Memories of Heaven

by Melissa Storm

  She shivered and looked over at Jack, who put a concerned arm around Kate’s waist to steady her. “Are you okay?” he asked, lines creasing his face.

  She nodded weakly as she tried to get her emotions back under control. Jack pulled her closer in a kind of supportive hug, letting her use him to keep from becoming a puddle on the ground.

  His fingers stroked through her hair as she rested her head on his shoulder. “I think you needed to do this. I had a feeling it would be good for you. It’s good for me, too. I’ve been coming here ever since the place went up. We all have frustrations to work out, and it’s better to throw an axe at a target then to take it out on another human being.”

  Kate felt silly having him hold her like this. She didn’t know what had come over her, but for the first time in longer than she could remember, the ball of tension she carried everywhere unknotted and slipped away. Now her body didn’t know how to react to its sudden absence.

  When she finally thought she had the strength to hold herself on her own, she pulled back, reluctant to let go. He smiled at her, taking away any embarrassment she was feeling.

  “You won, fair and square, and I always pay up on my wagers. Just remember, I’m not a wealthy man in case you were—”

  She took a deep breath and grabbed the front of Jack’s shirt. “Shut up and kiss me.”

  As soon as the words came out of her mouth, she had to fight herself not to turn away and take them back. She had never been the type of woman to be so forward with a man. But then his lips met hers, and then her doubts, problems, embarrassment, everything just melted away.

  This was more than a school-girl crush, and as the lightning rushed through her body from their kiss, she knew just how serious it had already become. Right now, her heart wasn’t just beating wildly in her chest. It was already falling hopelessly in love.

  Chapter 13

  The streetlights washed over the car in a hypnotic pattern, lulling Kate into a near sleep though she was giddy with happiness following the amazing night she and Jack had shared. He held onto her hand tightly as he drove them both back to the ranch, neither of them wanting to break the connection this gesture brought.

  After the axe throwing, they’d gone back upstairs to partake in the odd cuisine being served in the main Renaissance area. Once their bellies were comfortably full, they strolled hand-in-hand through downtown Anchorage. It was a fun walk during which they talked about the unique and shared experiences growing up in Alaska. The streets were almost deserted, so the sounds of their laughter would occasionally echo off the buildings.

  Jack, for his part, had proven to be a man of many faces. She’d seen his serious side when working with his patients, and his caring side when he’d helped to nurture Hope through the night. But on this night, he’d put on the best face of them all. He’d been teasing and fun with the axe throwing, tender and attentive during their kiss. He read each moment perfectly, and Kate fell harder and harder for him with each additional moment spent in his company.

  That was the thing about Doctor Jack Young…he wasn’t boring.

  “I still can’t believe you came up with axe throwing as the plan for our first date,” she teased as he started up the car to drive them back to the ranch.

  He scoffed and briefly looked over at her, the lights of a passing car illuminating his face. “You had fun, didn’t you?”

  She laughed. “I did. But now I’m kind of wondering about you and Renaissance fairs. Is this a regular thing for you?” Kate gasped in mock horror. “Do you have a costume? Do you dress up on the weekends to play knight and vassal?”

  They both laughed like silly children.

  “No, it’s nothing like that. I just wanted to take you somewhere fun. You’re always so stuck in the here and now. I thought you could use a little play.”

  “And axe throwing is the first thing that springs to mind when you think ‘play?’ Do you take all your dates there?” She couldn’t stop laughing, but luckily Jack matched her fits of laughter equally with his own.

  “For your information, I don’t date all that much, so there is no ‘all my dates’ to consider. All my dates is you, Kate, and—yes—I’ve thought long and hard about where I would take you for a date if I ever got the chance.”

  “Hmmm, interesting,” she said in an accent she thought sounded like one of those famous therapists. She turned toward him in her seat and brought one hand to her chin while still hanging tight to his hand with her other. “And how long have you been planning zis date?”

  He shook his head and blew out a long gust of air. “You remember your fist day on the ranch?”

  His response surprised her so, that she dropped the fake accent. “What? That soon?”

  “No, don’t be ridiculous.” He glanced at her briefly before turning back to the road. “It was the next day.”

  So the whole time she’d been crushing on Jack he’d been carrying a torch for her as well? Unbelievable.

  “So you liked it, then?” he asked, sliding his hands up and down the steering wheel nervously.

  “Oh, yes. It was actually kind of perfect,” she assured him. “Who would have ever thought throwing an axe could be so therapeutic?”

  “Me. I did,” he said with a relieved chuckle. “I’ve always done stuff like that whenever I felt like the world was starting to weigh me down. I used to do a lot of boxing. And karate. When they opened up the Ren fair, I thought it would be another fun way to work through any pent-up frustrations.”

  She thought about this for a moment. “I get what you’re saying. I do. I just can’t picture you as the kind of man who would need to vent out frustrations.”

  He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, then shrugged. “Early on it was only about dealing with the anger of people mistreating my brother. That and the injustice of the hand he was dealt. As I got older and started training as a therapist, I found myself taking more and more of my work home with me. After a while, it just builds up until you feel trapped beneath the debris of other people’s misfortunes.”

