was unable to articulate her words. He was watching her, and she wanted the bed to swallow her. She couldn’t tell him. “Jacob, please don’t make me. I don’t want to talk about it or even think about it, ever. Don’t make me say something that will cause you to hate me. Please, Jacob. I beg you. Ask me anything else about my life and I’ll tell you – but not about that night.”

  “Mercy, please trust me. I could never hate you, and I don’t want to force you to relive that terror. But if secrets stand between us, they will eventually lead to our downfall. They will eat away at you. They’ll reside inside your beautiful soul. They will turn it dark and will corrupt all the happiness I aim to give you. If you don’t share this with me, I will always wonder and you will always be hiding.”

  Mercy felt the first tear fall. She was going to lose him. He wouldn’t want a murderess by his side. He would be disgusted by her cruelty. She had knowingly put everyone in that house at risk to fulfil her own purpose, and she already accepted that she was going to hell when she died.

  He took the cup from her trembling hands and then held her to his chest. “My darling, just say it. Tell me what happened, and then we’ll both let it go.”

  Mercy heard herself cry. The tears had come so suddenly that she couldn’t stop them, no matter how much she tried. She was sobbing so hard that she couldn’t speak, even if she wanted to. He rocked her in his arms. Finally, the tears subsided just enough for her to breathe and find her voice.

  “I went into the bedroom with him. He was mean. He shouted at me to undress. He was disgusting to me, and I felt sick. I was angry and knew I couldn’t go through with it. I thought about jumping out the window. Death would have been welcome.” She took another deep breath.