I Can Do Better All By Myself

by E. N. Joy

  “Tell me about it,” Lorain had agreed before reassuring her pastor that she’d tell Eleanor the truth about Unique being her daughter soon.

  Unfortunately, it would not be soon enough.

  “Look, I’m about to go to the bathroom real quick before deacon what’s his name opens up in prayer,” Eleanor told Lorain. “That man prays longer than the pastor preaches. And he don’t be praying about nothing.”

  “Just go, Mom. I’ll save you a seat next to me.” Lorain hurried her mother along, hoping that by the time she got back, service would start and she’d have to keep her mouth shut.

  Lorain entered the sanctuary and found some seats for them. After a bit, she saw the deacon approaching the pulpit in order to open up service in prayer. Good, Lorain thought. Mother will have no choice but to be quiet and behave with service in progress. But as Lorain looked over her shoulder just in time to see Eleanor entering the sanctuary, she couldn’t have been more wrong.

  Just as the deacon was about to ask the congregation to rise, Eleanor came flying down the aisle. “I’m a granny? I’m a grandmother?” she spat at Lorain. “Say it ain’t true. Say I didn’t have to find this out from two women running their mouths in the bathroom.”

  Lorain was embarrassed. If she hadn’t noticed how everyone had been eyeing her before, she certainly noticed it now. “Mother, will you calm down? You knew darn well that that baby Unique is carrying is mine; that you’re going to be a grandmother. Now sit down, please.”

  “That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about that girl—that project chick.” Eleanor scanned the sanctuary, and then pointed where her eyes landed. “Her. Her right there.” Eleanor turned her eyes back toward Lorain and glared at her. “Is what that woman in that god-awful ugly hat said true? Is that girl your daughter?”

  Every eye in the sanctuary followed Eleanor’s trembling, pointing finger and saw that it had targeted Unique.

  “Mama, why are you making a scene?” Lorain asked, trying to whisper. “You know the baby girl Unique is carrying is mine.” Lorain let out a nervous laugh.

  “Don’t you play with me, child.” Eleanor got in Lorain’s face and now pointed her finger close to her nose. “I will snatch you up and give you to the Lord all right . . . literally. I’m talking about her.” Eleanor jabbed her pointed finger in Unique’s direction again. “Unique ... is Unique your daughter?”

  Lorain felt heat rising in her body and a sickness in her stomach. A wind gushed through her body. She could only thank God that she was sitting down; otherwise, Eleanor’s words would have knocked her flat on her rear end anyway.

  “Answer me!” Eleanor shouted.

  “Mother, this isn’t the time or the place.” Lorain was looking down. She couldn’t dare look up and face anybody, especially her mother. “Let’s just sit through service, and then we’ll go have a nice lunch afterward and talk.”

  “I don’t want to go nowhere and eat,” Eleanor declined. “Besides, I’m already full. You’ve been feeding me enough bull—”

  “Sister Eleanor, please,” an usher pleaded, gently tugging Eleanor by her arm. “Let’s go to the kitchen and get you something to drink so you can calm down.”

  Eleanor jerked away from the usher, not once taking her eyes off of her daughter. “You better honor your mother and answer me right now!” Eleanor demanded. “Is Unique your daughter?”

  After a few seconds, Lorain closed her eyes. Upon closing them, a tear fell from each eye. All she could do was nod her head. She couldn’t see her mother’s response, but she could hear it. A loud gasp escaped Eleanor’s mouth as she stood trembling so much so that the usher had to support her. This time, Eleanor didn’t fight the usher as the woman dressed in a white top and black skirt led her away. But before Eleanor could take a third step, she stopped and turned to Lorain. “Then if she’s your daughter, who’s her father?”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Shortly after Eleanor had been led away by the usher to the kitchen, Mother Doreen joined them.

  “You can go ahead,” Mother Doreen told the usher. “I got her.”

  Without argument, the usher left Mother Doreen to tend to a distraught Eleanor.

  “Oh, Lord Jesus. Oh, Lord Jesus,” Eleanor repeated over and again as she leaned on the counter.

