Lexi and I had learnt from an early age that men were undependable. Tell you they loved you, then leave you with little or no explanation. After a few repeated episodes we both caught on, we became the tough ones, who didn’t let anyone in but each other. It had worked for us both up until now.
As I lay wrapped around his body, listening to his heart beating, feeling his fingers stroking my hair, I wondered if I could really do it this time. Especially after tonight. It wasn’t just the sex, the way he was so horrified at taking my virginity and how sweet he was with me after had after really touched me. I felt him kiss the top of my head and heard him made another noise of contentment and I stretched my fingers out and stroked his firm chest.
This was new territory, I really liked the guy and that scared me. What if I developed real feelings for him? What if I gave into them and he went and left me? I’d just be opening myself up to a world of hurt again. I’d already crossed so many lines tonight, lines I thought I’d never cross. My head began to hurt thinking about it, so I squeezed my eyes shut and let pleasant exhaustion take over and I drifted off.
Saturday
My dreams had been filled with hot, wild and passionate sex and as the sunlight reached through the window and scratched at my eyes, I gently stretched out and moaned as I felt the effect of last night on my muscles. God last night, it all came flooding back. I rolled over to find an empty place next to me in bed and sat up pulling the duvet around me.
‘Gabe?’ I called. No answer. I figured he must be in the shower, but when I put my head around the door, he wasn’t. I pulled on a cropped t-shirt and some knickers and did a tour of the apartment, but he was nowhere to be seen and there no note left for me anywhere.
I climbed back into bed confused. Had he been lying last night? I’d really believed him. He could’ve just left after we’d had sex, but he’d stayed. I couldn’t believe he’d just walked out like that. I checked my phone, it was 8.15 a.m. There was only one message and it was from Lexi from last night.
Ow RU? OK? @ Andrews now. Not too far if u need me. Back round 10 if ok?
I felt some tears stinging my eyes. Why was I getting upset? It was only ever supposed to have been sex, get it over and done with and lose my virginity, or just to find someone to fuck now and again. Why should I be so bothered that he’d gone? I realised with a heavy heart that I was bothered because it was because it was good, it had felt so good. Not just the kissing or the sex, but him caring so much. I wasn’t used to being taken care of, other than by Lex or my Mum. God I was such a muppet to think I could’ve done this, to have sex with someone I was so physically attracted to and to not get hurt. I wondered how many of his other conquests had sat here like this the next morning, feeling humiliated and empty. I wiped my eyes and replied to Lexi’s text.
Lex, I was doing great. I thought it was great, but I’ve woken up to find he’s gone, no message or anything. I’m upset and I’m not sure why. I feel so bloody stupid :-(
She replied immediately. Coming bak rite now. Do nutin. W8 4 me
I threw myself back onto the bed and flung my arm over my face. Was that really it? To have what I thought was amazing sex and just walk away? Maybe it wasn’t amazing, maybe I was really bad at it and he’d just lied to spare my feelings. He must be one of those guys that said and did what girls wanted so he could fuck them. He obviously just slept around, did one nights stands like Lexi did. He’d got what he wanted and left, which was supposed to have been what I was looking for. I mean I didn’t want to get serious, but I’d thought we’d see each other more than once.
But if that was all he was after, why had he stayed the night? Why the speech about it being different if he’d known? Being so cross with me for deceiving him? Being so sweet what with the bleeding, running the bath and not taking advantage of me again in the night. No wonder Lexi stuck with one night stands with guys she hardly knew, this was a nightmare.
I rolled over and could smell his delicious scent on the pillow. I sat up and punched it again and again, until my arms hurt, then threw myself back down again and banged my arms and legs on the bed in frustration, like a toddler. I bolted upright confused when I heard a key turn in the front door. Surely Lexi couldn’t have made it back so quickly?
‘Lex is that you?’ I called.
