“Before that, Piggy.” She giggled girlishly. “We need to talk… about Chad.”
“What about him?”
“I think we need to invite him round.”
I looked at her, incredulous at such a suggestion, and coming from her today of all days.
“Why?”
“He’s your friend.”
“He was my friend,” I replied.
“No, Zane – he’s still your friend, and he misses you.”
“How’d you know that?”
“Because I’ve spoken to him – quite a few times actually.”
“Why would you do that?” I asked, angry.
I’d thought of him so many times, feeling immense guilt for how I’d treated him, desperate to see him, if only to apologise face to face, and after all this time, Jenna’s been seeing him. I stood up, wanting some fresh air.
“Sit down, now,” she ordered. “I mean it–don’t you dare storm out of this room. Sit down and keep your mouth shut.”
I knew that look, and she wasn’t going to tolerate me mouthing off. I sat down at the other end of the sofa and crossed my arms like a petulant child.
She shook her head at my choice of seating. “For God’s sake, grow up, will you? How often have I sat and listened to you over the last year? I can’t count the times, can you?”
“No,” I grunted in reply.
“So, you’ll listen to me for once and stop acting like a drama queen.”
“I’m not acting like anything, but I’ve not seen, or spoken to Chad in months.”
“And that’s why I want to talk to you about him. We’ve both treated him terribly for something we’re all responsible for.”
“How do you work that one out?”
“You had the affair, he knew you were married, I knew all about it and let it continue, until I decided I didn’t like it.”
There was no mincing her words.
“But.”
“No,” she said, silencing me. “But nothing. If you think about it for one minute, I’m right. I ruined his marriage, me.” She tapped her chest. “And it sits like the weight of the world on my shoulders, but you’re partly responsible too.”
“And if I’d been speaking to him all this time, how would you feel?”
“I don’t know the answer to that, but this is now, and you need to speak to him. Despite everything, he’s a decent man, I know that much. It’s Christmas, and he has nobody here – I can’t handle that.”
I felt guilty too. “He’s the best,” I said. “I miss having him as a friend.”
“Then tell him–you’ve never kicked anyone when they’re down before, and you’re not going to start now.”
Jenna passed her mobile phone to me. “His number’s in my phone, call him.”
“Now?”
“No better time,” she said, getting up. “I’ll leave you to it. I fancy something stronger than wine.”
“You don’t have to leave the room.”
“I trust you–both of you, now call your friend and invite him over tomorrow. Don’t take no for an answer, but tell him breakfast will be cooked and served for nine am, and not to be late.”
Chapter Twenty-one
I climbed out of bed, not wanting to disturb Jenna.
Christmas Day had been long and tiring. We were both shattered by the time we snuggled up and drifted off.
Looking at the clock, I sighed. It was only five am, but I was wide awake, my mind buzzing with memories I wanted to forget.
Chad.
I thought I’d put that part of my life behind me, but Jenna’s confession yesterday threw my thoughts into disarray.
Walking quietly out of the bedroom and closing the door, I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen, enjoying the silence.
Hopefully, the girls would sleep in a little later than they had yesterday, and I’d use the time I had now to prepare lunch. The beef would need to go in the oven and veg would need peeling too. I might as well get it out of the way, then Jenna can relax.
I looked at the clock again. In just under three hours, Chad would be here, like nothing had happened between us all.
*
I’d just put the bacon under the grill as the doorbell rang.
“Zane, door,” Jenna shouted from upstairs, as though I’d lost my hearing.
“I heard it,” I replied, sounding sharper than I’d meant to.
I walked up the hallway and momentarily paused, suddenly terrified of the person on the other side of the door.
The bell rang again.
“Zane,” Jenna screeched.
“Got it.” My hand hovered above the door handle.
Just open the door.
Pulling the door open, I held my breath.
And there he was, that same handsome face, smiling at me.
“Hello, stranger,” was all I could think of to say. “Merry Christmas.” I held my hand out.
“Merry Christmas to you too,” he replied, shaking my hand, and suddenly, even after last night’s polite phone-call, I felt awkward. “Are you gonna invite me in then?”
“Sorry, yes.” I stepped aside to let him in, and without asking, virtually shook him out of his coat and wrenched the gift bag out of his hand. “Let me hang that up for you.”
Right then, Jenna and the girls walked down the stairs and toward us.
“Hi, Jenna,” Chad said, stepping forward and kissing her on both cheeks.
“Merry Christmas,” she said, disregarding the kisses and pulling him into a hug. “I’m so pleased you came.”
He returned the hug, and as he did, Jenna winked at me.
“I wasn’t going to turn down a home cooked meal, especially if he’s cooking.” He pulled away and nodded at me, grinning.
The girls stared up at him.
“Say hello to Uncle Chad,” Jenna prodded.
“Hello,” they replied before rushing off into their playroom.
“Sorry about that, but you don’t hold the same excitement as a room full of new toys.” I passed the bag back to him.
“It’s okay,” he replied, “These are for the girls – I hope they like them.”
