by Ward, Alice
“Start from the beginning,” I pressed softly. I moved to Asher’s chair, sat beside him, and took his hand again.
“I didn’t grow up in a middle class neighborhood in Seattle,” he confessed. “I was born in Los Angeles and until I was eighteen, my name was William Murphy. My mother was a cocktail waitress and my dad was a low level flunky for the Chavez family.”
My mouth dropped and I stared back at him in disbelief. “The Latin drug syndicate?” I gasped.
He nodded and looked down to the Spanish tile floor. “We weren’t family or anything. So when a deal my dad was working went south, he’s the one who took the fall. He’s serving a life sentence in Atwater for drug trafficking and murder.”
Knots formed in the pit of my stomach as I tried to wrap my head around Asher’s childhood.
“How old were you when he was sent away?”
“Five. I barely remember him,” he confessed. “He never tried to contact me and I’ve returned the favor. A few years later, my mom was killed at the bar she was working at. She was standing in the wrong place when a bar fight got out of control and was stabbed in the throat with a broken beer bottle. The guy who killed her was in the same prison as my dad until he was paroled a few years ago. He did send a letter once, which I ignored.”
I didn’t want to believe my ears and my heart broke more with each word Asher spoke. I still wasn’t sure how Rachel fit into the story so I braced myself for more horrific truths.
“It isn’t fair you had to go through that,” I offered, my voice barely a whisper. “But it makes the life you’ve built for yourself even more admirable.”
“Thanks,” he replied, laughing back his tears. He ran his fingers through his hair, took a deep breath, and continued, “I’ve never told this story, Lauren. Please just bear with me while I stumble through the details.”
“Take as much time as you need. I’m not going anywhere,” I assured him.
“I didn’t have any grandparents or aunts and uncles to take me in, so after my mother died I ended up in the foster care system. The Chavez family started sending Mom money every month after my dad was sent away. When she died, they couldn’t exactly send their wads of cash to my foster parents. So they found other ways to take care of me. Luis Chavez became like an uncle to me. Cell phones weren’t common back then, but he made sure I had one so we could stay in contact while I was moved from home to home. He’d meet me at parks, have things delivered to my schools. As I got older, none of my foster parents seemed to care what I did, as long as I behaved myself and stayed out of their way. By the time I reached middle school, I was spending most afternoons at Luis’ house. He lived at the main family compound, and I learned a lot of things I shouldn’t. On my sixteenth birthday, the family threw me a party, bought me a car, and even rented a parking spot so my foster families and case worker wouldn’t know about it. Every day when I got out of school, I took a bus to the garage. In no time, I’d basically taken over my dad’s old job.”
“But… you were a child.”
“I didn’t feel like a child,” Asher replied bluntly. “I felt like a god, to be honest. For a while, I was the family’s golden boy. Luis had always recognized my intelligence. He paved the way with his family and I rose quickly in their ranks. I’m not proud of this, but I was actually responsible for expanding their business into one of the first incarnations of the deep web. As much as I hate what I did for them, I’m not sure I’d change it. Luis encouraged me to develop my talents. He insisted that I do well in school and gave me huge cash incentives to keep a four-point GPA. Without him and his family, I’d have been just another kid lost in the system.”
“So… where did things go wrong?” I asked.
“Rachel,” he answered flatly. “Things took a turn for the worst the day Rachel was placed in my foster home. I was seventeen, about to age out of the system. Unlike other kids in my situation, I wasn’t worried about it. I’d already gotten into MIT and Luis was paying me more than enough to get my own place until the beginning of the semester. Rachel was sixteen and she’d only been in the system for a few years. When she was thirteen, she came out to her parents. They were less than receptive to her announcement, so she ran away from home. She lived on the streets for about a week before a police officer found her sleeping on the beach. She spat on her parents when they showed up to take her home, so they signed her over to the system.”
“That seems a bit harsh.”
“Well, Rachel’s always been a bit hard to deal with.”
“Is Rachel her real name?” I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.
Asher shook his head. “No, but that’s her secret to tell,” he reminded me. “Anyway, I was basically living in a group home. The foster parents were nice, well-meaning people, but there were no pretenses about what their house was. It was the last stop before aging out of the system. Rachel was the youngest kid there. The house was huge, run by an elderly couple and two of their adult children. There were two bunk rooms, one for boys one for girls. They each held four bunk beds and had their own full sized baths attached. It was my favorite foster home. The food was actually good, and the people were really nice… I’m rambling.”
“It’s okay,” I assured him. I laid my head on Asher’s shoulder and he wrapped his arm around me. “I want to know everything about you,” I continued. “Ramble as much as you want.”
“Like I said, I’ve never told this story… sorry, rambling and repeating,” he said with a soft laugh. “Anyway, Rachel showed up a few months before my eighteenth birthday. She saw me get on the bus one day after school and the next, she followed me. She waited outside the garage until I pulled my car out and hopped into the passenger seat like it was the most natural thing in the world. I tried to kick her out of the car, but she threatened to rat me out to my caseworker. Against my better judgement, I took her with me to the Chavez’s.”
“I take it they weren’t thrilled to meet her?”
