The Complete Alice Wonder Series - Insanity - Books 1 - 9

by Cameron Jace

  “I’ll do what you want,” he says. “Please, Alice. Don’t kill me.”

  I turn his head back. It doesn’t fit exactly — it’s a little skewed at the cheeks — but he is glad he is alive.

  “Thank you,” he says. “Where to?”

  The million-dollar question. I focus hard, trying to remember Mrs. Tock’s address, the one she gave me through the pink pill in the Inklings. I think the Lullaby pill I took in the past, messed with the pill I took in the present, where I came from.

  Remember it, Alice. Come on!

  As we chug through the streets of Oxford, I can’t remember the address. Maybe I’ve been exposed to too much emotional stress. I should remember it.

  We kick the Queen out on the street. The driver puts her in a garbage can, telling me he loathed her and would do anything for me.

  When he comes back, we drive left and right, everywhere, hoping the buildings will make me remember, hand me a clue.

  Where does Mrs. Tock live now?

  Then it comes to me. I’m not just in the wrong area. I’m in the wrong city. Mrs. Tock’s address is in London.

  “London it is,” the driver says.

  “I will need my wheelchair first,” I remind him — also reminding myself that I am a cripple.

  “It’s fixed on top of the car. Don’t worry.”

  “And I will need you to help me up a few stories in London. Got that?”

  “I will do what you ask for,” he says. “May I ask where I will be lifting you up to?”

  “A hidden room in the Big Ben tower.”

  61

  THE PAST: BIG BEN, LONDON

  Mr. Tick and Mrs. Tock live in a hidden room in the Big Ben. It has a wall for a door that only opens when you knock on it six times, like a secret cave. They live in a lavish, huge room inside. The only disadvantage is the horribly loud sound each time the Big Ben strikes.

  But being married since the beginning to time, both of them aren’t bothered by it. In fact, they look so bored, they love it when it bangs.

  Mr. Tick is certainly bored of his ticks. I watch him blame Mrs. Tock for being a boring wife who can’t find a way for him to spice up his life. Mr. Tick really hates London. He hates the rainy weather, the drunks late at night, the football games, and calls it a boring city. Mrs. Tock keeps telling him that soon, the Wonderland Monsters will arrive, and the city will become incredibly entertaining. Mr. Tick says it’s all lies, like there’s never been a real Severus Snape in Harry Potter.

  The couple are so bored that Mrs. Tock doesn’t mind finding me in her kitchen. She doesn’t ask how I got inside their secret hideout. Worse, she doesn’t remember who I am.

  This is going to take some time.

  “Tea?” she offers me.

  “Please.” I am trying to think of the right words to explain to her that I am from the future and that she is supposed to help me.

  “I don’t know how to please my husband,” she complains. “I mean, our marriage was perfect for the first two thousand years. The love, the cuddles, and all the things we did together. But then, a thousand years after a thousand years, things went down the drain.”

  “How long have you been married?”

  She scratches her head. “I really forgot.”

  “Never mind.” I wave a hand, like a good neighbor chitchatting with her. “I’m sure it’s been a long time. Ever had kids?”

  “Mr. Tick doesn’t want to.” She lowers her head. “He thinks he is still young. He still chases young girls.”

  “Midlife crisis.” I rub my cup.

  “He says I’m boring,” she explains. “That I’m always late.”

  “You’re Mrs. Tock. It’s who you are.”

  “See? I’m meant to be late. All women are meant to be late. We need time in front of the mirror.”

  “I agree.” Now that I can finally stare into a mirror.

  “Of course, he doesn’t need a mirror. First of all, he is too tall for all mirrors. Secondly, he has no hair to comb.”

  “Three hairies, I believe.”

  “I’m surprised you can see them.” She snickers. “He keeps lubricating them, combing, and even dying them. All for that girl he’s liked recently.”

  “I’ll bet she is young.”

  “Nineteen. Can you believe it? He’s easily her great-great ancestor. Her name is Lorina.”

