A Season of Hopes and Dreams

by Lynsey James

  My mouth starts to move, but no words come out. I’m completely and utterly speechless.

  ‘Claudine, I… That’s an incredible opportunity, but I don’t know if I’m really the right fit. I’m not good at speaking in front of people and I’m not sure I could commit to running a group the way you’d need me to.’

  Her nostrils flare and for the briefest of moments she reminds me of Amanda. ‘If it’s public speaking you’re worried about, we have a whole module on that on the Inspire course. Here’s some information on it; take it away with you and have a look through it in your own time. I pride myself on being able to recognise talent when I see it, Cleo. I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t think you could do it.’

  She pulls a folder out of her vast, cavernous bag and hands it to me. It’s the same baby pink as the Carb Counters card, and has INSPIRE emblazoned on the front in glittery gold lettering.

  ‘You’ve only met me once,’ I reply with a chuckle as I leaf through the first few pages. ‘For all you know, I could be a totally rubbish leader! What makes you so sure I can do it?’

  Claudine purses her lips for a moment. ‘You’re likeable, for a start, and I think people will really relate to your story. I think you’d be good at getting the best out of everyone here. You can even fit it around your existing work commitments, until you’re ready to go full-time. Anyway, you don’t have to decide anything right now. Think it over for a few days then give me a ring. My number’s at the back of the folder.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I reply, scrambling round my brain to find some more words. ‘I’ll definitely consider it, and I’ll let you know one way or the other as soon as I can.’

  Claudine smiles and slinks off towards the door, leaving me with the folder that could change my life. I’ve never considered being a group leader before, but the fact she thinks I could do a good job makes me seriously want to consider it. Maybe I could tick figure out what I really want to do with my life off my bucket list. I head towards the door, a goofy smile stuck to my face. This could be the start of a whole new chapter for me.

  Chapter Seventeen

  To say I’m nervous about my gym session with Scott the next day is a gross understatement. Not only is he going on a date with Amanda, aka my worst enemy, but she’s told him all about my past experiences with binge-eating and diet pills. I’ve no idea what he thinks of me, but I also know I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. My past is my past, after all, and I won’t let him judge me for it.

  I arrive at the gym early, find a locker and wait for Scott in the main foyer. As I wait, I see people coming and going, dressed in brightly coloured gym clothes and sporting sweaty faces from their workouts. Although the majority of them look tired, they all look incredibly happy because they’ve just discovered what their bodies are capable of. I can’t wait to feel what they do: utter exhaustion mingled with happiness and a newfound appreciation of what I can do.

  Scott walks into the foyer a few moments later, dressed in a pair of navy gym shorts and matching hoodie. A thin slick of sweat is visible on his brow and he looks like he’s trying to catch his breath. A smaller man in a grey hoodie follows him out, looking as though someone’s run him over with a truck several times. His face is the colour of a cherry tomato and he keeps stopping to take ragged, wheezing breaths.

  ‘That was a good session, Matt,’ Scott says, clapping his client on the back. ‘Same time next week?’

  The poor man can barely answer, but weakly nods before collapsing into a metal foldout chair and letting his head sink to the table in front of him. I feel a little apprehensive; I hope I won’t end up in a crumpled heap like this guy at the end of my session.

  Scott quickly writes down his next appointment with Matt in his phone then turns to look at me. His smile is a little more uncertain than usual, and I’m guessing that has something to do with Amanda weaving her toxic spell. He approaches with caution and doesn’t sit down on the chair opposite mine.

  ‘Ready to get started?’ His tone is cautious, like he doesn’t have a clue what to say to me. I feel my heart sink; Amanda must’ve really painted me in a bad light. He doesn’t seem angry with me, just unsure of how to approach me.

  ‘Sure am!’ I lift up my water bottle and shake it for some unknown reason. Maybe I think it’ll emphasise how keen I am. ‘Where are we going today?’

