An Innocent Thanksgiving (Holiday Heat Book 2)

by Katy Kaylee

  “You should go.” Maggie spoke quietly, and I supposed I should consider it a blessing that she wasn’t yelling again. Or that could just be because she didn’t want to wake Fern. “Thanks for coming over and spending time with Fern, she really enjoyed it. She likes you.”

  Maybe it was just my paranoia, but I felt like there was a warning in there. I once liked you, she seemed to be saying, and you fucked that up. Of course Fern didn’t like me the way that Maggie had. But it was still caring about me, and the last time Maggie had done that, I’d been rude and hurtful. She obviously didn’t want the same for her daughter—and no matter what I did, Maggie was still more inclined to think of me as the enemy than she was to give me a genuine second chance.

  “I’ll go,” I promised her, grabbing my shoes and putting them on, “but I’m not leaving for good. I’m not giving up on this, on being a father to Fern. I’m not saying I’ll be perfect or that there won’t be bumps in the road, but I’m here to stay, Maggie. And I’ll prove it to you, whatever it takes.”

  Maggie pressed her lips together, and then looked away, like she couldn’t handle looking me in the eye.

  I had no idea what to do with that, so I left—even though it felt like I was leaving the conversation unfinished.

  Going back to my new home was disappointing, to say the least. Not that I’d expected to be staying the night or anything with Maggie, not on the first night. Even if everything went perfectly, I wasn’t trying to push Maggie into a relationship. That wasn’t my goal. Not when Maggie had made it so painfully clear that she didn’t want that with me—and there was only so much we could inflict on Fern all at once, anyway. Uncle Cal and her mother dating would probably have been a little much.

  But still, I’d hoped… I’d hoped that Maggie would see that I was good with Fern and we’d set up some kind of schedule, a way that I could help out and start to be a regular presence in Fern’s life.

  Now it looked like it was going to take a lot more time for that to happen. There was no way that I was sleeping tonight with the frustration coursing through my veins. Usually when that happened I did some art, but…

  Dammit, I couldn’t quite manage to pull out blank canvases I had stacked up neatly in the spare room. I always had a spare room blank and ready to go, no furniture or decorations, so that I could get it as messy as I wanted while I was doing my art and didn’t have to worry about collateral damage, so to speak.

  But I couldn’t sleep, and I still had that desire to do art…

  I grabbed out my paints and supplies, and walked into the master bedroom. I had no idea what I was doing, had no plan, but then, wasn’t that what art was about? I was following an impulse, and so far, my instincts hadn’t steered me wrong yet—at least when it came to my art.

  I began painting on one of the walls, and little by little I felt myself start to relax. Losing myself in my art was always a way to take myself out of whatever struggles I was facing, and tonight was no different. As the night loomed large in front of me I lost myself in the fantasy I was creating on my wall, and everything else fell away.

  16

  Maggie

  It had been two days since Cal had shown up, and I hadn’t seen any sign of him since. Which I kept telling myself was a good thing. If he couldn’t be bothered to be around all the time and make that commitment—and how could he know that he was even capable of making that commitment—

  Dammit this bag of garbage was heavy. It was trash day so I had to get the garbage cans out onto the road and it was annoying today—

  “Here, I got it.”

  Leo lifted up the bag and helped me to get it into the garbage can at the end of the walk for the garbage truck. My arms ached with relief. “Thanks, Leo, I appreciate it. You’re always coming to my rescue, I hope that you aren’t interrupting the rest of your day all the time for me.”

  Leo just smiled. “I’ll always be around to be your hero when you need one.”

  Well that was… a line, for sure.

  He put his hand on my arm, and I quickly stepped away. Leo was clearly starting to cross that line he’d been dancing on, to make more… obvious overtures, and I wasn’t having it. At least now maybe he would give me an opportunity to turn him down point-blank and get this whole thing over with?

  “I was actually wondering if you were busy later,” Leo went on, as if I hadn’t just stepped away from his touch. “There’s a new movie out that everyone says is great, one of the new Nolan features. Would you like to go with me?”

