Hoax

by Lila Felix

  Abel

  The girl was amazing. I’ve never in my life seen someone have so much fun driving a damned lawnmower, but then again she made everything good, made everything fun. When it started up and she drove it, after riding with me for quite a while, I didn’t have to look at her mouth to know that she was smiling. That was the great thing about Corinne. Everything about her could be told by just looking into her eyes. The way the almond shapes crinkled in the corners closest to her nose. Sometimes when she thought I was bullshitting her or didn’t believe what I said she blinked and kept her eyes closed a few seconds longer than necessary. And when she knew for sure that I was full of crap, her left eyebrow would curve upwards almost as if raising its hand in a classroom. “Teacher, teacher, that Abel kid is bat crap crazy.”

  And if it was possible, if I was lucky enough for it to be true, the last few times I’ve gotten close to her the brown pools of her eyes darkened slightly, like brewed coffee rippling in a white cup with new emotion. She looked to the side and tried to hide the heat she felt between us but I saw that glimpse of lust, that moment of seduction. And in that moment, our relationship evolved, changed from a purely innocent dating scenario to something a whole lot more edgy. My gaze on her changed from the initial doe eyed infatuation to a burning glare more lust than crush, more desire than I ever expected to have to contain. It was unnerving and addictive at once.

  So that’s when my mouth decided to release some of this newfound attraction with words. I walked in after her and not because I watched her while I stalked through the backyard while she removed her shoes and socks at the backdoor while bending over. No, it had nothing to do with that. I closed the door and had no choice but to take in the scene before me. She lay face down on the shiny wood floors. I’m sure she had some motive other than torturing me but I couldn’t figure one out.

  And here she was sprawled out on the floor moaning and sighing every time she turned her face one side or the other. I wanted to pull her up by the belt loops of her pants and tell her to never ever do that again in front of any specimen of the male species, again, ever, never.

  “What I wouldn’t give to be that floor right now.” I grumbled to myself and simultaneously I saw her hands clench into fists. There’s no way she heard that.

  I walked around her, so tempted to flop down on the floor next to her, got a bottle of water and washed my hands in the sink. She said something about getting a cold shower and eating dinner. I needed a shower too but I didn’t restock my truck with extra clothes. She made her way up the stairs and I took my cue to high tail it out of there and get myself ready.

  I went home, showered, changed and went back to the house. As soon as I opened the side door my stomach jumped up at the smells that permeated the house. After enduring the heat all day my stomach didn’t even register hunger until the aromas from her cooking infiltrated my nose.

  I turned the corner into the kitchen and she perched on the counter, head leaning back on the cabinets behind her and revealing the length of her glorious tanned throat. It glistened a bit in the remaining sunlight that casted down through the over-sink window. I leaned against the door jamb, content to take her in like this. My lust and desire calmed by her pure and serene beauty. I vowed to myself right then and there not to let my hormones get ahead of giving her all the love she deserved. My priorities shifted like tectonic plates within me. But that also didn’t mean I wanted to kiss her senseless any less.

  I walked over to her, unable to stay that far away from her for too long. I put my hands on either side of her waist and she came to life again, smiling at me like I was everything she wanted. Her feet rubbed along the sides of my thighs playfully.

  “Hi,” she said as she combed her fingers through my still damp hair.

  “Hi. Something smells great.”

  “Chicken.” She said and moved to get off of the counter but I didn’t move quick enough. She slid, feet to chest, down to a standing position, every part of her touching every part of me. I bit the inside of my cheek so hard that I tasted blood. Her eyes widened for the briefest moment before she cleared her throat and moved towards the stove. I broke away from the counter and sat at the island.

  “Anything I can do,” I asked.

  “Yeah, you can fix the drinks. I made some raspberry lemonade earlier.”

  I did her bidding. How could I not? We ate in almost constant silence. We moved together to clean up and did so quickly. We faced each other, no blaring reasons for me to stay but I was desperate to find one.