  Scott nods towards the main gym area and I follow him as he walks round to the studios. This is a good sign, I say to myself; at least he’s not freaked out enough that he doesn’t want to be alone with me.

  ‘So,’ I say when the door closes behind me, ‘what have you got in store for me today? I hope there aren’t any squat thrusts or burpees involved! Don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet.’

  Scott drops a kettlebell on the floor and turns to face me. He tries for a smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

  ‘Listen, Cleo, I was wondering if we could talk before we get started? Take a seat.’

  He gestures to two giant stability balls and sits on one of them. I take a seat on the other and wobble about a little before I find my balance.

  ‘I had a little chat with Amanda last week during our workout session. Is she a friend of yours?’

  ‘Not really,’ I reply, folding my arms and almost toppling off my ball. ‘In fact, I’d say she’s the opposite.’

  ‘She told me about what happened when you were younger, Cleo… About you binge-eating and taking diet pills.’

  ‘I know,’ I reply. ‘She came into the bakery to tell me about it, right after she told me you’re going out for drinks with her.’

  It comes out harsher than I mean it to; I almost sound jealous. Which, of course, I am, but I’d rather not let Scott know that.

  ‘It’s not a date,’ he explains. ‘She’s just giving me some financial advice to help my business grow, that’s all. I’ve got a steady client base here, but I want to expand and… That’s not what’s important right now. Is it true you landed in the hospital because you overdosed on diet pills?’

  His voice is soft and gentle with no judgement in it. He squeezes my hand and I look at him.

  ‘Yeah,’ I manage to choke out, ‘it’s true. I didn’t mean to, I just… Back then, I thought being thin was the be-all and end-all. I thought it would make me happy, so I was prepared to do whatever it took to get there. The diet pills… I just got desperate, OK? I haven’t touched them since they put me in hospital and I never would again! I’m not ashamed of it, Scott, and I’m not going to apologise. It happened and I’ve worked really hard to make sure it doesn’t again!’

  I can feel my words catch in my throat as I struggle to breathe. Tears have welled up in my eyes, but I’m determined to hold them in.

  ‘Hey, hey, hey, it’s OK,’ Scott soothes. ‘Look, I’m the last person who’d judge anybody over something like that. My main aim in what I do is to help people be healthy, not judge them for what happened in the past. I really admire you, you know. God, I hope that didn’t come out patronising! Cleo, you’ve practically walked through fire. And you should never, ever apologise for that to anyone. You’re a bloody warrior.’

  His words make my heart soar and I smile. ‘I like that. Think I might start calling myself Cleo Warrior Princess. What do you think?’

  ‘I think it’s a really well-deserved title!’ Scott chuckles. ‘Listen, why don’t we push the training session back an hour and go and get something to eat? I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.’

  Is this a date, I want to ask. I kind of hope it isn’t, considering I’m in my gym clothes with my hair thrown up in a haphazard bun.

  ‘OK then,’ I say a little uncertainly. ‘Where are we going?’

  *

  Scott’s venue of choice turns out to be a gorgeous modern café round the corner from the gym. It’s the kind of place where sandwiches are served on slate tiles and artisanal breads sit in their reclaimed-timber baskets.

  ‘So,’ Scott says as he passes me a menu,
‘what’s the deal with you and Amanda? She acted like you two were friends, but you said you were the opposite.’

  ‘Can’t we wait till we’ve ordered?’ I ask, hoping he’ll let me play for time. ‘I’m absolutely starving! Now, what should I order? I know I’ll be working out in an hour, but all the same I fancy something chock-full of calories.’

  From the look on his face, I guess Scott knows I’m stalling, but he goes along with it anyway. He pretends to study his menu, but I see him peeking over it and looking at me.

  ‘You know, that’s not helping me decide between the tuna salad and the cheeseburger,’ I say, raising my eyebrows and flashing him what I hope is a wicked grin. Knowing my luck, I’ve made myself look constipated or mildly deranged.