  “Here, sit down.” Mother Doreen escorted Eleanor over to a little nooklike seating area. “Let me get you some water.” Once Mother Doreen got Eleanor seated, she went and retrieved a bottled water from the fridge. After twisting the cap off, she handed it to Eleanor.

  “Thank you, Mother Doris,” Eleanor said as she began to sip the water.

  “Doreen,” she corrected her.

  “Oh, no, my name is Eleanor.”

  “I meant that my name is Doreen. You called me Doris. It’s Mother Doreen.”

  “Oh, please forgive me,” Eleanor apologized. “I’m just a little out of it is all.”

  “It’s okay. It’s quite all right. I wholeheartedly understand.” Mother Doreen joined Eleanor in sitting. The two older women sat there in silence while Eleanor sipped water from the bottle.

  “My baby has a baby who’s having her baby.” Eleanor shook her head. “If that ain’t about some Jerry Stringer sh—”

  “Sister Eleanor, please.”

  “Oh, God, forgive me.” She looked up, then she looked back at Mother Doreen. “I don’t even cuss, so I don’t know where this is coming from.” Eleanor buried her face in her hands. “God, make me understand all this, please.” Eleanor let her hands fall and bang on the table.

  Mother Doreen patted Eleanor’s hands gently. “Now, now, it’s going to be okay. You and Sister Lorain just need to talk and get everything straightened out.”

  “Mother Doreen is right,” Margie said, entering the kitchen.

  “Pastor, aren’t you supposed to be out there giving the word?” Mother Doreen asked.

  “Elder Simmons is prepared to do so,” Margie replied. “Right now, I have a sheep I need to tend to, so the other ninety-nine will just have to wait. Besides, hopefully, they all came to get a word from God and not me. And if that’s the case, I’m confident Elder Simmons will relay God’s message just fine.”

  “Amen to that,” Mother Doreen said. She stood and gestured for Margie to take the seat she’d been sitting in across from Eleanor. “Here you go, Pastor, you take a seat.”

  “Thank you, Mother Doreen.” Margie took the seat and gave her full attention to Eleanor. “You and your daughter need to talk, Sister Eleanor, but not in a church-filled sanctuary.”

  “And I do apologize for that,” Eleanor said with humility. “I had no right to disrespect God’s property like that. You just don’t know how it felt to find out something like that from bathroom gossip. I mean, she’s my daughter. I thought I raised her to let her know that I loved her. Why doesn’t she trust me enough to tell me things?” Eleanor shook her head as her eyes watered. “No no no!” she told herself. “I’m not going to sit here and get all emotional and cry. No, indeed. I’ma stay good and pissed off so that—” Eleanor put her hand to her mouth. “Oh, no.” Her eyes traveled from Margie to Mother Doreen. “Is that another bad cuss?”

  “Look, Eleanor, I can only imagine how you feel finding out this way—” Margie said.

  “Then why, Pastor?” the voice came from the doorway. Margie, Eleanor, and Mother Doreen looked up to see Lorain standing in the doorway. “Why’d you share what I confided in you?”

  Shock was an understatement to describe the look on Margie’s face. “Pardon me.” She stood, placing her hand over her chest.

  “Pastor, I don’t mean to accuse you of anything, but nobody else knew. Nobody but you, me, Unique, and God.”

  “And I didn’t tell it,” Unique said, walking up behind Lorain.

  “Hold on just a second here.” Mother Doreen put her hands up in defense. “I’m not going to sit here and allow y’all to disrespect Pastor like that.” Mother Doreen was offended by what Lorain
was insinuating. “In all my years, and of all the things I’ve confided in my pastor, not once has anything ever gotten back to me.”

  “Tsk,” Unique said, rolling her eyes. “Let’s be honest, Mother Doreen; your life is not all that exciting. I mean, everybody knows you keep yourself too busy with other folks’ lives so that you don’t have to live one of your own. So I’m sure anything you’ve told Pastor over the years wasn’t worth repeating anyway ... no offense.”

