The Complete Alice Wonder Series - Insanity - Books 1 - 9

by Cameron Jace

  The March’s ears stand erect. His eyes widen. It’s the same look he had when I first met him in the asylum called the Hole.

  “What is it? Aren’t you happy?” I say. “We won the Wonderland War.”

  The March’s face turns red. His eyes roll sideways and upward.

  I pull him closer to me. “Don’t tell me you still have the light bulb in your head?”

  “What light bulb?” He manages a weird smile that I can’t interpret.

  “Come on, Mum.” Lily taps me on the shoulder. “We’re late for school.”

  I realize children come first and decide I will talk with the March later. “Okay. But you lead the way,” I tell my children, and hit the pedal.

  “Bye, Mr. Jittery!” Lily waves.

  “I know the way.” Tiger hugs the back of the passenger seat and begins to guide me into the fantabulous world of the future.

  12

  I push the radio button while driving in this rich and luxurious neighborhood I live in. There is a song playing on the radio. It has this line, ‘the future is so bright, I gotta wear shades.’

  All houses are family homes, the bright colors of rainbows. Roses are everywhere. Lily greets a few people on the way. Families and their kids in silly-looking cars like mine. Whenever someone greets me, I nod and pretend I know them.

  At some point, I miss Tiger’s directions and detour into a left. It’s a one-way road. Narrow. It looks abandoned. The more I drive into it, the more roses disappear. There is a gate at the end.

  “Okay, I’m lost,” I tell Tiger, but he doesn’t answer me.

  I look in the mirror and see him, and Lily are scared out of their minds. So scared, Tiger can’t tell me how to turn around and get back on track.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “You shouldn’t be driving this way,” Tiger says.

  “Yeah, I know. I missed the turn,” I say. “Can you tell me how to get back?”

  “He is scared,” Lily says, looking as scared. “I think you have to drive over the grass here. That’ll be breaking the law, but it’s the only way back.”

  “That’s silly,” I say while following her suggestion. “Why isn’t there a way back?”

  “Because everyone knows you don’t drive near this place.” Tiger tenses.

  I decide not to ask them while they’re scared. So I begin to entertain them by singing along with a song that I don’t know on the radio. It takes some time, but finally, they ease up once we’re closer to their school.

  “We’ve arrived!” Lily raises her hands as I slow down at the school’s curb.

  It puzzles me how my children are so happy about going to school. I don’t think that’s the norm. But hey, we won the war. This must be the heaven version of the future.

  Tiger gives me a kiss on my cheek and jumps out of the car. He meets up with his friends, looking like the leader of the tribe. Lily hugs me dearly. She gets out slowly, looking a bit shy. The first one to greet her is at the school’s door — her teacher.

  Gripping the wheel, I feel worried about my little girl. I am not sure if I should do something about it. This is the future. I am going to be back within an hour. But God, it just doesn’t feel right not to know why Lily is a bit introverted.

  I watch her enter the building, reminding myself of the mission I am here for. I open the envelope, which is my only clue to the whereabouts of the keys. Inside, there is nothing but a piece of paper with an address.

  An address I recognize immediately. St. Aldates Street. I am supposed to go to Oxford University.

  I think it’s my own handwriting scribbled at the bottom. It says:

  Find the Mock Turtle. He knows where the keys are.

  So the way to the Six Keys is to go to Oxford University and find the Mock Turtle. Not the soup, of course.

  I remember a brief appearance for such a character by that name in Lewis Carroll’s books. He is the one who tells Alice he called his teacher tortoise because he ‘taught us.’

  I turn around, aiming to find my way to Oxford University. I wonder if it looks as fluffy and wonderful as my neighborhood.

  As I drive, I keep thinking about the note. It escapes me how and why I’d have written this note in the future. Did I know I was coming? Did I come here before, and left myself a clue?

  Time traveling is even more mind-boggling than the secrets of Wonderland.

  Lost in the neighborhood, I decide to make it back to the March Hare and have a lengthy conversation with him. That’d be the right start.

  I come across that scary street again. And being me, I can’t help it. I am curious.

  I detour again, driving along, looking left and right. It’s a dim-looking street, but not really scary. I keep driving until I reach the gate. I wonder how it opens. Maybe this is the way to the university.

  I get out of the car and walk to the gate. There is a single red button on the right wall of the gate. It says: Don’t push this button.

  It seems that, even after we won the war, the nonsensical never stopped. Why is there a button if I shouldn’t push it?

  But I do. I am curious.

  The gate opens slowly. And a timer appears on the wall. Sixty seconds. I assume it’s the time the gate stays open.

  Jumping back in my rabbit car, I hit the accelerator and gun it through the gate.

  And it’s only seconds before I see the horror and understand what’s really happening in the future.

  13

  THE PRESENT: OXFORD

  The Cheshire had been roaming the street in Jack’s body for some time. And boy was it fun.

  First of all, Jack was young and allowed the Cheshire to mingle with young people, which excited him. Yesterday he’d played a game of football. Gone to a movie with a few youngsters he befriended at the game.