Asher shook his head again. “On the contrary. Miguel, one of Luis’ nephews, took quite a shine to her. Rachel told him immediately that she wasn’t into guys, but he took it as some sort of challenge. In less than a week, she started going to the house without me. That’s when I knew I had a problem. I’d smoked my fair share of grass with Luis, but I stayed away from the family’s harder merchandise. Rachel can’t say the same. She was strung out on heroin faster than I could come up with a plan to get her away from it.”
This won’t end well.
“Did your foster family find out?”
“No. I failed in a lot of ways, but I managed to keep that from happening. When I first realized what she was doing, I went to Luis with my concerns. He promised to make sure she didn’t get into any real trouble, but he didn’t seem to take it seriously. Rachel was just some bitch off the street to him. The obligation he felt toward me didn’t extend to her. I felt overwhelmingly guilty for bringing her into that situation and helpless to get her out of it. And again, shit escalated before I could come up with a plan.”
The silence stretched until I prompted, “What happened?”
Asher’s shoulders tensed and he straightened his back. “This is where the story becomes more Rachel’s than mine. She was with Miguel and his friends when some pretty bad shit went down. It scared her enough to make her want to get clean. She came to me for help. I helped her. And what I did to help her could still ruin our lives… and I’m afraid once I tell you, you won’t be able to love me anymore.”
“I don’t need the gory details,” I insisted. “Just tell me… did you kill someone, Asher?” I whispered the words, horrified that the thought had even crossed my mind.
He swallowed and nodded as he dropped his head to his hands. I took a deep breath and pressed on, despite the numb shock washing over me.
“Did you do it to save her life?”
“I did it to save both our lives. And when it was over, we ran. I emptied the money from the account Lewis opened for me, s
old my sports car, and bought a fifteen-year-old Honda. We drove to Vegas and holed up in a hotel room while I created our new identities. Once the paperwork was in order, we sold the Honda and hopped a plane to Vermont. We pretended to be a couple, rented an apartment, and got jobs as servers at one of the country clubs. I helped Rachel study for her GED and made sure she was enrolled at the local community college before I left for school. I didn’t really mean to lose touch with her, but once I started classes I was laser focused on school. I tried to find her after I graduated, but didn’t have any luck. Like me, she’d made sure not to create much of an online footprint.”
“But she found you,” I interrupted, remembering his words from that morning.
He blew out a breath. “Yes, she did. I was hesitant to come back to California after graduation, but knew Silicon Valley was where I needed to be for my career. My college roommate’s father worked on Wall Street, and he managed to quadruple my money from the Chavez family while I was in school. I moved home, rented a one room apartment in San Jose, and threw myself into developing my first prototypes. Rachel showed up on my doorstep about a month later.”
“And you’ve been together ever since,” I finished.
He nodded. “Rachel helped me grow the company to what it is today. We’ve seen each other at our worst, and our best. And what we survived forged a bond neither of us can break. I know you don’t like her, Lauren. Truth be told, I don’t like her a lot of the time. But fate, or God, or something has made her my family, for better or worse. I hope you can understand that.”
I took a deep breath and finally unscrewed the cap of my water bottle. I drank the entire thing, giving myself a good excuse not to speak. Asher’s story was worse than I’d ever imagined. He’d had a horrible childhood filled with abandonment, drugs, and violence. I understood why he couldn’t abandon Rachel, but I couldn’t help but resent the hell out of her. If she’d never gotten into the car that day, Asher’s life could have been completely different.
If his life was completely different, I probably wouldn’t be here with him. He probably wouldn’t be here at all.
I’d never felt so overwhelmed and conflicted. My heart ached to reach out and hold him, to tell him I loved him and nothing from his past could change that. But my brain was reminding me he killed someone and encouraging me to get as far away from the man beside me as I could as quickly as possible. I sat rooted and speechless in my chair.
“I know you’ll need some time to process all of this,” Asher said softly. “And I understand if you don’t want to be around me right now. Would you like me to have Gabe drive you home?”
I considered the offer for a moment and then shook my head. I didn’t understand how I felt and I had no idea if I’d be able to accept the horrors of Asher’s past and the dangers of his present and future. But I knew that until I knew for certain, I could not be yet another person to walk out on him. I straightened my shoulders and met his eye.
“You’ve been very open and honest, so I’ll do the same. I love you, Asher. That much, I’m certain of. I need some time alone to process all of this and sort out my feelings. But I don’t want to leave. I think… I think I’d like to spend the day alone outside and then maybe crash in the guestroom for the night. Is that okay?”
Relief spread across Asher’s face. “That’s beyond okay,” he insisted. “But only if you take a supply pack and one of the long range walkie talkies. I won’t bother you, but I’ll feel better knowing you can reach me if something happens. I’ll keep mine on me, in case you think of anything else you’d like to ask. And I’ll take the guestroom. When you get back tonight, I’ll have dinner waiting in the oven.”
I chewed on my bottom lip, wondering if I should ask my next question. “I think… do you think Rachel would talk to me? It’s probably a long shot. I went off on her this morning after the meeting,” I confessed. After hearing Asher’s story, I was intrigued by Rachel’s side of it. But I still wasn’t a bit sorry for anything I’d said to her.
