by Kim Petersen
Millie landed a mock punch to Emily’s upper arm. “Talk about peer pressure! Sex is a sacred expression of love … and there is no doubt that I love Damon, so it will happen when it happens. Until then, shut up about it okay!”
Emily pouted at Millie with wounded eyes. “So, you think I abuse sex then?”
“God no, Emily,” Millie’s hastily said. “I didn’t mean that at all. After all, it is more passion and love that will undo the world’s hate. But I don’t think you will find the love you seek from external forces, Em.”
She took Emily’s hand and placed it against her friend’s chest. “First you need to find it here, the love that links you to the universe.” She gestured towards the velvet sky above them. “And everything in it.”
“How do you do that?” Emily whispered as she felt the strong presence of a divinity she did not understand.
Emily was astonished at her sudden feeling of emotion as her eyes filled with tears. She had always known Millie was a deep thinker, and she was aware she received messages from another dimension, but this was the first time she had ever felt the presence of a divine power bigger than her.
“Do what?”
Emily could feel the eternal truth in Millie’s words resonating in her soul, and she had a fleeting sense of the spiritual essence radiating between them. It was a sense of transcendence that for a brief moment revealed her own divine nature which was at one with the universe, a perfect creation of God. And it felt wonderful! She recalled with tears of joy the words of Jesus – “God is love; He dwelleth within me, and I in Him”.
“Know what you know, be what you be; think how you think!” Emily’s voice rose as tears streamed down her face. “I mean, how do you do that?”
“Hey! Birthday girl!” Damon’s throaty voice cut through their conversation like a gust of wind. Both girls turned in his direction as he sauntered down the cobblestones.
Millie’s face lit up as she jumped from the swing chair to greet him in a whirl of hugs and kisses.
Damon laughed under her affection. “Aww, you only just saw me yesterday!” he teased, enjoying the attention she lavished on him.
“Yesterday was too long ago,” she murmured near his ear.
He nuzzled against her as his arms encircled her neck. “Happy birthday, Millie-pie.”
Emily watched them for a minute before she leaped up from the chair. “My cue to leave!” she announced, walking towards them. “Have a lovely birthday dinner Pussy-cat!”
She paused to hug her friend. “You are so very special, Millie.”
Emily leaned up close to her ear. “Love you,” she whispered.
“Love you too, Em.”
They smiled at each other for a moment before Emily left in a skip down the path. Millie turned back to Damon who presented her with a small silver wrapped box, complete with a shiny red bow on top. Quick fingers hastened to open the small package under Damon’s watchful stare, and when her eyes caught the first glimpse of the jewelled golden heart and the fine twisted gold chain on which it hung, her breath caught in her throat.
“Oh! It is beautiful, Damon. Thank you!”
Damon reached into the box and took out the necklace. Holding the heart in his hand, he carefully broke away one half. “One half for you, the other for me. We carry each other, you see. My heart belongs to you, Millie; it always will.”
He turned her around gently as long thick fingers fumbled with the delicate clasp of the fine chain and secured it around her slender neck.
“And mine belongs to you, Damon,” she pledged while a hand reached to caress her half of the diamond heart which now plunged proudly to her décolletage.
She looked into his eyes, which lacked the calm that was usually there. Her blue lagoon had been transformed into a churning ocean.
“Is everything okay, Damon?” she asked.
He threw her a dazzling smile, trying to conceal the trouble that lingered in his eyes. “Everything is fine, Millie-pie. Oh!” He revealed a white envelope, “almost forgot; this was in your letterbox. It’s addressed to you.”
“Do you make it a habit to check people’s letterboxes?” she teased as she took the envelope.
Damon grinned. “Only the ones that belong to beautiful girls,” he said grinning.
