by Ward, Alice
Asher’s face turned white and he swallowed several times in succession. “I don’t need to be reminded of what’s at stake here, Rachel.” He took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders. “But as you said, this is my decision,” he continued. “I trust Lauren with my life. I will not insult her or our relationship by making her sign some sort of legal hush agreement.”
Rachel rolled her eyes and then glared at me while she spoke to Asher. “Whatever. Like you said, it’s your decision. Just remember, my ass will be on the line right beside yours if this backfires.”
Asher glanced into the open workspace and then rose to his feet. “I’ve kept your ass covered this long, haven’t I? Look, half the staff is here already. We can’t talk about this anymore. Reschedule the staff meeting for this afternoon. Lauren and I are going back to my place so I can get everything out in the open.”
“No,” I insisted abruptly. Asher turned to me, his brow lifted with confusion.
“No?”
“No, don’t reschedule the staff meeting. When I took this job, I promised myself I wouldn’t let our relationship interfere with my responsibilities. Rescheduling the presentation at the last minute is the complete opposite of the impression I want to make here. I’m going to my office to get my head on straight.”
I moved for the door and Asher reached out, taking me by the arm. “Lauren, rescheduling is really no big deal.”
“It is to me. And I need time, Asher. I’m not sure I even want to know what’s going on here. I need time to figure it out.”
I shook free of his grasp and slipped out the door. I heard Rachel say, “Just let her go,” as I escaped to my office. I locked the door behind me, closed my blinds, and sank down into my leather rolling chair.
I took a series of deep breaths and tried to organize the racing thoughts in my mind. My last words to Asher had been a lie. I very much wanted to know what he and Rachel were hiding. But I was also terrified of the truth.
I want to believe there’s a simple, innocent explanation for this. But I can’t. If it were simple, Rachel wouldn’t have tried to insist we get a lawyer involved before Asher tells me the story. What in the world are the two of them hiding? And will I still be able to love Asher once I’ve learned the truth?
My phone rang, interrupting my thoughts. I pulled my cell from my purse, relieved to see a friendly face on the screen.
“Good morning, Deacon,” I answered with a smile.
“Morning, Lauren. How’s corporate America treating you?” he teased.
“Ha, ha. There are worse things than getting a paycheck,” I reminded him. “And with this particular paycheck, I can afford all of the high end painting supplies my heart desires. How are things on your end? Have you started packing for Istanbul?”
“That’s actually why I’m calling. With everything that’s happening on that side of the world, Gale and I have had a change of heart,” he explained.
Relief flooded my chest. When my mentor had told me his plans to follow his archeologist wife to Turkey, my first thought had been for their safety.
“How’s Gale taking it? I know she was really looking forward to the dig. But I can’t say I’m not a little relieved. I guess it’s a good thing I haven’t sublet my place yet.”
“Gale’s actually really excited. She’s been offered a position on a dig in Australia. She’ll be stationed a few hours outside of Sydney. We’ve rented a flat in the city with plenty of room for me to paint. We leave Friday, so the townhouse is yours.”
“Thank you so much, Deacon. I’m so excited for you. Maybe I’ll use some of my sell out paycheck to buy a ticket to visit you.”
“Nothing would make us happier. We’re having a little going away dinner on Thursday night. If you and Asher aren’t busy, we’d love to see you there. Feel free to drop by any time after seven.”
“I’ll talk to Asher and get back with you,” I promised. Deacon must have heard the exhaustion in my voice.
“Are you okay, Lauren? No offense, but you sound a little…?”
“Tired?” I offered.
“No… overwhelmed. Is everything okay between you and Asher?”
“Everything’s fine,” I lied. “I’m about to give my first presentation. I’m a little nervous, that’s all.”
“Well, keep your head up and remember who you are,” he advised. “Those people are lucky to have you.”
“Thanks, Deacon. I’ll get back to you about Thursday.”
“Talk to you soon, Lauren.”
I ended the call and stared down at my phone. Deacon sounded so excited about his new adventure and I hadn’t wanted to bring him down with my drama. He also wasn’t the person I typically went to for relationship advice. I didn’t want to bring Kennedy down either, but I needed the kind of pep talk only she could give me. I hit her speed dial picture and held the phone to my ear.
“Hey, Lauren.”
“Kennedy, can you talk?”
“I’m on my way across town for a meeting. I can be yours for the next ten minutes.”
I glanced at my computer; I had exactly twelve minutes before the staff meeting started.
“Kennedy, I was wrong. I was so wrong, and you and Jackson were right.” The words fell out of my mouth with a bluntness that shocked both of us.
“Lauren, take a deep breath and tell me what happened.”
I told her how Rachel had sabotaged my presentation and my hunch that Asher had left home early that morning to confront her about it.
“I found them in her office together,” I explained. “Asher was yelling at Rachel, insisting that she didn’t need to test me. She argued back and called him Billy. Then he really lost it. He said something about being happy to see her when she tracked him down in his new life. He also said it doesn’t matter who they used be, only who they are now. That’s when I’d had enough and walked into the room.”
Kennedy let out a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, Lauren. I hoped I was wrong. How did Asher explain himself?”
