"I don't say it enough, but I love you, kid." His smile was wobbly.
"Love you too, Dad."
"Your mom will be relieved." He paused. "I can tell her? Or do you want to?"
"Go ahead," Logan said.
Both men nodded and smiled at each other, slapped each other on the back, hugged each other quickly, and returned to their seats.
I was so stunned I couldn't speak. I'd never seen anything like it. I looked from one to the other as they each picked up their forks and resumed their dinner like nothing had happened.
Logan's dad looked at me with new admiration, and a little bit of sheepishness, like possibly he'd let some cat out of the bag that he shouldn't have.
"Thank you, Ellie. It takes a confident woman to do what you did and put me in my place." He smiled at his son again. "You picked a good one this time."
Chapter Eighteen
Harlan drove us to Logan's apartment after dinner. He parked and walked us up.
Logan let us in. "Take your coat, Dad?"
Harlan shook his head. "Sorry. Can't stay. Got to get back to the hotel. Work to do." Harlan laughed. "Global business stops for no one and nothing, not even Dad's Weekend. I'll leave you two kids alone. I'm sure you're tired of hanging with your old man by now anyway."
He slapped Logan on the back and gave me a quick, one-armed hug. "Good to meet you, Ellie. Looking forward to seeing you at the tailgate party and game tomorrow. We have damn good seats." He squeezed Logan's shoulder once more. "'Night." And then he left.
Logan closed the door behind him. "Hope you're not planning to dash out of here, too?" There was a hint of tease and promise in his voice and an underlying pleading for me not to go.
"Not a chance." I unbuttoned my coat and let him help me out of it, watching as he hung it in the closet along with his, liking the sight of our coats hanging side by side. I set my purse on the console table next to Spartacus, who floated in his fishbowl, ignoring us. Logan came to me, pulling me close against his chest, wrapping his arms around me, and leaning his chin on my head. "Thanks for tonight, El."
I wasn't sure what he was saying, or how far the thanks extended, only that it sounded heartfelt. "I'm sorry." I pressed my head pressed against his chest, listening to the strong, steady beat of his heart and wishing it really belonged to me. "I shouldn't have called your dad an ass."
His chest shook with laughter. "Yeah, you're right. 'Ass' was lame. You should have called him something stronger. I wish I'd had the courage to tell him off myself. Shit, El, you saved me."
Praise usually made me uncomfortable. I never knew how to respond to it. Except with Logan. His praise made me glow. I felt that fierce protectiveness toward him that made me unafraid to take any risk to defend him. "Anytime. Besides, I owed you."
He stroked my hair. "You're not getting off that easy. I get to call in the debts. You still owe me one."
I smiled into his shirt and pulled away just enough to look Logan in the eye. "What happened at dinner? Are you two good now?" I had my doubts. Life was rarely that simple.
He gave me a lovable half-grin, the one that always melted my heart. "Hardly. That was the understated Walker way of saying we're sorry, bygones, and all that shit.
"We're better. We're good. For now. Be warned—he'll be back on his Caleb kick at the game tomorrow. But he's forgiven me and reminded me I may only be his second favorite son out of two, but he loves me. If the Caleb-fest gets out of hand tomorrow, feel free to slap him down again."
"No way. Not until you teach me some stronger language. I'm not going in armed only with lame insults again."
"I like your language the way it is." He paused and leaned his forehead against mine.
"Yes?"
"How did you know about our investigation?" He paused again like he was collecting his thoughts. "Did Jason tell you?" His brow furrowed and puzzlement and concern sounded in his voice, like he thought Jason had betrayed him.
I rushed to set him straight and clear Jason. "No. I heard it…someplace else." I realized too late I'd acted on impulse and not thought things through properly before acting. Of course he would blame Jason.
"Where?" The crease in Logan's forehead deepened. "No one else knows, El." He was silent. "Except…"
I didn't waver under his intense stare.
"You weren't involved in sabotaging her projector?"
My heart hammered. I hated lying to him, but I'd promised Dex and the guys. We'd sworn an oath never to squeal on each other. Ever.
