Racing the Dark

by Alaya Dawn Johnson

  "Lana," Kai said suddenly, surprising her. "That witch, Akua ... did she frequently invoke death? Was it her affinity?"

  "She's a healer!" Lana snapped. "She only ever bound the most minor death sprites, and even then a handful of times." She was distantly surprised at how defensive she felt.

  Kai nodded, but he didn't stop looking at her, and she shifted uncomfortably. What had those ancient books told him?

  She cleared her throat. "You don't believe me again?"

  His eyes were the very clear crystal blue of his most analytical mood. "I think you must be forgetting something."

  Almost involuntarily, she recalled the first night Akua took her to death temple at the center of the lake. What were Ino's words? She belongs to the water, not to that. Not to death.

  "There was a death temple. She took me there ... twice."

  She wanted to run away-from both the memory and the implications-but she knew that Kai would never let it go. He was a guardian. He would protect the islands, even from her.

  "What did it look like?"

  Lana took a shaky breath, acutely aware of the flute in her pocket. "Old. There was a hole in the center ... like a column of air."

  He stood up so abruptly that some of his books splashed into the water. They didn't get wet, of course. He walked over to her and gripped her shoulders.

  "Lana," he said, "I know you were young, and you didn't understand and she deliberately misled you, but you cannot continue to defend her. I don't know what she intended with you, I don't know how precisely she did it-but she must be responsible for the death."

  She shook his hands off angrily. "I recited the geas, Kai. I accepted the sacrifice. What could Akua have to do with that? Without the flute I would have died months ago. Why would she set me up and then help save my life?"

  "I don't know."

  "Then stop accusing her!"

  He seemed very lost, suddenly. "I'm not accusing you, keika."

  She laughed. "Well, it's a short step, isn't it?"

  He found her a few hours later, napping in her room.

  "I won't apologize for trying to learn the truth," he said, without preamble when she opened her eyes. "But I promise I won't accuse Akua of anything until I'm sure."

  "Okay," she said, rubbing her eyes. "I'm sorry I got so upset. It's just ... I can't believe..."

  She couldn't believe that those four years of her life were some elaborate lie. That her mother might have even suspected and let Akua take her anyway. It was easier to ignore everything.

  "I know," Kai said.

  A month later the rains began. Even though her room had no roof, the rain ran off an invisible barrier before it reached her. At first it was fun to watch the rain without getting soaked to the skin, but the relentless pounding reminded her of those final months on her island when the mandagah fish were nearly wiped out and Kali fell victim to the flood. When Kai left for several days to check on remote parts of the shrine and make repairs on areas that might be damaged by the flooding, she felt practically oppressed by loneliness. She had grown so used to his presence; now not even the death, her grim companion for so long, could reach her. So, she started wandering around the seemingly endless, bizarre maze of rooms, streams, and passages that always led to places she had never been before. Even though she had lived here for over two months, she could still hardly fathom the kind of sprawling, massive place she had ventured into. She wondered what the fire shrine was like-she had heard that the wives were locked in a tall tower and never allowed to leave because of the constant volcanic eruptions. Before, she had thought the story ridiculous. Now, she was just grateful that she had never run into the fire guardian.

  The second day of Kai's absence, she discovered a vine-ladder near her rooms that led to an entirely different section of the shrine. On one side of a forked bridge in this newfound area she saw a series of stairs. She took them, since she so rarely saw anything that led upwards. After five minutes of circular climbing, she arrived, to her surprise, on the roof, in an area that was not protected from the rain. She was about to sprint back downstairs when she realized that from right here she had a perfect view of the spirit gate. The dark blue stone monolith looked particularly magnificent in the rain, and she nearly forgot about the water soaking through her wings as she stared. The wind spirit had given her the wings of a dry-climate bird-when she was flying, she dislodged enough water to stay airborne, but it wasn't a good idea for her to stand still in this kind of a deluge. Inside the arch of the gate, a shape began to form. She watched curiously before she realized what it must be: the death staring at her, its empty hole of a mouth curved into a smile. She stumbled backwards onto the first step, but its voice caught her before she got away.

  "You can't stay there forever," it said. "I know you, Lana. I know what you love, what you hate. I know what you don't know, and I know that you will leave. Will you be able to bind me then? Or have you grown soft with your lover?"

  "He's not my lover," Lana said, absurdly. Before she could hear anything else, she rushed back down the steps.

  Her mood turned much blacker after that, haunted by the death's words and her renewed awareness of its waiting presence. Her wings were heavy and waterlogged, which made walking a far more arduous task than usual. She wandered into a corridor much like the one where she slept-minimal water, as though it was designed for humans and not water guardians. At the end of the corridor she saw a wide gap in the wall, but no door to speak of. The opening led to a large room, decorated with old-fashioned furniture that was caked in dust. There were two doors inside, one that led to a water closet and the other that led to an inner chamber, complete with a small, deep pond and what looked like still-rumpled bedding. That, too, was caked with dust. Who had lived here? She walked to the far wall, where she thought she saw some odd discoloration in the stone. But it wasn't discoloration, she realized, but writing. Someone had taken a rusty object and actually scratched characters into the wall-quite a long time ago, judging by how much it had faded.