  Even better was how girls liked Jack. They always complimented him and flirted with him. They thought he was funny and easygoing, though the Cheshire hardly talked. He didn’t want to expose himself as being a very old creature.

  Usually, he only smirked, laughed, and used Jack’s attractive facial expressions to push a conversation.

  The best thing about him was his dimples, the girls said.

  Thankfully, he knew enough about Jack to sustain believable short conversations when he was forced to say something.

  At the movies, everyone wanted to see the latest Star Wars movie. But the Cheshire persuaded them to see Puss in Boots.

  That was some experience for him.

  Seeing a kick-ass cat, subtly evil, loved and cherished by the audience, made the Cheshire’s day. Maybe humans weren’t that bad after all — but soon, he changed his mind and convinced himself that Puss in Boots must be a Wonderlander he hadn’t heard of. One with expanded influence in this world. He should tell the Queen about him later.

  Then he went to dinner with a girl. She kept holding his hand all night, showing him she liked him. She made him drive her home and spent a significant amount of time at her doorstep, talking to him. At first, he didn’t understand until she neared and kissed him.

  “Meow.” He moaned.

  The girl backed off immediately, pretending she had school tomorrow and disappeared into her house.

  “She’s definitely not a cat person ,” he told himself.

  Walking away, the Cheshire wondered about those strange human emotions. Holding hands, going to movies, kissing. Those humans sure knew how to enjoy themselves. They didn’t spend their days hunting for a rat to feed themselves and their families. And they didn’t spend much time evading imminent threats of predators, dogs, and passing cars.

  Holy furs, grins, and purrs.

  They didn’t even have fleas sticking to the backs of their necks, driving them crazy all day and night.

  And most important, each and every one of them had a place to go home to at night. It was just silly.

  Suddenly, the Cheshire heard someone call behind him, “Alice!”

  The Cheshire turned and saw no o
ne. But the voice continued, “Alice. I love you.”

  The Cheshire’s eyes rolled. Was he getting madder than he already was?

  “I need to tell you why I came back for you, Alice.”

  Enough, the Cheshire thought. What was going on?

  Then the headache started. He clapped his hands over his ears, but the voice persisted. He finally realized whose voice this really was.

  It was Jack’s. The Cheshire was listening to Jack’s thoughts. About none other than Alice.

  The Cheshire grinned. A big grin. It was time to listen to why Jack had really come back for Alice.

  14

  THE FUTURE

  The place I just left turned out to be a compound of some sort. Safe and sound from the mad world outside.

  Here in the streets, it’s a circus of insanity. It's like a kindergarten for adults. People drive cars into each other and laugh at the injured passengers. Others are vandalizing every other building they come across. There are a bunch of what look like protestors gathered in the streets. They're holding signs that read: We want our brains back.

  And that's just what I am capable of comprehending from a brief look.

  I stop the car, too worried to get out, still trying to understand what's going on. Is this the real future? What about the place I came from?

  I turn back and see my neighborhood behind the gate is protected by a fortress wall. Surveillance cameras everywhere. Several signs with warnings stretch across the walls. Don't come near or you will be fried like toast.

  Farther to the left, there is a bigger sign. It says: The Wonderland Compound.

  I remind myself that I am lying on a couch in the Inklings bar a few years back in time now. Does this mean the Inklings has been turned into this protective compound in the future?

  Why?

  Turning back, I stare at the mad world in chaos and realize I am staring at where Big Ben once stood. The building still has a clock, but it's not Big Ben anymore. It's a giant building shaped like a mushroom.

  I decide to drive further into the mad streets of London. It's not easy, considering the crazy people rapping on my car, demanding that I stop.

  But I manage. Maneuvering left and right. A building is on fire next to me. A march of naked people with tattoos on their chests: Government! Give back our brains!

  What happened here?

  I arrive at what once was the British Parliament in Westminster Palace. It's not that anymore. It's something scary.

  I slow down and stare at it, unable to believe my own eyes. But it's hard not to know what it has turned into.

  A circus.

  A fluttering flag before the tent reads: Ladies and gentlemen, mad and madders, come watch the freaks who call themselves sane and rational.

  I halt to a stop, needing a moment to let it all sink in.

  We didn't really win the war, did we? We lost it. Big time. And the Wonderland Monsters turned the circus around on humans. Now the insane watch the sane for entertainment and freak shows.

  A slight look to the right and I see the Queen of Hearts’ face, full profile, drawn on the vertical length of a ten-story building. The drawing makes her look taller, thinner, and not as ugly as she really is. Underneath her painting, there are more words to read: In Her Majesty's Bonkers Service!

  I let out a shriek inside my car. This is the worst future for mankind.

  Another horde of protestors walk toward my car. Those are different and most nonsensical. They hold up signs that say: We volunteer to have our heads chopped off. All in the name of the Queen.

  They keep advancing and pointing at my car. They want me to let some of them in. I pull the roof of the car on and lock myself inside. But then they pull out their Bandersnatch guns and are about to shoot me. I put the car in reverse and hit the accelerator.

  It doesn't work. An ambulance, driven by a madman, crashes into my car from behind.

  I need to find a way out of this.

