The only thing he’s going to get from me is pure love and compassion. There is no pity, there is no anger, only tenderness and grace for this man who is aching on the inside and trying too hard to be strong, for me, for his fans, for the whole world.
“Louis,” I call out in a whisper.
“Yeah?”
His voice is a husky grunt and I can’t deny that it’s sexy as shit. “If you need to talk to someone, then you need to talk to someone, but I’m not going anywhere, not unless you want me to. You don’t scare me, nothing about you frightens me. I knew you were dreaming and I made the choice to try and wake you up. It was the wrong one and I knew it, but I did it anyway.”
“Kind of like choosing to be my woman,” he grunts.
I hate the way his confidence is completely shot. I’m not used to that from him. Louis Kingston always carries himself in a way where you know he’s not only comfortable in his body, but also, he’s completely confident in who he is. Everything has been shaken from the inside out and it makes me hurt for him.
“Never,” I whisper. “Being yours could never be a mistake, could never be a wrong choice. Stop that right now.”
Tears fill my eyes and flow down my cheeks at the concept of him thinking that he could be the wrong choice. Though, isn’t that a bit hypocritical? I know that I will not be the woman that he ends up with. I know that I am not the right decision for him simply because I don’t deserve the man that he is as my own.
“Tullie,” he says and I can hear the pain in his voice.
Shaking my head, I lift so that my mouth is resting against his. My tears continue to fall and my entire body trembles as his tongue slips out and tastes them on my lips.
Opening my mouth, I consume his growl as his tongue thrusts inside. His kiss is hard and desperate. He lifts his hand and tangles his fingers in the back of my hair.
My fingers grip the side of his neck, holding on to him tighter than I probably should as I lean forward and melt toward him.
His kiss, it owns me every single time and this time is no different. Louis rips his mouth from mine, resting his forehead against my own as he attempts to catch his breath and I do as well.
“No,” he rasps. “Sex won’t fix this, baby. I can’t, not right now.”
Without another word, he pushes away from me as he stands to his feet. My hands are forced to fall from his neck and my eyes are given no other choice than to follow his body as he stomps out of the room.
The tears that had momentarily stopped begin to flow again. I hate it. I hate watching him leave, knowing that a part of us is now irrecoverably broken. This could be the end before it really ever began.
I want to scream. I want to throw something. Instead, I sit like a pitiful mess and I cry. I watch the door and I wait. The sun rises, but he doesn’t come back. My feet have fallen asleep, and yet, I’m still alone, watching and waiting, wearing nothing but his soft robe to keep me warm.
Slowly the door opens and my heart swells for a moment before my entire body deflates. The trainer, Aaron, makes his way inside.
“Came to check on you, girl,” he announces as he makes his way over to me.
I watch as he extends his hand to help me up. Reluctantly, I slip my palm in his and allow him to help me to my feet. My legs tingle and send shots of pain up and down as they attempt to begin to circulate again.
Hissing, I slowly sit down on the edge of the bed. Aaron doesn’t make small talk as he begins to fiddle with the bag that he’s brought in with him. He practically ignores me as he goes about checking my breathing, touching my neck and checking my blood pressure.
When I think he’s going to pack up his things and leave, he sinks back in the chair that Louis vacated hours ago. Lifting my gaze to meet his, I wait for him to speak.
“Are you in this for more than the fame and fortune? Because honestly, the fortune won’t last forever and the fame will be even less than that.”
His voice is raspy as if he’s smoked a carton of cigarettes a day for the past fifty years. I blink at his words, wondering if I should be offended or completely in awe of his devotion to Louis.
I choose to be in awe of his devotion. There’s no reason for me to be offended, this man doesn’t know me, not in the slightest and if I were him, I would probably ask the same questions.
“Louis is too good for the likes of me. I don’t deserve him. I keep waiting for him to see that, but he keeps telling me that I’m who he wants. I know that one day he’ll wake up, see that I’m just some trashy girl from a small town. He’ll realize that he doesn’t want me forever, but I’m selfish and until then, I want to live in this fantasy. I want to help him too.”