  “Lorina?”

  “Lorina Wonder.”

  I rest my case. I have nothing to say.

  “Now, he wants a divorce, which we’re not allowed to have.”

  “Of course. What would the world be without a tick and a tock?”

  “I’m glad you understand,” she says. “He’s looking for a cure for baldness these days.”

  “I bet he’s been looking for it for a few thousand years now.”

  “And it’s all a hoax. Can’t grow back hair unless you go back in time.” Mrs. Tock laughs. “So, do I know you?”

  I haven’t told her my name. “I was sent to you from the future.”

  She bursts out laughing. “Nice one.”

  “No, really,” I say. “Two years in the future, you sent me back here. You gave me this address and told me you could help me when something goes wrong.”

  Mrs. Tock’s face dims. She doesn’t like what I’m saying at all.

  “Listen.” I am trying my best to embrace my Bad Alice personality, but it’s not working. “You were supposed to send me a day back, but you messed up, and I need you to help me go back to yesterday.”

  “You’re insane.”

  “Not anymore.” I grin. “If you don’t help me, I will die in the next few hours.”

  62

  THE PRESENT: A HOTEL ROOM IN OXFORD

  The Cheshire booked a room in the hotel after they’d told him they had a DVD player inside. In spite of being penniless, he used Jack’s charm on the receptionist, a blond girl, whom he showed a card trick. One of the benefits of having access to Jack’s mind — and a possible generous source of income in the future.

  The Cheshire entered the room and turned on the DVD, then pushed a stolen version of Titanic in. People had told him Titanic was the cheesiest when it came to illogical portrayals of romance on film.

  The Cheshire liked that. He was experiencing the same thing in Jack’s head; his continuing love for Alice both annoyed and amazed the Cheshire.

  An hour and a half into the movie, the Cheshire was weeping into tissues—he was glad no one was watching him.

  But he couldn’t help it. Love and sacrifice were new concepts to him, let alone coming from the freakin’ humans.

  He began regretting the way he’d earlier celebrated the Bad Alice’s return with the Queen of Hearts on the phone. Of course, Alice being the Real Alice, satisfied his insatiable desire to hurt humans in this world. But only if he hadn’t entered Jack’s body and brain.

  Why did I ever possess his soul?

  Now, sitting here, his tears wetting his cheeks, he didn’t know whether to help Alice become a hero or resort to the evil one she had always been. It was a shame she didn’t know someone like Jack loved her so much. Even the Cheshire had begun having feelings for Alice.

  How he wished someone loved him this way. The last cat he’d loved back in Belgium was a fraud. She was after the delicious rat he’d just caught.

  But maybe the Cheshire was destined to become Jack. Alice’s lover. As weird and creepy as it was, even to him, it seemed his only way out of his pain of being a nobody.

  Possessing any soul he wished didn’t prove him as invincible as he’d always thought. It was time for the Cheshire to be somebody. Jack seemed like a good choice.

  Besides, he had begun to fall in love with the card player.

  But still, sometimes, the older Cheshire rose inside and wanted to vomit all of this love out. Yuck. It was as bitter as expired milk.

  The Cheshire, confused like never before, sat on the bed with one last idea in his head. The most interesting, actually. He vo
wed not to make a decision about Jack’s love for Alice, not before he knew why Jack came back for her.

  If he could only locate that part of the memory in Jack’s brain.

  63

  THE PAST: BIG BEN, LONDON

  “Go away!” Mrs. Tock shrills. “Who are you? Time travel isn’t possible.”

  “Please, Mrs. Tock,” I say. “You promised to help me. How else do you think I figured out your hiding place?”

  “Go away, you creepy girl in the wheelchair.”

  I use her fear and wheel myself after her, creeping her out. “Think about it. I know a lot of things about you. Things no one else knows.”

  “Like what?” She steps away from me.

  “Like Mr. Tick loves tea.”

  “So?”

  “And brownies.”

  “So what?”