  “Can you stay a while or do you need to go?” She looked at the floor.

  I closed chasm between us and took her hands in mine and said, “I will stay as long as you will let me.”

  “Okay,” She said. We went outside and lay in the lounge chairs around the pool listening to music coming from her iPod. One of my favorite bands, Silent Film, came on and I remembered that I had bought two tickets for the show in Shreveport on July fourth weekend.

  “You like them?” I nodded my head towards the speakers.

  “Silent Film? Yeah, I’ve liked them forever.”

  “What if I told you that I’ve got tickets for their concert in Shreveport in two weeks?”

  She nearly jumped off of the lounge chair. “Don’t tease.”

  “I never tease,” She blinked her eyes slowly, a sign that she knew I was full of it. “Ok, sometimes I tease, but not this time.”

  “How many tickets?”

  “Two,” I wanted to hear her say it.

  “Who is the other one for,” She squinted her eyes, daring me to drag it out more.

  “Well, there’s this great girl I know. She’s unbelievably gorgeous and when she smiles her eyes light up.”

  “Well, I hope you two have a good time.” She slunk back down into her lounge chair and smirked.

  “Ok, but I might get so caught up in the music that I just may kiss her. You never know with those sorts of things.”

  “Ugh…stop picking on me already.” I let her squirm for a few more seconds before I answered.

  “Come on Corinne, you know you want to go with me and you also know there’s no one else I’d rather take but you.”

  “Ok, on one condition. This weekend, you let me take you somewhere.”

  My mind flooded with scenarios that revolved around her taking me somewhere in town and running into my jerks/friends. Blood pumped in my temples thinking about it. I got a grip on myself, enough to answer her.

  “Where?”

  “Maybe Ruston? They have a drive in movie theatre that plays horror movies all Saturday night.”

  My heart and stomach dropped back down into their rightful places, relieved at her prospects.

  “Oh, so, you want to get me into the drive-in and have your way with me? I get it.”

  I expected the slap on the leg or the eye-roll or something from her. That’s what most guys got when they made devious comments like that one. I should’ve known better.

  “No denying that.”

  She got up and said, “It’s late. I’m going to go to bed now. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  I nodded, still stunned, got up and then walked to my truck. Did she just say what I think she said?

  Corinne

  I needed my head checked, and my mouth checked. Those two were like the devil incarnate. My brain thought it and my mouth circumvented its filter and just blurted crap out. No shame at all. And I was usually able to control my mouth like a ninja. I mean seriously, if you didn’t control your mouth at Wellsley, it was your ass—literally. Until you were out of the fifth grade you were liable to get popped with the paddle which perched behind Headmistress Ingrams on the wall like the eyes of God. But in front of Abel I had no restraint. None.

  I basically just told him that I wanted to go to the movies and make out with him. How did that happen? One minute we’re planning a date all innocent and sweet and the next minute, BAM! Not that it wasn’t true. And call me crazy, but the boy had som
e kind of throat fetish. Every time I leaned back or looked up his eyes planted firmly on my neck.

  The rest of the week went by fast, probably because I worked my butt off painting the laundry room at Angela’s request. She picked out the color and the rest of the house was awesome but the color she picked for the laundry room was brown. Not a fashionable brown, more like Snuffaluffagus brown. Abel walked in while I painted the last stroke of the last coat and his snicker slowly turned into a full blown, doubled over laugh.

  “Please tell me you didn’t pick this color out. It looks like sh—crap.”

  “No, Angela picked it out online. I just picked it up last night. Seriously, you should’ve seen the lady’s face. She kept looking from the paint to the computer screen and then she put the top back on and ran it through the shaker again. It didn’t help.”

  I put the lid back on the paint and washed the brushes out. Abel stood in the laundry room still.

  “It doesn’t get any better, no matter how long you look at it. Trust me.”

  “No, you did a really clean job.”

  “Yeah, more home management training.”

  “You must’ve Aced it. Ok, I’m gone for the day. What time tomorrow?” He walked backwards towards the door as he said it.