Pressing my lips together, I’m surprised that I’ve said so much, too much really. I shouldn’t have said a word. Not a single fucking word, especially judging by the look that Aaron is wearing as he stares at me, wordlessly.
Aaron clears his throat and nods his head. “That was good enough for me, sweetheart. Welcome to the family,” he announces as he rises to his feet.
“What?” I ask on a whisper.
He smirks, his eyes searching my own. “Louis is a good man, a kindhearted man. I’ve never seen him take to a woman before, not the way he has to you and I wanted to make sure you were worthy of my boy.”
“But I just told you that I wasn’t,” I say as my brows knit together.
He snorts. “That was all I needed to know. He doesn’t feel worthy of you and you don’t of him. All that means is that you’ll spend the rest of your lives trying to make your relationship work. I like that for him.”
Without another word, he turns his back to me and I just stare at him as he shuffles away, closing the door behind him.
Licking my lips, I wonder why he would say what he did. He has decided that I’m good enough for Louis. This man obviously loves him and only wants what’s best for him and he thinks that it could be me… me?
LOUIS
Aaron gives me a wide berth. I’m not dressed for a complete workout. I’ll have to head back upstairs eventually, but I’m not ready to go and face Tulip, yet. I punch the bag in front of me, until I’m too fucking exhausted to do it anymore. I need to get some shorts and shoes on.
My sparring partner, Shawn, is relaxing on the sofa watching television as he waits for me. Aaron grunts and walks away, leaving me alone with him. I don’t talk to him, usually I’m too busy trying to beat the shit out of the quick motherfucker.
“You ever done something in your sleep and felt like shit the next day?” I ask.
Shawn shifts his gaze from the television to me and blinks. “You talkin’ to me?” he asks.
Nodding, I lift my hand and run my palm over my head to collect the sweat there and wipe it down the side of my sweats. It’s too fucking hot in here for these sweatpants. I really need to get my ass upstairs and change, but she’s there, waiting.
“Yeah, I have. Punched my girl right in the fucking face. Gave her a black eye. I was dreaming.” He shrugs.
“How’d you get over that?”
Shawn tilts his head to the side, his eyes roaming over mine and he lifts a shoulder. “I just did. She wasn’t mad at me once she figured out I was sleeping. She forgave me and I allowed her to. It wasn’t easy, knowing that I’d hurt her even if I didn’t do it intentionally. I punished myself a fuck’ve a lot for it.”
“How’d you sleep next to her again?”
He snorts. “I didn’t, not for a couple of nights. Then she just fucking slipped into the guest room next to me. Woke me up and I asked her what the fuck she was doin’. She told me that she couldn’t sleep without me there. Don’t know, but I keep waiting for the shit to break loose again, it hasn’t, and I haven’t hit her since.”
“So, just sitting around fucking hoping you don’t do it again?” I ask.
Nodding, he runs his hand down his face. “Yeah, basically. Tried to go to counseling about it, but all they wanted to do was talk about my feelings and prescribe
me pills. Neither worked out too well, so if I’m really tired or agitated, I’ll try and sleep on the couch. She usually don’t let me though.”
“That doesn’t help me at all,” I mumble.
Chuckling, he lifts his chin as he stands behind me. “It’s all I got for you. Give me a ring when you’re ready to rumble.”
Without another word, he walks past me and out of my gym area. I don’t turn my head to look behind me. There’s someone there and I don’t have to see them to feel exactly who has entered the space. I hear the door close and then the lock being flipped into place.
Inhaling a deep breath, I feel two arms wrap around my waist and a cool cheek press to the center of my back. She lets out a breath, which sounds like a ragged sigh. Clenching my fists at my side, I wait for her to say something.
She doesn’t speak. Instead, I feel her turn her head and her lips touch the center of my back. Then, she walks around me and when she’s directly in front of me, I dip my chin to look down at her and watch as she sinks to her knees.
