Comfort and Joy

by Alexa Land

  Sure, over the last few days, I’d been a different person. I’d been happier and more relaxed than ever before, and I’d barely even thought about work, which usually weighed heavily on my mind. But could I really be like that all the time?

  It was hard to imagine a version of my life that didn’t totally revolve around my job. It wasn’t even that the company expected me to work as much as I did. They obviously didn’t discourage it either, but I was the one who put all that pressure on myself. I felt I needed to put in those long hours so I could get ahead and become a success…but at what cost?

  I’d busted my ass in college and grad school, working two and three jobs at a time while struggling to get by. I told myself I was doing it so I’d have a secure future. But I didn’t even know what that meant anymore.

  Once I reached San Francisco, I drove straight to one of the skyscrapers in the Financial District and pulled into its deserted parking garage. The building was locked up for the holidays, so I had to check in at the security desk. The guard seemed surprised to see me, and as I showed him my I.D. and signed in, he asked, “Are they really making you work on Christmas?” When I told him I was there by choice, he muttered, “Alright,” under his breath before buzzing me in.

  When I stepped out of the elevator on the twenty-third floor, I paused in my office’s gray and white lobby and looked around. It was pristine, perfect, and sterile. The only nod to the holidays was a set of three small ‘trees’ in one corner, which actually consisted of spiral cones of white lights.

  I wandered through the office to my cubicle, with its four-foot-high gray walls. In the six months I’d worked there, I’d never even bothered to personalize the space where I spent the majority of my life.

  As I sat at my desk, I pulled open the drawers one by one. Everything was neat and tidy. There was nothing of mine in them, aside from some energy bars, which I didn’t like but ate anyway when I was too busy to stop for a meal.

  I got up and wandered to the end of the rows of cubicles. There were offices along the wall, which were basically glass boxes with wonderful views of the city…except that all the executives sat with their backs to that view, because it was distracting.

  If I worked hard and did a good job, that was really the best I could hope for, to move from a cubicle to a glass box with a view I couldn’t enjoy. That wouldn’t happen any time soon, of course. It took years for that type of promotion. Sure, a big pay increase would come with it, but what good would that do? I didn’t even have time to enjoy the money I made now.

  I’d always told myself it was all about security. But what was secure about any of this? If the company got into financial trouble and had to make cutbacks, they’d fire me in a heartbeat. That was just a fact. I knew it, and everyone else did, too. We were all expendable.

  My boss’s office was the one in the corner, the most coveted of all the glass boxes. The door was open, so I went inside and sat in his chair. Then I turned around, facing away from the huge desk, so I could actually see the view.

  I sat there for more than an hour, thinking about my life as I watched the city, which practically pulsated with life and energy. San Francisco was gorgeous, especially from up high. I’d wanted to live here more than anything when I was growing up in that worn-out farmhouse, behind the church where my father preached about how people like me were going to hell. Back then, San Francisco represented freedom, and success. I imagined a life of going out every evening to nice restaurants, meeting friends for nights on the town, dating…

  Except, I didn’t do any of that.

  Instead, I worked all day and went right back to my tiny apartment, because I was too drained to go out and have fun. That was such a waste. It really was a great city, even if it wasn’t the utopia I’d dreamed of as a kid.

  The only problem was that the literal and figurative cost of living in San Francisco was way too high. In order to afford the city, I had to toil away at a job that crushed my soul. And if living here meant giving up Dakota, then it absolutely wasn’t worth it!

  It was a harsh wake-up call when I realized the last decade of my life had been a mistake. Literally a decade. I remembered meeting with my guidance counselor when I was fifteen and trying to narrow down a career. There was a huge focus on that in my high school, on choosing a path and making a plan. It seemed ridiculous now. How could a fifteen- or sixteen-year-old possibly know what they wanted to do with their lives, when they didn’t even know who they were yet?

