Sweetest Desires (A Sweetest Day Romance)

by Beverly Taylor

  “You look like an angel wrapped in roses,” Carson whispered, and Deanna flushed with pleasure.

  Carson had just begun to feel uncomfortable and a bit silly when Cindy appeared dressed in a beautiful white gown with lace appliqués and a detachable royal train. The satin bodice was covered with faux diamonds, elegant full-length white gloves covered her arms up to the elbow. Beneath a veil with a tiara, her hair was swept up in a roll, with curls dangling loosely on each side. She looked so stunning that Carson could hardly breathe.

  The photographer was awestruck. She thought Carson was a very handsome man with an unforgettable face. Not surprisingly, the photo came out exceptionally well. They looked like a very happy, attractive family.

  * * *

  It was late and they had an early flight the next morning so Deanna and Cindy retreated to their bedroom. Carson stayed in the kitchen to read before going up to bed. He sat down at the table with a cup of coffee, staring at the smeary surface of the chipped, old-fashioned Formica tabletop. His thoughts traveled to Katharine. Being back in Asheville made him lonelier than ever for her and for the happy life they once shared. He smiled hard when he reflected on his wedding night.

  After more than an hour had passed, he rubbed the back of his neck and stretched his arms. He stepped out on the front porch to take a stroll.

  Cindy was sitting on the swing.

  “Why aren’t you in bed?” Carson asked.

  “Deanna’s asleep, and I wanted to inhale some of this fresh night air,” Cindy answered. “Thank you for allowing us to join you this weekend. We had a lot to talk about.” Looking up at Carson, she added, “Deanna had a great time with you.”

  “He nodded. “Glad I could be of help.” Then, to break the awkward silence, he added. “I was just about to go for a stroll.”

  “Good. I’ll mosey along with you.”

  As they roamed side by side across the yard, Carson said, “Even though it’s beautiful here, it’s still dangerous in the dark.”

  “Oh, boy. Here we go again.” Cindy rolled her eyes. “And I’m a weak, little woman, right?”

  He shook his head. “I’m not about to get into that discussion.”

  “Then you think I’m incapable—”

  “I’m not giving an opinion one way or another,” he said. “But you do have one habit that irritates me.” He waited for her response, she only looked at him expectantly, so he continued. “You always jump to conclusions.”

  Her hand brushed against his as if by accident. “I do?” she asked girlishly.

  “Yes, you do.”

  She didn’t argue. Whether she knew he was right or was just placating him, he couldn’t tell.

  “Well, anyway, she said, “I’ve had a wonderful time with you this weekend.”

  She grabbed his hand and moved closer to his side.

  Taken by surprise by her show of affection, Carson squeezed her hand and instinctively pulled her toward him. It wasn’t sexual attraction. He just wanted to keep her close for as long as he could.

  Cindy seemed to understand what he wanted—Katharine. She put her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly.

  “You were very lonely growing up, weren’t you?” He recognized the tone: kind, concerned, impersonal, professional. That was the therapist in her talking.

  “If I was, I didn’t know it,” he answered. Any loneliness he might have felt had been cured when he met and married Katharine. His chin dropped to rest on top of her head, remembering his frugal but romantic honeymoon in these very mountains. He closed his eyes and let himself feel the pressure of her body against his. “Until now.”

  “Until now?” she whispered into his collar.

  “Yes, until now.” He was lonely for his wife—for his children.

  Cindy snuggled against him, comforting him, easing his loneliness. He was almost overwhelmed by her gentleness and her understanding. She made him feel . . . complete, somehow. Life had been empty, hollow, terribly cold. Cindy. Sweet, loving Cindy. What was he going to do about her?

  He finally forced himself to let go of her, to pull her hands away from him.

  “I’m not going to ask you to kiss me,” she said. “You needn’t worry about that.”

  Her words shocked him in a pleasant way. For a moment he said nothing. When he did speak, his voice was ragged with emotion. “You should go back to the cabin. It’s starting to get a little cool out.” It had taken everything within him to say it.