  15

  THE PRESENT: OXFORD

  The Cheshire was going mad — well, at least madder than he already was.

  Jack's voice in his head was killing him. At first, he thought he could know why Jack came back for Alice. But the little piece of information didn't present itself. Instead, Jack turned out to be in real love with Alice, thinking about her all the time. Remembering how they met. All those late-night phone calls. The walks. The talks. And the romance.

  The Cheshire felt like he was going to vomit from the clichés and cheesiness. Humans pretended they were superior in their feelings toward each other.

  But then the Cheshire remembered the youngsters he'd just met and gone to the movies with. Maybe he really had to give humans a chance.

  At least guys like Jack.

  How was it possible to really think about someone this way? How was Jack benefitting from loving a girl who’d killed him?

  It drove the Cheshire mad. But he decided he had to figure it out. Starting with sorting Jack's mind out.

  Like a cabinet full of curiosities, he wanted to locate Jack’s memories with Alice. The memory on the bus where she killed him and the other students.

  16

  THE FUTURE: LONDON

  Running wild in the streets, chased by a horde of mad people, I glanced at what once was the Big Ben again. Not only does it look like a weird mushroom made of what looks like marshmallow bricks, but it has a cuckoo bursting out of it when the clock strikes. The cuckoo has a husky voice, shouting, “We’re all mad here!” three times.

  There is much more madness that surrounds me, but I try to focus on two things. My survival, and finding a way out of London to Oxford University.

  Pictures of the Queen of Hearts are everywhere. A few statues too. One of them shows her chopping off a flamingo’s head. The following words are carved underneath: She finally did it!

  I take a left onto what I think will lead me to the road out of here. The madmen are right on my tail. From the signs, I believe Great Britain is now called the Great Republic of Wonderland, just like Tiger told me.

  And that’s not all. There are maps on the walls of buildings. Maps of the empire of Wonderland. Apparently, Black Chess colonized the rest of the world like the British Empire of the past. Mushrooms are Black Chess’s trademark, planted in every country they set foot in as a marker of territory.

  Damn. The Queen’s plan really worked.

  Now I take a right, as I elbow one of my attackers hard enough to throw him back. I think I am stronger now. I wonder how.

  There is a map that shows that the republic’s most proud achievement: conquering Uncle Sam’s land. The United Loons of Wonderland is what the US is called now. Hell, there is a picture of the Sphinx in Egypt with the Queen’s head instead of a lion’s.

  This, by far, is the worst-case scenario. How did we lose the war?

  A couple of my chasers manage to grab my hand and slow me down. I kick one in the crotch and slice a shard of glass through the other’s neck. What the heck am I doing?

  But I have no time. I keep on running before the others find me. This is insane. The world is chasing after me. I don’t even know why.

  And here it is. Oxford University. How did I step out of London into Oxford this fast? I wonder if it has something to do with time traveling. Does time collapse distance this way?

  But here I am, staring at… Wait.

  At first, I am surprised that the university buildings are left as they were. No mushroom structures or other sorts of nonsense have touched it. Then I read the sign hung atop the Tom Tower. It says: Welcome to the Oxford Asylum for the Sane and Mundane.

  Pictures of Einstein on the outer walls, depicted as a madman with a hookah pipe and flapping white hair, say it all. There is a bubbling quote coming out of his mouth: Time? What about time? Time is mad.

  But I’m not that surprised. It has all gotten out of hand already.

  What does surprise me is that my chasers are now split into two groups. Left and right. Now I can�
�t enter the university — I mean the asylum — surrounded by mad people in all directions.

  I’m stuck with a shard of glass for a weapon, between two groups of mad folks wanting to kill me — or so I believe.

  I stand in place, circling slowly, my eyes meeting theirs. They’re approaching me. They’re not in a rush. Why would they be? We have all the madness in the world.

  What are you going to do right now, Alice? Die in the future? What does that even mean?

  I realize that what really bothers me is that I am a mother now. Who is going to take care of Lily and Tiger if I die?

  But I’m not even supposed to be here. Time traveling is really messing with my head.

  The madmen and women approach me with grins worse than the Cheshire’s. I swallow hard. What am I going to do? I guess I will have to fight them. Can I confront all of them?

  I pray my None Fu skills have evolved tremendously, or I will die a mushroom in the future.

  Suddenly, a huge vehicle stops nearby. A red one. Its wheels screech to a halt. It’s a fire truck. Before I know it, the madmen, including me, are thrown backward by the rush of water pressure out of a fire hose.

  Left and right, mad people glide and slide on the floor.

  Who is doing this?

  The mad people beg whoever is doing this to stop. But he keeps drowning us, and we’re unable to see who he is behind a wall of moist air.

  “Alice!” I hear someone call.

  Who is that?

  The water stops. The silhouette of a man appears.

  I squint as he approaches me, shooting a couple of madmen with a rifle on the way.

  And slowly, I can see.

  The man wears a hat and a blue suit and white gloves. He is unbelievably dry in all this slippery wetness.

  “Pillar?” I stand up, not believing what I am seeing.

  He shoots another mad attacker then stares at his pocket watch. “Hmmm,” he mumbles. “A bit too late.”