I Can Do Better All By Myself

by E. N. Joy

  “Yeah, I must say that listening to you tell it to me in my truck that day, keeping in mind that I’m sure that was the condensed version, you’ve dealt with quite a bit.” Nicholas ate a spoonful of the vegetable soup he’d ordered. “But don’t worry. You’ve got me now. I’ll be your sounding board, so don’t ever hesitate to share anything with me.”

  Lorain sat there quiet and stunned. It showed by the expression on her face, so Nicholas decided to call her on it. “What? Why are you looking like that?”

  “I don’t know, it’s just that I’ve only known you a minute and already you’re talking as if you’re going to be in my life forever.”

  Nicholas looked at Lorain momentarily, then put down his spoon. “Listen, perhaps I should have made this clear. But then again, I guess this really is the first time we’ve had time to talk-talk. I don’t make it my business to introduce myself to women and give out my number. Especially women I meet at the hospital. You were... I don’t know... I just liked your smile, I think. And I know that may sound corny, but believe it or not, I’m a plain and corny guy. But what I’m not is a player. I don’t play around; I don’t play games; I don’t juggle women—none of that.”

  Lorain nodded, letting him know that he had her attention; that she was listening.

  “I’m not in this to take you out once or twice a week, talk on the phone here and there, and make an occasional bedroom appearance. I’m a doctor. I’m thirty-nine years old. I don’t have any kids, and I don’t have a wife or a girlfriend on the side. I don’t like side dishes. I don’t like appetizers. I’m looking for the main course. You dig?”

  Lorain snapped her neck back. “Check you out, hip doctor.”

  “Seriously, I’m not saying that I’m trying to propose to you or marry you by the end of the year, but I am sitting here with you, hoping that the outcome can be that one day you could be my wife. I don’t know everything about you. You don’t know everything about me. We may end up having absolutely nothing in common and get on each other’s nerves. That’s fine. But just so you know, when I extend myself to a woman, I don’t just want it to be any and every woman. I’m in this to find a wife, point-blank. If that’s not what you’re looking for when you go out with a man, then just say that. We can finish our soup, salad, and sandwich and go about our merry way.” He went back to eating his soup.

  Lorain just sat there staring at the good doctor. “You finished?” she asked, folding her arms.

  “No, you have mayo in the corner of your mouth.” Nicholas took his napkin and gently wiped Lorain’s mouth.

  “Thank you.” She put her head down in embarrassment. Without saying anything, she ate a spoonful of her soup. After chewing it and swallowing it, she said, “But you’re not saved.”

  “Who told you that?” he asked.

  “You did. You said it yourself that you don’t go to church.”

  “But I didn’t say that I wasn’t saved.” He began counting on his fingers. “My pops is an elder, and my mother is president of the usher’s board. One of my sisters sings in praise and worship whenever she’s in town; the other is on the dance ministry; and my brother is a youth leader. Do you actually think with all those witnesses at Christmas dinner that I ain’t get saved?”

  Lorain chuckled. “I guess you have a point there.”

  “See how you Christian folk are? Just because somebody ain’t all up in the church seven days a week, y’all think they ain’t saved.”

  Lorain laughed again. “Okay, okay. You got me. I guess with that being said, I can give you a chance.” Realizing what she’d just said, Lorain fell silent.

  “Does that mean you want to pursue a relationship with me? Not just any relationship, but the ultimate relationship?”

  Lorain looked at Nicholas, and then chuckled. “Is this guy serious?” she said to the air. “I mean, like how many women have you run off with that spiel?”

  “Look, sister,” Nicholas leaned in, “if you didn’t scare me away with everything you shared with me on our first date, then I know I can’t possibly have scared you off with what I said on our second date.”

  “Oh, so we’re dating?” Lorain blushed.