  Finally, an obvious date invitation. I hated to hurt his feelings but it was time that Leo stopped hoping so that he could move on and find a girl who would appreciate him the way that he deserved. He was a good guy, but he just wasn’t the person for me.

  “I can’t, Leo, I’m sorry,” I said, and then before he could say anything more—asking about doing it another time, or something—I added, “If I’m reading this wrong then I’m really sorry for making things awkward, but I’m not open to dating right now. I’m one hundred percent focused on being a mom. Fern is my priority.”

  Leo’s smile faded, but he nodded. “I understand. Another time maybe.”

  There won’t be another time, I wanted to tell him. In high school I would have told him, but that was my natural bluntness coming into play. I just told you I’m not open to dating. That doesn’t mean you wait around for me to change my mind.

  But I didn’t want to get into an argument or create tension, especially not on a Tuesday morning while I was still in my sweats and needing to make breakfast for my daughter. “Have a great day, Leo,” I said instead, feeling that was maybe a bit harsh but also noncommittal enough, and I went back inside.

  …where my daughter was coloring the walls of her bedroom with her crayons.

  A mother’s work was truly never done.

  “Fern, honey.” I took one of the crayons out of her hands. “What did we talk about? Crayons are for drawing in books, not on the walls. C’mere and we’ll use your coloring books while Mama does her work, okay?”

  Fern pouted at me. “But I want my room colorful.”

  “We can make it colorful in other ways.” I would have loved to have the money to paint her room whatever she wanted it, even if that meant in bright rainbow colors, but paint was surprisingly expensive so that wasn’t going to be in the cards for a while. I made enough off my work for us to get by, and I wasn’t too worried about paying the bills, but we couldn’t afford a lot of extra things, either.

  It could’ve been a lot worse, I kept telling myself. Jenn helped—she was a trust fund baby who didn’t have to work a day in her life if she didn’t want to, and I knew that she was the one who kept slipping cash into my cookie jar where I kept my spare change, but every time I tried to call her out on it she’d deny it and refuse to take the cash back. And my parents would help out sometimes too, sending me a check and telling me it was for their granddaughter and not to worry about it.

  Fern settled next to me on the couch. “You do your work,” I told her, “and I’ll do mine. Sound fun?”

  Fern grinned at me and nodded, settling down happily with her coloring, and I got to work on my coding. Thank God I could work from home. Every moment I wasn’t focused on my daughter felt oddly like I was cheating, like I was doing this parenting thing wrong, but I had to pay the bills and I genuinely enjoyed my work with computers.

  I tended to get absorbed in my work, and thank God for that today—I needed the distraction from thinking about Cal. He hadn’t called or made any contact since Sunday, and on the one hand I couldn’t blame him but on the other hand it felt like he was proving me right, justifying my fears that he wouldn’t really be there for Fern in the long run.

  Or for you, my traitorous mind whispered.

  I shoved that thought away. Cal clearly wasn’t here for me, even with the amazing sex. He was here for Fern and Fern alone.

  I let work suck me in, and when I finally looked up, it was to find hours had pass
ed and Fern passed out on the couch.

  Too old for naps my ass, I thought fondly. I stood up, stretching, and grinned helplessly at my daughter. I might have snapped a photo with my phone but if so, what of it? I had to record all that I could. Soon she’d be too old for naps and crayons.

  I got some sandwiches ready before I woke up Fern to stage off any post-nap hungry grumpiness. “Time for lunch!” I sang. “Munchies for little monsters!”

  Fern stirred, rubbing at her eyes. “Mama?”

  “Over here, bugaboo, come have lunch!”

  Fern walked over, still a little wobbly on her feet from sleep. “I had a dream.”

  “Ooh, I love dreams, tell me about it.”

  “It was about a puppy. He was so sad and alone and he needed a new home.”

  I laughed. “I was born at night, bugaboo, not last night. We’re not getting a puppy.”

  Maybe if I had a partner, a spouse, who could help take care of the puppy... Fern with a puppy would be adorable. But I couldn’t afford one and having a puppy in this duplex wasn’t the best idea, and again, I didn’t have time to take care of one. Maybe when Fern was older, if I could afford it—then she could help take care of the dog too.