Tulip reaches for the waist of my grey sweats and I shake my head, unclenching my fists to stop her, but she’s too fast. My sweats are wrenched down and around my ankles before I can take another breath. Then she’s got her hand wrapped around my cock and strokes me, her eyes focused on mine.
“Tulip,” I warn. “Been workin’ out, baby.”
She shakes her head once before her mouth opens and she sucks me in deep. “Fuck,” I hiss. Without a thought, I bury my hand in the back of her hair, my eyes never leaving her blue ones.
Shifting my hips forward slightly, I flex on each downstroke of her mouth. She’s warm, her lips stretched wide as she takes me inside of her.
Sinking my teeth into the bottom of my lip, I watch in awe as she swirls her tongue around the head of my dick, looking as though she’s truly enjoying the moment just as much, if not more than I am.
When she’s worked me up to the edge, I try to tug her off of me with a grunt, but she shakes her head slightly.
“Tullie,” I warn again.
Her eyes meet mine and swear to fuck, they smirk up at me, if eyes could smirk that is exactly what hers would be doing. I’m too mesmerized by her eyes to realize what’s happening before it’s too late.
I come down her throat, filling her with my release. She doesn’t seem to mind, instead of looking horrified, I watch as she swallows every fucking drop, then licks my dick clean.
“Tulip,” I rasp, my legs fucking shaking from the moment.
Sinking down to my knees, I reach out for her, cupping her jaw with my palm as I look into those gorgeous fucking eyes of hers.
“I love you, Louis. That’s not going away. I’m not sleeping anywhere but next to you. If you need to talk about what’s going on in your head, get it all out, that’s fine. If you need to fuck it out, that’s fine too, but you’re not leaving me, not like this.”
Shaking my head once, I slide my thumb along the underside of her eye to gather the tear falling there. “Okay, baby.”
“I’m serious,” she snaps.
My lips turn up into a small smile. “I know, I am too.” Lowering my forehead to meet hers, I close my eyes and I let out an exhale. “I fucking love you, Tulip.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
TULIP
Love.
It’s kind of comical how one uttered word can ease my completely uneasy world. Why is it that when Louis told me that he loved me, everything shifted in that exact moment?
Joey had said the words a million times, but I didn’t feel even a tenth of how it felt when Louis uttered them beneath his breath, almost as if he hadn’t meant to say it aloud.
I bite the corner of my lip as I finish getting dressed for work. Looking at myself in the mirror, I cringe at the sight of the red marks around my neck.
It’s too hot for a turtleneck or scarf so there’s no way to hide them without looking like I’m trying to hide something. My foundation is also not hiding a damn thing.
I would call in and skip today, except two days in a row requires a doctor’s note. I could quit, but I need as much money as I can get before I go to this meeting for school. I’m not sure how much the schooling is going to cost, but I know for certain that it isn’t free.
Pinching my eyes closed, I inhale a deep breath and decide to just buckle up and handle my shit. This is life. Things happen. Louis didn’t do it on purpose and I knew it the moment his hand wrapped around my neck. If the rest of the world wants to judge, then that’s their business, not mine.
Hitching my purse over my shoulder, I head out for work. Louis is standing at the sink, a bottle of water tipped back to his lips. As soon as his eyes catch my neck, he lets out a growl.
“I’m going to work,” I say, squaring my shoulders.
He shakes his head but doesn’t make a move toward me. “I really wish that you wouldn’t,” he murmurs.
Inhaling through my nose, I exhale and tilt my head to the side. “I’m not ashamed of anything, Louis. I’m going to work, I’ll come home to eat dinner with you, then I’m going to my second job.”
His eyes flash with something that I can’t quite read. “Where I’ll be giving my two week’s notice, tonight,” I announce.
He stares at me, then his lips twitch into a small smile. “Your notice?”
“My notice,” I confirm with a nod. “I just, I know that you don’t really like it and I know you haven’t said much, but if I’m not paying rent, then I don’t really need it anymore.”