  “Five? That way we can drive to Ruston before it gets too late.” He stopped at the door. Then he stalked towards me and my eyes widened. There’s no telling what he was up to. He walked until his chest barely touched mine.

  “This time I’m going to keep you right next to me. We don’t want you jumping into the next car, do we?”

  I shook my head ‘no’ and he chuckled as he walked out. I smacked myself in the forehead. Idiot.

  I cleaned up the rest of the painting mess and showered. I went back downstairs in my pajamas and made my own personal spinach and artichoke pizza. I sat down to watch two ultra-cheesy scary movies on TV, one zombie and one exorcism. I watched the exorcism one first, those usually freaked me out worse than zombies ever could. I took a break in between movies to clean up the kitchen and grab some ice cream. I turned on the zombie movie and got a text from Abel.

  Abel: Zombie movie marathon on TV.

  Me: Watching it.

  Abel: Alone?

  Me: Um, no, it’s orgy night. Duh.

  Abel: That’s against the rules. I’m telling.

  Me: Kill Joy.

  Abel: Call me later?

  Me: Yeah

  I turned out most of the lights before settling back into the couch with my strawberry cheesecake ice cream. The zombies were not scream worthy, maybe eye-roll worthy and the blood looked like fruit punch. But still, it was better than anything else on. I turned at the sound of something scratching at the window near the front of the house. I put down my bowl and walked towards the front to see what made the sound. I didn’t see anything out of the window, so I flipped off the dark night for scaring me and went back to the couch. As I passed through the threshold I could see the backdoor now open. I ran to shut it and lock it.

  Ok, Corinne, you’ve been watching too many scary movies. It was just the wind. It’s supposed to rain tonight. No big deal. Quit freaking out.

  Then I heard another noise outside and I really freaked out. I got on the phone and called the police, feeling like such a goon for doing so but needing to feel safe at the same time. I stayed on the phone with the dispatch lady until a squad car arrived in the driveway. Officer Langley, that’s what his shirt said, searched the house and outside the house with the most enormous flashlight I’d ever seen. He deemed the area clear and gave me his card in case I needed anything in the future. I hoped I didn’t. But I still was uneasy, so I called Abel.

  “Hello?” He answered and it sounded like he may have been asleep.

  “Hey, you were asleep, I’m sorry.” My voice sounded so much smaller than I wanted it to. I didn’t want to scare him or have him running over here in the dead of night.

  “No, I was waiting for you to call.”

  I cleared my throat, still looking around for the invisible predator.

  “Did you watch the whole zombie movie or did you get scared?” He had no freakin’ idea how close to the truth he was. “Nah, I got scared by a noise outside and then I couldn’t watch anymore. It must’ve been just a leaf or a branch or something.”

  “Are you sure? Do you want me to come look?” My hero.

  “No, it’s fine. Really, no big deal.”

  “Okay.”

  We talked until I actually stopped getting responses from him. He had fallen asleep on the phone and I could hear the deep breaths of slumber. I hung up with a smile on my face. No one could say he didn’t try.

  Abel

  I bolted out of bed Saturday morning to find that I had a new appendage—my phone. I peeled it from my face and then I groaned. Please, please, please tell me that I didn’t fall asleep on the phone with her. Tell me that I talked to her and just don’t remember it. What kind of asshat falls asleep on the phone with a girl, and not just any girl, Corinne.

  I dialed her number and she picked up on the first ring.

  “Hello Sleeping Beauty.” I swiped my hand over my face in humilitation.

  “I’m so sorry.” I just hope I didn’t snore. She giggled on the other line.

  “It’s no big deal. It was late and I know you were tired.”

  “Ugh…what time is it?”

  “Ummm,” She was probably looking at her phone “Noon”

  “What? Crap, I have to get my hair cut and I have laundry to do,”

  “You’re cutting your hair?” She tried so hard to act as if it was just curiosity. But I took another chance to bait her.