  Her eyes seemed to sparkle, mirroring the twinkling stars. She rubbed her arms. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.” Good night then,” she said softly.

  “Good night.”

  She turned to leave. Carson clasped his hands behind his back and watched her. He was completely caught off guard when she suddenly turned again and threw herself into his chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck, stood on tiptoe, and kissed him.

  He tried to stop himself from wrapping her in his embrace as the kiss grew deeper and more passionate. It was wrong, but he didn’t want it to end just yet. The husky little sound she made in the back of her throat intoxicated him. When his hand slid down the curve of her hip, he realized he wanted much more from her and immediately pulled back.

  She stared up at him, her eyes misty with passion, and all he wanted was to pull her back into his arms again.

  “Good night.” His voice was a throaty whisper.

  She didn’t move, and neither did he. What was he going to do? He could have stopped her before the infatuation became serious. Yet he’d done nothing at all to discourage her. Why hadn’t he? The truth that had been staring him in the face almost since the day he’d met her hit him hard and he blanched. He knew exactly why he hadn’t discouraged her.

  He forced himself to turn away. Not even the cool night breeze could relieve the heat in his body. After trampling about without any sense of direction for he didn’t know how long, he stumbled upon a small, quaint, twenty-four hour chapel that must have been no more than a mile from the cottage. The lights inside were low. He approached the altar and fell on his knees, he prayed aloud.

  “Father, I’ve committed adultery in my heart by having lustful thoughts of Cindy. I’ve prayed and struggled to purge them from my mind, but they’re too strong for me.”

  They are the temptations of Satan.

  “Yes, I know. I feel like I have to give into them or else I’ll go crazy. I haven’t had such strong feelings for Cindy before, but tonight, for some reason, I just wanted to be with her.”

  The atmosphere is familiar. You must not see her again. The temptation is too great.

  “But she’s my friend, and I need her comfort for what I’m going through with my marriage.”

  I am your comforter. I am all you need.

  “Yes, Lord. But my faith is too weak.”

  You must conquer this devil. You must continue to pray, and I will give you the strength and restore your faith and your marriage. It may be the greatest test of character in your life.

  “I’m not sure I want to conquer it.”

  You are embracing this devil rather than fighting it.

  “I—I want to embrace it. I can’t control it. My flesh is powerless.”

  This attitude is not worthy of you. You will fast for forty-eight hours and pray constantly. At the end of that time, your flesh will be weakened enough to obey My Will, and I will give you power and authority to conquer the adversary.

  Carson was silent for a long time. Finally, he whispered, “Yes, Lord,” and raised himself from his knees. Tears blurred his vision.

  I will not leave you comfortless. I will come to you.

  The words echoed softly in his mind.

  * * *

  Cindy wanted him desperately. All those years she’d given herself to men, mortified by the loveless, mechanical act, feeling nothing beyond a sad and lonely affection for the men whose faces went soft as they stared into her eyes, their mouths hungry for her breasts. They wanted only to kiss her face, to e
nter her body, but not to find out whether anyone lived behind that face, inside that body.

  Until Carson.

  Just when she’d thought she’d never find a man worthy of her affection, Carson had come along, and everything had fallen neatly into place to bring them together. She was flirting with disaster, but he was worth it.

  Even though he had pulled away from her and disappeared into the darkness, Cindy was feeling good. She snuggled comfortably under the warm comforter, deciding it was time she returned to church. It would please Carson and score her some brownie points. It’d been months, no—at least a year—since she’d set foot inside her church.

  Chapter 19

  “I’m so excited!” Katharine exclaimed, as she prepared breakfast for herself and Natalie. The children were in school, and she’d arranged to take the next four weeks off from work for the surgeries and recovery times. She thought about singing the Pointer Sisters’ song, but remembered she couldn’t carry a tune. Oh, but she could hum. She had a Mahalia Jackson-type moaning voice. She could hum the most awful sinner into a state of sobbing repentance, but she could not sing a lick, so instead she chanted, “Supercalifragilisticexpielidocious!” She was so thrilled ’til she wanted to float in the air like Mary Poppins.