  Ah, well. It was another ‘maybe’ to add to the list of things I wanted to give her.

  “I’m not gonna give up,” Fern vowed, her face scrunched up with solemnity.

  “Good girl, don’t ever give up on your dreams.” Unless they involved having feelings for a man and hoping he would return them.

  Before I could go into the “but no means no and you need to respect that” part, my phone buzzed. My heart leapt, and I immediately mentally cursed myself for it. It wouldn’t be Cal and I shouldn’t let myself hope that it was.

  I picked up the phone. Sure enough, it wasn’t Cal, it was Jenn. I pretended that I didn’t feel disappointed.

  “Hey!” I said as brightly as I could manage. “What’s up?”

  “What’s up? I should be asking you that. You had lunch yet?”

  “We’re eating right now, actually.”

  “Mmm, I thought I smelled a famous Maggie-made sandwich calling my name...”

  I laughed. Jenn always knew how to cheer me up. Just like Cal once had. Dammit, and now I was thinking about him again. Bad Maggie, bad! “I suppose it would be unfair to let you starve...”

  “I’m nearby and would love to stop in. I’m nothing but skin and bone, Maggie, feeeed meeeee...”

  “Hilarious. I’ll make you something.”

  “Be there in ten, love ya!”

  I hung up and went back into the kitchen to make another sandwich for Jenn. “Aunt Jenn’s coming over!” I told Fern. “How’s that sound?”

  “Yaaaay!” Fern clapped her hands excitedly. Jenn had been in Fern’s life from the moment she was born. She’d been the only one at the hospital with me when I went into labor, until my parents had arrived, and she was Fern’s number one babysitter.

  I’d been scared that once I gave birth and had to stay home with my kid all the time that Jenn would stop wanting to hangout. My life was pretty boring, after all, and we couldn’t really go anywhere. But Jenn was happy to come over. She never made it a big deal and she just adored Fern.

  Case in point: when Jenn arrived she went straight for Fern, scooping her up into the air and swinging her around. “There’s my princess!”

  “What am I, chopped liver?” I asked as Jenn set Fern down and then practically dove for the sandwich I’d made her.

  “Yes,” Jenn said around a mouthful of food. “So, any particular reason you ditched me?”

  “Ditched you?” What was she talking about? We didn’t have plans to go anywhere. And if she’d been planning to come over to the apartment she would’ve just come over, like today.

  “You didn’t call me for our show on Sunday,” Jenn replied, quickly polishing off her sandwich.

  Oh, shit. Jenn would either come over or, if she was out of town or busy with her clients, she’s video chat with me, and we would watch America’s Got Talent. We did it every weekend, and I should’ve come up with some excuse as to why I hadn’t called, but I’d completely forgotten with the whole Cal thing. Dammit.

  I could feel my face heating up and I quickly turned away. “I’m sorry, I should have let you know I was busy.”

  “Busy? You’re the one always telling me you have no life.” Jenn grinned. “It must’ve been something big to get you to forget about our date.”

  “Why don’t we go outside?” I blurted out, looking at Fern. “Work off that sleepiness?”

  Fern was all for it. I could see Jenn out of the corner of my eye, giving me a suspicious look, but I ignored her until we got outside and Fern could run around. I wasn’t about to tell Jenn anything about Cal with Fern around to hear it, and I knew there was no way I could keep him a secret from Jenn, either. Not when I already had to keep him a secret from everyone else in my life.

  Of course, I couldn’t tell Jenn the full story. How could I possibly? But I could tell her some of it. And maybe—maybe it would be fun to share. I hadn’t had sex in five years, after all. This was my first time having fun gossip of my own, instead of someone else’s gossip.

  “So, on Sunday... the reason that I forgot to call you is I had someone over. An old friend recently moved to Nashville, someone I grew up with but hadn’t seen in ages, and he—he wanted to see me.”

  “Oh my God!” Jenn looked ecstatic, her eyes sparkling. “He came all this way to see you!?”

  “He did not move to Nashville for me.” Just for our daughter. But I wasn’t getting into that.