‘It’s me Gabe, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to frighten you. I hope you don’t mind but your milk was off. I saw your keys on the hall table and borrowed them. I figured you may need a coffee and something to eat.’ He appeared through the bedroom door smiling with a Starbucks tray, balancing two take out cups and a bag. So he hadn’t sneaked off, god I was so mistrustful of men. How could I have doubted his sincerity of last night? ‘Sorry Mia, I should have left a note or sent you a text, you must’ve wondered where I’d gone.’
‘I didn’t know we had a Starbucks near here?’ I said. He didn’t need to know I’d just punched the pillow imagining it was his head.
‘Right around the corner, didn’t you check out the area before you moved here?’
‘No, I fell in love with the apartment online and snaffled it up without a viewing.’ I didn’t like to let on to anyone that I owned it.
‘Interesting, you can make rash impulsive decisions then. Just not when it comes to me,’ he joked with another smile.
‘I think I was fairly rash and impulsive last night,’ I replied as I blinked up at him, suddenly aware that I was sitting on the bed in a tiny pair of knickers and a cropped t-shirt with no bra on. I hugged my knees to my chest to try and cover up a bit.
‘Yes you were impulsive and look where that got us. You in tears and me feeling like shit. Well you were lucky with this rental, it’s a nice area. You could’ve ended up in a rough part of town.’
‘Concerned now?’
‘Of course,’ he said as he smiled at me again and sat on the edge of the bed. He reached up and swept my hair over my shoulder making me smile at him shyly. ‘You look amazing, did you sleep well?’
‘Yes really good thanks, I was tired. You?’
‘Not bad,’ he said sounding surprised. ‘You talk in your sleep, did you know that?’
‘Really? Sorry thought I was over that, it was always an issue when I was over tired as a kid. Did I say anything interesting?’ I asked, feeling embarrassed, remembering what I had been dreaming about.
‘You sounded like you were enjoying yourself. Thinking of anyone in particular?’ he grinned. I felt myself going pink, how could I be embarrassed? He’d seen me naked in some fairly compromising positions, dreaming of him was hardly in the same league.
‘You may have made a cameo. What coffee do you have it smells good?’ I asked changing the subject.
‘I figured a latte was pretty standard for women, or you can have the black one if you prefer?’
‘Latte sounds good thank you. Vanilla?’
‘No, but I’ll remember that for next time.’
‘We’re still having a next time?’ I asked bravely as he handed over the cup to me. As our fingers brushed I felt a shock of electricity run up my hand, he smiled at me again, had he felt it too? He was all smiles this morning, I decided to take it as a good sign, after all he’d come back.
‘Well yes … I assumed … I mean … I really want to … if you do? Do you want to have a next time?’ he stuttered. He seemed so nervous, which was quite endearing given he’d been all super confident and in control up until now.
‘I’d really like that,’ I said going scarlet and looking away as I sipped my coffee thankful for the distraction.
‘Great then it’s settled, we’re definitely doing that again.’
I looked at him again quickly to see he was beaming. It still shocked me every time I looked at him, to see how good looking he was. What was he doing with me? Looking like that he could have his pick of … anyone.
‘O god your lip. Was that where I bit you?’ I exclaimed.
‘You should see the scratch marks on my back, I’ll have fun trying to e
xplain those next time I go swimming,’ he grinned.
‘Sorry, heat of the moment. I hope I didn’t hurt you too much.’
‘I loved it, but if you’re so worried about my lip and back, maybe now you can understand how I felt about hurting you last night. So, I got you an oat bran muffin and some granola with yogurt and honey. I figured after your diabolical dinner last night, you needed something a bit healthier and may need a boost of energy.’
‘So concerned. First it’s my vagina, then my neighbourhood, now my eating habits. Hardly along the lines of no strings sex Gabe,’ I teased.
‘So you’re saying I can’t look out for you while we’re doing this?’
‘As long as you don’t have lots of expectations and you don’t get all huffy on me again.’
‘Huffy? I ... Are you taking the piss out of me? Whatever. You’re maddening,’ he said with a shake of his head.
‘I know. Seriously though, thanks,’ I said as I took the muffin out of bag.