  ‘Sorry.’ I look up just in time to see his cheeks turn a little bit pink. ‘I’m just looking forward to hearing this story, that’s all.’

  ‘Well, I think you owe me a story in return,’ I shoot back, sticking my tongue out at him. ‘Correct me if I’m wrong, but you still haven’t told me how your last relationship ended.’

  ‘Good try,’ he says with a smirk, ‘but this isn’t about me. I’ll tell you everything you want to know if you do the same for me first.’

  I narrow my eyes and lean in a little closer. ‘How do I know I can trust you?’

  ‘You don’t, but a little risk never hurt anyone.’

  The wicked glint in Scott’s eyes does unspeakable things to my insides. My God, he’s sexy.

  ‘So, I believe you were about to tell me about you and Amanda,’ he says, sitting back in his seat. ‘I’m sitting comfortably, so you can begin.’

  There are no more opportunities to stall, so it looks like I’m going to have to tell him everything. Something tells me this won’t be a pleasant conversation.

  ‘OK…’ I pause to take a deep breath, bracing myself for what I’m about to say. ‘Amanda and I were at school together, and we weren’t exactly the best of friends. We always hung out in different social circles; I was with Emma and our friends and Amanda was with the popular crowd. I’m not entirely sure what happened to make her dislike me; it was like she just decided she had it in for me one day. Remember I told you about the bully who saw me eating a burger and chips and started the nickname Chunky Monkey? That was her.’

  Scott’s eyes widen and he shakes his head. ‘God, some people can be so cruel! She seems so nice, the last person you’d think would do something like that.’

  I chuckle. ‘That’s Amanda for you! She has this knack of coming across like a fairy princess when she wants to, while also being like Ursula the Sea Witch from Little Mermaid. When I went back to school after my accident, the bullying really kicked off. Name-calling, pulling my hair, throwing food at me: you name it, Amanda tried it. It was like she enjoyed making me feel miserable for some reason. The thing was, I already did! I felt awful about the way I looked and the kind of person I was; I couldn’t see why anyone would want me in their lives. Without dancing, I felt worthless and Amanda making my life hell was just the cherry on top of a very crappy cake.’

  I pause to gather myself before moving on to the next part. Scott shifts slightly in his seat, but his eyes never leave me.

  ‘Anyway, she sent me an invitation to our ten-year school reunion that she’s organising. It’s in about four weeks at this big, posh hotel in the city and everyone from our school’s going to be there. Emma convinced me to go, so I could show everyone how much I’ve changed. It’s part of the bucket list I told you about. I wanted to do one thing that scared me and… well, this is it! She roped me into making a speech too, which should be a laugh.’

  Scott smiles. ‘That’s one way to kick off your bucket list: speaking in front of loads of people you were at school with! You’ve got balls, that’s for sure. And how many people will be able to say they’ve made a bucket list and are actually trying to complete it?’

  ‘Public speaking has always scared the life out of me,’ I admit. ‘I got a pretty cool offer that might help me change that, though. The founder of Carb Counters, Claudine Parish, said she’d like me to train as a group leader. There’s a whole module on public speaking and that could help me with the speech I’ve got to make at the reunion!’

  ‘Hey, that’s awesome! Amanda won’t know what’s hit her when you step out onto that stage. After what you’ve told me, I think I’ll cancel going for a drink with her. I can get financial advice elsewhere.’

  ‘Look, don’t cancel on her if it’s going to help your business. You said yourself you wanted to expand, so don’t let how she treated me stop you from doing that.’

  His gaze snaps up from the table and his eyes are fixed firmly on me. ‘I hate bullies, Cleo. They can ruin people’s lives; look how Amanda affected yours! I know what it’s like to have someone try and bring you down like that; I was bullied myself at school, and I know how painful it can be. I don’t want to even know someone who could put somebody else through that.’