“He didn’t have a chance to. I’m leading my first staff meeting in ten minutes and I refused to let him reschedule it.”
“That’s smart,” she assured me. “You need to protect your career above all else. The people working under you already resent that Asher gave you the job instead of promoting one of them. Rescheduling their day because of your personal life would just make things worse.”
“I know. But I have to stand up in front of them in a few minutes and act like I’m collected and in control. And right now, I feel anything but.”
“That’s completely understandable. How did you leave things with Asher?”
“He promised we’d go home after the meeting and he’d tell me everything.”
Kennedy dropped her voice. “Do you really love him?”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation, then added, “At least, I think I do. I love the person I’ve been with all of these weeks. I’m just not sure that person is real.”
“Lauren, there’s nothing I can say right now to make you feel better about this. You won’t feel anything but confused until you’ve had a chance to really talk to Asher. But if you want, I can give you a few tips on how to pull yourself together for the meeting.”
“I’m all ears.”
Kennedy took a deep breath and started slowly. “This is going to sound stupid. But you need to spend a few minutes imagining how pre-Asher Lauren would handle the meeting. You are brilliant, you are talented, and you’re more than qualified for your job. My Lauren would walk into the room and leave no doubt about that in anyone’s minds. You’ve got to turn your heart off for the next hour and let your brain have control. You’ll have plenty of time to figure everything else out after the meeting.”
“You’re right,” I agreed with a sigh. “I talked to Deacon before you and he basically said the same thing. I’m really proud of the work I’ve done. I need to focus on that and show these people I deserve their respect.”
“That’s m
y girl. Now, I’m going to let you go. Text as soon as the meeting’s over and let me know how it went.”
“I will,” I promised. “Thanks, Kennedy.”
“You’re welcome. You’ve got this.”
The line went dead and I sat my phone on my desk. I fought the urge to go through my presentation one last time before joining my colleagues in the conference room.
I know these graphics backwards and forwards. I don’t need to over think this. Deacon and Kennedy were right. I could have gotten this job without my connection to Asher. And if I pull off this meeting, everyone working under me will realize that. I need to walk into that room and make everyone believe work is the only thing on my mind.
I spent a few minutes thinking about the long road I’d taken to get where I was. Designing virtual reality games had never been my dream, but it gave me an opportunity to get my work in front of the eyes of millions of people. If I played things right, I could open doors for myself I’d never dreamed of. I couldn’t let those possibilities slip out of reach because Asher lied to me.
I can do this. I am a sophisticated, grown ass woman. And I refuse to let my emotions get in the way of my success.
I rose from my chair, smoothed my silk blouse, and set off for the conference room.
***
An hour and fifteen minutes later, I was back in my office, reveling in my success. The presentation had gone better than I’d ever expected, even before I overheard Asher and Rachel. I watched the body language and faces of the other artists soften as I showed slide after slide of my work and explained the techniques I used to create the surreal world I’d been assigned. I kept my back straight, my head high, and my voice even through the entire meeting. Asher sat toward the back of the room and I didn’t glance at him once.
When I finally wrapped up the meeting, a cluster of coworkers surrounded me and walked with me back to my office. I was thankful for both their interest in learning my techniques and the barrier they provided between Asher and me.
When the last coworker left my office, I fired off a quick text to Kennedy. She replied with two smiley faces, four exclamation points, and a promise to call me later for details. I slid my phone into my purse, suddenly nervous again.
The meeting was over.
It was time to face Asher.
I shut down my computer, stowed my tablet in my bag, and locked my office door behind me. I assumed Asher was waiting for me in Rachel’s office and I was surprised to find her alone in the room.
“You did a very good job at the meeting,” she offered as I stepped through the open door. I closed it behind me and sat down in a chair across from her.
“Thank you. I hope in the future; you won’t make it so hard for me. You owe me an apology, Rachel. I don’t care who you are or what kind of past you and Asher share. You deliberately destroyed my work. If it wasn’t for our extenuating circumstances, I’d file a complaint with human resources.”
Rachel stared back at me, her face surprisingly calm. “You’re about to learn that things aren’t quite what you believe them to be, Lauren. You’re right, Asher and I do share a past. And once you’re aware of the details, you’ll understand why I’m so protective of him. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they respond to different situations. Asher’s gotten very attached to you. I needed to see if you were the type of woman who bails the moment things get tough, or the type who puts her head down and takes care of business. If it’s any consolation, you passed the test.”
“Fuck you and your test,” I snapped. I was outraged that Rachel had the nerve to justify what she’d done to me. And truth be told, I was jealous she knew things about Asher that I didn’t.
“I don’t know your story, Rachel… if that’s even really your name. But I know I have nothing to prove to you. If Asher wants to tell me the truth, I’m going to listen. And I will keep every secret he tells me. But it won’t be for you. I want to make that perfectly clear. And if you ever pull another stunt with my work, I’ll ruin your reputation so fast you’ll have to rename yourself again. Do you understand?”
I found it immensely irritating that Rachel wasn’t fazed by my words. She leaned back in her chair and smiled at me.