“You didn’t have to, but thank you,” I replied. “Do you want to give them their gifts now?”
“No, leave them to play, besides, whatever you’re cooking smells good, and I’m starving.”
“Shit,” I remembered, “The bacon.” I rushed off into the kitchen.
“Language, Zane,” Jenna said, following me. “You know they repeat everything you say.”
“Yes, Daddy, you should know better than that,” Chad teased, bringing up the rear.
I opened the grill door and wafted the steam away with a tea towel.
They laughed like a pair of naughty schoolkids. It occurred to me how similar their personalities were, and how much they had in common. Them being friends didn’t seem as odd once I’d thought about it.
“Are you cooking that bacon, or cremating it?” Jenna commented, a wicked grin on her face.
“Shut it,” I replied, jokingly. “Or you’ll both go hungry.”
“Fine,” Chad joked. “Just means you’re babysitting while Jenna and I start on the brandy I’ve stashed in this gift bag.”
Laughing along with them, I felt the tension easing.
Today would be a good day.
Chapter Twenty-two
I was nervous meeting him, even though I’d seen him on Boxing Day.
It had taken me a while to persuade him he was welcome, but Jenna, annoyed at the dithering had snatched the phone and told Chad it wasn’t up for discussion, and he would be expected, and that if he wasn’t there, she would come and get him.
There was no discussion about the past and whilst we all knew, there would be, it wasn’t the right time.
In the end, I’d worried about nothing and we had an amazing day. The girls fell in love with him, and that was before he presented them with their gifts.
It was a cold January d
ay and I didn’t feel like going out, but Jenna wanted me out from under her feet, so I arranged to meet Chad in a local bar.
Sitting there, I chewed nervously at my fingers, and seeing him walk through the doors, my heart all but stopped. Not because of anything else, other than it was so good to see him again. He still looked amazing, but the feelings I had before weren’t there anymore. I loved him as my friend, and I hoped he felt the same way.
We would be alone together for the first time and I knew the conversation would inevitably turn to our past.
He spotted me, smiled and walked over.
What do I do now? It was never this difficult.
Do I stand up, hug him, or shake his hand? I wasn’t sure how to react to him, but he took the decision away from me.
“Am I gonna get a hug, or not?
I stood up and wrapped my arms around him. He slapped my back, and everything felt different.
“How are you?” I asked.
“Relieved to see you. I thought Boxing Day was gonna be it and I’d never see you again.”
“It was so good to see you, but I admit, I was surprised Jenna had kept in touch.”
“Well, that’s a remarkable woman you call your wife–you’re a lucky man, and it meant a lot to me, spending time with you all like that after everything I did.”
“Everything we did.” I corrected him. “I’m sorry,” I said. “For all of the bad times.”
“I won’t lie and say it wasn’t hard, but I think I’m just about over it now,” he replied.
“You think?”
“A part of me will always have feelings for you, Zane, but I know where I stand, and I’m happy with the status quo.”
It didn’t feel right acknowledging his feelings, and what was I going to say in return anyway?
“She’s the only person that can shock me as much as she does.”
“She called me every week, just to check in, you know? She’s some woman, and you don’t deserve her.” He winked at me.
“I won’t argue with that, but forget that for the moment and tell me what you’ve been up to.”
“Still working.”
“And, Melissa?”
“Long gone, but everything is amicable, which, considering what I did to her, turned out better than I expected.”
“I’m glad to hear it. Did she go back to the States?”
“Yeah, and she’s met somebody else, which I’m happy about. She deserves to be with somebody who is devoted to her.”
“And you?” I asked, weirdly nervous about what the answer would be.
“Yes, I’ve met someone, but we’re taking things one step at a time.”
“I’m pleased,” I lied. I didn’t love him in that way, but I struggled knowing he was with somebody else. “Man, or woman.”
“Man,” he answered. “About time I stopped lying about myself.”
“What’s his name?”
“Are you sure you wanna know?”
“I wouldn’t have asked,” I replied, a little abruptly.
He looked at me, his eyebrow arched.
“His name is Dylan and he works on Anal Treet.”
We both laughed.
“You sure know how to pick them.”
“He’s a sweet guy, but I’m under no illusions. He works in Gay Town, so his head could be turned anytime.”
“If he cheats on you, then I’ll kick his arse. You deserve to be happy.”
And that was that. The last time we ever talked about us.
*
I wasn’t the slightest bit nervous about Zane meeting Chad.
They’d be sitting in the bar right about now, and I didn’t care.
I trusted both of them.
To move forward, I had to forgive and forget the past, not in half measures, or when it suited me, but totally.
Zane had argued against going, but his constant presence was driving me mad – we’d never had the kind of marriage where we were tied to one another twenty-four hours a day. It wasn’t what either of us wanted. Going down that route, we’d end up feeling imprisoned in our relationship, hating one another, and we’d been through too much to fail now.
I was settled on the sofa with a glass of wine and some left-over casserole.