  She let out a slow breath. “Wow. I guess I never thought about what it’s like on the other side of the therapy.”

  “Most people don’t,” he said, squeezing her hand again. “But almost as soon as I met you, I recognized you had that same buildup of tension in you that I always used to carry around me, too. Some people call it the savior complex. I call it being a good person.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t even realize how much I needed to do something like that. And the meal was perfect, too. Thank you.” She smiled at him and waited for him to look over at her. As she let her eyes move over the outline of his face in the dark car, her heart did a little flutter. When he finally did turn to meet her eyes, her breath caught in her throat again.

  Would she ever be able to act normal around this man? How could a simple look from him cause her normal bodily functions to go haywire?

  “It was my pleasure,” he said with an enormous, sincere grin. “How about next time we hit up the shooting range? Or should we skip right to the heavy explosives?”

  Kate laughed noncommittally. They would be at the ranch in just a few minutes, and she was already on edge anticipating another kiss. After the first one they’d shared, she wasn’t sure it could be topped, but she was definitely willing to reserve that particular judgment.

  “Are you sure this isn’t improper?” she asked as her old worries began to resurface once more. “For us to be seeing each other like this?”

  She didn’t know why she couldn’t let it go, but she still had a niggling worry that maybe she was getting in over her head with someone she shouldn’t be. Otherwise, things just seemed too perfect. Maybe it was the fact they were almost back to their daily lives that brought the differences they’d experienced tonight into such stark contrast.

  “It’s a gray area for sure. I mean, you’re not my patient. And I won’t be your mother’s therapist long-term. If she starts to decline more rapidly, therapy could a
ctually hurt rather than help. Her sense of the world around her will change once again and, well, I won’t be needed anymore.”

  His eyes searched for hers again in the darkness. “But that’s when I hope you will let me be there for you. Not as a therapist—as someone who cares about you and who wants to help you through what I know is ahead. And if you’re worried about the propriety of things, I can ask for one of my colleagues to come out and take over her case.”

  Kate looked out the window into the darkness. It wasn’t like she hadn’t known therapy would be a temporary thing for her mother. Already the progress she’d seen since moving to the ranch had taken a sharp turn. She was having more bad days than good now. It was only a matter of time.

  Once the disease stole her memory completely, there wouldn’t be anything Jack could do to help her. Kate just hoped that she’d still be able to make a difference when that time came—because it was coming up on them awfully fast.

  Guilt rose up in her chest again as she realized she’d barely even thought about her mother during their date that night. It was like she was already gone, and Kate had gone out to have fun without a care in the world.

  She wished she could do that, but her reality was tied up in what was happening with her mom. There was no avoiding that.

  Jack squeezed her hand. “I’m glad we were able to get away from the ranch for a while. And I want you to know that you don’t need to go through any of this alone. I’m here and will do whatever I can to help.” Was he saying this as a therapist who specialized in memory disorders or was he perhaps offering more?

  Kate wanted to ask him, but before she could, her phone beeped to tell inform her of a new text message. When she pulled out her phone and glanced down at the screen, she saw Brenna’s name and number illuminated. A growing sense of doom descended upon her as she clicked to read the message. Make that series of messages. More were coming in as she read.

  Kate, I’m so sorry!

  I helped your mom get ready for bed after our game.

  She said she was tired.

  When I left she was already sleeping.

  But she must have got up at some time after that.

  Kate waited for Brenna to type out her next message. She didn’t like where this was going, and she needed to know now. Was her mother safe? Or…?

  Another message popped up: I went back to check on her an hour later…

  Oh no, oh no, oh no. Kate already knew what was coming next. Sure enough Brenna’s next message revealed: And she was gone.

  Kate’s heart sunk to her feet and the world around her started to spin. She cried aloud and shoved the phone at Jack.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked. When she didn’t answer, unable to form the words she needed, he squeezed her hand again. “Kate, what happened? Do I need to pull over?”

  “My mom is missing,” she finally managed to cry. “She’s out in the cold somewhere. They can’t find her.”

  Jack wrapped both hands even tighter on the wheel as he pushed down on the accelerator.

  But it was all for naught.

  Kate knew they wouldn’t get there fast enough.

  She should never have left her mom alone.

  This was all her fault.

  Chapter 14

  Jack could barely pull his car to a stop before Kate flung the door wide open and raced across the yard toward her cabin.

  As soon as she reached the steps, Brenna barreled out the door and wrapped Kate in a tight hug. Her entire body shook as she clung to her friend. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I should have stayed with her, but she was in bed and asleep, so I thought she’d be okay. We’ve looked all around the cabins but can’t find her anywhere.”

  Brenna heaved giant sobs as she pulled back to search Kate’s eyes. Her cheeks were chapped red from the cold and patchy from the huge streams of tears that continued to fall freely.

  Kate shook her head and put a hand on Brenna’s arm to steady her. “It’s not your fault. I should have been here.”