"Me?" I frowned like I was confused, too, and made a sweet, sexy pout, like how could he accuse me of such a thing?
He looked confused, but backed off and took a deep breath. "Thanks for defending me to my dad." He paused again. "And setting him straight about Dr. Rogers. He believed—"
I gently laid two fingers against his lips, cutting him off. "We swore never to talk about chem. I'm standing by that. You don't have to say anything. Ever. I understand."
He kissed my fingers and pulled my hand away from his lips, holding it firmly in his. "But somehow you knew?" His voice was soft.
"I pieced it together."
He dropped my hand and pulled me into him again, pressing me against his chest with his hand cupping my head like he would never let me go, like he was holding me safe against his heart. "You believed in me." His voice broke with emotion. "God, I love you, El."
My heart literally skipped a beat. I was overwhelmed with an emotion so complex it was hard to explain—love, joy, guilt. How could I tell him Dex was the one who had believed in him and had stopped me from making a horrible mistake? I couldn't, and maybe it didn't matter. I believed in him now with my whole heart. I loved him. He cut me off before I could tell him.
"She lured me to her house with the excuse she was having trouble with her modem and internet connections. She knew I worked for Jason in the IT department because I'd worked on the equipment in her classroom. Sometimes I had the feeling she had a thing for me and made up reasons to call me to her classroom or lab to fix things. She liked to hang around while I worked and watch. She flirted. I wasn't turned on, but it seemed harmless. I didn't shut her down because I wanted to stay on her good side. Later, I felt guilty about that. Like I'd led her on.
"She hinted that if I helped her out she'd go easy on me on the next exam, maybe even give me bonus points at the end of the semester to raise my grade. Give me the benefit of the higher grade if I was on the edge.
"Like everyone else, I was barely hanging on in her class. Studying my ass off and getting D's. My dad was breathing down my neck, on my case about my grades slipping, my drinking and partying. I was on heavy-duty prescription narcotic painkillers. Coping with my injury and the end of my baseball career by drowning my sorrows and partying until I forgot who I was. Dad was afraid I was going to do something stupid—like overdose or take a lethal combination.
"In retrospect, he was right to be worried. But his fear and concern for me manifested as disapproval and anger. I was on his shit list. So I figured, what could it hurt to play up to Dr. Rogers? Play the game, right? The politics? It's what Dad does in business all the time.
"So what if I fixed her equipment and she looked kindly on me? It was just one of those scratching each other's backs things Dad is always bragging about." His voice was distant and faraway, almost like he was in a trance.
I would have stopped him, but it was clear he needed to talk. He trusted me to listen and I wouldn't violate that.
"When I got to her home, she opened two bottles of beer with her back to me, turned around, and handed me one. She started talking and openly flirting with me.
"She was more obvious than before, ogling me like I was man candy, standing too close to me, finding excuses to touch my shoulder and back. The way she was acting made me uncomfortable, but I thought 'no problem.' I could handle it. She was probably just lonely. She showed me to her home office and pointed me to the modem.
"'Well? Can you fix it? Or is it h
opeless?' She laughed and put her hand on my shoulder, leaning in close behind me and pressing against me so her breasts brushed against my back as she whispered in my ear.
"As I tried to sidestep away from her, I started feeling strange. Thickheaded and fuzzy. I turned around so I was facing her.
"'I don't feel well,' I told her. 'I have to go.'
"All I wanted at that moment was to get the fuck out of there. She put her hand on my chest and squeezed my nipple through my shirt. She had an excited look in her eyes. 'I like you, Logan. Don't you like me?' She grabbed my head and kissed me."
He shuddered, like the memory was revolting. I held him tight.
"I don't remember anything after that until I woke up in my own bed the next morning with a pounding headache that made me nauseous. I was hung over. But on just a few sips of beer?