  I’d thought I knew what I needed back then, so I chose a career in business and set my sights on an MBA. That meant money and success. It meant being able to take care of myself, because no one else would. I always knew my parents would kick me out as soon as they found out the truth about me. But if I made lots of money, it wouldn’t matter, because I’d be able to stand on my own two feet. I thought I had it all figured out. I couldn’t control what my parents did, but I could make sure I was okay.

  As it turned out though, this job wasn’t what I wanted. How could I spend the next forty years in a sterile office with windows that wouldn’t open, writing reports that accomplished nothing, besides making an obscenely rich company even richer? Life had to be about more than that. It just had to.

  I had no idea what I’d do once I left here, or what kind of job I’d find. But one thing was clear. It absolutely couldn’t overshadow my relationship with Dakota, because I needed that man in my life.

  He made me happy, but there was so much more to it, too. I wanted to take care of him, and let him take care of me. I wanted us to build a life together. I wanted to be the person I’d started to become when I was with him, someone who laughed and had fun and actually slept at night.

  Most of all, I just wanted him. Dakota was absolutely everything. He was kind, genuine, fun, and a million other good things. He deserved a man who was going to treat him like the treasure he was, not as an afterthought.

  I’d known that all along, but I’d thought it would be tough to take the leap and actually commit. It wasn’t, though. All I had to do was take that first step.

  I found a pen and paper and scrawled a note. It said: I quit, effective immediately, and I signed my name. I left it on my boss’s desk and hurried from the glass box, past the uniform rows of gray cubicles.

  Just then, a phone started to ring. As I got closer, I realized it was the one on my desk. When I answered, the security guard said, “Mr. Jorgensen? You have a visitor.”

  “Who is it?”

  “Some guy called Dakota North. I thought that sounded made up, so I checked his I.D. Sure enough, that’s his name.”

  My breath caught, and I said, “Please send him up.” Then I ran my hands over my hair and went into the lobby, where I waited as my heart raced.

  A minute later, the elevator opened, and Dakota stepped out. He was wearing the hat and scarf I’d made for him, his backpack was slung over his shoulder, and he was carrying our cat in that blue plastic carrier.

  When he saw me, he put down his things and raised his hand in a ‘stop’ gesture. “Before you say anything, just let me get this out,” he said. “On the drive over here, I kept trying to find the right words to say to you, but all I have is this—we belong together, Jed. That’s the bottom line. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything, and you know what? That scares the hell out of me. I’ve been burned before, and it’s really fucking hard to put myself out there again. That’s why I took a step back and tried to play it cool when it was time for you to go back home. But screw that! You need to know how I feel, and we have to figure out how we’re going to make this work, so here I am.”

  I closed the gap between us and kissed him. It was intense and passionate, and I felt it all the way down to my toes. Then I told him, “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “Really?”

  “God yes.” A smile spread across his face, and I said, “I just quit my job and was coming to find you. It’s lucky we didn’t miss each other.”

  �
�You quit? I thought your career meant everything to you.”

  “It did, but that’s so messed up! Nobody’s job should be all-consuming.”

  “But you don’t have to quit. I’ll find a job as a bartender here in San Francisco, and we can work around your schedule.”

  “You don’t really want to give up your bar.”

  “I do if it’s standing in the way of us being together.”

  “We’ll need to figure out our job situation,” I said, “but there’s something much more important we need to do first.”

  “What’s that?”

  “We need to go into my boss’s office, and you need to bend me over his desk and fuck me.”

  Dakota grinned, and after a moment he blurted, “Wait, you’re serious!”

  “Absolutely.”

  He grabbed his backpack. “Good thing I shoved a million condoms and some lube in here before we left for the lodge.” Then he crouched down and said, “What about Noel, though? He’s been cooped up in here for the last three hours.”

  “Turn him loose. There’s no one else in the office, so he can explore while we have some fun. Also, Noel is a terrible name.”

  “I know, I kind of hate it. What about Kris, as in Kringle?” He opened the door to the carrier, and the cat stepped out, sat down, and began grooming himself.