  “Oh, mama, I’m gonna date you all right. Like I said, I’m not trying to get married tomorrow, I’m just giving you a heads-up on the direction I’m going in. But I’m going to date you for sure. I’m going to take you out to eat, other than having Chinese in the front seat of a car and soup and salad in my job’s cafeteria.” They both chuckled. “I’m going to take you on trips. I’m going to send you on trips with your girls when I can’t make it. I’m going to wash your car for you. And get this,” he leaned in close to Lorain again, “I’m going to buy you flowers just because it’s Monday.”

  Before Lorain knew it, she was sitting there with tears falling out of her eyes. Snot was running out of her nose and everything. She closed her eyes and said a prayer. God, if this man is not real, if none of this is real, when I open my eyes please let him be gone. When Lorain opened her eyes, to her sheer amazement, Nicholas was no longer sitting in front of her. All of a sudden she gasped when she felt a touch behind her.

  “Come on. Let’s get out of here.” Nicholas had gotten up from where he sat and walked behind Lorain to comfort her.

  “I can’t,” Lorain told him. “I’m too embarrassed to get up and walk across this room right now. Can you please just come put your arm around me and pretend you’re the doctor who just gave the patient bad news?”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Please just do it,” Lorain pleaded.

  Nicholas sat down in the seat next to her. He hesitated, and then put his arm around her like he was comforting her. “Is that better?” he asked her.

  She nodded as she picked up a napkin and wiped her tears. “Oh my God, you must think I’m a nutcase.”

  “No, I know how it is. Women go through so much. As a doctor, I learn things from women that they have never even shared with their husbands. Now that’s sad. I don’t ever want my wife to feel as though there isn’t anything she can’t tell me because she’s afraid or worried how I might react. Do you know that other than finances, lack of communication is one of the top reasons for divorce?”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really.”

  “Then I guess you won’t have to worry about divorcing me.” She’d done it again; said something that forced both of them into silence.

  “I guess I won’t,” Nicholas replied. Removing his arm from around Lorain, he felt the need to clear some things up. “Look, I know about the Lifetime Channel and those Brenda Jackson romance novels you women cling to. A lot of those books and movies have boy meet girl, girl falls madly in love with boy, they get married after knowing each other a brief spell, and then live happily ever after. I know that’s not always the case. But I do know that it happens. I do know that every woman deserves the fairy tale.”

  “I guess every woman does want her Prince Charming.”

  “Well, don’t get it twisted because I’m not him,” Nicholas was quick to say. “I drink milk out of the carton; I leave my underwear on the floor sometimes; and I still forget to put the toilet seat down.”

  “Okay, that’s it then. I’m out of here.” Lorain pretended to get up and start to walk away.

  Nicholas playfully pulled her back down by her arm. “Sit back down, woman,” he ordered. “But anyway, I get that we haven’t even known each other long enough to know what each other’s favorite color and food is. All I’m saying is let’s strive to get there. You dig?”

  “I dig,” Lorain said, and as soon as she said it, Nicholas’s pager went off.

  “Ah, see why I have to stay close to the job?” He pulled out his pager and looked at it. “I gotta go. They need me in ER.” He looked down at their pretty-much untouched meals. “Shoot, and we didn’t even get to finish eating.” He thought for a second. “What do you say on my off day next week we have dinner? I’ll cook for you.”

 
A bland look covered Lorain’s face. She’d learned as part of the Singles’ Ministry that it wasn’t a good idea to have a date in a person’s home.

  “What’s up with the jacked-up face, woman? I can cook,” he assured her. “My buddy owns a little restaurant. It’s nothing fancy. He’s just getting started. I’m sure he’ll let me burn a special dish in his kitchen for you. I’m not going to poison you or anything. I at least want to wait and do that after I marry you and get a life insurance policy out on you or something... You know what I’m sayin’?” He did his best Fresh Prince of Bel-Air expression, and that’s when Lorain realized who he reminded her of. A brown-skinned Will Smith... right down to the laugh.

  “Yeah, I know what you’re sayin’,” she smiled, not able to believe just how quickly God had turned her concerns about the dinner date around.