  “Still! Is he handsome!?”

  Oh God, so very handsome. “Yes. He’s... tall, broad shoulders, dark, dark hair, green eyes you can just... fall into...” I cleared my throat and looked away, realizing I was in danger of making an idiot of myself. “I’d always—you know. But I’d never thought he would... want me that way.” That was true, or at least had been when I was twenty and I’d been caught up in the euphoria of my plan working in those glorious few moments before Cal shut down all my hopes.

  “And did you…?” Jenn looked breathless, like she was hanging on my every word.

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes. After... after Fern went to sleep.” I gave into temptation and told her all about the sex, how it had happened, how it had felt. The furious, passionate coupling on my kitchen counter, the way he’d fucked me like he had no other purpose in life, how he’d had to cover my mouth so I wouldn’t scream and wake up Fern.

  Jenn was grinning at me like a maniac as I finished up. “I can’t believe it! I thought Fern was going to be in high school by the time you let someone make a move on you. And he sounds sexy as fuck. I’m proud of you.”

  “I’m not sure you should be.” Impulsively fucking the father of my child twice in as many weeks after not seeing him for five years wasn’t exactly what I’d call good decision making.

  “Why not?”

  “It’s… it’s complicated.”

  Jenn made a noise of dismissal, waving her hand. “Honey, when is it not? It’s about time you did something for yourself, and I’m proud of you for acting on that instead of telling yourself all the reasons why you shouldn’t. You never got to be impulsive and young, and I know you don’t regret Fern—I mean who would, she’s precious as fuck—but you have to admit being a mother has limited you. You shouldn’t regret doing something that you enjoyed.”

  I wanted to agree with her, and if the man I’d slept with had been literally anyone else, I probably would have. But this was Cal. This was the one man in the world I shouldn’t have given into—and of course the one man that I wanted.

  I couldn’t escape the feeling that I was thoroughly fucked, and not in a good way.

  17

  Cal

  I was nervous about showing up unannounced at Maggie’s house a second time, but I wasn’t going to risk not seeing her or Fern again. It was hard to know where to push and where to let Mag
gie lead—which was why we needed to talk this out properly, dammit. Without Maggie clamming up and putting up walls, or the both of us giving into temptation yet again.

  That was the catalyst for my decision to show up again. I missed both Maggie and Fern something fierce. I wanted to keep getting to know Fern, to be in her life, and I wanted to find some way to repair things with Maggie. I fucked things up five years ago but that was five years. Things changed, people changed, and these lonely, frustrating past two days had taught me that I wanted these two girls in my life—and I’d do what I had to so I could make it happen.

  Now I just had to hope that Maggie would forgive me for showing up without warning again. She hadn’t reached out to me, though, and calling would give her a chance to come up with excuses for why I shouldn’t come over. Mark and Violet had told me a few times on Thanksgiving that Maggie worked from home, so I was pretty damn sure she’d be in.

  When I knocked on the front door, though, I didn’t get an answer. Hmm. Maybe she was out on a walk with Fern? Or ran out to the store? How long could I stand here and wait until it became creepy?

  “Take that!”

  That was Fern—her voice was coming from around the corner. She sounded like she was valiantly vanquishing enemies.

  Looking down a bit, I saw there was a kind of rock path that led around to the back of the house. I followed it, Fern’s voice growing louder and louder, until I got to what looked like a shared backyard for the duplex.

  Sure enough, Fern was running around kicking and punching an invisible enemies, and Maggie was standing there watching her. But she wasn’t alone—another woman was with her.

  Crap. I was sure that Maggie had friends, of course, but I hadn’t thought that there might be company over when I stopped by.

  I knew the moment that Maggie saw me, because her body went stiff. “You’ve got a bad habit of showing up without warning,” she told me as I walked up to join her.

  “I’m sorry,” I replied, and Maggie actually looked taken aback at that, like she hadn’t expected me to genuinely apologize. It almost felt like I was apologizing for more than just showing up unannounced, more than just this one moment. I smiled, to try and make it a less serious moment. “My manners are deplorable. Comes with being an eccentric artist type.”