Our Shattered Pieces

by M. E. Clayton

  “What all did Rowan tell you?”

  “Not much,” he replied. “We all knew you guys disappeared the night of the wedding, but since you’re both grown adults, it really wasn’t any of our business.” He shrugged. “I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.”

  “Did she tell you we talked the other day?”

  Lorcan nodded. “She told me that you guys hadn’t been dating this entire time, which was what we had all believed, but that you guys hooked up again last week, and shit kind of went south.”

  I wiped away a tear that snuck out. “This is going to get uncomfortable, Lorcan,” I told him, knowing he knew exactly what those words meant.

  “I figured it might,” he grumbled as he ran his hands down his face.

  I sat there for a long minute before uncurling myself from the chair and standing up.

  I couldn’t do this.

  I couldn’t do this to Lorcan again.

  There was being close with your brother, and then there was crossing the line, and I’ve already crossed it once, never taking responsibility for what Lorcan might have had to deal with, knowing what he knew about me. Lorcan shouldn’t know the things he knew about me, and I wasn’t about to cross that line again.

  “You know what?” I said, my voice cracking. “I…I think I’ll just…make an appointment to talk to som-”

  Lorcan stood up from his desk chair. “What? Wait. Hold on, Molly,” he rushed out, coming out from behind his desk. “What…what are you talking about?” he asked, now standing in front of me.

  My eyes began to water, and I did my best to hold it together. “I can’t do this to you again, Lorcan,” I told him. “I…it’s not fair to you, and-”

  “Whoa, hold up,” he interrupted. “You’re my sister. There’s nothing you can’t tell me, Molly Doll.”

  “But you shouldn’t know this stuff about me, Lorcan!” I cried, the tears spilling. “It’s so goddamn humiliating.”

  Lorcan gathered me up in his arms, and I held on as he said, “I agree, Molly. There are things I shouldn’t know about you. But, Christ, I’d rather know them than have you slit your wrists because you felt you didn’t have anyone to talk to.” His arms tightened around my body. “I just want you happy, Molly.”

  “I…I…I don’t know how to tell him, Lorcan,” I finally confessed. “How do I tell him something so awful about myself and still expect him to want to be with me?”

  “The same way a man gets the courage to ask a woman out, even knowing there’s a chance she’ll say no,” he replied.

  I pulled back, and I must have looked awful, because Lorcan stepped back to grab me a tissue from his desk. “Thank you,” I mumbled when he handed it to me.

  “Molly-”

  I looked at my brother. “It’s not the same thing, Lorcan.”

  His face softened. “Actually, it is,” he said. “Rejection is rejection, Molly Doll. No matter how low or high on the scale, it’s still rejection. If you tell Grayson the truth, and he decides he can’t handle it, then you choose friendship.”

  “Could you…what if Rowan told you something…”

  Lorcan straightened to his full height, and I could see so much seriousness in his grey eyes. “There is nothing Rowan could tell me that would change the way I feel about her.”

  “Nothing?”

  “Nothing,” he reiterated. “I don’t just love her beautiful pieces, Molly. I love all of her.”

  “But Grayson doesn’t love me,” I argued.

  “How do you know?”

  “It’s only been a week,” I reminded him.

  Lorcan chuckled. “I chased Rowan for a year, and knew I was in love with her as soon as she gave me a chance. You have no idea how Grayson feels about you, or if he’s been harboring feelings for you since the wedding.”

  “But-”

  “Stop being a coward, Molly Cavanaugh,” he said sternly. “You’re better than that.”

  He was right. I was being a coward. “Okay,” I reluctantly agreed. “I’ll…talk to him.”

  Lorcan nodded. “And maybe make that appointment, too?”

  I laughed. “Oh, I’m definitely making that appointment.” Lorcan smiled tenderly, and once again, I was so grateful for him. “Thank you, Lorcan.”

  “Anytime, Molly Doll.”