"I felt an overwhelming sense of dread and revulsion. Violation. Images, just snatches, like scenes from a nightmare. The kind where I'm making love with a girl I'm hot for and she suddenly morphs into someone repulsive popped up out of nowhere and made me break into a cold sweat. Dr. Rogers naked. On top of me." He shuddered again and held me ferociously. "I was hoping it was all just a bad dream. While I was on the pain meds I got a lot of them."
He took a minute to compose himself. "I vaguely remember Collin driving me home in my car, but my thoughts were jumbled. Later I learned Zave had dropped him off. Dr. Rogers told them I'd had a bad reaction from mixing beer with painkillers. Shit! I'd only had a few sips. She made it sound like I was out of control again." He took a deep breath. "I threw away the rest of my bottle of painkillers. Went off them cold turkey.
"The next day in chem, a wave of panic washed over me when Dr. Rogers took the podium. I couldn't breathe. My palms sweated. My heart raced so fast I thought I was going to have a heart attack or some shit.
"She stared right at me, smiling, her eyes filled with lust. I grabbed my backpack and crap and stood to leave. She called me out.
"'Mr. Walker, sit down. If you leave my class, I'll fail you. See me in my office after class.'" His heart was racing again.
"Logan, you don't have to—"
"It's all right. It feels good to tell you." He stroked my hair. "When I went to her office, Dr. Rogers came on to me, telling me how good I was in bed and how hot she was for me. I was disgusted. She was revolting. I told her I'd never touched her and hell would freeze over before I ever would.
"With a triumphant look, she dragged me to her desk and showed me her computer with her private picture of me naked in her bed.
"'See,' she said. 'You're hot for me.'" His voice quaked with rage. "I wanted to grab that damn thing and throw it out the window along with her.
"She must have seen how I felt, but she ignored it. She touched my arm and said we could have more good times together. The more I did for her, the more she would do for me. She could get me drugs that would take away my pain. Give me an A in her class. Write me letters of recommendation for internships. Whatever I wanted.
"I told her she was talking shit and that I'd never touch her again. Wouldn't have in the first place if she hadn't drugged me.
"Her face went red and mottled with rage. She hissed at me, saying I'd regret spurning her and if I ever talked, she'd claim I had raped her. And she had proof."
I gasped.
He kissed the top of my head like I was the one who needed comforting. "I went to my dad. He accused me of being a dumbass for going over there in the first place, for getting drunk and sleeping with a prof. For being stupid enough to drink while I was taking narcotic painkillers. He made me talk to our family lawyer to see what we had to do to cover our asses.
"Our lawyer was sympathetic, but basically said I was screwed. So I kept my mouth shut." He exhaled loudly. "I had no idea about the other shit—that she was making date-rape drugs and had done this to other guys. I thought it was just me. I was embarrassed. If I'd known…" He took another deep breath.
I stroked his back. "It's all right. I know you would have." I hesitated. "The way she looked at you when you came to fix her projector after that prank…" I shuddered. "Did she ever come on to you again?"
He nodded. "A couple of times. She begged me to come over. Tried to lure me to her office. Caught me alone once in the lab when I was there working on some equipment. She said she couldn't stop thinking about me. Was obsessed with me. That we were so good together.
"I told her to go to hell and threatened to have our lawyer issue a restraining order if she didn't leave me alone. She backed off after that.
"I went to Jason and told him the story. He made sure I was never assigned any jobs for her. Until that last one, the prank. But I said that was okay. I could handle it. What could she do in front of hundreds of students?
"We've been working to catch her ever since the night I went to her house, unsuccessfully. Until the cops came to us with their suspicions."
He paused and sighed. "I still can't decide if she gave me that damn A to spite me and remind me of her, or to bribe me back, or pay me off." He shook his head. "Kels was the only one who understood. She was a victim of drug-assisted sexual assault, too. Her freshman year. That's why we're close. We understand each other."
He tipped my chin up. "But there's nothing between us now other than friendship. I've never felt anything for her like I feel for you."
I didn't like the way he said "now," as if there had been something more once. And I thought he was wrong about Kelsie—she still felt something for him, even if he didn't reciprocate. "I love you, Logan."
His eyes lit up. As he angled his mouth toward mine, the front door flew open and Collin stumbled in.