  “He never lets you near his brownies.”

  She stops and stares skeptically at me. “It still doesn’t prove you’re from the future.”

  “Tell you what.” I squeeze her against the wall with my wheelchair. “Forget about who I am. If I make Mr. Tick love you back, will you help me?”

  “Says the young, inexperienced girl in a wheelchair.”

  “Just humor me. Go now and stop time. He will like it.”

  “We’ve stopped time a million times. It’s boring.”

  “Because it never occurred to you to mess with people,” I say. “Stop time and push a car over a cliff. Make one woman bore into another’s nose. Switch things. It’ll be fun. He will like it.” Sorry, world. I have to do it.

  “You think?”

  “Just do it!”

  I spend the next hour trying not to think about the crazy accidents happening in London when time stops. Mrs. Tock returns with a broad smile on her face. “He liked it.” She jumps in place. “He even swore to forget about Lorina Wonder. Who are you, creepy girl?”

  “Says the creepiest woman in history.” I roll my eyes.

  “What did you just say?”

  “Was just coughing. So are you going to help me?”

  “Only because you made my husband like me.” She sits next to me and rubs her chin. “Why do you want to travel back in time?”

  So it’s possible, Mrs. Tock. “I need to go back to yesterday to save a few friends from dying.”

  “Every fool’s wish.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Everyone thinks if they go back in time, they can change the future. It never works. Whatever you do, time will find a way to stay on course—a few casualties and tiny changes might occur.”

  Tiny changes. Like Jack staying alive? I’d like that. Also, I’d like to know what happened on the bus. “I’ll take whatever time gives me.”

  “Time is sneaky and unreliable, I must warn you. Besides, if you’re from the future like you said, you’re going to die either way.” She eyes me. “I see you already know that. How long do you have?”

  “Ten hours. Give or take.”

  “Then I’d advise you to spend them messing with people’s minds here. You’re doomed, crippled girl.”

  “Unless I find my Wonder in the past.”

  Mrs. Tock laughs, throwing her head back. She raps on the table and addresses her husband. “Did you hear what she just said, Mr. Tick?”

  “She wants to find her Wonder, so she stays alive,” Mr. Tick says, sipping his tea and reading tomorrow’s news. A special Tick Tock edition.

  “What’s wrong with finding my Wonder?” I say.

  “You know what that even is?” Mrs. Tock snickers.

  “The one thing we do in our lives and are forever proud of—or something like that?”

  “You know how long me and Mrs. Tock have been alive?” Mr. Tick asks. “We’ve never known what our Wonder is.”

  That’s because you’re two mad morons, obsessed with the misery of others. “Leave that part to me. Just send me back in time.”

  “Are you sure?” Mrs. Tock says. “Sometimes it’s better not to go back to yesterday.” She points at the tattoo on my hand. “Sometimes it’s better not to know.”

  “I know the worst about me already. I don’t think it gets worse than that.”

  “Send the poor girl back, Mrs. Tock,” Mr. Tick suggests. “At least she’d enjoy not being a cripple for the next few hours. Or were you a cripple yesterday, too?” he asks me.

  “No, I wasn’t.”

  “As you wish, my lovely husband.” Mrs. Tock rubs her hand on my eyes. “Now close your eyes and count to seven. Can’t guarantee you’ll wake in heaven.”

  64

  THE PAST: ALICE’S HOUSE IN OXFORD, A DAY BEFORE THE ACCIDENT

  The best thing about the past is that I’m not crippled. I wake up in a bed in a room I now remember well. The room on the second floor of the house where I’ve spent most of my adult life with my foster family.

  The sun outside is shining brightly. There are no hints of the possibility of rain or greying skies. It looks like a beautiful day — unfortunately, the day I will kill my classmates.

  I take a moment in front of the mirror, admiring my seventeen-year-old look. It boggles my mind how innocent I look. If I were the Bad Alice all this time, why don’t I feel like it in the past? Is it really the fact that the Pillar exposed me to the possibility of becoming a better person in the future? Do I really have a chance to rewrite my evil ways? To change the world?