  “You’re going out of your way to take back what was stolen from you, aren’t you?” Natalie asked, sipping her hot coffee with due caution and observing Katharine in her gaiety over the rim of her porcelain mug.

  “Seeing Carson come and go these past several weeks has been hectic,” Katharine answered. “I’ve tried to hold up, but not doing a good job. Luckily, the children seem to be accepting it much better now.”

  “Does CJ have his bedwetting under control yet?”

  “He’s improving. His classmates don’t tease him anymore, especially after his confrontation with Jeffrey the jackass.” She frowned at the memory. “They now view CJ as a hero.”

  “I’ll bet.”

  “CJ and Bethany still love being with Carson, but it grieves me every time I have to pack their overnight bags so they can stay with him.”

  “So how is the dialogue between you and Carson? I mean, does he talk with you when he comes to pick up the kids, or does he just blow the horn for them to come out?” She upturned the mug to her parted lips.

  “Blow the horn? You’ve got to be kidding!” She fanned her hand as if to brush off the suggestion. “Carson knows I don’t play that. I’d never tolerate such rudeness. He’s still the gentleman he’s always been. He hangs around for about fifteen minutes and shoots the breeze.” She felt her face burn. “He still flirts with me. I think he feels almost like we’re courting all over again. It’s kind of sexy, but I want my family back together.”

  “What about Cindy?”

  “What about her?” Katharine gave Natalie a look that said, I can’t believe you brought her into our conversation.

  “Is she there when the kids are with Carson?”

  “They’ve told me she comes over sometimes and takes them shopping or out to eat. Carson told them she’s a very good friend who helps him out from time to time. They seem to like her, but they have no idea she’s the reason their father left.” She paused and corrected herself. “Well, partially responsible. As for my part in his leaving, well, in a few weeks, that’ll all change.”

  Natalie gave her a skeptical glance.

  “What?” Katharine said. “What’s wrong?”

  Natalie shook her head. “Nothing,” she muttered.

  “Anyway,” Katharine carried on, shrugging off Natalie’s doubts. “I try not to ask them too much about Cindy. I don’t want them to become doubtful and insecure. Bethany just adores her daughter, Deanna, if I recall correctly. Bethany looks up to her as a big sister.”

  “Daughter? How old is this daughter?”

  “Twelve, I think Bethany said.”

  Natalie rolled her eyes and grunted a sour harrumph.

  “Honestly, I don’t have anything against her daughter. She’s just an innocent child.”

  “Yeah, but she’s her mother’s child, and don’t forget that!”

  “At the banquet, I’ll finally get to see this Cindy woman face-to-face.”

  “The banquet?” Natalie frowned. “You mean to tell me that hussy will have the audacity to attend?”

  “Carson insists they’re just good friends and that she’s been a great support to him.”

  “Uh-huh. All right, great support,” Natalie said suspiciously, cutting her eyes. “Don’t let him and floozy-Suzie fool you.”

  “Please don’t feed into that, Nat. I’m trying everything within my power to believe Carson would never act on his lustful desires. He’s still a man of God. His flesh may be weak, but I know my husband. His spirit is willing.”

  “That’s the problem—he’s a man first, and he’s confused.” Natalie paused. “Dolly Parton said it best: ‘He don’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.’”

  Katharine chuckled then dropped her smile. “Then you should know Satan is behind all this chaos because God is not the author of confusion.”

  “Blame it on Satan if you want—I say it’s Carson’s own selfish desires. And besides, even Jesus was tempted.”

  “Point taken.” Katharine lifted her forefinger. “But Jesus never succumbed to sin.”

  “So what’re you saying? That Carson won’t sin?”