“It’s no wonder he’s fallen in love with you. I have to confess, I didn’t understand it at first. But it makes sense now. I’ll stay out of your way, Lauren. But just know if you hurt him, I’ll make sure you regret it. And as you’re about to learn, I come from a place where people follow through with their promises.”
I didn’t even blink. “I’ll keep that in mind. When Asher gets here, tell him I’ll meet him at home.”
I rose from the chair, slung my purse over my shoulder, and escaped the office.
***
When I left the building, I fully intended to drive straight to Asher’s house. But when I slowed to a stop at the intersection, I instinctively turned toward San Francisco. It had been days since I’d been at my own place and I felt the overwhelming need to recharge. I pulled into a gas station and sent Asher a text while my tank filled.
“Need some time to gather my thoughts. Will see you in a few hours.”
He replied within seconds.
“I understand. Take as much time as you need. I love you.”
As I drove toward the mission district, I let my mind wander. I lowered all of my windows and let the salty air blow through my car. The smell reminded me of the perfume Asher bought me on his last business trip and my heart softened a little more.
God, please let there be a reasonable explanation for all of this… something I can handle.
I pulled into the parking lot of my building, locked the car, and emptied my mailbox on the way to my loft. I dropped a stack of bills and catalogs on my coffee table, kicked off my shoes, and poured myself half a glass of wine. It was only eleven in the morning, so I threw a little orange juice on top of it to assuage my guilt over drinking in the morning.
I need a nice long bath and maybe a nap. That will make me feel better. When I wake up, I’ll be ready to face Asher.
I wanted to know the truth more than anything. But I also knew once Asher told me, there would be no turning back. One way or another, my life was about to change. And I liked my life just the way it was.
I sat my glass on the side of the tub, ran a hot bubble bath, and sank down into the water. I sipped my makeshift mimosa while the smells of lavender and vanilla filled the steamy air. There wasn’t enough alcohol in the drink to give me a buzz, but the taste of it relaxed me. I turned off the water, leaned back against my terry cloth bath pillow, and let my mind wander again.
I should have known something like this would happen when I couldn’t find anything about Asher online. He’s a good man. I know in my heart he is. But I should have seen that he was hiding something. The way he stays out of the public eye, the concrete wall around his house… oh shit. Shit, shit, shit! It’s so obvious. How did I miss it?
I jumped out of the water and reached for a towel, not bothering to pull the plug from the drain. I dried off quickly, pulled on the first set of clean clothes I found on top of my laundry pile, and stuffed my bare feet into sneakers. I didn’t slow down to check my reflection or wonder if my clothes matched. All that mattered was getting to Asher.
***
“Lauren, are you okay?” Asher looked up from the kitchen island, his face filled with alarm. I crossed the entryway and hurled myself into his arms. He was clearly caught off guard, but he held me close and stroked my back.
“What happened?” he whispered.
I breathed in his scent and cradled the back of his head in my hand. “I realized something. You’re in danger, aren’t you Asher?” I whispered back.
I felt his chest rise against mine as he took in a deep breath. He let it out slowly and kissed the top of my head.
“Yes, I am,” he confessed. “Rachel and I both are. It’s a long story, Lauren. And it is past time that I tell you.”
“Are you sure?”
I pressed. I pulled away and stared at him with honest eyes. “I listened to you and Rachel for a while this morning. It sounded like you were more against telling me the truth than she was. You told her you could make me happy as Asher Reynolds.”
“I know what I said,” he replied with a cringe. “But I was just delaying the inevitable. Explaining this will take a while. Let’s move to the terrace.”
Asher pulled two bottles of sparkling water from the fridge and led me out to the chaise lounges. Neither of us was in the mood to lay back and relax, but it was the only corner of the terrace that was shaded from the hot California sun. I held the cold glass bottle in my hand and we sat down, facing each other. I tried to keep my face patient while Asher gathered his thoughts.
“I’m not quite sure where to start,” he stammered. “But before I get into the details, I need to say something. Lauren, I need you to know that what I’m about to tell you has no bearing on the way I feel about you. This is my past. You, I hope, are my future.”
I reached over and took his hand. “Asher, I trust you. I was furious, at first, when I realized you were keeping something from me. But now, I’m just scared,” I confessed. “The walls around the property, the revolving security guards, the way you stay withdrawn from most people… it all makes sense. I know something serious is going on, something dangerous. And I know I’m in the middle of it, whether I know the details or not. I trust you. If you believe in your heart that I’m safer not knowing the truth, you don’t have to tell me.”
He was as shocked to hear my words as I was to say them. I’d never subscribed to the idea that ignorance was bliss, and I’d certainly never let a man decide what I did and didn’t need to know. But I’d never been in a situation like this before. I knew enough to know Asher and Rachel were both afraid for their lives. And in the moment, that was all I needed to know to let Asher decide what was best.
“In some ways you may be safer if you don’t know,” he told me. “But in some ways, you could be in more danger. To be honest, I want to tell you, Lauren. I want you to really know me, all of me. Not just who I am now, but where I came from… the things I’ve done… the things I’ve survived.”