  “Well, that’s where you’re dead wrong,” Mother Doreen countered. “Just the other day I was in Pastor’s office and shared the most—”

  “Mother Doreen.” Margie cut off her church member and her roommate. “You don’t have to explain yourself, nor defend me, although I do appreciate it.”

  “I’m just saying, Pastor, if they knew like I knew, the thought of you telling people’s business wouldn’t even cross their minds.” At least that’s truly what Mother Doreen hoped and prayed, because just a couple days ago, she’d made a visit to Pastor’s office and shared something with her that she’d never before felt compelled to share. It was after the visit she’d received, and she knew she had to go to her pastor. She could no longer do this thing alone. And although her pastor didn’t judge her after her confession, she’d never forget the look on Margie’s face.

  Margie had leaned back in her church office chair. For the first time since she could recall, she was speechless. She honestly had no idea what to say. Well, her flesh had a lot of ideas, but she knew that at a critical time such as this, her words needed to be sensitive and orchestrated by God.

  After a few seconds, Margie had opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. So she went back into thought, waiting to hear from God. After a few more seconds, she opened her mouth to speak again. Still, she had nothing.

  This act was driving Mother Doreen, who sat in a chair on the opposite side of Margie’s desk, out of her mind. Every time she thought her pastor was about to say something, she’d lean in to listen. But each time, nothing came out of her pastor’s mouth, so she’d rest back against the chair.

  But this time after Margie fixed her lips to say something and no words came out, Mother Doreen couldn’t take it any longer. She broke the silence. “If you want me to leave your house, I’ll understand. If you want me to leave your church, I’ll understand.”

  Still, Margie was silent. Finally, she spoke. “First of all, this is not my church. It’s God’s church. Second, there is no way I’d put you out on the streets because of something you did in the past. Besides, you’ve paid your debt to society. Who am I to hold that against you?”

  Mother Doreen had been so happy to hear her pastor say that, because she needed her on her side with this battle. But right now, it looked as though Margie needed Mother Doreen on her side to help fight the brewing battle that was now taking place.

  “Look, right now, it really doesn’t matter who told what,” Margie said. “What matters is that the two of you ...” Margie looked from Eleanor to Lorain. But then she looked at Unique as well. “... or perhaps the three of you, should go home and talk.”

  “Unique, if you’d like, I can get the kids from Children’s Church for you,” Mother Doreen offered.

  Lorain looked at her mother. She tried to read her expression to see if that was something she was willing to do.

  Eleanor shrugged. “I guess I can do that, although it seems a day late and a dollar short.”

  Margie looked at Lorain. “Sister Lorain, what do you say?”

  “Of course,” Lorain agreed. She then looked at Unique. “Unique, I’d like for you to be there too.” She quickly turned her attention back to Eleanor. “But, Mother, no matter how upset you are, I won’t stand for you hurling any insults at my daughter; no more than you’d stand for somebody talking bad about me.”

  Unique fought like the dickens to keep that smile from splitting her lips. It felt good to hear Lorain stand up for her. Nothing Eleanor said at that point could steal the joy she felt in that moment of time.

  “Okay.” Eleanor stood. “Let’s do this then.” She walked past Lorain and Unique, but stopped and looked back at them once she realized they weren’t budging. “Well, what are you waiting for? Come on, daughter,” she said to Lorain, then looked at Unique. “You too, Shanaynay.” Then she headed for the car.

  Lorain shook her head and looked up at Unique. “Well, you heard her, Shanaynay. Let’s get a move on it.” Lorain grabbed Unique by the arm as the two exited the kitchen a few seconds behind Eleanor, leaving Mother Doreen and their pastor behind.

  Margie let out a huge breath and then flopped back down in the seat. “And you want me to join the Singles’ Ministry? And then other members even want me married off. Who has time for all that and at the same time be available to deal with what I have to deal with?”

  “I understand, Pastor,” Mother Doreen said, taking the seat Eleanor had vacated. “But you still have to take care of you. If you don’t, who else will?”