  “Yeah, it’s hot outside. I’m just gonna shave it off.” I put my hand over the speaker to smother my snicker.

  “You’re screwin’ with me.” She sounded irritated.

  “No, I’m serious. It’s just too hot.”

  “You’re damned right it’s hot.” She had moved her mouth from the speaker but I could still hear her.

  “What was that?” I couldn’t help myself.

  “Nothing. See you tonight.” All of the sudden she was in a hurry to get off of the phone.

  “Ok, I’ll be over there at five.”

  “Bye.” She hung up before me and decided right then and there. No haircut for me today.

  With laundry done and calm about me, I showered and got ready for our date tonight. And even though we had been together almost every single day of the summer, this new revelation was now an issue. We both joked and made suggestive comments this week and there was no confusing that this date was almost like a first date in that it was no longer just dating. Something else was at work here. And I planned to get it straight tonight.

  I drove over to her house and I expected the dressed up Corinne but what I got was even better. She wore jeans, and if I didn’t know better I would think that they were painted on. They weren’t tight per say, but they were made with her in mind. As I forced my eyes upward I saw a “The Shining” t shirt complete with a sinister Jack Nicholson and it looked to be vintage. Her hair was down in loose waves. She was perfect.

  “Hi,” she said and suddenly she was shy.

  “Hey, get over here.” She walked slowly towards me. I opened my arms for her and she fell into them letting out a great sigh that blew across my neck.

  “Are you okay? We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

  “No, it’s ok, I’m just tired. I want to go.” She reached up and pulled my hat off and ran her hand through my hair. I know some kind of groan escaped. “I thought you were cutting it all off.” She tried unsuccessfully to hide a smirk.

  “Some chick told me that my hair was hot, soooo I decided to keep it. Wanna keep the ladies happy.” She put my cap back on me, not very nicely.

  “I love your hair.” She said surprising me and moved to lock the door to the house and stalled, contemplating who would drive.

  “Just let me drive, you look whipped
.” She started to throw a tiny fit and I interrupted her, “It doesn’t matter as long as we’re together.” Good Jesus, I’ve turned into a greeting card.

  “Ok.” Something was up with her. She was usually bright and happy and energetic but today she was melancholy, maybe she was only tired.

  We got in the truck and she sat in the middle again, a good sign. But twenty minutes into the drive she fell asleep on my shoulder. I wondered why she wasn’t sleeping at night. I wondered if something was keeping her from sleeping. We pulled into the restaurant I picked, since she was asleep. I kissed her awake and she smiled, almost back to her old self. “Sorry,” She smiled and gave me one more peck.

  “It’s fine. You can sleep on me anytime.” I got out and held her hands as she slid out of the car. I shut the door behind her but wouldn’t let her budge from where she was.

  “So spill it.” I tried to give her a firm look but she just rolled her eyes.

  “I will tell you in the restaurant. I need caffeine.” It came out in a whine of sorts.

  “Promise?” I tugged on her waist gently to make sure she knew that I was serious. I wanted to know what was up with her.

  “Yeah, promise.”

  We walked into Bernard’s, one of my favorite places to eat, and sat down. She ordered a Coke before the waitress even had a chance to ask us for our drink orders. I ordered the same and I nudged her under the table and she rolled her eyes a bit.

  “Ok, so last night I heard this noise at the front window,” the waitress brought us our drinks and it made her pause. “I went to look out and didn’t see anything. So then I go back into the living room and the back door was wide open. I locked it and after that I heard a noise out back. Sooo…I called the police and they sent an officer to look around and they found nothing. But it kinda freaked me out so I didn’t sleep much. No big deal.”

  I checked to make sure the table wasn’t pulsing with the strength of my beating heart. I could’ve sworn the booth beneath me was thumping along with it too. There could’ve been someone in her house and she didn’t even tell me? I took a long pull on my Coke before I attempted to reply.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? I am all of ten minutes away and you didn’t think to call me?” There was an aggravation in my voice that I didn’t mean to relay but it was too late.