  Chapter 36

  Grayson~

  It was time to stop being a coward. Or maybe it was time to stop letting Molly be a coward. I had been prepared to give her some more space, and the opportunity for her to come to me, but after going crazy for a better part of the day, that idea was a no-go. And Rowan’s visit hadn’t helped, either.

  When she had showed up at my house earlier, it hadn’t been to help her brother nurse a broken heart. No. It had been to tell me to get my ass out of my head and go get my girl. Rowan thought Molly was perfect for me, and she didn’t want to see it end before it had a chance to even begin.

  Refusing to throw Molly to the wolves, I had taken full responsibility for whatever Rowan believed happened between us, and promised I’d fix it.

  So, now, I was standing in front of Molly’s apartment door again, hoping she didn’t slam the door in my face.

  Again.

  When she didn’t answer by the third knock, I finally realized she might not be home. Molly was a busy woman and could be out doing any number of things. It was a Saturday night, for fuck’s sake. She might have another event, or just out enjoying her weekend after working so hard last night. Not to mention, this was the second time I’ve shown up at her door without calling first. And since that was what had set her off last time, I should probably count my lucky stars she wasn’t home.

  Pulling out my phone to send her a text, my fingers froze when the front door finally opened. Looking up from my phone, I saw Molly standing in the doorway, her hair damp around her face, her robe held tightly against her body.

  She looked fucking beautiful.

  “Grayson?”

  “Hey.” I waved my phone at her. “I was just going to send you a text.” I did my best not to wince. “I should have called first-”

  Her entire body sagged, and I wanted to kick myself. “No, it’s…it’s okay.” She looked lost, and it was fucking killing me inside.

  Fucking. Killing. Me.

  “Do…uhm, did you want to come in?” I nodded, and she moved aside to let me in. “Uhm, just…I’ll go change…”

  I shook my head, feeling stupid as fuck. “You can finish your shower if you want. I can wait.”

  Molly shot me a grateful smile. “I’ll only be a few minutes,” she promised. “Uh, make yourself at home.”

  I almost groaned. Making myself at home would be joining her in the shower, but since I couldn’t say that, I just nodded. “Okay. Thanks.” Molly turned and made her way back to that shower I knew so well, and instead of chasing after her-arrest record be damned-I went and sat on the couch and waited for her.

  Grabbing the remote control, I turned on the television to ESPN. Normally, I was all about sports news, but right now, I was just doing my best to take the edge off my nervousness. Molly allowing me inside her apartment was a huge step, but the first thing I needed to make clear to her was that I hadn’t been on a date last night. And if Molly invited me in only to tell me she was happy for me for moving on, I was pretty sure I was going to lose my shit.

  There was no moving on from Molly Cavanaugh.

  A few minutes later, a fresh-faced Molly was walking into the living room, her hair piled on top of her head, dressed in a pair of pajama pants and another one of Lorcan’s huge t-shirts. This one actually had Cavanaugh Industries printed on the front.

  When she walked over and sat down on the couch next to me, I picked up the remote control and turned the television off. And without any makeup on, it was easy to see the faint circles under Molly’s eyes, and that gave me hope. Maybe I was the reason she couldn’t sleep, and if that was the case, then I mattered to her.

  “I need to say s
omething first, okay?” She nodded, nibbling her bottom lip. “I was not on a date last night,” I told her. “We are all fellow teachers, and Brandy had chosen us to attend the fundraiser with her last night. But it wasn’t a date, Molly. I swear to you.”

  “That’s not how it looked,” she quietly replied.

  “I know. But truth be told, she actually as a thing for Darius, the guy who knew who you were.”

  Her brows scrunched together. “Didn’t he have a wedding ring on?”

  I nodded. “Darius is actually my best friend,” I said. “And he’s been with his wife for years. He’s also very much in love with her.” I shrugged. “But Brandy still has hearts in her eyes for him, for whatever reason.”

  “Then why hang out with her?” Molly asked. “Doesn’t that send a wrong message?”

  “I have no idea,” I answered honestly. “Darius just made me promise not to leave his side, so she didn’t try anything. So, I didn’t.”