  I, Hiapo bei'Polunu, wife of the water guardian, have been imprisoned here for ten years. Should anyone ever find this, please pray for myself and my son, for I do not think I shall be imprisoned for very much longer. I have seen him emerge from that pool too many times. Today my body shall meet him, but my soul will escape forever. Se maloka selama ua ola, ipa nui.

  What lies beyond the gate, I do not know. The catechism still recited in the ancient dialect at the end of funeral services.

  Someone giggled softly behind her. She whirled around, heart pounding, to see that a female water sprite had emerged from the pond. She was made entirely out of water, but each of her features was delicately defined. She sat in its center, smiling and touching the water invitingly.

  "What do you want?" Lana asked warily. She rarely saw the water sprites, and with Kai gone she wasn't inclined to trust them.

  The sprite just giggled and gestured toward the water again.

  "Did you know her?" Lana asked. "The woman who lived in these rooms? Did she actually ... in the pool..."

  "Did she drown herself, you mean?" The sprite's voice was hideously bright. "Oh yes. Just after she wrote that, in fact. She jumped, but she might have changed her mind, at the end ... I'm not sure. I helped her stay down, after all."

  Lana felt nauseous. "What about her son?" she asked.

  "Ah, he's dead too. His son is the guardian now. It's been so long since I last had any visitors!" Her voice grated at Lana's ears like a screeching cat. That poor woman had been Kai's grandmother? But why would the guardian's wife ever be imprisoned?

  "Come, won't you look in the water? I'm sure you'll see something you like."

  Against all of her better judgment, Lana snuck a peek inside the pond.

  She forgot to breathe. The pool was filled with mandagah fish. It had been so long since she had last seen one that she had almost forgotten their peculiar sedate pace, their squashed, sand-colored faces that looked disturbingly huma
n. One of them looked up at her and opened its mouth. Inside were two exquisite blue mandagah jewels, bigger than almost any she had ever seen. She lost track of time as she stared at them, overcome with an unexpected joy. She had to dive and play with them. They wanted to give her their jewels-look, they were practically tossing them at her now. If only she could go in, if only she hadn't promised Kai not to ...

  "Go dive with them. Can't you see how they want it? Haven't you missed it?" The sprite's voice now sounded melodious and inviting, yet some small part of Lana still told her to resist it.

  "But ... the wings," Lana said, barely able to articulate the words. "Kai says ... I'll drown."

  "Don't worry about what Kai says. I see how much you want this, and I can give it to you. I promise, I'll help you so you won't drown. Don't you see? They've all missed you so much."

  The mandagah fish had all moved to the edge of the pond and were staring up like they desperately wanted to see her. Some far distant part of her was aware that this wasn't normal mandagah behavior, but she couldn't control herself any longer. Without a conscious decision, she took off her shoes and soaked socks.

  "Yes, that's it. Come inside. Come inside."

  Lana jumped.

  At first the feeling of the water against her skin was like ecstasy. She spread her arms looked for the mandagah fish that were sure to come running to greet her. Then, as horror gripped her stomach like a vise, she realized two things.

  First, there were no mandagah fish. Second, she was about to drown.

  The weight of her wings began dragging her closer to the bottom of the impossibly deep pond, and it was all she could do to pressurize her ears and struggle to stay above a certain depth. The sprite had told her how she had drowned Kai's grandmother, and still Lana had looked in the lake? Was she so desperate to dive again? Above her she saw the sprite's graceful shape and she reached out in the vain hope that the creature would help her.

  It smiled sadistically and flitted away, leaving Lana deep in a lightless night.

  What would Kai do, she wondered, when he found her body lying at the bottom of a pond in a deserted part of the shrine? Would he be angry? Would he rage or grieve and then slowly let her image fade to a pleasant memory, sometimes dusted off for reuse? She knew one thing he wouldn't do, though: cry.

  As the air in her lungs dwindled to a pittance and she felt black encroaching on the edges of her world, she decided to make one last, desperate bid to save herself. Before she ran out of all of her air, she would try to call for him. Afterwards, she wouldn't be able to stop herself from sucking in water, but there was the vaguest possibility that he would have heard her.

  "Kai!" she screamed into the water. "Sweet Kai ..."

  The water burned as it flooded her lungs, but she thought of him as she slipped into darkness.

  Kai heard the sound, impossibly faint, as he was hauling stones to support a crumbling outer wall. It could have been a thousand other things, but his brain shivered when he heard it and he knew it was Lana. He dove back under the water, straining his senses until he could feel practically every part of the shrine. After several long, nerve-wracking moments, he found her. She was barely there-a fast-dimming spark in an abandoned part of the shrine. She was about to die. Barely aware of what he was doing, he allowed his entire physical form to dissolve into the water and then he rushed along, in every tiny rivulet and stream that permeated the water shrine, gradually coming closer to where she was. He had no heart to pound, but fear sped his noncorporeal parts until he felt as though he were falling through air instead of gliding through water. This was an ability he had never had before he became guardian, and one he had never used even since. It was dangerous-even within the water shrine itself-because dissolved like this, his disparate parts could get separated with disastrous results.