‘For what? The vagina care, concerns about your neighbourhood or your eating habits?’
‘All of them I guess and for the coffee and breakfast, that was really sweet of you.’ I smiled at him as I bit into the muffin. He was right, after no dinner, a belly full of alcohol and a serious workout, I was ravenous.
‘So, how are you feeling this morning? I’ve been worrying. I really was fucking you quite hard. I wish you’d have told me,’ he said frowning.
‘I’m fine now, honestly don’t worry about it.’
‘I don’t understand why … why you …’
‘Why I was still a virgin? Or why I didn’t tell you?’
‘Both,’ he said as he reached over and brushed a crumb off my lip.
‘It’s complicated,’ I said as I took a sip of my latte, feeling weird that he was touching me again and that I liked it.
‘I thought you didn’t do complicated.’
‘Are you in Mensa or something? You seem to have instant recall of every conversation we’ve ever had,’ I teased.
‘I remember things that matter to me. So why complicated? You’ve had boyfriends before?’
‘Yes, quite a few.’
‘But you never slept with them?’
‘I slept with some of them, I just never actually slept with them.’
‘I don’t get it,’ he said looking at me puzzled.
‘As in we slept, snoozed, no sex.’
‘No I get that, hence the being a virgin part and being all emotional your first time. Just not how someone could be that close to you and maintain that level of control. I couldn’t have done it.’
‘You did last night.’
‘Believe me it wasn’t easy, I had to get up and go and pace the bathroom a few times. I don’t think I could do it night after night.’
‘The pacing?’
‘The restraint.’
‘Well they kept trying, but I just wasn’t ready.’
‘So why me? Why now?’ he said perplexed.
‘I think you know why,’ I replied blushing, again.
‘Tell me.’ He looked at me amused as he sipped his steaming coffee.
‘We’ve discussed this already, you’re seriously hot and I’m very attracted to you and it just felt like the right time,’ I said with a shrug.
‘Lucky me then,’ he smiled.
‘So did it really go ok for you? The sex I mean. I know what you said last night, but with me being all emotional … you may have been trying to make me feel better. Please be honest with me. I want to be good at it.’
‘I was being honest with you last night, I don’t lie Mia. That’s something you need to know about me right now, I’ll never lie to you and it makes me mad when people doubt me. Virgin or not, I can’t believe that you couldn’t tell I was really enjoying myself.’
‘Well there’s different levels of enjoyment aren’t there?’ I said as I drained my coffee and put the empty cup down. ‘It could’ve been ok, so so, really nice, awesome, really amazing, or a million other combinations on varying scales and I’ve got nothing to compare it against do I? You though … with your many girls … well I’ve got a lot to live up to. I thought I may not have been good enough for you.’
He put his coffee down on the bedside table and quickly mounted the bed straddling my lap and sitting back on my thighs. He was inches from my face as he looked into my eyes and I felt my breathing quicken again to have him so close.
‘Believe me Mia, you’re enough. You’ve absolutely nothing to worry about and out of the million combinations, on varying scales, my enjoyment levels were really amazingly awesome, best I’ve ever experienced with any woman, or even my own hand. Satisfied?’ he said with a huge grin.
‘With your answer yes thanks. Sexually this morning? Sadly not.’
He cupped the back of my head, making my skin tingle, leaned forwards and started to kiss me and I thrust my hands up into his hair, my stomach doing somersaults. As our kissing became more vigorous, we fell back onto the bed and I gave in for a while and just enjoyed feeling him surrounding me. Eventually I slid my leg between his and twisted, flipping him onto his back so I was lying on top of him.
‘Ooooo not just porn then Mia. You’re into wrestling too are you?’ he smiled, looking up at me surprised.
‘What is it with you men and this fixation with women wrestling? I suppose you’d like a bikini and lots of baby oil or mud to be involved too?’
‘That sounds very good to me,’ he grinned kissing me again. ‘So what now?’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked as I sat back on his thighs, very aware of his erection nestled there below me.