Once again, my adorable little girls had been swept away by their ever-loving grandparents and the house felt tranquil. All was as it should be and after a couple of glasses of wine, I felt more relaxed than I had in a long time.
Feeling a little full after eating, I popped my jeans.
Where the idea came from I don’t know, but I reached for my phone and found the hidden app that contained the video of Zane and Chad in the woods.
Suddenly, I felt guilty, knowing the file should have been deleted a long time ago.
I hadn’t watched the video since I confronted my husband, and clicking the play button, the arousal at the memory alone was instantly heightened upon hearing Zane moan with pleasure as Chad fucked him.
Why? I thought to myself. After all we’ve been through? I felt conflicted. Why did I still enjoy watching them together?
I stopped the video.
Angry with myself, I couldn’t shake how incredibly aroused I felt and before I could talk myself out of it, I pressed play again, allowing my hand to wander.
Chapter Twenty-three
“We’re back,” I shouted, opening the door, the delicious smell wafting up the hallway.
Jenna came out of the kitchen, looking sensational, a huge smile across her beautiful face.
“Hello, stranger,” she said, embracing Chad and hugging him tightly. “How are you?”
Chad kissed her cheek. “All good. What about you?”
“Same old,” she answered. “I hope you’re hungry?”
“Starving,” I replied. “What’s on the menu?”
“Well, first off, the girls are staying at your parents’ tonight, so we can all get sloshed, so go and entertain them for an hour whilst I finish chopping and peeling. We’re having steak, twice baked chips, and plenty of veg–that okay?”
“Twice baked chips? Oh, sod off, Jen, we don’t need all that posh stuff.”
She rolled her eyes at me. “Don’t eat it if you don’t want it.”
“Delicious,” Chad replied, trying to diffuse the situation.
“Come on then, let’s go and see the little terrors,” I said. “Where are they?”
“The garden, where else? That slide is the best money we ever spent. Make sure they’ve still got their coats and gloves on–I keep telling them it’s too cold without them.”
Chapter Twenty-four
Chad spent a lot of time with us over the next few weeks, and we got to meet Dylan, eventually.
He was a nice guy, but both Jenna and I agreed they seemed mismatched, but who knew what the future held for them–opposites did attract. Whatever the outcome, it was nice to see Chad happy.
*
Jenna had invited Chad for an early dinner, and as per usual, we’d had a great time. It felt like he was part of the family.
He was travelling to the Lake District to visit some old college friends. I was invited too, but even through Jenna’s protests that she trusted me, I thought it was too soon to be spending time apart.
“I’ll call you both in a few days,” Chad said, walking toward the front door. “There’s never a decent signal in the Lakes, but if I can get online, I’ll say hey.”
“Drive safely, buddy,” I said, as Jenna hollered from the kitchen.
“Don’t you dare leave before kissing me goodbye,” she said.
“As if,” he replied, throwing his arms around Jenna and hugging her tightly, kissing her cheek.
The two had become extremely close, and at times, it seemed their own friendship had surpassed that of mine and Chad’s.
“See you soon, buddy,” he said, embracing me.
“Call me when you’re back and the four of us can go out for the evening–cinema, a meal, whatever you fancy.”
“Sounds good.” He turned and smiled before walking out of the door. “I gotta run, traffic will be murder.”
*
Later that evening, we settled the girls into bed and snuggled up on the sofa to watch Dancing with the Stars.
Now, it wasn’t my favourite programme in the world, but a deal is a deal. And this particular deal was – I would watch what Jenna wanted and she would watch Top Gear with me.
I rolled my eyes as some Z-List female American celebrity I didn’t know twirled badly around the ballroom floor, galumphing about with all the grace of a charging hippopotamus. The celebrity finished her routine to a standing ovation from the studio audience. I shook my head as Jenna clapped along with them.
“What are you clapping for?” I asked, incredulous. “She was shite.”
“I’d like to see you do better,” Jenna snapped, hating it when I offered my personal critique.
“Erm,” I replied, slightly offended. “You know I can dance.”
“Not like that you can’t.”
“Thank God,” I added, sarcastically. “She looked like she was being dragged around the floor by Fred Flintstone.”
“If you’re going to sit there and yap all the way through my programme, go upstairs and watch the bedroom TV. You’re getting on my nerves.”
I roared laughing. She took reality shows so seriously, and God help me if I dared criticise the many others she watched.
Decided to let her enjoy the dancing, I shut my mouth as the landline rang.
“Oh, bloody hell,” she moaned at the interruption. “I’m turning all the phones off next week.”
I was of a mind to let it ring out, thinking it was a marketing call offering half priced double glazing, or something similar, but I could see it annoying Jenna so jumped up quickly as she glued her beautiful eyes to the screen once again.
“Hello,” I said.
I didn’t recognise the voice on the other end, and as he spoke, an icy chill crept through my veins. Did I hear right? “An accident,” I said. “When?”
Jenna muted the television and jumped out of her seat, rushing to stand next to me, trying to listen in on the conversation.
Till Death Us Do Part Page 6