  He found her a minute later, floating unconscious at the bottom of a pool that he had thought was sealed off forever. He reformed and picked her up, speeding out of the water like a geyser. She didn't gasp or breathe when he broke the surface, and he wondered, desperately, how long ago she had drowned. Why had she waited so long to call him? When he hauled her onto the cold, dusty stones, he wasn't even sure if her heart was still beating. There was still one thing he could do. He gripped the black waterbird feather and recited a geas, softly, as though he was reciting a prayer.

  A jolt of light seemed to pass through her body and water erupted from her mouth as he forced it from her lungs. Kai held her hand, but it still hung limply in his. Even that hadn't revived her.

  He called her name frantically, but she didn't respond.

  Is this my father's hell?

  No, he couldn't give up now, not yet. He touched the black feather and recited the geas again, this time giving it more power even though he knew it could hurt her. The light passed through her body and her legs jerked. One long second later her whole body shook and she began coughing violently in his lap.

  He thought that he had never heard a more beautiful sound.

  She actually saw the death at the gate.

  "So, you came even without my help," it said.

  Lana shook her head. Where was Kai? Could he have abandoned her, or did he just come too late?

  "He can't save you now. You're in my domain."

  "Will you take my mother, too?" she asked.

  It nodded. "You didn't have a natural death."

  "Mama, I'm so sorry," she whispered. She looked back up at the death. "Tell me, what's beyond the gate?"

  It paused and its mask returned to neutral. "You'll see soon enough," it said.

  "But you're about to take me there. What's the harm?"

  It shook its head and beckoned her to come forward. Against her will, she did so. Did she have wings here, as well? She looked. Yes, even in death, she was still a black angel. The death picked the key up off the chain around his waist and inserted it into the lock.

  "Your key," she said suddenly.

  It paused and turned to face her. "What?"

  "It's made of lead."

  The death looked startled. She felt a strange charge flow through her body, like a bolt of lightning, and she suddenly stood several feet further away from the gate.

  "You have a clever lover, Lana," it said. "But not clever enough." It started to drag her forward again.

  "Lana ... Lana please ..."

  It was Kai. She latched onto his image in her mind and resisted the death's relentless pull.

  "The death's key is made of lead," she said, frantically searching for a corollary. Of course, a geas without a sacrifice was generally useless, but she refused to just give up. "Made of lead ... the earth!

  The death is tied to the earth by that lodestone. It can never fully escape it. For all its power, it is still a creature bound to the grief that it creates. Like all creatures of the earth, it can feel grief, love, anger ... even pity. So long as it wields the key, death is bound to petty human emotion."

  The death paused. "Pity, you say?" Its voice was filled with disbelieving laughter. "Ah, you are brave. Ignorant, but brave. I never expected this to be such a challenge. So let the guardian call you back-it will be a far greater pleasure to take you myself."

  Another, greater, bolt of light rocked her.

  The death bowed. "Till next time, brave one."

  And then she was coughing on Kai's lap-wet, cold, and alive.

  He held her until the coughing subsided, brushing back her hair and murmuring things she couldn't quite understand but which felt very comforting nonetheless. Her body ached all over in a formless kind of way, and she wondered if it had anything to do with the strange light she had felt before. Still trembling, she pulled him down until his face was level with hers. For now, at least, she knew exactly what she wanted.

  "Kiss me," she said, teeth chattering.

  Blindly, unquestioning, he did so. It was the most gentle, tender thing that she had ever experienced. His fingers glided in delicate, feather-like strokes, even though his
arms were shaking with tension. He moved from her mouth and began kissing her nose, eyes, forehead, temple, the hollow of her neck. She felt like her whole existence was being held in those gentle hands. How was it possible to love someone this much? Part of her wanted to tell him so, but she was so afraid of destroying the moment that she held her silence, saying as much as she could without words. He lay with his back on the floor and pulled her on top of him, kissing her gently as he undid her shirt. But when she tried to pull off his, he suddenly stopped and held her wrists, pulling away from her with a tormented expression.

  "What ... what's wrong?" They had never gone this far before, but she had thought he was enjoying it.

  "Lana, I can't. I want to ... you don't know how much I want to, but I would never forgive myself. You don't know what you would be sacrificing."

  Lana froze. That word choice had to be deliberate, and Kai was half sprite. "What kind of sacrifice?" Her voice was steady.

  He looked away. "Do you know where we are? These may look like rooms, but they're just a well-furnished prison. My grandmother lived here a hundred years ago. For the last ten years of her life she never saw any family or friends. She never saw a wall that wasn't contained in her cell. The only two people she was ever allowed to see were her husband and her son-and after he reached a certain age, not even her son. Do you know why she was forced to live like a slave-this woman who was the wife of one of the most powerful men in the islands?"