I watch as he tosses his water bottle into the sink before his legs quickly carry him over to me. Immediately he wraps his arms around me and tugs my body against his chest. Before I can say a single word, his mouth is on mine. He gives me a hard, almost bruising kiss.
When he lifts his face from mine, his arms flex around me. “Thank fuck. It’s been killing me that you’re down there almost every night. Your body is gorgeous, but I’d like for the only man who sees my woman naked, to be me.” He smiles.
Lifting my hand, I slide my palm beneath his jaw. “How did I get a man like you, Louis Kingston? You knew that I needed to quit on my own. You didn’t want me doing it, but you also didn’t force me to quit,” shaking my head, I attempt to swallow my tears, but they start to fall down my cheeks anyway.
“Baby,” he rasps.
“I just really love you,” I hiccup.
He chuckles, using his thumbs to wipe my tears away. A throat clears from the hallway, but I can’t look away from Louis. This man, he has everything, my heart, my soul—simply everything.
“You two can smooch later. We got work to do,” Aaron barks.
Louis laughs softly, his head dipping down and his lips brushing mine. “I’ll see you tonight,” he whispers against my mouth.
He releases me, taking a step back and I can’t help but watch his ass as he walks away from me in his workout shorts.
When he walks by Aaron, my gaze lifts to the man who is still standing in the mouth of the hall. His eyes find mine and he gives me a small wink, then a scowl replaces the tender look before he turns around and stomps off toward the gym.
Unable to hide my own smile, I’m biting my bottom lip the entire way to my car. I can’t wipe the smile off of my face the entire drive toward the grocery store. I have the same, probably stupid, goofy look on my face as I make my way into the store and begin to set up for the day.
There’s a gasp that comes from Brenda’s station and I lift my gaze to hers only to see her staring at me in horror. Mark immediately marches toward me and stands way too close to me, his eyes narrowed on me and staring at my neck.
Immediately, I lift my hand to cover the bruising as it becomes clear this is what’s caused Brenda to gasp. I’d forgotten. In my love induced haze, I’d forgotten how other people would see this mark and question me.
“I need you to come to the back room,” Mark grinds out, his nostrils flaring as he takes in my neck. I can’t quite read the expression on his face,
but it doesn’t strike me as angry, and I’m a little confused.
Nodding my head, I don’t finish getting my cash register ready. Turning toward him, I follow him back to the empty employee breakroom. Fear washes over me, not only because I’m alone with Mark back here, but also because I’m afraid that he’s going to fire me.
“I can’t have you working the register like that. Did he hurt you?” he snaps, his pupils dilated as he looks at my neck and licks his lips.
Shaking my head, I decide to tell him the truth. It’s not his business, but as my boss, I can’t have him thinking that Louis is abusing me.
“He had a nightmare, I tried to wake him up, but I shouldn’t have.”
Pity crosses his face for just a moment and I know that he doesn’t believe me. Narrowing my eyes, I wait to see what he’s going to say next.
I honestly don’t care if he believes me or not, but I can’t lose my job over this. I need this paycheck for school. I need this to show myself that I can do something with my life. That I can be good enough for Louis.
“I’m not going to ask you anything else. Apparently, you like this kind of thing,” he says, taking a step closer toward me, his breath hitching as he lets out a small groan. “I’m here for you, Tulip.”
His words are probably meant to be supportive, but the way his pupils dilate, I get a completely different feeling from him, as if he likes seeing these marks.
His voice is a bit huskier and I have a feeling that the undertone of his voice is not something that I want to know the meaning of. Taking a step back, I keep my gaze on his and nod once.
“That being said,” he says, clearing his throat. “I can’t have you out on the floor at all today. You’ll have to stay in the back and stock product and organize the produce.”
Nodding, I tell him that I understand. His gaze lingers on mine for a moment, and then thankfully he walks away from me. I let out the breath that I’d been holding and bite the corner of my bottom lip.
KILLER: An Unfit Hero Novel Page 17