  “Okay, then, woman, let me go save a life.” He began walking away. “Oh, let me take that back. I got church folk in my presence,” he teased. “Let me go let God use me to save a life.” He winked, and then he walked away.

  Lorain sat there and smiled. Then she yelled out without even caring if it would embarrass her or not, “Purple and pizza.”

  “What?” Nicholas said, stopping in his tracks and looking confused.

  Lorain cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled once again, “Purple and pizza. My favorite color is purple, and my favorite food is pizza.”

  Nicholas gave her a head nod and a smile, then exited the cafeteria with a light jog.

  Lorain looked down at her food. She was too beside herself to even eat. And as if she hadn’t embarrassed herself enough already, she let out one big loud, “Who-hoooo!” She then looked around the room at all the people she had startled. “I’m sorry, y’all, but he had me at ‘Hey.’”

  Chapter Forty-one

  “Have you been able to get in touch with Deborah’s mother?” Margie asked Mother Doreen as she helped her get settled back into her house. The tenant had taken great care of Mother Doreen’s house during her stay there.

  “No. I thought I had her information in my address book, but I don’t.”

  “I’ll have to check the church records again to see if I can come up with anything. I think she might have visited a couple of years ago and filled out a visitor’s card. I’ll double-check real good.”

  “My soul is fit to be tied. I just can’t believe she’s gone. Sister Deborah was like the daughter I never had.”

  “Yeah, I know you two were growing pretty close while serving on the Singles’ Ministry. Speaking of which, I still intend on reinstating it. I guess I’m just going to have to see who God will put in the leadership position. I don’t want to get you involved considering all the changes that are about to take place in your life. And I just can’t go putting anybody in the position. It has to be someone with integrity that the members can trust.”

  “In the meantime, then, I think you should serve as leader.”

  “You are just bound and determined to have me serve on that ministry, aren’t you?”

  “It’s just that you’re single and, well, people follow your lead. You are the shepherd.”

  “True, but Jesus is the Ultimate Shepherd,” Margie confirmed. “Yes, God uses me to lead His flock, but I think every saint should ultimately follow the direction of the Lord. I’m flesh and blood. I can surely fall and falter. God can not and will not.” Margie picked up a box, carried it over to the couch, and sat down to rest. “That’s what gets people in trouble most of the time; they get so focused on man and what he or she is and isn’t doing that they lose sight of God.”

  “You’re right about that, Pastor,” Mother Doreen agreed as she unpacked a box of photo albums and placed them under the coffee table. “My Wallace got wrapped up in following his former pastor, Pastor Davidson. That just goes to show that there are some bad shepherds that can only take you so far because they sometimes lose sight of Jesus.”

  “Amen,” Margie agreed. “For a minute there I thought my congregation was starting to think I was a bad shepherd; I mean, up until Sister Vegas was found out.”

  “Yeah, and no one might have ever known what she was up to had she just kept her mouth closed.”

  “I guess what goes on in Vegas doesn’t necessarily stay in Vegas after all.” Both women laughed. “Even a fish wouldn’t get caught if it kept its mouth shut.” The women shared another laugh.

  “Ohhhh, I think I’m going to call it a day, Pastor.” Mother Doreen flopped down in a chair. “I’m worn out.”

  “I don’t even know why you bothered doing all this. You know eventually you’re going to have to move back to Kentucky.”

  “I know, but I couldn’t continue to stay with you.”

  “Nonsense. I loved having you.”

  “And I appreciate it, Pastor.” Mother Doreen let out a long, deep breath. She sat there with a faraway look in her eyes.

  “Thinking about Sister Deborah?”

  “Yes,” Mother Doreen answered. “A part of me feels like I let her down some. I was like her spiritual counselor. God would send her to me, and I’d lead her. I’d guide her, but not to the fullest. I feel like there is so much more I could have shared with her that might have made her make different decisions; decisions that might have her alive today.”

  “You know that’s not true, Mother Doreen. You can’t blame yourself for an earthquake.”