Her father popped his head through the back door to announce it was time to go to dinner as she scrutinised the envelope. Her eye glimpsed the handwriting on the front face of the envelope, making her catch her breath. Glen’s boisterous words echoed through her ears while she felt the world closing in and suffocating her in a moment of turbulence. The elation of the day dimmed as she recognised the blue inked scrawl as the unmistakable handwriting of her mother.
Millie cloaked her dismay with a flash of a smile and an “okay” as her father peered at her from the doorway. She hastened up the cobblestones and through the hallway. “Be right back,” she called, reaching her room where she hid the letter under her mattress beside the first letter her mother had left for her almost four years ago. Millie struggled to pacify her racing heart and hold back the tears that threatened to spill over at her distress. Stop it! Damn it! she silently cursed herself. She had said her private goodbyes, and had finally allowed her long held hopes for her mother’s return to fade peacefully into the background of her life. I wasn’t supposed to hear from her now! she thought, stamping and kicking the floor. The heel of her foot caught the edge of something solid, making her cry out as her temper began to get the better of her. She bent over to inspect the source of the pain, feeling around until she located the object. She pulled it out, revealing her old sketch pad.
A thick layer of dust cloaked the hard cardboard cover of the art book. As she reviewed the first drafts contained in her dusty old sketch pad, all antagonism fell away. Her ears pricked as she heard the commotion of the men in the house drawing closer to her room. She skimmed the pages, knowing her time was limited and she could reacquaint herself with this book later that evening. However, one glimpse of the last sketch entry caught her attention. She sighed as she observed the skilfully shaded strokes she had created of her mother, sitting on the edge of her bed as she saw her when they had last exchanged a meaningful conversation. It was the day she was sure everything would be okay, only to discover it was far from it. It was the day she had experienced the most magical evening of her life, only for it to end in despair and torment. It was the day her mother had left them. She remembered now why she had thrown the sketch pad deep under her bed to be forgotten, for the life-like sketch of her mother had been too painful for her eyes to dwell on.
“Millie! Let’s go!” Ace called through her bedroom door, startling her out of her memories. She gratefully returned to the present as she heard the rustling of the men assembling on the front porch.
She threw the sketch pad aside and hurried out to join them. She steeled herself against sad reminders and broke into a grin as she joined her father, brother and Damon and headed out for her long-awaited birthday dinner.
Chapter Fifteen
M illie woke up with a start. Propping herself up on an elbow, she reached for the switch on the bedside lamp, willing the eeriest of feelings to leave her as the room around her flooded with dim light. Drowsy eyes blinked, struggling to push away the unsettling fragments of emotions left from the dream world she had just visited.
“Samantha,” Millie whispered. She bit down on her bottom lip while the grogginess of sleep began to fade. “Who are you?” she said, as if addressing an unseen presence. The name, distinctly spoken to her in her dream state, reverberated through her mind accompanied by an inexplicable sense of loss. She took a sip of water from the glass she kept beside her bed, and drew in a deep breath. As she allowed the warm breath to exhale slowly through her nostrils, all at once it occurred to her that it was no mistake nor coincidence that her father had called her by that name those years ago. She remembered vividly the odd way his eyes had seen her when she had come to comfort him. They had fallen
on her as if she were a ghost. She recalled the vague sense of fright mixed with guilt his eyes had revealed when he struggled to comprehend who she was as she came nearer to him. And the repeated, almost inaudible utterances of “I’m sorry” as if from an insane person.
She struggled to piece together all the chunks to this puzzling story, and how this had any significance to her. A faint chill made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up as it dawned on her that the woman she had seen in her dreams all those years was Samantha.
“Who are you?” she whispered again, half expecting a reply as she scanned the silent room where a palpable presence seemed to linger.