  “Kate, no. Don’t do that to yourself.” Jack’s voice reached her ears as he tugged on her arm and forced her to look at him. “You can’t blame yourself. This is an unfortunate circumstance that happened because of her disease. It’s not something you can put on yourself or anyone else.”

  Her boss, Elizabeth Jane, appeared from between the cabins, shaking her head in sorrow. “Jack’s right. Dorian and some of the ranch hands have split up on horseback to check the trails and woods, and the others are on foot going through some of the deeper brush. I would tell you to just stay here until we find her, but I know there’s no use, so I told Howard to get a couple more horses saddled for you and Jack to join the search.”

  Kate didn’t hesitate. She spun on her heel, which almost threw her into the snow as she raced to the barn, ignoring the normal paths in the snow. The shortest distance was a straight line, so she cut a beeline right for the horses. Buddy was already saddled, so she swung herself up on him and spurred him out into the cold night.

  She pushed blindly down the path Buddy chose, her eyes had already nearly frozen shut from the unforgiving combination of her tears and the cold night.

  “Kate, slow down!” someone called form behind her.

  But she refused to listen as she leaned closer to Buddy’s neck and urged him to go faster still. The other rider matched her accelerated pace until the quick clopping steps were right upon her.

  “Whoa, there!” Jack shouted to Buddy as he grabbed the reins from Kate.

  “Let me go. I have to find my mom!” Kate yelled at him, her voice breaking apart in tears.

  “No way,” he said, slowing both of their steeds to a gentle walk. “Your eyes are practically iced over. Can you even see? You could race right by her and not notice.”

  “She could be anywhere by now. I have to find her. Let go of me.”

  “No. Kate, stop. Look at me.” His voice was firm and inflexible. He’d never spoken to her like this before. “You need to think about where you’re even going to search. She can’t be that far. Brenna was only gone for an hour between the time your mom went to sleep and the time she found her missing. At the most, she’s only been out for about an hour and a half by now. She’s close by. Can’t you feel it?”

  She blinked hard while listening to him. Each flutter of her eyelashes melted more of the ice that had begun to collect around her tear-soaked eyes. Jack’s words made sense but did little to quell the panic and adrenaline that surged through her veins. If only she could keep racing through the open field and away from everything, back in time, back to before the illness had robbed her of a mother.

  But, no—as much as she wanted it, there was no going back. Only forward.

  Defeated, she guided Buddy to a stop, her breathing as heavy as the horse’s beneath her. Suddenly she couldn’t hold it together anymore, and a sob tore from her throat. “Jack, I shouldn’t have left her alone. I know you’re going to say it wasn’t my fault, but it was. It is. She needed me, and I wasn’t here.”

  Jack backed his horse up until it stood beside Buddy once again. He placed a calming hand on her leg, but it wasn’t enough to stop her crying. Only finding her mother would be enough.

  “Kate, we’re going to find her,” he said. “Please, don’t do this to yourself. You can’t blame yourself for your mother’s illness or what happens because of it. This is not your fault. Do you understand me?” His firm gaze brooked no argument, but Kate couldn’t see any version of events where the blame didn’t rest squarely on her own shoulders.

  “But if I had been here…”

  He seemed almost angry at her now. “You don’t know that it would have been any different. If you’d gone out to check on Hope because your mom was sleeping and she got lost then, would you give up on Hope? If this happens when you’re asleep, are you going to give up on sleep?”

  “It’s just that I’m her—”

  “You’re her daughter, I know, but that still doesn’t mean this is
your fault. Let’s just focus on finding her, okay?”

  He waited until Kate nodded her consent.

  “Okay, great. Is there anywhere around here she seemed to like going to when you went for walks? Anything that might remind her of something from her distant past? Her short-term memory might be struggling, but she still remembers things that happened a long time ago as if they are fresh and new.”

  Kate tried to think, but her mind was just spinning in circles. She knew she had to pull herself together, but everything seemed to be falling apart right in front of them.

  Finally, Jack’s fingers reached up and wiped the fresh tears from her cheeks before cupping her face in his palm. “I promise. We’ll find her.”

  He turned his horse back toward the ranch and urged Kate to do the same. “She couldn’t have gone this far, even at a run. Let’s go closer to the cabins. I bet we’ll find her there.”

  Kate allowed him to guide her home as she moved her eyes across the landscape, closely examining every tree, bit of brush, and mound of snow they came across.

  If we could just find her footprints in the snow…

  They made their way down the twisting paths in darkness, the sound of the snow crunching under the horse’s hooves with every step. Kate had been in such a hurry she hadn’t even thought to grab a flashlight to aid in the search. They both held onto their mounts with one hand and their phones with the other, using the tiny in-built flashlights to guide the way. The illumination didn’t spread far, and it drained their batteries quickly.

  Hopefully they’d have enough time to…

  No, she couldn’t think like that. She couldn’t think about anything but finding her mother now.

  They would find her. They had to. As far as Kate knew, every single person who worked on the ranch, and even a lot of the guests who’d heard about it, were out in the frigid night to assist in the search.