  I dress up for school and descend the stairs.

  “Alice, darling,” my mother addresses me, fixing me sandwiches in the kitchen. Either I managed to fool her into thinking I’m innocent, or I really have the power to change. “I fixed you the tuna sandwich you love.”

  “Thanks.” I take it and then slowly say, “Mum?”

  She kisses me on the cheek. “Please forgive your sisters,” she says. “They’re horrible. One day they will know your worth.”

  “Forgive them?”

  “For what they did yesterday, locking you in the basement. Don’t you remember?”

  “Ah, that.” I wonder if I should confront her with the knowledge that they’re not my sisters, and that she isn’t my mother. But what’s the point, really?

  I need to ask practical questions. “Did you see Jack?” She must know him at this point — or doesn’t she know about my relationships at this time?

  “What about Jack?” Lorina descends the stairs.

  “I wonder where I can find him.”

  “Why?” She snatches my sandwich and tucks it into her bag. “Tuna. Yuck!”

  “Do you know where he is or not?”

  “You better stay away from Jack, Alice.” Edith arrives.

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “Jack is mine,” Lorina says. “All mine.”

  “And you’ve been looming for some time,” Edith says.

  I thought we were a couple by now.

  “It boggles my mind why you think he’d be interested in you,” Lorina says. “He is mine.”

  “Not yet,” Edith reminds her.

  “I always get what I want,” Lorina says, chin up.

  I don’t have time for this nonsense.

  “And what’s with the thinning hair?” Edith points at my withering hair. I guess it haunts me everywhere I travel in time. I think it has something to do with the time I have left alive.

  I comb my head with hands. No time to be embarrassed about it. My mother has already disappeared somewhere.

  “We shouldn’t lock her in the basement too often,” Lorina says. “It looks like rats are ripping out her hair.”

  “Looks better that way,” Edith says. “She looks mad. To the point.”

  The sisters giggle.

  I need to know where to find Jack, couple, or no couple. Or should I just stay away from him? If we’re not a couple, why would he get on the bus with me later? I’m confused here.

  “I know he’s yours,” I tell Lorina. “Can’t you just tell me where I can find him? I need to return a pen I borrowed.
”

  “A pen? Such a lame excuse.”

  Why can’t I just be the Bad Alice and choke both of them right now?

  “Tell you what,” Edith says. “I’m suggesting you forget about school today.”

  “Yeah,” Lorina says. “I’m seducing Jack into kissing me today. Better find something else to do.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like your favorite mad professor at Oxford University.” Edith giggles. Lorina giggles back.

  “Mad professor?”

  “The one whom you trust over everyone else,” Lorina says. “The one you think understands you.”

  “Aren’t you too young for him?” Edith laughs.

  “Who are you talking about?”

  “Don’t pretend you’re naive.” Lorina waves her hand, dismissing me. “Go to him. Professor Carter Pillar, who believes that Wonderland exists, like you do.”

  I am speechless.

  “Honestly, it’s a joke,” Edith says to Lorina. “You won’t believe how many young girls attend his free lectures, escaping school. Each one of them believes she is Alice.”

  They both laugh and walk away.

  In my mind, I think that finding the Pillar isn’t a bad idea. He always has a way out in these situations. I follow them out. Going to Oxford University wouldn’t be a problem.

  65

  THE PAST: LECTURE ROOM, OXFORD UNIVERSITY

  The girls swarming outside the lecture hall are all teenagers. Most of them are certified nerds. A few pigtails here, thick glasses there, and of course they all carry an Alice in Wonderland gadget. Several goth-like girls are also present, loud talkers and jokers, wearing silver piercings and black tattoos, hair dyed in pink and dressed like rock stars, and wearing t-shirts about an evil Alice. Last but not least are the girls in costumes. All Wonderlastic masks, disguised as the Hatter, the Rabbit, and Queen of Hearts, and more.