  Margie thought for a minute before saying, “Hopefully God will, Mother Doreen. Hopefully God.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  It had been a week since Paige had been to work. It was a much-needed leave of absence. Not only did her bruises need to heal, but she had to get her mind right as well. Mentally, she was going through so many emotions she felt schizophrenic at times. One minute she felt guilty about Blake having been thrown in jail, the next minute she was afraid because he was no longer in jail.

  When she’d received the phone call from the detective letting her know that Blake was being released, she was surprised. Not knowing much about the court system, Paige had just assumed he’d stay in jail until after the trial and sentencing.

  Another part of Paige felt worried. She worried whether Blake would just be able to pick back up where he’d left off at work, or if he even had a job to go back to. For the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why she even cared. Her main concern should have been whether she’d be able to function at her own place of employment.

  As she parked her Lexus that Blake had bought her after she’d totaled her car in the accident, she walked inside the theatre. She was feeling nervous, as she didn’t know what to expect from her coworkers. How much did they know? What had they seen on television? Or on the Internet, even? With all those social networks, folks chatted about everybody’s business under the sun, whether they knew the person or not.

  Most of Paige’s concerns disintegrated as she looked at the ticket window and saw a smiling Norman waving at her. She smiled, and then waved back. Next, he began to wave her inside the booth. She held up her index finger, letting him know she’d be in there shortly. First, she wanted to go inside to her office and check on some things.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Dickenson,” one of her employees greeted her.

  “Hi, Sam. How are you?” Paige returned the greeting.

  “Fine, and yourself?”

  “Just fine, Sam. Just fine.” Paige waited to see if Sam was going to give her a funny look or anything or be intrusive and ask her personal questions about the situation she was dealing with. That never happened. Sam just went on as if everything were everything. This made Paige smile even more. She had nothing to worry about. At least, not at the moment.

  After checking e-mails, Paige decided she would check phone messages. Just as she went to pick up the phone, it buzzed. “Paige Dickenson, how can I help you?” she asked.

  “You can help me by coming out to this ticket booth and letting me lay eyes on you. I need to know that you are okay,” Norman stated.

  Again, Paige smiled. His concern for her was warming. Norman was her buddy. He may have been a white man, but he understood her sista ways like nobody’s business. He’d been there for her while she was both saved and unsaved. He’d been there for her even at times when Blake wasn’t, which almost got her into trouble. After spending so much time with Norman, an attraction had formed. But Paige nipped that in the bud, and the two were able to res
ume their close friendship without awkwardness.

  “Give me a minute, would ya?” Paige chuckled. “I know I’m the best boss in the world, and you could probably barely function around this place without me, but I have been gone for a week. I have things to do besides sit out there in the ticket booth and watch you get phone numbers. Especially with this being the first week that Sex in the City 2 has premiered. I know you’ve run out of room in your Rolodex,” Paige joked.

  “See, now,” Norman countered, “it’s not even about that. I honestly wanted to see about you.”

  “I know you did. I’m just joshing with you. But really, give me a minute and I’ll be out to see how things are going.”

  “I’ll be waiting.”

  “I know you will.” Paige ended the call with a smile on her face. “Shoot, perhaps I should have come back to work sooner,” she said as she began checking her phone messages. After checking about four messages, her phone buzzed again.

  “Paige, I need you to—” Norman started before Paige cut him off.

  “Okay, already.” Paige let out an exhausted breath of air. “I can see right now you’re not going to let me get through these phone messages. So you win, Norman. I’m on my way out.” Paige hung up the phone. She stared at it for a minute before shaking her head and smiling. After dealing with so much mental, physical, and emotional torment from a man, Paige was relieved that God had created good, kind, loving men ... like Norman. “All right, Norman,” she said into the air as she stood up from her desk, “I’m coming to you.”

  Before Paige could even take a single step she gasped, falling back down into her seat.

  “So he calls and you come running, huh?” Blake said with cold, steely eyes as he stood in her office doorway carrying a bouquet of roses. “Here I’ve been calling your cell phone for a week, and you won’t even talk to me. But you will go running for the white man.” Those spike-sharp eyes nailed her to the chair. “So is it him? Is it Norman? Is he the one you are having the affair with? Is that what you were going to tell me the night I . . .” Blake’s words trailed off.