"Oops!" Collin laughed. "Looks like I'm interrupting something."
Logan rolled his eyes. "What are you doing back so early? Where's your dad?"
"At his hotel. Work to do."
"Sounds familiar." Logan grinned at me, shrugging off the bad memories and putting on his easygoing persona for Collin. "He and my dad probably have a poker game going." Logan took my hand and pulled me toward his bedroom. I grabbed my purse on the way.
"Where are you two going? Aren't you going to keep me company?"
"Good night, Collin." Logan closed the door after him and pulled me down onto his bed next to him.
I leaned over, set my purse on the nightstand beside the bed, and pulled him on top of me between my knees as the skirt of my dress rode up, exposing my black lace panties. I wanted to feel his desire and hardness against me. I wanted him to know I loved him and understood. As he perched over me, I wrapped my arms around his neck and smiled at him. "I'm glad you told me."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." I had to reassure him that he didn't look weak or guilty or naïve to me. That I wasn't judging him. I understood being a victim.
"You're beautiful, El, all the time." His voice was low and sweet with emotion. "But tonight, you're stunning."
"It's the makeup." I touched my cheek, conscious of my scar.
He kissed it with a brush of his lips so soft and tender it brought tears to my eyes. "I never notice the scar, El. To me, it's a beauty mark, a part of you." He brushed the hair away from my face and neck and whispered in my ear. "I like the way you look when you're fierce and worked up and defending me. You're like a she-devil. It's sexy."
As he kissed my neck, my entire body tingled with pleasure, radiating out from the warmth of his mouth on my skin to the tips of my fingers and my toes, lingering between my legs. I wanted him with an ache that was simply gorgeous and an intensity I'd never thought possible. I moved his hand to my breast and sighed as he gently cupped it.
Letting Logan close to me, letting him touch me, frightened me as much as it excited me, but I was powerless to stop the longing for him. I was losing my heart to him so deeply and completely, he had the power to crush me. I'd sworn never to give anyone the strength to do that again, but somehow Logan had penetrated my defenses. It was reckless, a simply reckless longing.
&n
bsp; His lips traveled down the side of my neck and over my shoulders to the hollow of my neck. I circled my arms around him, running my hands over the taut muscles of his back, memorizing the feel of him, clutching handfuls of his shirt, wishing I could hold him forever. He licked, making slow, lazy circles with his tongue in the hollow of my throat.
"Your pulse is racing," he whispered.
I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him so tightly against me we were almost one. I pressed my hand to his heart. "So is yours." I curved my neck to meet his lips and pulled his shirt loose from his jeans.
As I ran my hands up his back, skimming my fingers lightly over his skin, he shivered beneath my touch. But nothing distracted him as he trailed hot, beautiful kisses up my throat, licking while I trembled with pleasure until he found my mouth.
I opened it to him, wanting the heat of his lips on mine, relishing the intimacy. He wouldn't be rushed, gently sucking my lower lip, tracing the outline of my mouth with his tongue until I shivered and almost begged for more.
I ran my hands through his hair, knowing I was running down a path that could lead to heartache. And not caring. He covered my mouth with his, kissing me urgently, passionately, perfectly. His tongue danced with mine and I was his, wrapped up in him, caught up in him. Nothing else existed except for him and the tight, building ache for him.
I sighed, wanting more. Then he broke away, trailing kisses down my body until he slid the spaghetti straps off my shoulders and kissed the tops of my gently heaving breasts.
I unbuttoned the buttons of his shirt until it fell open around me and ran my hands along the hard planes of his chest until his nipples budded. I squeezed them while his hand slipped beneath my dress and pushup bra.
I felt his hard-on through his jeans and reached for his fly while my heart pounded and I wondered what I was doing. I wanted him, but I was afraid of the risk of making love. Afraid of making a mistake like me.
He stared at me with heart-wrenching honesty and love in his eyes. "Just touching this time, El. No pressure." He pulled me into a sitting position and reached for the back zipper of my dress and unzipped it.
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