  Seeing the sadness in his eyes makes my stomach lurch. Although I’m only telling the truth about Amanda – in fact, I’ve even tried to defend her – I still feel bad for putting Scott off her. In theory, she could’ve changed, even though all the evidence I’ve seen so far suggests she hasn’t. I also seem to have brought up unpleasant memories for Scott, which is horrible to see.

  ‘What happened to you?’ I ask softly. My hands twitch as I wonder whether to reach over and touch his, but I decide not to.

  ‘A bloke in the same year as me didn’t like the fact that I was sportier than him. I got picked for the football team and he didn’t, so that kicked everything off. It was like he had to prove himself to people in some way, so he did that by bullying me every opportunity he got. He made friends with some of the bigger lads and got them to jump me one night after footy practice. Ended up with two broken ribs, a busted nose and loads of cuts and bruises. Needless to say, my mum rang the school and we ended up having a sit-down with the other boy and his parents. Turned out he’d been getting bullied himself, by the same lads who jumped me. He wanted to earn their respect, so the easiest way to do that was to make a target out of me.’

  I feel a lump rise in my throat and reach over to put my hands on his. ‘Oh God, Scott, that’s awful. It must’ve been a horrible experience.’

  He moves his hands so they’re on top of mine and squeezes them. ‘It was, but it taught me a lot. Mainly that being myself should always be enough for people and if it isn’t, it’s their problem not mine.’

  The waitress bringing our food over briefly interrupts us, so we break apart and move back to our respective sides of the table. I look down at my tuna salad and can’t wait to dig in, even if I do secretly wish it was a cheeseburger.

  ‘For what it’s worth, I think you’ve proven all those guys wrong. How they treated you says way more about them than it does about you. You’ve dedicated your life to helping people get fit and healthy, including me. I know we’re only on our second session, but… Well, you’ve made a real difference, Scott. In more ways than one.’

  Scott’s face lights up and he looks at me in surprise. ‘That’s awesome to hear, Cleo. I’m really glad I’ve made a difference to you.’

  We stare at each other for a moment, neither of us sure what to do or say next. I see him swallow hard and bite his bottom lip then look at me as a smile slowly spreads across his face. For a second, I think he might lean over the table and kiss me. His head tilts slightly to one side and draws closer to me…

  ‘You haven’t finished your steak sandwich!’ I blurt out, pointing to his plate of half-finished food. ‘You’d better get back to it or the bread will go hard.’

  Really, Cleo? REALLY?!

  Scott sighs and gets out of the booth. ‘You’re right, I don’t want it going to waste.’

  We slip into a companionable silence as we eat, but I feel him looking up at me every so often. I can’t resist having a peek myself; he really is drop-dead gorgeous.

  ‘I
’ve got an idea for after we’re finished here,’ he says, pushing his clear plate to one side. ‘How do you fancy doing a workout that’s a little bit different? The only thing you’ll need is something to play music on.’

  I narrow my eyes and cock my head to one side. ‘That sounds very suspicious. What are you going to do with me?’

  Scott taps his nose. ‘It’s a surprise.’

  Chapter Eighteen

  When Scott pulls up at the Silverdale community centre, I truly have no idea what to expect.

  ‘Have you got something to play music on, or do you have to run home first?’ he asks.

  I fish my phone out of my bag and wiggle it at him. ‘I’ve got Spotify on my phone if that’s any good?’

  ‘Perfect! Come with me.’

  We get out of his car and head towards the community centre. It’s open because there’s a constant stream of craft classes, keep-fit groups and clubs for the elderly on during the day. However, it’s empty right now so Scott and I have the place to ourselves.

  ‘So, come on, what are we going to do that involves just music and no gym equipment?’ I ask, staring round the empty room.

  I can tell Scott’s really enjoying keeping a secret from me. He looks like he’s about to burst with excitement.

  ‘OK, OK, I’ll put you out of your misery. I thought it might be fun to switch things up today and do some dancing. I know you haven’t done it for ages, but I thought it might be fun to give it a go again. Nothing technical or anything, just pick a song you love dancing to and we’ll let loose a bit. What do you say?’