  “Let’s just say no to kitschy Christmas names,” I said, as I took Dakota’s hand and led him through the office. “How about Shadow?”

  “Clichéd.”

  “You’re right. Marco?”

  “Only if we get a second cat named Polo.”

  “That’s one cat too many. How about Ferdinand?”

  “Meh.”

  “Gustav?”

  Dakota grinned at me. “Really?”

  “Yeah, I got nothing. Well, the good news is, we have plenty of time to come up with the perfect name for him.”

  “Or her. Do we actually know it’s a boy?”

  “No, we don’t,” I said. “Did you ever schedule a vet appointment for him? Or her?”

  “Yeah, but they couldn’t fit us in until Friday.”

  “We should wait and come up with a name once we know the cat’s gender.”

  “You’re right.”

  A few moments later, we arrived at my boss’s corner office, and I said, “Welcome to our love pit.”

  “Wow, a love pit with a view. Very nice. I’m going to pounce on you now, so be ready.”

  I started laughing as he grabbed me and planted a big, wet kiss on my neck, and I pulled him down onto the area rug. We stripped and explored each other with our mouths and tongues and hands, and when we were both achingly hard, I got up and rested my elbows on the desktop. Then I flashed him a smile over my shoulder and said, “Would you fuck me already?”

  Dakota gave my raised ass a playful slap. “I would say keep your pants on, but that’s the worst suggestion ever.” He grabbed a handful of condoms and tossed them onto the desk, and then he found the lube and started fingering me open while I bucked on his hand.

  By the time he put on a rubber and pressed his cock against my hole, I was begging him to fuck me. Still though, he took his time, pushing into me inch by inch while I got used to it. Once my body relaxed and opened up, he began thrusting into me, and I said, “Harder.” He was more than happy to comply, and before long, I was slamming myself back onto his cock while I braced both hands on the desk.

  I loved everything about it, from the feeling of his cock stretching me to the way the sound of our bodies colliding shattered the silence in that big, empty office. He started jerking me off, and moments later, I cried out and shot all over the front of that highly polished desk. Dakota growled, “Oh fuck,” and then he wrapped his arm around me and came with a series of thrusts that almost lifted me off my feet.

  By the time we finished, both of us were exhausted. He kissed my neck and shoulder and wrapped his arms around me as we caught our breath. Then he eased his cock from my body. When I turned to face him, he kissed me and caressed my hair as he held me securely.

  Once our legs stopped shaking, we cleaned up in the executives’ restroom before returning to the corner office, and Dakota asked, “What do you think, do we leave it like this?”

  There was a splash of cum across the front of the desk, and condoms littered its surface like confetti. I said, “Nah, he wasn’t a bad boss. It was just the wrong job. Let’s clean it up.”

  When the office was back to normal, he sat down on the black leather chair, and I curled up in his lap. We were still naked, and he rocked us as we took some time to enjoy the view. After a while, he said, “Turns out, I actually enjoy corporate America.”

  I chuckled at that. “You mean you enjoy fucking in an office.”

  “Exactly.”

  Eventually, the cat wandered in and stared at us. I climbed off Dakota’s lap and told the little animal, “Okay, okay, we’re going. Let me find my pants.”

  Once we were dressed, I picked up the cat and kissed the top of his head, and then I looked around and found my resignation letter, which had fallen on the floor. Dakota grabbed his backpack and asked, “Are you absolutely sure about quitting? Maybe you could just cut back to a normal forty-hour work week.”

  “I’m sure,” I said, as I returned the letter to the center of the desk. “This isn’t where I belong.”

  We picked up the pet carrier on the way through the lobby. Once we boarded the elevator, I adjusted Dakota’s knit scarf and said, “I see my brother found you.”

  “He did. When I said I wanted to talk to you, he told me where you were. Then he took over my holiday open house and literally shoved me out the door.”

  “Jessie’s pretty awesome.”