She slumped her head back onto the pillow, gazing upward as she silenced her mind for a moment. Millie knew it was her, this Samantha that had visited her frequently throughout the years. A flicker of a light behind the curtains that were drawn over the window caught the corner of her eye. She slipped out of bed and crept in bare feet across to the window. She cautiously drew the curtains back, uncertain of what might confront her. A small pang of disappointment rang through her as she looked upon the darkened street. There was nothing out of the ordinary. A heavy sigh fell from her lips as she was about to draw the curtains closed when, in the clear black night she glimpsed a searing light soaring across a velvet sky. She unlatched the lock to the window and pushed the pane up as far as it could go. She poked her head out for a better view and her heart flipped when another shooting star blazed across the sky, so close as it burned a radiant wake through darkness. She gasped with awe. She laughed as yet another meteor shot across in the opposite direction. Tears of elation rolled silently down her cheek as her heart beat faster and her head felt light with tingles. She knew this meteor shower was created for her, and she was not alone to tread through the days of her life. The eerie feeling that had awoken with her revealed there would be a struggle ahead, yet Millie knew where to find the strength to overcome it. All she needed was to have faith in her divinity, have faith and trust the source of all creation, the source most people call God. In her stillness, she heard the words resonating through her and settling in her heart with clarity – “I love you”– whispered words instilled within her. She knew the words came to her from Samantha. “I love you,” she whispered back, and it seemed confirmed as another meteor blazed through the sky.
***
Daylight filtered into room when Millie awoke again. She felt energised, and bounded out of bed reflecting the invigoration that raced through her bones. She cleaned up, dressed and ate a speedy breakfast before grabbing the keys to her new car and setting off to pick up Damon. He was eager to go for a drive in her new car, so they had arranged for her to pick him up that morning for a cruise around town. Pulling up in front of his apartment block, Millie caught sight of him leaning on the rails of the large balcony that wrapped around the corner apartment he shared with his parents two levels from the ground.
She had seldom made the trek up those two flights of stairs in the four years they had been dating. And the times that she had, Millie had been met with an over-protective mother who made for little conversation, and a father that attempted to over-compensate for his wife’s obtrusive manner. Uncomfortable with his mother’s behaviour towards Millie, Damon had kept her away from his home for the most part. And he had confided in Millie that his mother’s rudeness was nothing personal towards her, and that her over-protective demeanour was due to the loss of her first son, his older brother, who had died with a severe case of pneumonia when she was pregnant with Damon.
“Jake was barely two years old when he died,” Damon had told her. “And when I’m not almost suffocating with her smothering ways, she makes me feel like I’m not good enough. For Jake wouldn’t have failed in maths, surely?” He gave a bittersweet laugh. He had not spoken of his feelings about his mother and the brother he had never known. Yet, with Millie, Damon felt as if he could confess the world and still be met with the love that lingered for him in her eyes.
Millie had nodded her understanding and had never asked to go and visit with his family again. Only on the rare occasion had she made the trek up those stairs, and only at Damon’s insistence. He had badly wanted his mother to notice the grace of his girlfriend and understand his devotion to her. Efforts to bring Millie and his mother together had faded over the years as he had tired of his mother’s unwilling attitude towards Millie, and her reluctance to accept the happiness he found spending time with a girl he treasured dearly. Millie couldn’t imagine how it must feel to Damon to have had an older brother he was never able to know, nor the grief his parents must have endured at the loss of a young child. She could envision his mother wanting to hold tight and keep her only surviving son close to her, and the reluctance she must feel at the thought of letting him fly some day. The individual spark in us all cannot really be restricted by another. Perhaps some day Damon’s mother might learn to accept her son’s freewill and choices; perhaps some day she might even accept Millie.
Millie gave the horn a toot in response to his wave to her from the balcony, and lowered the volume on the car radio to hear him say that he’d be right down. She nodded up to him while she speculated what might have caused the lost look in his eyes the night before. She had had no time to speak with him about her concerns at the seafood restaurant, and he seemed to pick up dramatically during their meal, as she had noticed no other signs of the disturbance that had stirred in his eyes when he had presented his gift to her. He had told her of his intentions to discuss something important with her the next day. And despite awakening feeling excited, Millie could not shake the unsettled feeling growing in her stomach. Almond eyes concealed behind dark shades watched as he bounded to her car, as if the fall of his footsteps might reveal the importance of his news.