  “I know, it’s just that God keeps telling me I’m not finished. For some reason, now, I feel like Sister Deborah had something to do with it. Like I just needed to be real with her and tell her my story. Once upon a time she told me, ‘Mother Doreen ... sometimes it helps to be able to look around and know that the person you think has got it all together really doesn’t. Then you don’t always feel like such a mess.’ That was my opportunity right there to really minister to her. And I missed it.” Mother Doreen broke down and cried. “Dear God, I wanted to finish. I’m sorry I failed you. If there was any way you could bring Sister Deborah back, I promise you I’d finish. I promise you I’d tell her my story... all of it.”

  Margie went over and began laying hands on and praying for Mother Doreen. She knew deep in her heart that if God said Mother Doreen wasn’t finished, then He’d see to it that she did finish.

  Chapter Forty-two

  “If you suspect someone may be in a verbally abusive relationship, don’t expect them to tell you. I didn’t tell anyone.” Paige looked at Nita, who was sitting in the front row of the sanctuary. “Not at first anyway.” Nita winked, and then Paige continued on with her testimony.

  It was Saturday afternoon and New Day was holding its first open SWATC Ministry meeting. It was both an informative meeting as well as tutorial. Both Nita and the pastor thought it would be a good idea to end the meeting with a testimony from Paige.

  “Even if you suspect abuse is going on, over ninety-nine percent of the time, the person being abused will lie and tell you that everything is fine. Even if they are a Christian, yes, they will lie.” There were a couple of light chuckles. “So what you need to do is watch for some signs.”

  A hand went up in the audience.

  “Yes, do you have a question?” Paige asked the man with his hand up.

  “Yes, Sister Paige.” Paige’s choir director stood up. “First off, I want to thank you for sharing your moving testimony. But I’d like to know just exactly what some of the signs are. I mean, we saw you in church every Sunday. I worked up close and personal with you in the choir, and I had no idea.”

  “I’m glad you asked that question, because I have some handouts that list the signs.” Paige nodded toward the stack of papers on the table next to where she had been sitting before getting up to give her testimony. Nita handed her the papers. “Thank you, Sister Nita.” Paige then passed out a pamphlet to each person in the sanctuary as she spoke. “One of the signs is withdrawal. The victim may begin to withdraw from people or things they used to do.”

  “Like all those choir rehearsals
you missed,” the director joked. Again, there were some chuckles.

  “Yes, kind of like that,” Paige smiled. “Another is a change in the person being abused, their personality, appearance—”

  “Like why you’re a size three now?” the choir director joked again. Paige laughed and appreciated him using specific examples in her own life.

  “Yes, kind of like that,” Paige said, and then saw to it that each and every person received a handout. “Before I go, if anyone in the room now is a victim of abuse or is an abuser, I want you to know that there is a way out. The first thing you need to do is realize that you are being abused or that you are being an abuser. If you are being abused, you have to know that nothing you did or nothing you said is the cause of that abuse. It’s not your fault. Everyone say, ‘It’s not your fault.’”

  “It’s not your fault,” the people repeated.

  “And if you are the abuser, you have to realize that in order for things to change, in order for you to get better and stop the abuse cycle, you have to recognize that what you are doing is wrong. Back to those being abused, if the abuser is unwilling to get help or even recognize that they are being abusive, then you need to remove yourself from the situation. I know it’s easier said than done. Trust me; but with the help of some loving, kind, and caring people to support me ...” Paige looked up, “... and with the strength of Jesus Christ Himself, I got out. I got out. He brought me out.”

  The congregation stood and began applauding.

  “Thank you. Thank you so much, New Day,” Paige said. “But before I sit down, I’d like to know if there is anyone here in this room who needs prayer about an abusive situation or relationship. It doesn’t have to be with you. It can be with you, your sister, your mother, or even that neighbor you hear getting beaten and you feel helpless lying in your bed listening.”

  “Say that,” a member shouted out.

  “Now is not the time to be ashamed or prideful. So please come.” Just as expected, no one came forward. “Then I just ask you all to stand and pray where you are. To intercede on the behalf of those—”