  “Agreed.”

  His truck was parked right beside my rented SUV in the otherwise empty garage. After I unlocked the door and put the cat on the passenger seat, I turned to Dakota and said, “Let’s go celebrate Christmas, and then we can spend tonight in my apartment. Tomorrow, we’ll figure out what to do next.”

  “You won’t regret this, Jed. I promise.”

  A huge smile spread across my face, and I kissed him before saying, “I already know that.”

  Epilogue

  Fourth of July weekend in the Sierras was glorious. The sky was perfectly blue, and it was so peaceful. The only sounds were the wind rustling through the pines, and my boyfriend and brother-in-law making up kid-friendly curse words as they failed spectacularly at a DIY project.

  I took a sip of lemonade and watched as Ryder tried to catch the cat, who easily evaded the grabby toddler. After a while, my nephew gave up and went after a butterfly instead, which he also had no hope of catching.

  Jessie was sitting right beside me on my new patio set, and he pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head as he asked, “Are you sure about this?”

  “Positive.”

  “But you took six months to name the cat, and what you finally came up with was Voldemort.”

  “Right. He who shall not be named.”

  My brother shot me a look and said, “The cat’s a girl, Jed.”

  “So?”

  After a beat, he said, “Nothing. It’s perfect.”

  “I know.” Izzy strolled out of the sun porch with a parasol and her new cat, a gray Maine Coon that was almost as big as her brother. She’d dressed the animal in a skirt and sunbonnet, and I said, “Your cat’s named Dr. Pickles, so you’re one to talk.”

  Jessie returned his sunglasses to the bridge of his nose. “My daughter named him.”

  Izzy overheard that, and she clicked her tongue and yelled, “Nuh uh Daddy, don’t fib! You know I wanted to name him Iron Man, but you wanted Dr. Pickles and we took a vote and you won.”

  I chuckled at that and said, “For shame, Jess. You could have had a cat named Iron Man, but instead you outvoted your own daughter.”

  He grinned at me. “Dr. Pickles is pretty funny, though.”

  “And Iron Man isn’t?”


  Izzy joined her brother at the far side of the clearing, and the kids started to pick the tiny white flowers that grew wild all over the place. After a while, Jessie gestured at Dakota and Kai, who were attempting to set the supports for a volleyball net in quick-drying cement, and asked, “Do you think we should help them?”

  “Nah, they love that shit. It’s best to just leave them to it.”

  “They suck at it, though. Case in point.” Jessie indicated the post and basketball hoop they’re tried to install a month ago, which leaned at about a thirty-degree angle.

  “Oh, no question. But it’s fun for them. And me.” I grinned as Dakota bent over, and I got a perfect view of his ass in his tight jeans.

  “It’s cute how you’re so gaga over your man. I miss the honeymoon phase.”

  “Please. You and Kai are in the longest honeymoon phase in history. We all see the way you two look at each other.”

  “That’s true, actually.” He took a sip of lemonade before asking, “Have you decided to take Dante up on his offer of partnering with you to open a bar in San Francisco?”

  “You’ve asked me that five times a day since you got here.”

  “I know. So, have you decided yet?”

  “Not in the last hour, no.”

  “Well, why not?”

  “It’s a big decision! Look around, Jessie. Would you want to trade this sunshine and fresh air for crowds and traffic?”

  “Absolutely.” I chuckled at that, and he said, “I get it, you love it out here. But San Francisco’s where your family is, Jed. I’ve even been trying to convince Ruthie and her husband to move up from San Diego, and they’re actually considering it. Now all we need is you.”

  “We visit twice a month. It’s not like you never see us.”

  “I know, and we love that,” he said. “But it’d be great to have you nearby. And it’s not like you’d have to give up the cabin. It’s here whenever you want a getaway.”

  A few minutes later, Kai and Dakota finished their project, and Jessie got up and said, “I’m going to herd my husband to the car, before they think of something else to do.”