He swung open the passenger door and secured himself in the seat beside her.
“Hey beautiful.” He leaned in for a greeting kiss.
They drove off, enjoying the breeze through their hair and skin as it blew through open windows. They exchanged grins between verses as they sang along in out-of-tune melodies to R.E.M’s Losing My Religion from Sydney’s Triple M. They drove out to the shores of a quiet tree-lined bay demurely nestled behind streets of grand mostly glassed houses in the southern suburbs of Sydney.
With arms full of supplies set for a little picnic, they trekked through a well-worn steep grassed path down towards the opening of the bay.
“Did you see Ace’s eyes when the lobster was brought to the table?” Millie said with a giggle.
Damon laughed. “I thought his eyes might have popped right out of his head!”
“Me too. He makes me laugh so much.”
“I think the waitress had a crush on your dad,” Damon said.
Millie stopped and turned to look at Damon. “You think so?” The curve of her brows knitted.
“Yeah.”
She thought for a moment. “Huh … well, it would be nice to see my father meet somebody special. I think it would be good for him.”
“Oh, so he has your approval then?” Damon teased.
“I guess he does,” she laughed.
They claimed a secluded patch under a willow tree near the water’s edge. Millie peered up with an artist’s eye at the long branches lazily overhanging their picnic spot. Willows were one of her favourite trees. I could paint this scene, she thought, as she looked around her, capturing every detail in her mind’s eye. Oh! Such a romantic scene!
She watched avidly as he spread out the picnic rug, and a ripple of desire awakened within her when he enclosed his fingers over hers and she caught the burning look in his eyes as he gently pulled her down on the rug next to him. Millie blushed and lowered her eyes as she grabbed for a lock of hair. She longed for him to make love to her – to ravish her with the passion that they had withheld for so long. However, she knew Damon was waiting for her go-ahead, and she knew he would never impress his male desires on her until she allowed him. She just wasn’t quite sure how to
let him know that she was ready to go all the way with him, as the subject still invoked a timidness in her she herself did not understand. Perhaps he’ll bring the subject up soon, she pondered while she gazed at the shallow waters near them. Perhaps he will learn to read minds! Oh! Why can he not read my mind! she thought with some amusement.
“Let’s eat!” Damon’s voice released the spiced tension brewing between them. He handed her the toasted chicken, asparagus and cheese focaccia they had picked up on their way, and an ice-cold soda.
She laughed at her grumbling stomach as she unwrapped her favourite sandwich. “Yum!” she said.
“I always did like a girl that liked to eat,” he teased with a wink.
“Well,” she said with her mouth full, “You found her!”
“Yes I did,” he said as his expression darkened.
As soon as they had finished their lunch, Millie demanded to know what reasons lurked behind the trouble she saw in his eyes.
He sighed deeply as he reached for her hands. “Millie, my father has agreed to a great job opportunity. He’s really excited … so is my mother.”
“Okay.” She nodded for him to go on.
“The thing is, the job he’s taking is in New York.”
He searched her face as she began to understand.
“Millie, my dad has pulled some strings. He has got me a traineeship in marketing in the same company. It’s a really good opportunity for me …” His voice trailed.
Her mind seemed to spin, and the sandwich, only moments ago eaten with ravish, began to feel heavy in her stomach.
Millie jerked her hands away from his grip and slid her sunglasses to perch on top of her head. She clutched at her hair and twirled with agitation.
“This can’t be so!” Her eyes darted about in despair. “We are supposed to stay together. I know this!”
She brought her trembling hands up to her face as tears began to trickle down in ugly streaks. She now understood his split-heart birthday gift. He is leaving me too! Nooooo! Old familiar feelings of abandonment shuddered through her.