  “But you did,” she reminded me.

  “I did,” I agreed. “But only that one time. The rest of the night I spent with him mostly.”

  “What does his wife say about the other woman’s crush on her husband?”

  I smiled. “Loraine is confident in her marriage. She doesn’t sweat other women because she knows Darius would never risk losing her for anything. He loves his wife, and he shows her how much every day.”

  Her nose wrinkled. “He still shouldn’t hang out with that other woman.”

  “I agree. But I think it’s a keeping-the-peace kind of thing since we all work together.”

  Molly grimaced. “Well, his wife is a better person than I am, because I’m not sure I’d be okay with that same scenario if it were me.”

  I grinned. “So, no hanging out with other women who want me?” I teased.

  “Does it matter?” she asked seriously, and I knew it was time to get to the reason I was here.

  “More than you know,” I answered, and I could swear I saw her shoulder relax a bit. “I’m here because we need to talk, Molly. If nothing else, for the simple fact that your brother is married to my sister.”

  She nodded. “You’re right. We do.”

  I leaned back against the couch and let out a deep breath. “Christ, there’s so much to unpack here, I’m not even sure where to begin.”

  “I do,” she whispered sadly. “I…there’s something I need to tell you, Grayson.”

  “Okay,” I replied, though I had a feeling that things were going to be everything but okay.

  “But before I begin, I want you to know that I’m so terribly sorry for how I behaved on Monday. You didn’t deserve it, and…and I’ll understand if you want to be just friends after this.”

  Like fucking hell.

  “Okay,” I said. “Lay it on me.”

  Chapter 37

  Molly~

  You’d think that after sharing my shame with my brother, of all people, telling someone else would be easier. Or at the very least, not this hard.

  But it was hard.

  Very hard.

  Fiddling with the hem of Lorcan’s shirt, I stared this beautiful man in the face, and began to tell a story that I haven’t told in years. “So, you know I went to Berkeley…”

  “Yeah, I do,” he remarked softly.

  “So, well…my freshman year, I started dating this guy named Ethan. Ethan Harris.” Taking a deep, steady breath, I went on. “We dated for about six months. It was serious, but not…I wasn’t madly in love with him or anything. Just…committed, I suppose.”

  “Okay.”

  “One night we were having sex.” I noticed a tick in his jaw, and I imagined he wasn’t too eager to hear about me having sex with another guy. After all, I didn’t want to hear about the women he’s been with. “Well, he started…saying things. Started laying out fantasies. Started calling me names. Started just…he started amplifying the sex play. It…and it worked. I started getting super turned on by the name-calling and the filthiness of it all.”

  “Did you ever like it before?”

  I shook my head. “I was only nineteen, Grayson. The only sex I’d ever had, before Ethan, had been normal, adolescent, teenage sex. I had no idea there was another world out there that I’d find myself enjoying.”

  “Okay, so you discovered you liked dirty sex,” he surmised.

  I nodded. “Yeah, I did.” Another deep breath escaped. “But then the fantasies became more…graphic and taboo. He started talking about…multiple partners and the…well, he kept asking me to imagine what it would feel like to be pleasured by more than one guy.” Grayson slowly nodded but didn’t comment. “Then one night, while I was…uh, on top of him, he asked me if I trusted him, and when I told him I did, two guys walked into his bedroom to join us.” Grayson took a deep breath, but his expression remained stoic. “At first, I had panicked. It was one thing to fantasize about something like that, it was an entirely different thing to go through with it.” I wipe at a runaway tear, determined to get through this. “Ethan had started whispering promises of pleasure, and I caved. I gave my consent, and Sawyer and Calvin joined in.”

  “And?”

  Heat rushed up my chest and over my entire face in embarrassment. “And I liked it,” I admitted. “They’d been…they’d been good to me. It was like…as if…like they’d been there to pleasure me, not the other way around. And since Ethan had been the only one to call me names, if felt like…like it was still just us. Like Sawyer and Calvin were…props, almost.” I shook my head at how ridiculous I probably sounded to him. “And…and we’d…we’d done it all. Whatever you think of with that kind of scenario, we’d done it.” I couldn’t utter the words double penetration. I just couldn’t.