  “No. I’m saying Cindy and pornography are Carson’s temptations. Carson has too much Word in him to give in to the wiles of the devil.”

  “Girl, please,” Natalie waived in a brush off gesture. “Since the beginning of time, women have always been man’s temptation.” Natalie took another sip of her coffee.

  In the silence that followed, Katharine tried to read her facial expression. “I know what you’re thinking,” she said. “You’re thinking that if Carson is so holy, why would he allow Satan to destroy our marriage?”

  Natalie smiled. “Is ESP a spiritual gift?”

  “It’s called discernment.”

  “Look, Kat, I do know that Jesus came as an example for mankind—to show us how to live. Now, if Carson says he’s a man of God but can’t follow His example, he’s—”

  “You have to remember, Nat, that Satan’s job is to steal, kill, and destroy. And the destruction of marriages is his top priority. He knows if he can destroy a family, he can destroy the family members.” She took in a short breath, anxious to express her next thought. “People think because you’re Christian, you’re incapable of sinning or being tempted by sin.”

  Natalie nearly choked on her now cold coffee. “So your plan to keep Satan from destroying your family is to have cosmetic surgery?”

  Katharine’s features toughened. “That’s not funny.”

  “Seriously, though. Have you consulted God about this plastic surgery? Where does He fit into all this nonsense?” Natalie bit her lower lip as if her words hadn’t come out the way she’d intended.

  “It’s not nonsense, and, yes, I’ve asked God to confirm the scripture: ‘Ask and it shall be given unto you.’”

  “I think you’re looking at that all wrong. I believe you’re asking amiss. After all, God looks at the heart, not the outside appearance.”

  Katharine didn’t respond right away. “But I’m not doing this for God, I’m doing this for Carson.” Immediately she reconsidered the statement. “I hope that didn’t come out wrong . . . but you do understand what I’m saying, don’t you?”

  She didn’t acknowledge it one way or the other. “Kat . . .” Natalie began hesitantly. “I feel compelled to say this to you, and please don’t take it as being preachy or judgmental. I’m only trying to be helpful.”

  Katharine pursed her lips. “Go ahead . . . say what you have to say.”

  “‘They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.’ Isaiah 40. And add in there somewhere Psalms 27:1
4, which says, ‘Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: Wait, I say, on the Lord.’”

  Katharine’s breath caught in her throat. Natalie was right. She should be pleasing God first and her husband second. Stay prayerful and wait on God. But she was lacking one ingredient in the fruit of the Holy Spirit—patience.

  “Do not tempt the Lord thy God,” Natalie attached.

  Katharine’s brows furrowed. “How is that tempting God?”

  “I’m just saying.” Natalie’s words lingered in the air.

  “Okay, thank you. I receive it,” Katharine said firmly, hoping Natalie would drop the spiritual debate. God was taking too long, and she was determined to take matters into her own hands, trusting God would be with her. “But let’s forget about Carson for now and go over the schedule for my surgery day after tomorrow.”

  Natalie sighed resignedly but said nothing.

  “Look at it this way,” Katharine said. “If all else fails, at least I’ll fill my jeans just right, and my blouses won’t sag on me anymore.” She could hear God’s gentle voice through Natalie telling her to wait, but her heart’s desire was to please her husband. If she could make him happy by changing her appearance, she could save their marriage.

  With that thought in mind, she finished breakfast feeling calm and peaceful for the first time in months.

  * * *

  Now that she was actually in the doctor’s office about to be cut open, Katharine felt suddenly afraid. “Will I come through this okay?” Her voice trembled a little.

  “Yes, Mrs. O’Connor,” he promised her. “You will only sleep. You’ll awaken when you choose to awaken. You have nothing to fear.” His voice was soft and reassuring.

  “Is there anything else I need to know?” she fretted.

  “You’ll more than likely experience discomfort from the stitches or bruising, even if you’re not groggy from the anesthetic.” He paused. “When do you want to do this?”