‘You wanted to be in control, you said you didn’t want to be suffocated. So am I allowed to call you to make plans, or am I just here at your beck and call?’ he asked looking faintly amused.
‘Booty call boy? I like that. I can call you anytime I choose and you come running to service me? That sounds very good to me,’ I teased as I smiled down at him and played with the buttons on his shirt.
‘Well there’d have to be a damn good reason for me not to respond to a call like that from you, but I was hoping that it wasn’t just all about this,’ he indicated his body with his one hand as the other gently cupped my lower back, to make sure I didn’t fall.
‘So you’re saying that you’re not just interested in this?’ I mimicked his gesture with my hand and body.
‘I’m very interested in all of that Mia, but I also really like you and want to spend some time with you. It can’t be just about sex all the time. Is that ok?’ he asked as he grabbed each of my hands and held them in his own, caressing them with his thumbs. He wants to spend time with me? I frowned as I mulled it over.
‘I guess so,’ I shrugged. ‘I like you too, but I can’t rush anything Gabe.’
‘Bit late after last night.’
‘Not the sex side, I’d like plenty more of that please. It’s the other stuff.’
‘Other stuff? You can’t even say the words can you? Are you talking about “relationship” stuff?’
‘Yes, I don’t do well with that.’
‘I think we’ve already established that. Can you tell me why?’ He looked up at me inquisitively.
‘No, we don’t really know each other well enough for that conversation. I don’t even know your surname, where you live, your favourite film or album or anything about you.’
‘It’s Austin, I live on King Street and my favourite film is The Raid,’ he said as he lifted his head and raised my hand to his lips and kissed it. ‘My current favourite album is Fall Out Boy, like you. You know that I swim and work out. I love literature and reading, which is I why I’m in the same lecture hall as you. I like to eat proper healthy food, love black coffee and I’m obviously very into you. So what else do you want to know?’ I inhaled sharply as he let go of my hands and slid his up my thighs to clasp my hips. His thumbs were stroking my hip bones, sending a current through my body. It was hard to focus on anything but
his touch.
‘This isn’t a mastermind challenge Gabe, I’m not just going to fire off questions at you to get another list of answers.’
‘So you’re open to normal dates where we can just talk and get to know each other, if I ask you out?’
‘Such as?’ I asked stiffening up. This was supposed to be about sex, now he wanted dates and to talk about ourselves?
‘Walks, meals out, movies etc., normal date stuff,’ he shrugged. I looked down at him frowning and bit my lip and shrugged back. ‘Seriously, you want it to be only about sex?’ he asked, looking amazed and slightly hurt and I felt his fingers tense on my hips.
I let out a deep sigh. I really didn’t want another relationship, but I didn’t want to put him off either. Last night had been amazing and even just sitting here with him this morning, I felt more relaxed than I’d ever been with any of my boyfriends.
‘Fine Gabe, we can do more than just have sex as long as it suits us both and you don’t pressure me or rush me wanting more.’
‘Ok, so we keep communicating with each other then and see how it goes. How does that sound?’
‘Perfect,’ I stated, then squealed as he tipped me off him onto my side and lay facing me.
‘I think you just might be,’ he whispered as he swept the hair off my face and gently kissed me. My insides ignited again, god he could make me respond in a way no one had before. I heard the front door open and put my fingers on his lips to stop him.
‘Mia, I’m back. Is it safe to come in?’
‘Does she think I’m some kind of axe murderer?’ whispered Gabe.
‘She doesn’t know you yet either, give her a chance,’ I replied. ‘It’s safe, but I’m not alone, Gabe went out for coffee this morning and just got back,’ I shouted back to her.
‘Do you want me to leave?’
‘No, don’t be silly. Give me a second to throw something on and I’ll be out.’
‘Cool, I got milk. I need caffeine, now. Can I get you both one?’
‘Yes please Lex, my usual. Gabe takes his black.’ I looked at him and mouthed ‘Sorry’ and he kissed my forehead.
New Leaves, No Strings (Austin Erotic Romance Series) Page 13