  “So…that’s how you guys-”

  I shook my head. “It only happened that one time,” I told him. “But…there’d been times, during the following week, where I had replayed the night in my head, while I’d been having sex with Ethan. I hadn’t been opposed to trying it again.”

  Grayson let out a deep breath. “So, you need multi-”

  I shook my head again, stopping him. “That’s not the end of it.”

  His brows shot up. “Okay.”

  “A week later, or so, I had showed up to campus early to surprise Ethan with some coffee, and I found him huddled up with Sawyer and Calvin, talking. They hadn’t seen me, and so…walking up, I was able to overhear them discussing how they had paid Ethan a thousand dollars each for that night.”

  “What?” Grayson exploded.

  “Ethan was having problems with his tuition, and his plan had been to pimp me out for money. Sawyer and Calvin had been the first.”

  Grayson stood up and started pacing. “I’ll fucking kill him,” he hissed. “I’m going to find him, and fucking kill him.”

  I stood up and grabbed him by his arms to get him to stop pacing. “Grayson, it’s okay-”

  He glared down at me. “The fuck it is.”

  “Lorcan…Lorcan took care of it,” I told him. “I promise.”

  His blue eyes searched mine for the lie, but when he didn’t see it, he gave me a tight nod, and sat back down on the couch.

  Sitting back down where I’d been, I finished my story. “Needless to say, I lost my shit. I’d broken up with him, obviously, and had done my best to move past it. My only saving grace was that it hadn’t been recorded. If Ethan had chosen to tell people, it would have been my word against his. However, Sawyer and Calvin had been…pushy in wanting to do it again, and when I finally couldn’t take it anymore, I confessed to Lorcan and…well, Sawyer and Calvin never bothered me again, and Ethan had to walk with a cane for about a year.”

  “Molly-”

  “I went to counseling for a while,” I said, talking over whatever he’d been about to say. “I…I struggled with how I’d been so hurt and offended by being turned into an actual whore and liking how it sounded during sex, that I was messed up for a while.” I shrugged. “I’m still messed up, I think
.”

  “That’s why you made that comment of being a real whore,” he said. “It makes sense now.”

  “Well…it…Monday wasn’t about you or us or anything we’d done over the weekend,” I finally confessed. “I’d been rushing to the office and…Christ, what are the odds, Grayson? What are the odds that I’d bump into Sawyer fucking Baker, here, in Chicago?”

  “You saw him?” he asked, his voice with a touch of incredulousness.

  “Yeah,” I choked out. “He’s in town for a wedding, and then…he started mentioning the bachelor party, and how I’d be perfect entertainment.” I shivered. “It went all to hell after that.”

  “Jesus Christ, Molly,” he breathed out. “No wonder you were-”

  “No, Grayson,” I snapped. “Do not excuse my behavior. It’s inexcusable how I treated you, and it doesn’t matter if I had a good reason or-”

  “Of course, it matters,” he argued. “Christ, Molly, I thought you hated me. I thought you regretted our weekend together. Hearing the reason behind Monday changes everything.”

  My head twitched backwards. “It does?”

  Grayson reached for me until I was straddling his lap. With my face in his hands, he said, “Yeah, baby, it does.”

  “You’re…you’re not disgusted by…”

  “Yeah, about that…”

  Chapter 38

  Grayson~

  To say I was angry would be an understatement.

  I was fucking livid.

  Lorcan should have killed that motherfucker for taking the trust Molly had put in him and abusing it in such a horrific way. It was one thing to share a fantasy with your girlfriend when she’s consented, it was another thing to betray her in such a violating manner.

  “Listen, Molly,” I said, when what I really wanted to do was take her to the bedroom. I didn’t want to talk about how fucked-up we were, but if she was brave enough to tell me her story, then I owed her mine. “Baby, you’re not the only one who has issues.”