Asher flashed me a quick smile. “Yeah, I heard about that. Your visit actually made Rachel like you more. I’ll call her once she’s left the office and ask her to sit down with you.”
“Thank you for understanding that I need some space,” I offered.
“Thank you for not running out the door screaming,” he countered with a sad grin.
CHAPTER 2
The next morning, I woke up alone in Asher’s master bedroom. I rolled over on the luxurious cotton sheets and stretched my sore muscles. I’d never been much of a hiker, but I’d spent most of the previous day climbing around the mountain, trying to clear my head. It hadn’t really worked. I still loved Asher more than anything, and I was still terrified of his past returning to haunt us.
I checked the bedside alarm and realized I’d slept in. It was already nine a.m. I slipped out of bed and padded barefoot into the kitchen. A single yellow daisy stood proudly in a blown glass budvase, propping up a folded sheet of paper with my name on it.
Lauren,
I’m leaving for work. Rachel’s willing to meet you for dinner tonight. She told the staff you’re working from home today. (Don’t worry, she does it all the time.) Take whatever time and space you need. But know that I love you.
Asher
I ran a finger over a soft yellow petal and inhaled the flower’s fresh, earthy scent. The daisies grew wild all over the property, but I appreciated Asher’s sweet, simple gesture nonetheless.
He really, really should have told me the truth sooner. But he’s doing the right thing now. He’s giving me time and space to figure out how I feel. Maybe talking to Rachel tonight will give me some clarity.
I popped a k-cup into Asher’s Keurig and gathered a light breakfast while the coffee brewed. I stowed a granola bar in one pocket of my pajama pants, a nectarine in the other, and fetched my steaming mug from the counter. I carried it all into the master bathroom, sat up Asher’s tub tray, and ran myself another hot bath. My aching muscles relaxed a little as I lowered myself into the welcoming water.
I was halfway through the granola bar when my cell phone rang. I dried my hands on my discarded pajamas and pulled the phone from one of the pockets.
“Good morning, Kennedy.”
“Lauren, you never got back to me,” she scolded me immediately. “How did things go with Asher? What did he say?”
I hadn’t returned any of the dozen texts Kennedy sent the day before, because I knew she wasn’t going to like what I had to say. Or what I didn’t have to say, as the case may be. But I knew I couldn’t avoid the conversation forever, so I took a deep breath and explained myself the best I could.
“Asher explained everything,” I began slowly, my voice breaking slightly with nerves. “But I can’t explain it to you.”
Kennedy’s tone dropped an octave and took on a sharp edge. “What do you mean you can’t explain it to me?” she demanded.
“It’s not my story to tell, Kennedy. After listening to Asher, I don’t blame Rachel for wanting to get Asher’s lawyer involved before I learned the truth.”
“I’m your attorney, Lauren. Remember? I’d have thought if our friendship wasn’t enough to make you trust me, that would be,” she countered. “If I talk about what you tell me, I’d be disbarred.”
I sighed into the phone, feeling terrible for hurting my friend. “Kennedy, I know your feelings are hurt. I trust you with my life, you know that. But this isn’t about you. This is about Asher. He trusted me with something he’s never told anyone. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle it, but I do know I can’t betray that trust. Not even with you.”
I heard Kennedy take in a deep breath. “You really love this guy, don’t you?” she said as she exhaled.
“I do. I’m not sure if it’s enough, but I love him.”
“So what can you tell me? I need at least a few details if I have any hope of giving you advice. How bad is this, Lauren?”
“It depends. If the past stays in the
past, it’s ultimately nothing. But if the past comes—”
“So, Asher has ghosts in his closet,” she interrupted. “That’s not surprising, really. And you’re still trying to make it work. Which means Asher had a good reason for whatever happened in the first place, and for keeping it a secret. How am I doing so far?”
“You’re spot on.”
“And this Rachel woman, she was involved with the secret?”
“Yes, and involved is putting it nicely.”
“Can you tell how much of this is illegal?”
“Pretty much all of it,” I confessed with a cringe. I’d been so worried about the Chavez family coming back to exact their revenge, I hadn’t even considered the legal implications of what Asher and Rachel had done. He admitted to killing someone, describing it as self-defense. But had the courts ruled it that, or was it a moral judgement Asher had made for himself? Had he and Rachel legally changed their identities, or stolen other peoples? My heart began to race again as I considered everything I still didn’t know.
“Lauren… Lauren, are you still there?”
I snapped out of my daze and nearly dropped my phone in the bathwater.
“I’m still here.”
“I need to take a moment to be your attorney and not your best friend. Deal?”
“Deal.”
I eased out of the tub, wrapped myself in Asher’s thick terrycloth bathrobe, and collapsed onto the bed while Kennedy spoke.
“I already know Asher Reynolds isn’t his real name. If there are any outstanding warrants under his old name, or if anything from the past is still open for prosecution and you know about it, you can be charged as an accessory after the fact. So if the past does come knocking, you need to make sure I’m one of the first to hear about it so I can protect you.”